Requesting a guide.

[IainB]

Jon,

I will focus on 'being' with sensation today.

Returning to the sensation thought might label 'in the chest' and wider sensation.

This favouring of sensation over what seemed the default state of dreamily slipping into and out of thought content seems relevant, to quietly point to what is actually going on here.

Thought content may still take attention, but this contrast invites a return 'inwards' (of course no inside and outside may be found).

with thanks

[JonathanR]

Hi Iain,

I will focus on 'being' with sensation today.

Returning to the sensation thought might label 'in the chest' and wider sensation.

This favouring of sensation over what seemed the default state of dreamily slipping into and out of thought content seems relevant, to quietly point to what is actually going on here.

Thought content may still take attention, but this contrast invites a return 'inwards' (of course no inside and outside may be found).

I think this is an excellent idea. Thinking things through too much can engender an idea that someone, “I”, am doing the thinking and therefore “I” must make things happen, change, improve or whatever.

Do you make things happen?

What makes things happen?


Love

Jon

[IainB]

Jon

[Thought] can engender an idea that someone, “I”, am doing the thinking and therefore “I” must make things happen, change, improve or whatever.

It's a most important gift to know thought as thought. Without knowing this thought content may persist as arbitrar of right or wrong, what is to be changed or achieved and how this may be judged.

Instead a re-appraisal takes place. Life is much simpler than thought may suggest.

Do you make things happen?

With no rush to thought for ideas I'm left only with the flood of now. This is disconcerting as there is no power to influence what is happening or the sensations that are part of it. None of it is chosen or open to influence. I am the non-volitional happening.

What makes things happen?

Things would seem to be, but there is no additional/component volitional agent within the happening.

This is the antithesis of what thought might suggest, likewise challenges the foundational messages in culture.

with gratitude

[JonathanR]

It's a most important gift to know thought as thought. Without knowing this thought content may persist as arbitrar of right or wrong, what is to be changed or achieved and how this may be judged.

Instead a re-appraisal takes place. Life is much simpler than thought may suggest.

Agreed.

Do you make things happen?

With no rush to thought for ideas I'm left only with the flood of now. This is disconcerting as there is no power to influence what is happening or the sensations that are part of it. None of it is chosen or open to influence.

It can be disconcerting. Still, thought 'says' this too, concludes that there is no power to influence what's happening.

There is the flood of the now, yes. But many things still happen. Getting up happens, eating, breathing, making tea and so on.

I might need to go to the paint later shop to buy paint. This seems prompted by various factors, not least because we just ran out of a colour for the wall. So getting in the car happens and arriving at Wickes. Buying paint happens and later its applied to the wall. Did a self 'do' any of this? Thought would volunteer an opinion here and claim doership. It's very easy to imagine that 'I do', 'I make things happen' and even 'I must make things happen', 'change things for the better'. There is no getting round the fact that things do happen and jobs do get done (sometimes). Perhaps this is is disconcerting when there is some idea of an entity or person that needs to control things that are already happening ?

Yes, this does challenge the foundational messages in culture.

. I am the non-volitional happening

Isn't it all the happening, the flow, including the seeking?

Is it possible to relax into that? Even, to forget to be bothered by the imagined need to remember to investigate or seek?


love

Jon

[IainB]

Jon

It can be disconcerting. Still, thought 'says' this too, concludes that there is no power to influence what's happening.

Yes. There is a feeling or eeriness or frustration and thought labels this 'no power to influence' or similar.

many things still happen. Getting up happens, eating, breathing, making tea and so on.

Did a self 'do' any of this?

When I think about a more simple or complex scenario happening, there are thought images that suggest a character doing the parts of the happening, e.g. the thought content Iain's body moved out of bed and is now moving around his home.

Likewise now I keep returning to thought that I must go to London today and undertake a series if experiences that are important for me. In thought content there is Iain doing something apprehensive here, something that may be tedious there. There are thoughts I must prepare and go and do these things.

But without referring to thoughts, I can't find any of that if I look now.

I used to take it as a given that things happened based upon proceeding parts where volitional protagonists were successful or not dependent upon many factors. But now I find a mix of thoughts, sensations, colour.

Perhaps this is is disconcerting when there is some idea of an entity or person that needs to control things that are already happening ?

Yes, this is disconcerting and exciting. That the belief that now must be met, responded to, defended against, taken advantage of can be illusory. Without such a response there would just be now happening.

Isn't it all the happening, the flow, including the seeking?

The fight to make something of this is very addictive. There is both now and a tense dissatisfied reactor.

Is it possible to relax into [whole happening flow...and] forget to be bothered by the imagined need to [...] seek?

Please. This must be possible as it is what indicated here, is all about. I will do this today and always.

with thanks,

[IainB]

Jon

Is it possible to relax into [whole happening flow...and] forget to be bothered by the imagined need to [...] seek?
Please. This must be possible as it is what indicated here, is all about. I will do this today and always.

Reality did a double take. I was able to look in the mirror, see a funny flesh puppet looking back with alive eyes. Something about the imagined need to be other, to be sunk into imagination.

with thanks

[JonathanR]

Reality did a double take. I was able to look in the mirror, see a funny flesh puppet looking back with alive eyes. Something about the imagined need to be other, to be sunk into imagination.

Well, that is interesting.

I’m wondering how literally or metaphorically you’re speaking?

Don’t seek to alter anything . See how it is if you just don’t do anything much, except notice whatever’s going at any given moment. This can be automatic, requiring no effort.

Don’t be bothered by the moments where it might seem as though there’s “lost awareness” or whatever.



With love

Jon

[IainB]

Jon

I’m wondering how literally or metaphorically you’re speaking?

Double take as in thought story was all of a sudden seen as far removed from the stark immediacy of fleshy face looking back. This was some days ago now but there are thoughts about this.

Don’t seek to alter anything. See how it is if you just don’t do anything much, except notice whatever’s going at any given moment. This can be automatic, requiring no effort.

Yes, I am always here. I send out a message of hello to you from here.

Don’t be bothered by the moments where it might seem as though there’s “lost awareness” or whatever.

A reactivity persists, a wish to find even though it is unknown what is lost, it's always now but there is a squirm deep within me.

with thanks,

[IainB]

Jon,

Don’t seek to alter anything. See how it is if you just don’t do anything much, except notice whatever’s going at any given moment. This can be automatic, requiring no effort. Don’t be bothered by [...] “lost awareness” or whatever.

There is a magical opportunity here.

To rest again and again in the unchosen-ness of all that is.

There was no choosing being aware, or sunk into thought content.

There was no choosing Being, the sensations that come and go and wider sensory happening.

That wider content of experience, or even for there to be any experience, stripped back and considered, watched as it seemingly unfolds as the wave of happening endlessly crashes now.

The magic of what bizarre story might show up next, then pass for it to be mulled over what a mystery it is.

Like you say, be unbothered, automatic.

with thanks

[IainB]

Jon

It occurs how valuable dissatisfaction and frustration would seem to be. If there were no suffering, there would seem to be nothing to motivate an exploration into what is taking place here for me. Of course determination doesn't necessarily help as it pushes towards change, something different, release, as opposed to the simplicity of just what is happening.

There [is] no choosing Being, the sensations that come and go and wider sensory happening.

This allows for a subtle re-evaluation of the totality of me-experience. Everything is showing up in the moment, including an oscillation in and out of thought, and this makes for an experience to take place. There seems no accounting for why things look as they do, or what thoughts are moved in and out of. This is contradictory to the view that there is a embodied character in the centre negotiating a flow of experiences.

Do you identify that this is like a return to earliest life before a negotiation and push-pull with what is taking place sprung up and then over time formed its own layer of adding and grabbing around now, and became seemingly difficult to wind back from to just be the totality of environment, colour, sensation, thought show?

This would seem much more organic than the contrived attempt to see or know something of an illusory nature/about an illusion.

with gratitude

[IainB]

Jon

If there were no suffering, there would seem to be nothing to motivate an exploration into what is taking place here for me.

It occurred this morning that this is where seeking comes from and perpetuates. In misunderstanding the experience taking place now, with sensation rising with seemingly nowhere to go, with thought always standing by to offer a little story, an illusory grasping occurs that there is more to get to, or something to achieve.

I had a though, protagonists appeared in thought stuff, attention mixed with them, this offered an additional layer to sensation, it was believed there is something to do and an outcome to take. Then back to knowing none of that was more than an illusion passing through.

with thanks

[IainB]

Jon

I love the subtlety of this, and yet it offers to allow everything to be seen from a new perspective. Fresh eyes.

When conscious a world appears. This is somewhat magical as it contains nothing of earlier environments that might have been. It is full and complete.

I can't pin down why, but nonetheless there is aware-filled world in which whatever I am is part and parcel.

Perhaps you might say it is here to simply be known, intimate, inescapable, and yet it is too full, or so full, as to rule out that it's appearing to an observer. It would be more accurate to say it is the observer, known as itself, as the wholeness of it.

There's no accounting for what is showing up. It wasn't moved into. It floods with completeness. It is what it seemingly wanted to be at any one moment. It's not a physical environment that might be negotiated, manipulated or traversed through. It can't be split like that.

A part of this happening can include thoughts, and thought content can really suggest a whole other world of past and characters and meanings. This seems to add another dimension, but again isn't personal. It's another showing up that is known, unchosen and uncontrolled and just there or not there.

There is no me choosing to participate in this. It can just be sat with as it happens like you suggested.

with love

[IainB]

Jon

There would seem to be value in keeping this knowing in focus.

Knowing I did nothing to choose and can do nothing to change this alive snapshot of world appearing now.

It is full, complete, and simply 'here'.

Knowing I did nothing and can do nothing to influence the content, nature or duration of next passage of thought content passing through.

I'm just a space that is powerless as thought content rises, is known, and falls. With no accounting for why that particular content wanted to be aired.

Knowing an energy labelled sensation of seeming shifting nature resonates. It is simply felt.

Keeping with this knowing offers the opportunity to wind back to a more stark, simpler, now with less layers.

with thanks

[IainB]

Jon

I'm surprised to have been tricked for so long, however the trick has been encountered and seemingly maintained here.

I was definitely not ready to see before, for example in my case when I was young I was exposed to the message that everything was empty, in particular the separate self, however there was a magnetism towards getting from and within life, making the most of it.

I don't think trauma has too much bearing, if anything it can fuel and maintain questioning aspects of life.

It's seen how seeking may well not assist. Seeking seems to readily create proxies, e.g. I wish to be liberated may very well be a proxy for a wish to overcome invasive low self esteem or evade mental distress. Seeking also seems to create quite rigid tensions and suppositions, and be quite an addictive energy in itself.

No time seems a big clue. Cultural and societal norms readily rely upon time with it taboo to question it. Looking with complete innocence and freshness show an only-ever-always-now that is full and complete. It offers wonder: why does all appear as it does? Why is there anything at all? How did the situation arise for experience to be had? It's no surprise that some may make conclusions about god etc as in freshness it is magical and wonderful.

The absence of control over sensation helps. Sometimes there is just shock, e.g. I'm sure it would be nice to be relaxed and serene but I seem filled with spiky swarming sensation.

And of course thought. It's seen as simply bizarre why spiky engrossing vibrant stories pass through, the antithesis of benign narrative that might be preferred, were volition a thing.

with thanks

[JonathanR]

Hi Ian,

Finally! A chance to reply to your succession of posts.

Do you identify that this is like a return to earliest life before a negotiation and push-pull with what is taking place sprung up and then over time formed its own layer of adding and grabbing around now, and became seemingly difficult to wind back from to just be the totality of environment, colour, sensation, thought show?

It’s life, without the words. All conceptualisation is like superstructure , interpretation of what already happens.

It occurred this morning that this is where seeking comes from and perpetuates. In misunderstanding the experience taking place now, with sensation rising with seemingly nowhere to go, with thought always standing by to offer a little story, an illusory grasping occurs that there is more to get to, or something to achieve.

Well, yes. True.

Perhaps you might say it is here to simply be known, intimate, inescapable, and yet it is too full, or so full, as to rule out that it's appearing to an observer. It would be more accurate to say it is the observer, known as itself, as the wholeness of it.

Yes. Beautiful :)

No time seems a big clue. Cultural and societal norms readily rely upon time with it taboo to question it. Looking with complete innocence and freshness show an only-ever-always-now that is full and complete. It offers wonder: why does all appear as it does? Why is there anything at all? How did the situation arise for experience to be had? It's no surprise that some may make conclusions about god etc as in freshness it is magical and wonderful.

I can hardly add anything to all you’ve said Ian, merely agree with it.

You’re guiding yourself :)

Love

Jon