Hello!-JoshO

[JoshuaO]

Greetings Elad -

We have just returned home from a night out, so I will only briefly check in to say: yes, thank you, I will reach out via that email address you supplied tomorrow.

Best wishes till soon from
Joshua

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad -

I’m just touching base briefly here to greet you, thank you again, and let you know that I will rejoin our conversation thread tomorrow more properly. Tonight was overwhelmed by family business I’m afraid; I look forward to rejoining our conversation and fixing a time on December 12 for our meeting.

More soon – please keep well till we reconnect .

Best wishes from
Joshua

[JoshuaO]

Re-Greetings Elad!

I hope this note finds you as well as can be and that you will be patient with the pause that has been happening in the last smallish chapter. Life on earth has been proceeding busily with all its parts, and it appears that a pause was taken after writing to you most of the days of the last three months or so. I hope it has not been too much in your view.
I am eager to reconnect with you, both to set up time for a session along the lines we have discussed, and to continue the work we began together in late August also, very very much indeed. In that connection, I hope it will not be wrong to proceed from here within the “Game” you taught me, so as to engage as best I can the skillful means it offers.

The desire to reconnect with you arises here. Is that desire a self? It is an arising desire.

A bit of trembling is felt in the fingers of my hands as they type here. Is that trembling a self? It’s a tremulous sensation arising here now.

The need to swallow arrives here, and the body feels almost an intensification of what feels like… the words “The Life Force” arose just then here. Is that need, or is that intensification of feeling, is either of those a self? They are felt needs and feelings arising here/now.

The desire to weep appears here Elad, and to reach out to you and to say thank you and to ask you to work with me more, all of these arise here/now. Are these desires the self? They are desires and impulses arising here/now.

A deep breath is taken here, and a sniffle happens here, and my left wrist feels somehow a little achy, throbby, not quite painful but intense somehow. Is that taking-of-breath, or that sniffle need, or that sore achy-ness in the wrist – is any of
those feelings the self? Each one is a feeling arising from what something wants to name “the fountain of here/now”.

A sense of bemusement at what is going on here arises now Elad. Is that sense of bemusement the self? It is a sense, a feeling, an arising here/now.

A low, red almost-throbbing is felt in the thighs, in the forearms, in my back, also some achy-ness there now too. Are those throbbings and achy-ness the self? Thy are feelings arising here/now.

The desire to reconnect with you arrives here and now Elad. Is that desire the self, a self? It is a desire that arose a moment ago.

The need to take a deep breath appears here and now, Elad, and the breath is taken, and the goodness of being able to take that deep breath is also then felt here and now. Is that need, or is that feeling of goodness at being able to breathe deeply, is either of those the self? No, they are not a separate self. They are arisings in that moment.

“Arisings in that moment” wants to be written here again Elad. The words “Mr. Fancy” arise here too just now, afterward. Are those words or the impulses to write them here, are those words or impulses the self? Thinking wants to say “I don’t think so”.

The desire to say “I don’t trust thinking” arises here now. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The desire to express bottomless yearning to achieve my fantasy of what awakening is arises here/now Elad. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The hope that I will share and speak truly to you here arises Elad. Is that hope, that desire, the self? No, it is a hope arising here/now.

The need to take another deep breath arises here and now, already arose as I began writing this line. Was that need, that felt need, the self? It was a felt need, arising in that moment.

The feeling of a slight need to pause and blow my nose (the body appears to have come down with a little bit of a cold this morning Elad) and keep going, keep going, keep looking, arises here. The reaching for a paper napkin and the blowing of this nose happens. Are those feelings, is that body feeling a bit of a cold, is that urge to reach for a paper napkin – is any of those arisings the self? No, they are arisings of the moment that just “took place” here a moment ago.

Interest in the linguistic construction of “taking place” arose just now, Elad, when that phrase emerged in the process of writing here now. Is that interest the self? It’s an arising interest.

A noticing just happened here Elad – that there is reluctance to say clearly “No, ___________ is not the self, it’s an [arising in some form or other]. Is that reluctance the self?

Fear arises here now Elad, and the feeling of looking over the edge of a cliff is felt, and tears begin to come into the eyes of this body. Is that fear the self? Is that feeling of looking over the edge of a cliff the self? Are those tears the self?
The desire to say, “NO! They are not! None of them is the self! They are all arisings in that moment of life!” arises here.

The 25-minute timer on this wristwatch has just gone off, Elad, telling me that my free writing time is closing, and that it’s time to put attention on the work for which I am paid to come to this office to do.

So for now, Elad, thank you again for all your guidance and attention.

I would love to arrange a session time. On weekdays, almost every weekday while I’m at work, I could meet between the hours of 1pm and 4pm US Eastern Time, which I think (fingers crossed here) is between 8pm and 11pm (20:00 – 23:00). On weekends for the next while, earlier in the morning will work better, probably best between 9:30am – 11:30am (16:30 – 18:30, fingers still crossed in the hope that I got that time transposition right).

Please let me know what might work when you have a moment. I look forward to reconnecting and wish you every good thing in the meanwhile.

Best wishes from
Josh(ua)

[Elad]

Re-Greetings Elad!

I hope this note finds you as well as can be and that you will be patient with the pause that has been happening in the last smallish chapter. Life on earth has been proceeding busily with all its parts, and it appears that a pause was taken after writing to you most of the days of the last three months or so. I hope it has not been too much in your view.
I am eager to reconnect with you, both to set up time for a session along the lines we have discussed, and to continue the work we began together in late August also, very very much indeed. In that connection, I hope it will not be wrong to proceed from here within the “Game” you taught me, so as to engage as best I can the skillful means it offers.

The desire to reconnect with you arises here. Is that desire a self? It is an arising desire.

A bit of trembling is felt in the fingers of my hands as they type here. Is that trembling a self? It’s a tremulous sensation arising here now.

The need to swallow arrives here, and the body feels almost an intensification of what feels like… the words “The Life Force” arose just then here. Is that need, or is that intensification of feeling, is either of those a self? They are felt needs and feelings arising here/now.

The desire to weep appears here Elad, and to reach out to you and to say thank you and to ask you to work with me more, all of these arise here/now. Are these desires the self? They are desires and impulses arising here/now.

A deep breath is taken here, and a sniffle happens here, and my left wrist feels somehow a little achy, throbby, not quite painful but intense somehow. Is that taking-of-breath, or that sniffle need, or that sore achy-ness in the wrist – is any of
those feelings the self? Each one is a feeling arising from what something wants to name “the fountain of here/now”.

A sense of bemusement at what is going on here arises now Elad. Is that sense of bemusement the self? It is a sense, a feeling, an arising here/now.

A low, red almost-throbbing is felt in the thighs, in the forearms, in my back, also some achy-ness there now too. Are those throbbings and achy-ness the self? Thy are feelings arising here/now.

The desire to reconnect with you arrives here and now Elad. Is that desire the self, a self? It is a desire that arose a moment ago.

The need to take a deep breath appears here and now, Elad, and the breath is taken, and the goodness of being able to take that deep breath is also then felt here and now. Is that need, or is that feeling of goodness at being able to breathe deeply, is either of those the self? No, they are not a separate self. They are arisings in that moment.

“Arisings in that moment” wants to be written here again Elad. The words “Mr. Fancy” arise here too just now, afterward. Are those words or the impulses to write them here, are those words or impulses the self? Thinking wants to say “I don’t think so”.

The desire to say “I don’t trust thinking” arises here now. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The desire to express bottomless yearning to achieve my fantasy of what awakening is arises here/now Elad. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The hope that I will share and speak truly to you here arises Elad. Is that hope, that desire, the self? No, it is a hope arising here/now.

The need to take another deep breath arises here and now, already arose as I began writing this line. Was that need, that felt need, the self? It was a felt need, arising in that moment.

The feeling of a slight need to pause and blow my nose (the body appears to have come down with a little bit of a cold this morning Elad) and keep going, keep going, keep looking, arises here. The reaching for a paper napkin and the blowing of this nose happens. Are those feelings, is that body feeling a bit of a cold, is that urge to reach for a paper napkin – is any of those arisings the self? No, they are arisings of the moment that just “took place” here a moment ago.

Interest in the linguistic construction of “taking place” arose just now, Elad, when that phrase emerged in the process of writing here now. Is that interest the self? It’s an arising interest.

A noticing just happened here Elad – that there is reluctance to say clearly “No, ___________ is not the self, it’s an [arising in some form or other]. Is that reluctance the self?

Fear arises here now Elad, and the feeling of looking over the edge of a cliff is felt, and tears begin to come into the eyes of this body. Is that fear the self? Is that feeling of looking over the edge of a cliff the self? Are those tears the self?
The desire to say, “NO! They are not! None of them is the self! They are all arisings in that moment of life!” arises here.

The 25-minute timer on this wristwatch has just gone off, Elad, telling me that my free writing time is closing, and that it’s time to put attention on the work for which I am paid to come to this office to do.

So for now, Elad, thank you again for all your guidance and attention.

I would love to arrange a session time. On weekdays, almost every weekday while I’m at work, I could meet between the hours of 1pm and 4pm US Eastern Time, which I think (fingers crossed here) is between 8pm and 11pm (20:00 – 23:00). On weekends for the next while, earlier in the morning will work better, probably best between 9:30am – 11:30am (16:30 – 18:30, fingers still crossed in the hope that I got that time transposition right).

Please let me know what might work when you have a moment. I look forward to reconnecting and wish you every good thing in the meanwhile.

Best wishes from
Josh(ua)

Good stuff, I'm with you :)

[Elad]

An afterthought to our session. Notice the very strong habit of evaluative thinking which is at the basis of the reactions of push and pull, highs and lows, and judging yourself (or me or others), and looking for something better and right. Don't judge it or try to change it. It is not in control and not in need of change. Seeing is beyond this evaluative thinking, but does need to get rid of it, it can just be seen for what it is, and then what is beyond it can also be seen. That which could never be put into words, that which is not nothing, not something, not "a self" and not "a not-self". Look into that.

[Elad]

An afterthought to our session. Notice the very strong habit of evaluative thinking which is at the basis of the reactions of push and pull, highs and lows, and judging yourself (or me or others), and looking for something better and right. Don't judge it or try to change it. It is not in control and not in need of change. Seeing is beyond this evaluative thinking, but does need to get rid of it, it can just be seen for what it is, and then what is beyond it can also be seen. That which could never be put into words, that which is not nothing, not something, not "a self" and not "a not-self". Look into that.

Seeing is beyond this evaluative thinking, but does *not* need to get rid of it

[JoshuaO]

Greetings Elad -

First, you:

"An afterthought to our session. Notice the very strong habit of evaluative thinking which is at the basis of the reactions of push and pull, highs and lows, and judging yourself (or me or others), and looking for something better and right. Don't judge it or try to change it. It is not in control and not in need of change. Seeing is beyond this evaluative thinking, but does need to get rid of it, it can just be seen for what it is, and then what is beyond it can also be seen. That which could never be put into words, that which is not nothing, not something, not "a self" and not "a not-self". Look into that.

Seeing is beyond this evaluative thinking, but does *not* need to get rid of it."

--

Dear Elad –

Good morning to you. I hope these last days have been treating you very well and kindly, and that life has been unfolding enjoyably in your world. Good morning.

I have had an interesting span of time since we met and were last in touch. I can’t remember if you heard that I had for the first time contracted COVID, but in fact I did; the last ten days have been spent first in almost total isolation, and then masking up and working from home rather than from the office where I am now sitting for the first time in nearly two weeks.

Perhaps strangely (but perhaps not), I am finding it to be quite wonderful to be back in this office I come to in this chapter of life, at least partly because I have established here a morning practice of meditation which I have come to find tremendously nourishing and enjoyable. I have the freedom to choose here to spend a bit of time writing to you and would very much like to do so, to greet you and to reconnect and to take more advantage of that “skillful means” game to which you introduced me, which I am eager to engage in again now so as to reap the benefits it offers.

The desire to greet you and to thank you again arises here, Elad. Is that desire the self? It is an arising desire.

The feeling of being drawn to breathe very deeply arises here, Elad. Is that feeling the self? It is a feeling and an impulse that arose just that moment ago.

A tingling feeling is noticeable in my forearms and hands as I write this to you, Elad. Is that tingling feeling the self? It is a feeling that arose in an area of the body.

The feeling of settling in, settling down, is noticeable here Elad. Is that feeling the self? It is a feeling that arose just now.

A feeling of peaceful almost-emptiness was felt just now Elad. Is that feeling the self? No, it is a feeling that arose just then.

The desire to read over what you last wrote to me came up here, Elad, and so I did read your words over again. Was that desire the self? It was an arising desire or impulse.

The taste of coffee was perceptible in my mouth and on my lips just now, Elad. Was that taste the self? No, it was a perception, a sense perception in one area of my physicality.

The need to breathe deeply arose again just now Elad. Was that need the self? No, it was a physical impulse.

The desire to read your words again arises here, Elad. Is that desire the self? It is an arising impulse or desire.

The impulse to smile upon have read those words again – and to say “Thank you for that” -- arises here, Elad. Is that impulse to smile and to say “Thank you” the self? It is an arising feeling-impulse.

An intimation of a relief-feeling is slightly perceptible here, Elad, the beginning of a “dropping of tension” feeling. Is that feeling the self? It is the beginning of a feeling, just a litte more than the suspicion of a feeling.

The dream of “dropping the tension” returns to mind, Elad. Is that reminder-dream the self? It is an arising thought that is perceived.

The need to breathe deeply again arises here, Elad. Is that need the self? It is a felt need in the body.

The voice of a child is audible in the little area next to mine, Elad. Is that voice the self? Part of me wants to say, “in a way, yes!” Is that child’s voice, or that inner speaker, is either of those the self? They are “sounds” heard externally and internally, just a moment ago.

The desire to read your words again arises here, Elad. And they are re-read. Is that desire the self? It is an impulse to reconnect with helpful guidance.

A feeling of measured quiet is perceived within this person, Elad. Is that feeling the self? It is a feeling.

The 25-minute timer I use for various purposes, including some work and some meditation, has just gone off, Elad, and so I will bring this particular session to its close. Thank you again for working with me. I am eager to continue our conversation and this work however it will be optimally pursued. Please feel encouraged to write back when you have a moment and let’s consider how it will be best to proceed from here.

With thanks and best wishes from

Joshua

[Elad]

Hi Josh. First of all feel better. Now, we agreed you would look back on this exchange and write me about what so far felt helpful, what felt unhelpful, where you felt understood and supported (weather in a soft way or a fierce way) and where you felt misunderstood or misguided. You never did. Do that and we will take it from there. Strict honesty is the basis of this getting somewhere.

[Elad]

Hi Josh. First of all feel better. Now, we agreed you would look back on this exchange and write me about what so far felt helpful, what felt unhelpful, where you felt understood and supported (weather in a soft way or a fierce way) and where you felt misunderstood or misguided. You never did. Do that and we will take it from there. Strict honesty is the basis of this getting somewhere.

Hi Joshua. Checking in if you still want to work with me as your guide. If it doesn't feel right for you, I could ask Luchana or Lubomir if one of them will work with you. I remember you spoke highly of them at the begining of our exchange. Sometimes a different guide helps. To be clear I am motivated to work with you as long as it takes; it's all about what works for you. In either case I still think it would be helpful if you take a look at the exchange til now and answer about the cooperation so far, i.e. see last message.

[JoshuaO]

Good Morning Elad –

Thank you so much for checking in earlier today. I apologize even for allowing you to suppose that I might not want to work with you as my guide. At the risk of presuming too much, I certainly hope my taciturn moment was not hurtful to you in any way – I simply and unexpectedly (and quite suddenly, shortly after our last exchange) went on a week’s vacation with my wife and daughters and mother-in-law, left town, and have only returned to the office and to the “normal rhythm” of life as of this morning.

I will write to you more later today, Elad, but wanted to check in immediately just to make contact and to thank you for reaching out and for every part of the work and care you have brought to our conversation. Talk to you soon about all aspects.

With best wishes for a very
Happy New Year!
from
Joshua

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad -

I have just for the first time in a while looked back over our correspondence and am a bit dumbfounded to see how long it has been since we were in that daily back-and-forth communication mode. This has been, I now see more clearly than before, a very different last few weeks than had been our way for the previous entire fall semester. Hm!

I wanted at this moment at least to check in again, thank you again, and apologize for my continuing inability to carve enough time out of my non-office-hours to review our correspondence as your suggest and respond properly and fully. In the meantime, I wanted to touch base and let you know that I appreciate your attention and all your suggestions to this point very much and will follow through on your most recent one as soon as I can manage to do so.

Thank you again, Elad.

Best wishes till shortly from
Joshua

[Elad]

Dear Elad -

I have just for the first time in a while looked back over our correspondence and am a bit dumbfounded to see how long it has been since we were in that daily back-and-forth communication mode. This has been, I now see more clearly than before, a very different last few weeks than had been our way for the previous entire fall semester. Hm!

I wanted at this moment at least to check in again, thank you again, and apologize for my continuing inability to carve enough time out of my non-office-hours to review our correspondence as your suggest and respond properly and fully. In the meantime, I wanted to touch base and let you know that I appreciate your attention and all your suggestions to this point very much and will follow through on your most recent one as soon as I can manage to do so.

Thank you again, Elad.

Best wishes till shortly from
Joshua

Hi Josh, glad to hear from you.

As for the review thing, maybe take it in some pieces. Read a few pages at the time and write down comments for your self when something feels helpful or unhelpful. When you finish look at your notes and send me the core take aways.

And meanwhile, also play a bit with the following exercise, a variation on other exercises we did:

[Elad]

Try this: Find a nice place to sit, could be a cafe, could be park, etc. Have a pen and paper. Make a mark on the paper when you notice spontaneous occurences not chosen or controlled by "a self"/"a controller"/"a chooser". As you something might intuit, know or believe, this is the case all the time, "everything". But for the purposes of making this experiential, make a mark every time you notice that something that would conventionally be described as your doing is happening spontaneously. Stuff like thoughts, movements, attention shifts, feelings, urges, etc. Do this for 10-20-30 min and write me what was noticed :)

This practice can be helpful to do several times.

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad –

Greetings after what has turned into an absurdly too-long time. I hope this note finds you very well, and that you will forgive my silence here if indeed forgiveness is called for. Thank you again, very much, for all of the effort you gave to guiding me throughout our several months of correspondence and conversation in the last part of 2023 and the beginning of 2024.

I’ve wanted to circle back for what has turned into weeks now, to make contact and to renew our work. I won’t take time now to formulate any explanation of how things have come to pass as they have, but this pause has extended for far too long. I want and have been meaning to touch base with you, check in, thank you again, and consider the best way forward from here for I can’t say how long now.

When you and I last corresponded, you suggested a number of exercises, as well as that I review our entire correspondence and take stock, notice when things worked, where I felt they hadn’t, something along those lines. I confess I have not (yet) done that review, but I can no longer wait till it’s done to write to you again.

Would you consider another video-session along the lines of our last one, to reconnect and to consider together how best to proceed from here?

As mentioned, I hope this finds you very well, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Respectfully and with thanks from

Josh(ua)

[Elad]

Dear Elad –

Greetings after what has turned into an absurdly too-long time. I hope this note finds you very well, and that you will forgive my silence here if indeed forgiveness is called for. Thank you again, very much, for all of the effort you gave to guiding me throughout our several months of correspondence and conversation in the last part of 2023 and the beginning of 2024.

I’ve wanted to circle back for what has turned into weeks now, to make contact and to renew our work. I won’t take time now to formulate any explanation of how things have come to pass as they have, but this pause has extended for far too long. I want and have been meaning to touch base with you, check in, thank you again, and consider the best way forward from here for I can’t say how long now.

When you and I last corresponded, you suggested a number of exercises, as well as that I review our entire correspondence and take stock, notice when things worked, where I felt they hadn’t, something along those lines. I confess I have not (yet) done that review, but I can no longer wait till it’s done to write to you again.

Would you consider another video-session along the lines of our last one, to reconnect and to consider together how best to proceed from here?

As mentioned, I hope this finds you very well, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Respectfully and with thanks from

Josh(ua)

Hi Joshua. Good to hear from you. Yes I am here and we can start up with a video session. Send me a couple of time options? Warmly, Elad