1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. None found, identified, or located. When I saw no-self, the loss of self that was feared relaxed, there was never a self to lose. One moment the assumption was intact, it started to loosen, and then wasn't present.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of the separate self begins with a thought (I, me, mine), which assumes it exists and deserves credit both for praise and blame. The image of a self when sought at its supposed source cannot be determined, described, or otherwise experience as a sensory experience in reality (seen, heard, smelled, tasted, touched). It is learned from an early age to exist and reinforced on all levels of society, socialization, and education. To challenge it in normal society is not well received or understood; so usually there are no resources or encouragement for the “looking and not finding.” My experience is a decision is made, a choice appears, a preference, an interest, saying what I say, not knowing what will happen next (at first unsettling, then more natural, and then fun), flow and surrender are the truth of no self, not effects or results. The illusion is seeing that there is no self to find or to lose, what was fearful, is now natural.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
My guide began by saying the process was not linear, it was something that developed in the exchange, organic. I have studied these ideas before the guiding, and perhaps have had insight, but going through it with Stacy helped me to shed remaining doubts and gave me a little push. The resources regarding fear and suffering have also been very helpful, results in some ways that were immediate; I will review and continue to work with the ideas and suggestions. The feeling is a freedom that cannot be present unless what is seen is a not-knowing rather than a knowing. Stacy mentioned early on that "awareness was not a self," that resonated, was helpful, I felt a shift, or a recognition. I also have noticed that my sense of time has changed, I usually am more conscious of the passage of time, right now it feels a little bit like it’s the same time. As I write this I am more conscious of this, I hadn’t noticed it as much before, but now it is more obvious.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
My guide was firm that the self is a lie. That part of it felt hard, but it was the push I needed, at the time I needed to hear it. The deconstruction of labels, of the fiction of the “I,” seeing that we make this one exception about the existence of the self, a unseen entity that defies the usual standards applied to all things considered real and of reality, that was (is) very helpful. It becomes obvious when we can really trust what we can see, and experience directly. The Santa Claus metaphor comes to mind.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
A decision appears, like in the hand-turning exercise. The hand chosen was not predetermined (surprise) and in looking having the strange experience of seeing no one turning the hand, just the hand turning at the rate it is turning at, as if it was someone else doing it. No self there doing the picking and choosing; and then the realization that there never was. So, nothing has changed, except an assumption is dropped, a belief that cannot be believed anymore.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intention is an appearance, it arises, spontaneously. No inner commanding nature that makes a proclamation and then action begins. Action arises, appears, from no where. I wasn't certain I was going to write all this tonight, I thought I might sleep on it; then I sat down and started writing. Intention arose and I started to write.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Free will is the activity and action of an inner mini-me, a little Edward who will choose, who will take pride in all that is achieved, and blamed for all that Edward does that is looked down upon. Does love and compassion come from this source, this shared experience of no self we all are? Was it my freewill to choose the career path I chose? At th time it felt that way, but looking back it does not seem like I was making any of all of the choices. Events happened, reactions occurred, choices made. Today, it is so clear freewill is not in operation. I would certainly not will low energy, depression, anxiety, and any and all choices that are made if I had command and control of the inner and outer worlds. No self, no freewill; yet choices are freely made, they appear and are enacted. Will I go to bed on time tonight, or stay up late watching T.V.? Both are OK, neither are sourced by a mini-me.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
I came home tonight and picked at things in the frig (grazed), there was no single moment that choice went one way instead of another. If fact I thought one thing and did another. Like I am watching myself on T.V. Choices are, they appear, arise, just as they are. Somehow this happens. Some nights I come home and eat, and or make a real meal, why not tonight?
Describe control & give examples from experience.
To have control, to be a controller, is to determine a core agency of freewill is at work, but when sought, when looked for, this agent of control is not present. Not present in me and not present in others. Just this flow of life that has as its reality the activity of surrender, not surrender as in a choice, but as in the activity of there not being self to determine or control action. Yet, choices happen, restraint happens (or not), life lives as an activity, as an experience (verb vs. noun). I never had control; so, no control is surrendered. The illusion of control was replaced with life just as it has been except there is no claim to control. I suppose a way to say it is no control is control.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
Without traditional labels, religious, scientific, or otherwise, there is just this subtle experience of being, of life living itself. Not as a concept, but as the fabric of reality and existence appearing to the sense’s (seen, heard, etc.) moment to moment. What is fact is immediate, found, experienced; what is fiction is grafted on to experience like lens that were overlooked (never noticed until looked for). In the looking the lens are dispensed with, what is seen is prior to the labels; the primary label or assumption is that there is something called me, or “I” or self that cannot be experienced directly but only by inference and assumption. I can see why waking up is such a good metaphor, it feels a bit like coming out of a dream.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
The claim of responsibility, pride and blame lay solely on the knowledge of a “me” that can take/claim responsibility. If indeed a controlling self or an inner entity at work within existed; first I would identify it's existence, second it would have intentionally made all the choices I have made with full knowledge of consequences and outcomes. This is a fantasy, clearly. I reflect on moments in life where I in anger held others responsible for their actions, either to me or as I judged them. It is clear now that there was no “self” there (in them) either, no one responsible directly for actions, deeds, words, or otherwise. Learning happens, change happens, choices are made, life flows. Still, as LU points out, the insight into no-self is not a golden ticket to the end of suffering, to special knowledge, that there is stilling the
Falling process that perhaps is the work of a lifetime. Always course correcting, but no one steering.
6) Anything to add?
I think maybe “I” was long-winded enough, but happy to go on if asked or to clarify.