Hi Rali,
Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there is not and there never was.
Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
A pattern in thinking in which a point of reference is created by the term ‘I’/‘me’ that reflects on every experience. Self-reinforced by accruing stories that all revolve around the self. Can’t say when it started for ‘me’ but just watching children grow up, there is a point when they start to refer to themselves as ‘I’ instead of 3rd person. 1 year olds still believe that everything is One, no subject or object...According to my memory, I never liked my name nor my face as a child. But that has become a story itself, so not sure anymore how it really was.
How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Just more present, open, accepting. There is a lot less thinking going on, entire thought patterns (self talk/arguing, commenting, narrating) simply stopped. Occasionally is tries to come back but it does not hold. The word 'I' in thought is often followed by a brief pause of silence. It’s a lot clearer, how the mind reaches, tries to grasp & hold but it does not have that much ‘glue’ anymore and thoughts pass 'less hindered'. There is more ‘distance’ between a sensation in the body and emotion thoughts. Now, everything just happens and that’s perfectly ok.
What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Through investigation, it became clear that there were 3 sticking points: fear of letting go, desire to control and the need to seek. The first one dropped shortly after the start of the conversation. The latter 2 fell together after questioning everything, literally everything that came up. There was a point of great frustration and not giving up. Then, I watched a conversation between Ilona and someone about control and repeated the questioning but softer this time, there was a moment when it just dropped like dead weight followed by frantic laughing for minutes :D. With that, the need to seek also just went.
Describe decision & give examples from experience.
A thought claiming ownership after the fact
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
A thought label of agency to something that just is
Describe free will & give examples from experience
:D. No such thing
Describe choice & give examples from experience
No such thing either :)
What makes things happen? How does it work?
Nothing makes things happen, it just is. No need to know how it works.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
There is no agent, there is no one responsible.
Anything to add?
Still so very grateful, thank you Rali for being and the help looking. It had to happen exactly the way it did.
All the best
Marc