The Gate

When doing the "rustling in the forest" looking, what has stood out for me the last couple days, is it feels like without thought saying "Ok and now is there the self in your arm? No. Ok and now is there self in your chest? No." that it feels like I don't know what I'm looking at or for. Like I'm staring wide eyed at a bunch of sensations... but for what? That might be thought sneaking in. Now that I'm typing this out I think that's doubt flavored thoughts coloring simple looking. Because my next thought is, "is just looking enough, or do I need to look with a lens of some sort? And how do you have a lens that isn't a thought?"

That's it. Stay in the not knowing. That's on the edge of thought trying to label, interpret and grab ahold of something, from which the world is created.

In this not knowing space, you can use one word as a koan. For example, you can use 'what', 'where' or 'who'. And only use it once every 30-60 seconds, not too often. The focus should be in the looking.

Look everywhere in this space for the self. Not in thought, but just in this direct looking.

Last night I took a long walk and tried staying with simple direct looking as frequently as possible, but thoughts always came in. I got annoyed, and I saw that I have a belief that "Thoughts are bad, and I need thoughts to stop happening to awaken." I kept trying to look at that belief and part of the problem is that any time I had a thought it felt like it generated the thing looking at the thought. And there is a belief that the watcher has to disappear for me to awaken.

Thoughts are not a problem at all. As awakening deepens, thoughts are still there, even at full liberation, but the attachment and identification with them lessens, so they become ephemeral you could say.

You may already have noticed thoughts becoming less important.

The watcher having to disappear is another thought. Any landing in thought is not the answer. The watcher does not exist. There is only the thought saying something.

Distraction might be a little different for an addict brain, but I hear what you're saying. Going cold turkey has been good the last couple of days. My personal time is feeling more free and accessible, whereas it was feeling like any use of my free time that wasn't gaming was a waste of time.

Okay, sounds good. Trust thyself :)

Hey Henri!

I touched that space again finally yesterday....I was sitting on the couch waiting for an "I" thought to arise, and when one did, holding that place of open looking made it obvious that the I wasn't referencing anything that was present, or could be present. I went and walked the dog and the same thing became clear again a few times, coming and going. Things are happening and thoughts happen but the thoughts aren't / can't be referencing anything that is there. Nothing is doing anything. I don't feel doubt that I was able to see this yesterday, even if at this second that perspective isn't "here".

I don't know that I feel like "falling" but I do see how if this space becomes more prevalent than not, things / thoughts that arise within it would lose some of their charge. So I'll keep looking.


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Greetings Geoff!

I touched that space again finally yesterday....I was sitting on the couch waiting for an "I" thought to arise, and when one did, holding that place of open looking made it obvious that the I wasn't referencing anything that was present, or could be present. I went and walked the dog and the same thing became clear again a few times, coming and going. Things are happening and thoughts happen but the thoughts aren't / can't be referencing anything that is there. Nothing is doing anything. I don't feel doubt that I was able to see this yesterday, even if at this second that perspective isn't "here".

I don't know that I feel like "falling" but I do see how if this space becomes more prevalent than not, things / thoughts that arise within it would lose some of their charge. So I'll keep looking.

This all sounds excellent. Nicely done :)

It didn't feel like falling to me. I would describe it as a deepening as gradually more and more habits/thoughts are seen through.

If it feels right, try expanding the open looking into simple activities/chores even more, such as washing dishes, cleaning, or like you did while walking the dog.

Keep going!

Morning Henri.

Something interesting happened on the cushion last night - I was sitting and doing simple looking, thoughts coming, shifting back to the simple looking. Not "thinking about" but sort of using the thought that "whatever I am 'looking' for is non-conceptual, nothing that appears in thought can describe it'. I was feeling calm and "good" and then noted for myself how even calm/good are concepts/perceptions and to keep looking.

Then, for a very brief moment it felt like... it's hard to explain in words, but sort of like sensory input stopped having labels and there was just experience. Like the "stuff" that makes up body sensations became the way body sensations were experienced, rather than "my stomach feels like this" or "my arms have a tingling sensation". The knowing of it, I guess? I want to use the word "being-ness" but I think that's just one I've heard said before. But it was kind of like that. Experience was there, but without creating an object out of it. I then quickly began thinking about what was happening and asking questions and it faded but it felt worth sharing, and makes me hopeful.

Something interesting happened on the cushion last night - I was sitting and doing simple looking, thoughts coming, shifting back to the simple looking. Not "thinking about" but sort of using the thought that "whatever I am 'looking' for is non-conceptual, nothing that appears in thought can describe it'. I was feeling calm and "good" and then noted for myself how even calm/good are concepts/perceptions and to keep looking.

Yup, good catch!

Then, for a very brief moment it felt like... it's hard to explain in words, but sort of like sensory input stopped having labels and there was just experience. Like the "stuff" that makes up body sensations became the way body sensations were experienced, rather than "my stomach feels like this" or "my arms have a tingling sensation". The knowing of it, I guess? I want to use the word "being-ness" but I think that's just one I've heard said before. But it was kind of like that. Experience was there, but without creating an object out of it. I then quickly began thinking about what was happening and asking questions and it faded but it felt worth sharing, and makes me hopeful.

Yes, things become very simple as this deepens. Thoughts only layer on top of what is already here.

Do you notice if your sense of self has shifted? Is it the same as before?

What about control and making decisions?

Do you notice if your sense of self has shifted? Is it the same as before?

What about control and making decisions?

Honestly not sure. Which makes me feel like there hasn't been a fundamental shift yet. It seems like if it happens, you know.

Honestly not sure. Which makes me feel like there hasn't been a fundamental shift yet. It seems like if it happens, you know.

Usually it's quite obvious, but you never know.

So what you could add during your sits and during the day is to simply look for the self/me.

If you find yourself in a place where there is just experience, look everywhere and ask:

Is there a me/self in this?
Is there a thinker?
Is someone controlling attention?

And so on. Again, asking one question, and then looking/listening intently instead of asking another question right away.

Morning - just checking in. Excuses excuses but this week has been distracting and looking has been infrequent. Still feel like I don't have doubt about what I saw last week, which is cool... it does make me excited to keep pursuing, but its like the habit of not looking is winning out.

Fortunately will be on vacation for 2 weeks away from work and computer screens on a boat so will be spending plenty of time looking.

Morning - just checking in. Excuses excuses but this week has been distracting and looking has been infrequent. Still feel like I don't have doubt about what I saw last week, which is cool... it does make me excited to keep pursuing, but its like the habit of not looking is winning out.

Nice that there's no doubt!

Is there control over looking or not looking?

It might be good if you could incorporate the inquiry more into daily life. Not constantly, but here and there. Does this resonate? If so, how would you begin?

Fortunately will be on vacation for 2 weeks away from work and computer screens on a boat so will be spending plenty of time looking.

Sounds fun! :)

Is there control over looking or not looking?

I think for this question it's more like good old fundamental ignorance -- I'm just not asking or looking at it for most of the day. I think right here as I sit.... it's like, I can clearly see that the thought arising saying "Yes you are controlling this." is a thought that wasn't there before, and disappears, and has no effect on actually controlling anything. But it doesn't feel like I'm NOT controlling anything, too? I think this is something I haven't grokked experientially between my expectations of feeling like a puppet vs. understanding in a felt way that there's no "driver".

It might be good if you could incorporate the inquiry more into daily life. Not constantly, but here and there. Does this resonate? If so, how would you begin?

Yes, this resonates and is sort of how I've been trying to do it. When I remember, or when I do certain activities like make coffee, do the dishes, take the dog outside, I try to look outside of thought narration just at what is happening at the moment, and hold that "just looking into the forest" gaze.

I think for this question it's more like good old fundamental ignorance -- I'm just not asking or looking at it for most of the day. I think right here as I sit.... it's like, I can clearly see that the thought arising saying "Yes you are controlling this." is a thought that wasn't there before, and disappears, and has no effect on actually controlling anything. But it doesn't feel like I'm NOT controlling anything, too? I think this is something I haven't grokked experientially between my expectations of feeling like a puppet vs. understanding in a felt way that there's no "driver".

This can also take a while even after seeing through the self illusion. There can be a feeling of doing and control, but it all begins when there is clear seeing that there is no controller when you look. This then expands.

Yes, this resonates and is sort of how I've been trying to do it. When I remember, or when I do certain activities like make coffee, do the dishes, take the dog outside, I try to look outside of thought narration just at what is happening at the moment, and hold that "just looking into the forest" gaze.

That's excellent.

Does this also include looking for if you are thinking thoughts, predicting thoughts, making decisions?

How are you doing?

Are you done with the inquiry or do you want to continue?

How are you doing?

Are you done with the inquiry or do you want to continue?

Hey Henri - I like your new signature quote.

I just got back yesterday from vacation where I was able to do some looking, but not much sitting, so have been effectively on hold. Excuses, I know.

I just sat this morning, focusing on breath for the first 10min and then switching to open looking.

I would like to continue inquiry, for sure. mostly for me it looks like stopping and looking as I remember to. There's a pretty quick doubt voice that comes in that says nothing is going to happen from a 30-60second "look" but now that I type that, I see I need to be more vigilant for that as another thought to be seen but not consumed by.

There's a pretty quick doubt voice that comes in that says nothing is going to happen from a 30-60second "look" but now that I type that, I see I need to be more vigilant for that as another thought to be seen but not consumed by.

What makes a doubt thought more special than any other thought? Why does it deserve attention?

If you want, you can bring sticky thoughts here, or feelings of self, and we can explore them here by separating the senses.

Usually there are a few thoughts/beliefs that seem so evident that they aren't even questioned.

There's a pretty quick doubt voice that comes in that says nothing is going to happen from a 30-60second "look" but now that I type that, I see I need to be more vigilant for that as another thought to be seen but not consumed by.

What makes a doubt thought more special than any other thought? Why does it deserve attention?

If you want, you can bring sticky thoughts here, or feelings of self, and we can explore them here by separating the senses.

Usually there are a few thoughts/beliefs that seem so evident that they aren't even questioned.

They aren't more special, that's a good pointer. I noticed doubt thoughts while sitting last night and they came along with a distinct physical sensation that I wanted to resist.

It seems like expectations are a lot of what is sticking around for me. There's a thought-fight between expecting things to change in a way that is distinct and noticeable, and other thoughts that remind me of the fact that whatever "Happens" is completely non-conceptual and can't be conceived of with any voice that thinks it knows. When I had those small glimpses a month or so ago "I" didn't "make" anything happen other than look a certain way, with a certain quality.