The Gate

and decision is a post-interpretation

I am traveling today and tomorrow and will reply as soon as I'm able.

love
Nona

ok

Hi Felix,

1) There's an "I" in my mind, but nowhere else. It was only ever in my mind.

An actual entity "I"?

2) People are getting "lost" in thought. They I-dentify with the stream of thinking, and derive a sense of self from this story. This creates the illusion that people are different from each other, a separate god each one of them. They are their own god each one of them, and everybody else is imperior to them. They are dreaming throughout the day. The only real difference between me and them is that I'm not totally lost in thought. They don't see each other, they only see the thoughts in their own heads. And they seem to respond to thoughts in each other's heads. I don't know when it starts. I just know that people are living in negativity and insincerity. That's what I see now.

Really? Are you separate from "people"? Do "they" have a self?

Nothing makes things happen, the universe is expressing itself and we call that "life."

Good to Notice!!!

I realized that my hand was being guided, and that I wasn't doing it. I only thought I was. My hand guides itself and draws something without any volition on my part, and then my mind judges it. It says whether it is good or bad. I decided better to like whatever it is I draw, since it's gonna be the way it is no matter what.

Excellent!! And isn't that more peaceful?

So right, I have absolutely no control, but it seems like I do have a choice in not letting my mind wander.

What makes the "choice"? Is there a moment when you are aware of an actual choice? Or are there simply times when the mind wanders and other times when it doesn't, and then thought says, "I did it"?

decision is a post-interpretation

Indeed! How is Life unfolding for you now that you have seen there is no you, no control, no decision?

love,
Nona

An actual entity "I"?

No, not an actual entity.

Really? Are you separate from "people"? Do "they" have a self?

"people" is just a word. "they" is just an idea. There's no such thing as either of those.

Excellent!! And isn't that more peaceful?

It's more peaceful to know that it's true.

What makes the "choice"? Is there a moment when you are aware of an actual choice? Or are there simply times when the mind wanders and other times when it doesn't, and then thought says, "I did it"?

Yeah, that's what's happening.

Indeed! How is Life unfolding for you now that you have seen there is no you, no control, no decision?

The only real noticeable difference is my artwork. It's really good! I've never taken an art class in my whole life and I'm drawing incredible portraits. Other than that things are pretty much the same.

Well, that and of course the fact that usually when I'm "feeling bad" (I don't know how else to put it) it passes and I'm new again over and over. Last night it lasted until today (feeling bad). So I worry if I've gained anything or if this is just a temporary reprieve from suffering that I'm experiencing. I know I'm supposed to shift attention to sensation but some times I can't tell if it's working or not, and sometimes I still get lost in thought and can't seem to switch to sensation. Even at these times I'm not sure if I am switching to sensation or not. But other times it's easy to tell that I'm focusing on sensation. Another thing is that I'm really confused. I don't know what's true anymore, and I seem to be convinced sometimes that things are true and they turn out not to be. Other times I simply don't know what's true. And at most times I think that I should know what's true because I believe that that's the only way I'll find peace. Right now peace is punctuated by non-peace. Or rather a better way to put it is that peace keeps peeking through the clouds now and again, but goes away from time to time. The worst of it is the uncertainty of whether I'm focusing on sensation or not, whether I'm doing it right, and whether what I'm doing is right. I believe that there isn't choice, but my thinking forms a pattern in which choice becomes real for me and thoughts about "me" and "my choices" harass me mercilessly, and most of the time the knowledge that life's got everything under control is replaced by doubt. That's the best way I can put it. Actually, let me put it this way:

Something I learned yesterday doesn't help me today, because it only helped me yesterday while I was seeing it, and I'm failing to see it right now. The "it" I'm talking about in this sentence is the knowing that life has everything under control. I currently have doubts about this.

Oh! There was one big thing I wanted to ask you about. What happens when things occur that seem absolutely pointless and harmful and unnecessary. Is it true that everything happens for a reason? I really want this to be true, but it seems to me that a lot of the stuff that happens to "me" is unfair. Is it supposed to teach me something? I'm almost out of battery so I have to go, but I think I'm done with posting for today anyways. Look forward to hearing from you.

love,
Felix

Thank god you asked me the "people" question. That would have been a huge problem.

Hi Felix,

I worry if I've gained anything or if this is just a temporary reprieve from suffering that I'm experiencing.

States of mind are temporary; seeing there is no separate self that is in control of a personal slice of Life cannot be unseen. It's not gaining anything; it's merely seeing a Fact — there is no separate entity self— just like there is no actual Santa, no actual Tooth Fairy.

Even at these times I'm not sure if I am switching to sensation or not.

When you are focused on sensation, you are aware of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching… and not thinking.

I don't know what's true anymore...

Excellent! Believing you know what's true could otherwise prevent you from looking at what's actually happening.

And at most times I think that I should know what's true because I believe that that's the only way I'll find peace.

Really? The only way? What about when you are focused on sensation? You seemed to find peace when you're not chasing thoughts. Isn't "I believe that that's the only way I'll find peace" a thought?

the knowing that life has everything under control. I currently have doubts about this.

When you are focused on what is happening in reality, without getting distracted by thoughts, is any "control" missing from Life?

What happens when things occur that seem… yada yada yada

The key word here is SEEM. When things seem some way, it's a clue that you are chasing a thought. In sensation, things don't seem any way; in sensation there are only colours, light, dark, shapes, sounds, scents, flavours, and tactile experiences. Nothing that seems like anything at all!

it seems to me that a lot of the stuff that happens to "me" is unfair.

"Unfair" is a concept, a judgment, and only is found in thoughts. There is nothing "unfair" in sensation, and nothing is happening to you. Check it!

How is it going today? When you are not chasing thoughts?

love
Nona

Really? The only way? What about when you are focused on sensation? You seemed to find peace when you're not chasing thoughts. Isn't "I believe that that's the only way I'll find peace" a thought?

Yeah.

When you are focused on what is happening in reality, without getting distracted by thoughts, is any "control" missing from Life?

Definitely not.

The key word here is SEEM. When things seem some way, it's a clue that you are chasing a thought. In sensation, things don't seem any way; in sensation there are only colours, light, dark, shapes, sounds, scents, flavours, and tactile experiences. Nothing that seems like anything at all!

This is very important.

"Unfair" is a concept, a judgment, and only is found in thoughts. There is nothing "unfair" in sensation, and nothing is happening to you. Check it!

Absolutely true.

How is it going today? When you are not chasing thoughts?

:) Thank you for asking :)

Sensation still comes and goes.

I already am liberated and I didn't even know it. Now I'm going to go smoke a cigarette :)

Hi Felix,

Sensation still comes and goes.

Does sensation actually "come" and "go"?? Or does focus shift from sensation to thoughts and back to sensation?

I already am liberated and I didn't even know it

You have seen the illusion, yet you seem to prefer to live in thoughts. You can have liberation OR chase your thoughts, but not both.

with much love,
Nona

Sensation doesn't come and go. I can't keep my attention on a sensation before a thought runs away with me. I don't realize it when I'm chasing thoughts. I don't know what to do about it, if you have any suggestions I'm open to them.

I conceptualized sensation. I'm home now. BTW (by the way) I love you. Ok Ok what I was really going to say is BTW I noticed last night that pain is an illusion because there's pain, then there's thoughts, and behind that there's the real world (sensation?). Knowing the real world means that pain can't exist.

I still get lost in thought from time to time though. Any ideas on how to keep this from happening?

Hi Felix,

I noticed last night that pain is an illusion because there's pain, then there's thoughts, and behind that there's the real world (sensation?). Knowing the real world means that pain can't exist.

Superb!! How good to notice!!

I still get lost in thought from time to time though. Any ideas on how to keep this from happening?

Some possibilities come to mind. First, pay attention to your thoughts. When you notice one arise, question it: Is it true? Can you absolutely know it's true? What happens, how do you react when you believe that thought? What would you be without the thought? Can you find evidence for the opposite of the thought?

Second, set a timer or a watch alarm to chime every hour. When it chimes, ask yourself "what is happening in reality at this moment?" What sensations can you notice? Do you notice thoughts arise? When a thought arises, there is a sensation of having a thought that we call "thinking". Notice that the content of the thought is always imaginary. Whatever the thought says is true is just an image, like a picture on a movie screen.

Last, what is the purpose of chasing your thoughts? Is it for the excitement? The drama? Is it so you can see yourself as a victim of others' actions? What do you get when your thinking runs wild?

with much love,
Nona

Ok nona, will do.

Last, what is the purpose of chasing your thoughts? Is it for the excitement? The drama? Is it so you can see yourself as a victim of others' actions? What do you get when your thinking runs wild?

Excitement. But when you told me that I can have either liberation or chasing thoughts, I think I finally got it. It hasn't been happening since then. It was then that I saw what it feels like when I'm about to start thinking, and now it can't take me over again. I can always have either liberation or chase thoughts, and every time I have that thought, there's no way I'm going to cling to illusions. I always tell myself when I have doubts, that I can't have liberation and chase thoughts, and then I feel absolutely rooted, like stone, unmovable. Like nothing in the world could take my freedom from me.

Love,
Felix