If you are ready, come in..

[MerlinC]

ok they should happen but I favor one over the other the only difference between them are my judgements on them

[Ilona]

your judgements? do you own them? how does that work?

did you see this video already? if no, take a look. http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/2011/01/judge.html

[MerlinC]

thought and judgement comes spontaneously. they come and they go but they dont come to a person there is just another thought about the last one that came.

[Ilona]

are you still looking for something? if so, what exactly? what do you expect to find out?

[MerlinC]

well I still expect to find inner peace and the end to suffering.

[Ilona]

End of suffering? Yeah, that's a good one. It takes years to put all those concepts in the mind and all that conditioning, this seeing that there is no separate self does not eraze any of it by magic. The beliefs that cause suffering are still there until they either fall of naturaly or are inspected and released.

Suffering diminishes, perhaps you get longer periods of peace, but this is only the beginning. See, you do not wake up from illusion, but to it. You see that thoughts are not reality, that what you think it's me is not there at all, so sufferer can be released. One day at a time.

There more there is clarity, the more peace is felt. And freedom is not from anything, but to it. You are free to experience anything that arises without pushing it away. Trying to change what is- is what creates suffering.

There are 3 main wants: security, control and acceptance. The more you want something, the less you are able to appreciate what is.

Does this make sense?
Do you still expect all suffering vanish as if by magic?
Life is not just honey and roses. It includes everything.

[MerlinC]

yes I do understand so what were doing here is laying the ground work for liberation by removing belief structures we hold on to about life. And day by day it will become something greater. but the years of conditioning your talking about does that grow in time or do I need to seek special training of some sort? oh and I did see the video you showed me but not the site.

[Ilona]

do I need to seek special training of some sort?

is there an i to do training?
can i get unconditioned?
what is really going on here?

write what you see. give us a rant.

[MerlinC]

there is thought which comments about the last thought that arises. thought can be replaced but not trained. I find that I am looking for an I but thoughts just comment about that last thought and it is know where to be found. I feel a deepening in aware of thought that arise but I'm slowly losing my indentite through thought although its still thare

[Ilona]

thought can be replaced but not trained.

what do you mean here? replaced by what? are they not arising by themselves one by one? what is it that trains thoughts?

do you have an identity? what are you?

[MerlinC]

Thoughts can be replaced with new thoughts by example reading a new book that introduces new ideas. Thoughts come one by one but I feel conflicted because at a point I had a epiphany that I wasn't thought that thought was being watched through pure awareness but I feel as though thought has to be me or a real thing called I. I intellectually understand that thought doesn't make up a self.

[Ilona]

There is no real thing called I.
Face it.

There is awareness, but it is not I.

What is it that you are afraid to loose?

[MerlinC]

I'm afraid of losing a clear distinction of who I am mixed with not having a clear picture of the road ahead of me and wondering is it worth the effort or not.

[Ilona]

After all these posts, all this time you are still thinking that there is a who that is you??

Wake up man.

There is no you. Loosing who I am is like loosing Santa. Can't happen.

[MerlinC]

ok so there is only thought and awareness, no me so what now?