Male from Finland

[Tuoli]

That’s another layer of thought.
In the middle of a painful loop, are you actually in “awareness perspective”?

Or is that memory being used to resist what is happening?

That's true only in the way that memories are thoughts. It was lived experience that I previously shared. I had to wait about one year before I could answer the guestion:

Without a single thought—what exactly is the problem?
Don’t say it. See it.

And when you do, report not what you think—report what remains.

Sure, memory created resistance to what was.
As a background of what is, awareness, everything is experienced. There's no resistance whatsoever. That

The “awareness perspective” is simply what experience feels like when there is no resistance.

is other, maybe better, description of what I was trying to conway with the awareness perspective.

BUT that's not the experience at this moment so that looking of resistance was a very helpful pointer, thank you. It boiled down to tightness or kind of contraction different places in the body. When resistance was seen as resistance directly, it wasn't resisted anymore.

I hope this makes sense. I struggled here to produce a coherent, sensible answer.

[graceabounds]

Let it be incoherent and rambling, the less interpretation the better actually. :)

Sure, memory created resistance to what was.

Can memory create anything? Does it have this ability?

It boiled down to tightness or kind of contraction different places in the body. When resistance was seen as resistance directly, it wasn't resisted anymore.

Wonderful. It often just wants to be seen and will move through. It is a body process. Pushing it away or ignoring it perpetuates it.

I may have said this before but there are layers of this. What we could call 'gatecrashing' is the entry point to working through the beliefs that were associated with the I structure and this embodied tension or resistance. It is the foundation for the next process.

Is it seen now that there is no separate self at all, never has been, never will be?

[Tuoli]

Can memory create anything? Does it have this ability?

Ok, no, what I was trying to say was that experiencing in awareness perspective, or way of no resistance if you will, was remember fondly, there was wishing that it would be the the way now. So in other words what was was resisted.

Is it seen now that there is no separate self at all, never has been, never will be?

I checked and no, - unless reactivity is considered an manifestation of an ego, a separate self?

[Tuoli]

- unless reactivity is considered an manifestation of an ego, a separate self?

No, this is seen as a thought construct.

[graceabounds]

So yes. I am following now I think… The wish for non-resistance becomes resistance? :)


Is there a seeking energy still present at all or has it settled into exploration?

[Tuoli]

Is there a seeking energy still present at all or has it settled into exploration?

What a wonderful guestion! First there was nothing, just quiet, but then there's wishing thoughts for wonderful living as awareness. So resistance to resistance like you put it! That quiet place that your guestion instigated is what is wished. That's mental! :D

[graceabounds]

❤️

Anything more arising to be explored?

[Tuoli]

Nothing at the moment Becca, but I have a feeling there might be something coming later. 🙏

[graceabounds]

Here as it comes.
:)

I’m also going to pin here the checkpoint questions again. A lot has occurred in the time since you last answered them I think. As I said last time I’m not interested in philosophy here or any theory but simply what is seen directly. If there is an impulse to LOOK I would be curious what would emerge.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

8) Anything to add?

Much love,
Becca

[Tuoli]

Namaste,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Answer: I cannot find it. I was going to write about the illusion in reactivity and immersion but that was the next guestion. Illusion of self was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

A: It starts in childfood and is furthered by upbringing and outside influence. Currently illusion lives in reactivity and immersion. Immersion is pretty much the same as in the movies. When story stirs emotions and thoughts, there's nothing else than than the story that is happening to the main character in the story.

Reactivity is kind of same experience. As someone of something stirs up strong reaction, - emotions and thoughts, there's nothing else experienced than them. After that passes, it is seen as what it was. Kind of in the movies when there's a lull in the story, one starts to see the theater again and the movie happening.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

A: This is something that I've had lot of thoughts about in resent days. As the instrument that is measuring the change is part of what is measured, the difference is hard to see. It doesn't feel like anything at the moment.

Before there has been lot of happiness, positive emotions and joy related to awareness as self. As there's still reactivity and resistance, there might be something that is overlooked. Awareness is overlooked?

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?

A: This question is something that doesn't quite compute. What made me do something? Who, and when did it start?

There were moments for sure and they are documented here. After there were also helping other to see noself. That seemed to help to experience what is, and gave rise first time to what is described accurately as boddhicitta. Talk about love in spiritual talk wasn't understood before but is now. There are thoughts that there's more to be done for awakening here and outside.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.

Decision = illusion

Intention is something different. It comes from somewhere. It rises. It's experienced and act upon.

Free will, choice and control all need an independent actor making the decisions. There's no such thing. It's all experiences in awareness.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

Things manifest in awareness. They are experienced. I cannot say anything else about this.

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Who, Esa? Esa has lots of responsibilities. What I am truly has none.

8) Anything to add?

There's wishing that awareness perspective would be more as a lived experience. Even Esa living in the world is experienced in awareness, it's more times a thought than the lived experience.

[graceabounds]

Hello Esa,

:)

The recognition of no-self is often ordinary and quiet. Sometimes almost disappointingly so. That’s normal. 
Nothing special happens.Only a simple fact becomes obvious.

Drop the word awareness for a moment and Look again.
Is there awareness plus experience?
Or is there simply experience?

As there's still reactivity and resistance, there might be something that is overlooked

Who is the owner of the reaction? Is there a separate entity producing it? Is it personal?

Intention is something different. It comes from somewhere. It rises. It's experienced and act upon.

Free will, choice and control all need an independent actor making the decisions. There's no such thing.

Where exactly is ‘somewhere’? Is there an origin point or does it appear like any other thought?
And is there any self that owns the action that follows or doesn’t follow?

With much love,
Becca

[Tuoli]

Hi,

Drop the word awareness for a moment and Look again.
Is there awareness plus experience?
Or is there simply experience?

Or is there only awareness? It is possible to describe what is happening here as experience but calling it awareness flows naturally.

Who is the owner of the reaction? Is there a separate entity producing it? Is it personal?

No owner, no real entity just illusion of one taking it personally during its happening. It feels like resistance to what is.

There's no owner or entity but also no space between thoughts and emotions so there's no big difference in actions compared to before. Maybe duration and reminiscence that comes after is lesser.

Where exactly is ‘somewhere’? Is there an origin point or does it appear like any other thought?
And is there any self that owns the action that follows or doesn’t follow?

Exactly! This I was thinking and meant when I was writing that answer. Intentions are like thoughts appearing from somewhere to be experienced and act upon. Action happens or doesn't happen. Thoughts may come that tell that intentions and actions were good or bad. From where thoughts come? They appear. There's no self needed for this to happen.

[graceabounds]

The word “awareness” already suggests something that is aware of something else. :)

Can you actually find awareness as a separate thing, or is there just seeing, hearing, sensing, thinking happening?
Not philosophically….

Look for the thing called awareness. If awareness were real as a separate presence, you should be able to locate it. Where is it?


When resistance appears does that resistance belong to anyone? Or is resistance itself just another appearance?

Much love,
Becca

[Tuoli]

Greetings from the shores of Red sea where I'm currently on holiday!

The word “awareness” already suggests something that is aware of something else. :)

Can you actually find awareness as a separate thing, or is there just seeing, hearing, sensing, thinking happening?
Not philosophically….

Look for the thing called awareness. If awareness were real as a separate presence, you should be able to locate it. Where is it?

What I meant with awareness was what was enabling the experience. There's no subject object needed. Having said that I noticed with this mind activity and resistance attached to this so there seems to be important difference here. Therefore I've been using the free time to notice the experience as it happens.

What I notice is the difference in the quality of experience. Experiencing experience is like trying to see the air or taste the tongue. It has no attributes. Where as awareness perspective has positive feelings attached like joy. Experiencing experience, or just experience, is nothing and something.

When resistance appears does that resistance belong to anyone? Or is resistance itself just another appearance?

Resistance is an experience. 🙏

[graceabounds]

Ah lovely, wishing you a restful holiday! Here is some more to percolate on... ;)

What I meant with awareness was what was enabling the experience.

Hmmm... Is anything enabling experience?
Meaning, is there experience and something behind it making it possible?? Can that be found?

Awareness perspective has positive feelings attached like joy.

Ah, so it is not neutral? The word awareness as you define it is a state that comes and goes? Joy, openness, etc, these are experiences. They come and go.

Are 'you' oscillating between:
1 “Awareness” (which feels good, open, peaceful)
2 “Just experience” (which feels empty, or sometimes with resistance)
...and subtly preferring #1?

Is there any inherent problem with whatever is appearing directly as 'resistance'? Or is that a thought about it layered on top, that it shouldn't be happening or that awareness would be preferred?