It’s already present

[Rega]

Elad. Hi.

Oh my god. I read some more of the book this morning. And there’s this part where she’s asking WHAT AM I CLINGING TO. Ask with all the desperation and fire. Like it’s your last question and you are about to die.

And I am really desperate, I ask with all power. And, to be honest, I think nothing. When I say that I’m sobbing. I think nothing. I just don’t see what clinging means. And the light is so near. It’s just a breath away. And wh. Light. Is presence.

I think nothing. Nothing separates. I was searching in, it’s simpler. There is just no self. No self. Sometimes false sense of self, sometimes thoughts (even the ones messing with me right now saying I’m lying). Feelings sensations body yes yes. But, looking there, here, is too much. A thought says.

It’s here, there is no other way. Ohmygoood I’m going mad. I feel into it and so much noise. No. No.

It’s not like this. I will be clear. There is just no me. No actually me. It’s not found. It’s not here. It’s not existing. Is there a seeker? No, just illusion that can still function. If the illusion still functions it doesn’t mean it’s real. That’s important I think I was thinking how to eradicate the illusion. Sense of self is not the problem. The problem is believing it. What believes. This is where madness hits. This where I want to break it all. I’m sick of it reallly really.

There is no self. There is baby like looking at the world. Who’s saying all this or looking? This question is irrelevant. It’s a question of illusion. Who. Who is the illusion. It is just.

The mind is talking, taking mental images. Narrating all this. This is what feels like noise. I know certainty defeats noise. What is undoubtedly real?
Lifeeeeee and flow. Come on. No self. No fucking self. I just didn’t believe it when I saw it. I didn’t believe it. Now it is simpler. I’m not sure why am I so angry. Or just. Fuck.

Is it undoubtable? Of course.
It’s annoyingly simple.

[Elad]

Hi dear,

So what is it that is not there?
What stays the same?
Has anything disappeared?

I'm with you

[Rega]

Nothing. Everything is here. It is too clear.
I really fail to understand the question because it’s too easy. I can’t stop laughing basically.
What stays the same? Everything, this is the surprising part. Just there is no self here. It’s just a little easier here, a little clearer, that’s it.
Nothing disappeared. Just feeling like something was shed.

What is me? Nothing. Really I can barely go into this idea. It’s just experiencing it all through another point of view. Like a child, like a trip. This is all irrelevant.

[Rega]

I mean, I think I thought it was about presence. Or about not thinking as an I.

But now I can be completely unaware or not present and still no self, you know? I mean, presence is beautiful, it’s the only thing that exits really, but for some reason, this realization is not it. It’s not getting rid of the sense of self. It’s just not believing in it.

[Elad]

Dear, I can feel the autenticity and clarity of your words deeply 🌈 At such a point in the process we at LU often ask a set of check point questions. After reading them I might have clarifying questions for you, and if not, I will let other guides look at the answers and see if they have questions. Here they are, please answer all in one message, and with clear quotations so it is easy for other guides to follow. Here they are:


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?



2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.



3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue?



4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look; describe what happened.



5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.



6) What makes things happen? How does it work?



7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.



8) Anything to add?

[Elad]

Ps. Feel free to just let it be and enjoy the flow for some time, even a day or a few, before you answer. Or answer now. Whatever flows ;)

[Rega]

Hey, hoping you don't mind me writing here more :)

So, It's just funny again now. I mean, I want to talk about a thought - it's not it, or that it's temporary, or that it will be gone, or that I am inventing it all with all the terms I've learned this year.

I want to talk about it so it I won't avoid it. But what is more real? No self. I am just high on it in a away. it is too direct to comprehend. exprience now just flows magically with out any way of stoping it or need to. Not to contemplate or seek. Yes, there is no seeking. Just no seeking. It is so muchh easier then seeking. Listen, every god damn thing is exactly the same, the coffee, the talks, the way "I" approach things or what "I" am ashamed of or how "I" react.

Which means - how reaction is made, how shame is made, how approach is happening etc. But the directness of the knowing. I don't even have to check for it. It's wierd to check for it. It is really annoyingly simple. Because the sense of false self, or whatever was feeling like self, of just functioning or just being able to be, is still here, it is just irrelevant. You know?

Everything is just easy now. Just easy. It's funny. It's funny.
THERE IS NO SEEKING!!! cool. right?
:)))))

[Rega]

we posted at the same time. I didn't see your messages so don't take it as an answer :)

[Rega]

Ok so I'm very much enjoying working with the questions now, but intuitivly I will answer them officialy tomorrow - Just to see what sticks (and maybe stop laughing at them could be interesting too).

If you have anything to add or say about my texts I'd be happy to hear. Maybe serching for support a bit :) ♡
Thank you

[Elad]

Just a shitload of appreciation and warmth 💗😍

Enjoy, relax, work with questions as is enjoyed, flow........

Let it move as it does, naturally, every unfolding is unique.

I look forward to hear from you again :))

[Rega]

Thank you :)))
Ok I am going to just continue to write if you don't mind... it feels right to integrate. Don't feel the need to answer - trusting you.
So this was the moment of first shifting maybe this morning (page 28 of the book):

Where is the self in all of that?
Sense of self—yes.
Actual self—no

The realization that the sense of self isn't an actual self. That it is not contradictory. But I have to say the past few days I felt like identity was very thin, when looking for self nothing was found. I just needed this one push of seeing that even the remaining sense is just is - a sense... And maybe realizing there is a deeper knowing that already knows this. I mean, I rememeber the day realization hit that I is a thought, it was like 5 months ago. And it is all to be realized, truely. From there, I feel like what dropped today is that - that's it. I is a thought. This is what we were seeking this whole time. Nothing else. Like I didn't believe myself.

And also this - go hot and desperate and ask. “Where the hell am I clinging?!” to the point of desperation,
like this is the last question of your life—only one and then you
die—you ask.
I was asking and sobbing. Looking around and inside, and seeing that I am not clinging to anything anymore. Never did, probably. But yeah, it was like oh, my god. I am clinging to nothing.

And also maybe just seeing those realizations of these people today in the book and realizing shit, I'm there already. I know this is all true. Maybe I searched for something else. WTF

Thank you for pushing me to read it and sorry for being a stubborn idiot :)))
Shabat shalom

[Elad]

🙃 🌺

This is great, keep writing as much as is helpful and fun. If any questions come up feel free to ask. And yes, I answer exactly as it flows freely here.

And once ready to answer the check point questions make sure to have them all in one message, with citing of the questions and numbers, followed by answers.

[Rega]

Before answering the questions, I want to share how it is today.

So, the knowing is here. Still, too direct to even talk about, to even check with honesty because... you just know - there is no actual self. But now a lot of pain and anxiety are running through the system when looking at it. Even avoidance from feeling those fully. But I am writing now to give them space to express.

No actual self. never was. That simple. So simple that it is the last place you would look in.
Thoughts are running just the same, binding the awareness with the same quality as before, but maybe just the clear sky is still known? yeah, there is a reason why this is the clearest metaphore out there. Even in the thoughts, that could feel contracted or not present, just like bad weather, the clear sky behind it is known. Temporality is known.

I go back to feeling more anxety and pain, just because they are here. There is no actual self, never was. Too easy.
Pain is being released here, and anxiety.

Elad, can I ask you something? Can this be forgotten? Like, in your exprience, in times that pepole are more in their head and less "looking", how does this feels? I don't feel like it could be lost, because it is always here, but can life be foggy enough so "you" just forget?

[Elad]

It is normal for strong feelings to run through after seeing (also).... As you know they just need to be felt... And I am here if you want a session... The helpfulness of another human by your side to process powerful emotion doesn't go away because of seeing...

Many say that once this is seen, it cannot be unseen. Others say that doubt can return more. It is not clear to me what account for the difference. To me it seems most helpful to stay with your direct experience and look what feels true for you? And if there is something here that is calling for more looking/feeling?

[Elad]

What does seem practically universal is that this seeing is more a new beginning than a final end. Old patterns continue to come up and can be seen and felt more clearly now for what they are - which is a great opportunity for healing and letting go of old conditioning/trauma/beliefs/etc - and obviously not always easy.