Truth seeker

[Lau]

Hello!

I’m not familiar with the Awakening Curriculum, but I have watched Pernille Lent Damore’s videos before! The way you describe it makes total sense to me and it’s actually really reassuring to hear :)

The only question is, right now, is this obviousness ever not there?

It's not always obvious, but it feels weaker, like I've peered down another layer especially when I look intentionally. But when I look quickly in everyday experience it still feels like there’s a self (mostly as an image and physical sensations). I’m also big on daydreaming where the sense of self feels especially strong.

Is doubt ever anything other than a thought? Is it locatable now?

I'll look.

Thank you!

[graceabounds]

when I look quickly in everyday experience it still feels like there’s a self

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken. This
is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it.

Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:
Does the sense of self have a location?
Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?
Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?
If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?
Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?
What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation?
Thought?

I’m also big on daydreaming where the sense of self feels especially strong.

Is a daydream fiction?
… and is self also fiction?

:)

[Lau]

Hi Becca,

The metaphor is really helpful! It makes sense.

Just to give you an update that I'm playing with the last exercise but I'm struggling a bit. It's like I'm unable to hold on to any sense of self, it's still there but when I turn to look it's very elusive and it feels almost like I've lost the ability to see and enquiry. I feel the sense of self the most when I go about my everyday life, so I've also tried to enquiry for example when I'm interacting with people as it feels like "me" and "them" but it's hard to focus in those types of circumstances. When I try in meditation it's either very elusive or I feel like a body resistance or an energy resistance to look, like I don't want to and if i try it requires way more energy than before. Not sure what's going on basically.

[graceabounds]

I'm struggling a bit. It's like I'm unable to hold on to any sense of self, it's still there but when I turn to look it's very elusive and it feels almost like I've lost the ability to see and enquiry.

Is this because you are now looking and not thinking? It is different.

Let’s do a little experiment in direct experience to see.

Sit quietly and relax, take your time just looking at what is in front of you for a while. Observe how the mind is dividing and labeling everything into objects and is embellishing them with stories about what they are.
Give it some time…
Then, stop watching the objects as labeled objects. Just look at the seeing itself. Observe the pure process of seeing. This is direct experience.

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

So for example, when having breakfast, become aware of:
Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all actual/direct experience) and then after a day of that take a look here:

body resistance or an energy resistance to look

What is this?
Break it into pieces for me, what is present in direct experience when this appears?

[Lau]

Then, stop watching the objects as labeled objects. Just look at the seeing itself. Observe the pure process of seeing. This is direct experience.

i notice i can't find any gaps between direct experience and thought/label, it's as if i immediately categorise objects the moment i perceive them (even though I don't get caught up in stories). It's like an immediate knowing of ehat the object is appears simultaneously with direct experience. Maybe this feels looser when I'm not paying attention to the objects but they are still in awareness.

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

thank you, I'll try this over the weekend as I'll have more time to focus.

[graceabounds]

It’s not that labels happen after perception…. perception is filtered by the label. There isn’t a gap because what you think is perception is already conceptual.

Can you look without believing that you already know what you’re seeing? Try this weekend. But maybe with less ‘focus’…


:)

[Lau]

Can you look without believing that you already know what you’re seeing?

Thanks for the above clarification Becca and I think I understand what you mean with this question.

I was going to try labeling today but I'm getting sidetracked with emotional stuff. I've heard about shadow work during awakening and things came up for me after the first shift, but it has become front and centre in the past few days again with stuff that feels very sticky and charged. I've done therapy in the past so much of it is already known to me so while it's charged, it's also ok at the same time and relatively easy to explore.

What's the nost helpful way of dealing with this assuming it's part of the process?

Many thanks

[graceabounds]

I suppose the most general inquiry I can offer is to look with this formula:
Thought + Sensation = Emotion

On the thought side: what is the story underneath? Is it True? And who is it apparently happening to?

On the sensation side, allow allow allow whatever is processing to be fully experienced without turning at all to the thoughts or story about it.

But I’ll also send you my email now if you want to be more specific about the circumstances off of a public forum.

Much love,
Becca