Feeling Stuck

[vinceschubert]

Hi Paul,

every single day I’ve been intending to post on here but...

I get it. No explanations or excuses necessary. i see how things just happen in spite of how we think that they should.

I have a s**t load of stuff to catch up with

Yeah, life-ing is pretty busy when you're engaged with it.

I’m certainly totally wrapped up in character, and finding it hard to differentiate between the two.

One way to think of it is whether you are in the movie or watching it. (sometimes both can happen simultaneously)

.that has a predetermined set of behaviours that potentially will impact gameplay.” (Wikipedia) This seems to describe everyone around me

Yes, and to take the analogy a bit further it is like they all had the same programer. Do you include yourself?

get the strange feeling that their actions are for my benefit, often leading me into situations that allow me to excel in some way. Disturbing.

I don't find it disturbing. It's a reminder that we are all in the same production. (even if I think that I am a lead character)

Using Jeds version of Platos cave allegory, get the feeling that I’m out of my seat and constantly walking around the theatre tapping people on the shoulder trying to get them to question what they’re viewing

..but you know that the fire is behind you and you are seeing your own version of the shadow play.
When you wake up, that will still happen, but you will also see the source of light (the fire)

At the moment everything that is happening in my life seems hell bent on reinforcing this illusion of self

I get what you say, but it's not life that reinforces the delusion (It only becomes an illusion when you know that the senses have been fooled) It's you interpretation of experience that does.

with love

vince

[IngoldUK]

Hi Vince,

I’m still here! Ordinarily I would apologise for my absence but I’m pretty sure you would tell me it isn’t necessary, so I won’t bother. ;-)
What drew me to writing this was the email you sent out yesterday with the lengthy quote from Jed about adulthood as I’ve been thinking a lot about Jeds’ writings recently, and your email seemed to be more than just a coincidence.
This year has been probably the most complicated period of my life that I can remember as I’ve been inundated with a wide variety of tasks, or things to ‘fix’ , than at any other time I can remember; from changing brake pads on one vehicle, to remove/repair/replace ABS pump on another; to replacing fence panels, to replacing an entire shed roof. Being drawn into the world of 3D printing, which in turn necessitated me having to learn the complexities of 3D modelling. This is all in addition to the daily round of mundane DIY such as a leaking bath, re-hanging doors; then there have been a couple of, sometimes heated, family disputes to deal with; conflict with our health service which led me to refuse further invasive tests, not something I would advise people to do, but which coincidentally was vindicated this week too.
This all led me to 2 of Jeds’ favourite metaphors, firstly that of Maya the Goddess of illusion (delusion/distraction?), all of these tasks seem to be forever reinforcing this sense of a separate (superior/clever/arrogant/intelligent) self, to identify with the ‘Paul’ character, see him as a unique individual, and all of this feels like an attempt to divert my attention away from this process, to reinforce my belief in the dreamstate and my (superior?) position within.
Which led me to the second metaphor, that of the ‘little bastard’, I love him and am sorely tempted to follow his impulses, to destroy everyone and everything around me. My tolerance towards people and society is probably at an all time low, I’ve always been an asocial person (not anti-social, subtle difference), though now I wonder if I’m becoming anti-social! Another quote from Jed on this point:
“There’s a part of you that wants to be agitated, to bust things up and see what they’re really made of, and there’s the part that keeps that part swallowed down, fear.”
I would rate myself as about 75% adult, 25% child, whilst in my opinion the people around me I would say are the reverse figures, at best, yet despite my contempt (?) for these people there is that fear of rejection, failure or a certain level of dependence?
My success rate in all the above tasks is close to 100% which again reinforces this belief that Paul is a separate successful individual, the thought that I may be a fiction of my own arrogance is nonsense, that I’m no better, or worse, than any other of these characters around me is abhorrent. Without wanting to sound like a sycophant you are the only ‘adult’ I know, all these people around me are mere children and not deserving of my attention as I’m ‘better’ than they are. See where this train of thought is leading me?

Cheers,
Paul.

[vinceschubert]

Hi Paul, let's have a 1 to 1 zoom session.
Click here to set one up: https://calendly.com/vinceschubert/1on1-free

vince

[IngoldUK]

Vince,

thank you for your kind offer of a 1:1 with you, I will certainly take you up on it when I can figure out a time whereby I have the necessary privacy to be able to talk freely with you without the fear of being overheard.
Since my last post a couple of curious incidents… The day after I watched the film called “Joker” it’s a sort of biography about the events that led ‘Arthur Fleck’ to become ‘The Joker’ in Batman; after years (decades) of trying to be a good citizen in Gotham City, after numerous failures, disappointments and ridicule he finally snapped and released his little bastard to wreak mayhem on the people and city around him with devastating consequences to all concerned, but great relief to himself, he was finally free, free to be the person he always wanted to be, to do whatever pleased him in spite of the consequences. Coincidence or synchronicity on my part I’m not sure, but made me smile :)
On Monday I went to our local supermarket; being a Monday the car park was half empty, so as I normally do I parked my car in a quiet area with several empty spaces either side, 10 minutes later I come out of the Supermarket and someone has parked right along side me, WHY? In addition they had parked in such a way that their drivers door was along side my car making it harder for them to exit their vehicle, WHY? This happens 9/10 whenever I use a car park, WHY? I’m not taking this personally, no one is being vindictive or malicious towards me, it’s just that it reinforces my belief that people are just plain dumb! Doesn’t anyone think these things through? Are any of these people even capable of independent thought? It’s these sort of daily occurrences and irritants that convinces me I’m an adult in a childs world, run by children for children.
Rant Over For Now!!

Paul.

[vinceschubert]

Hi Paul,

I have the necessary privacy to be able to talk freely with you without the fear of being overheard.

I use the car for this.

he finally snapped and released his little bastard to wreak mayhem on the people and city around him

I hope that your little bastard is properly imprisoned. (grin)

he was finally free, free to be the person he always wanted to be,

It feels a bit like that here, but consequences still exist. ..but it's not consequences that control anything.

it reinforces my belief that people are just plain dumb!

I agree, but their dumbness doesn't make you smart.

a childs world run by children for children.

100% agree on this. I spent most of my life fighting this. Then I realised that this is what was causing the suffering.

much love

vince

[IngoldUK]

Hi Vince,

it reinforces my belief that people are just plain dumb!

I agree, but their dumbness doesn't make you smart.

“Smarter than the average bear” You’re of the age that you might remember that quote :)
Well I certainly am, of that age and smarter to boot! I have the LU Enlightening Quotes app on my phone and read one recently that said something like “If you’re stuck at the Gate it’s because you over intellectualise life instead of directly experiencing life as it is”. Over intellectualising yes, experiencing life as it is, no thank you, as I despair at what I see of life and the people in it, so cling to this sense of a separate (superior?) self. Again from the same quote “see if you can shut off the the constant commentary of mind….” No I can’t. Constant negative narrative, running commentary on all the ills and shortcomings of the world and people around me.

I hope that your little bastard is properly imprisoned. (grin)

He is, but for how long, he’s chomping at the bit to be let loose and wreak havoc on the world around him; destroy!
This negative narrative is what fuels the little bastard, empowers him, and I don't see a way out of this vicious circle of negativity and frustration with life, I can see the absurdities and contradictions of this dreamstate so want to distance myself from it. :(

Paul.

[IngoldUK]

PS:

When browsing your 1ness site, I noticed that you refer to yourself as ‘i’ or ‘vince’ in lowercase and always assumed that it was simply an error or being lazy with your grammar; I now believe it’s intentional, very subtle! I however will continue to refer to myself as I or Paul! (Tongue firmly in cheek but you get my point)

[IngoldUK]

PPS:

I was reading some articles on LU including interviews with some of the guides, I came across one with a John (Christopher?) who had also written a book "The Faun's Apprentice" which I have now read; whilst maybe a little advanced for me, there are some little nuggets in there such as the question "what is the connection between my name and me?"

After writing the above 2 posts, I ‘chose’ to pick up my Kindle which I hadn’t touched in a week or more, and whilst browsing through my books ‘chose’ The Fauns Apprentice; for some strange reason I then ‘chose’ to look it up on Amazon, and then ‘chose’ to read the reviews. Whilst there are only 12 reviews of this book several written by different people have similar wording, friends/collaborators/sycophants? However scrolling further down under the “Top Reviews From Other Countries” I was surprised to see a review from a guy in Australia in 2016, surprised I never noticed it before….?

Another coincidence last night whilst browsing the web: The identity of Jed is the subject of much debate, which I have taken little interest in, however having read all his writings I did come to the conclusion based on various little clues, which may be red herrings, that he was/is around my age or probably a little younger, other than that I’ve not pursued my curiosity any further. There was a Canadian guy, fugitive/conman, called Ken McCordie living in Vietnam, who came out and claimed to be at least partially responsible for Jeds’ writings, he even set up his own forum The Invisible Guru, claiming to be Jed and offering advice; I was never convinced though a lot of people were, then when he died from Covid a few years ago it came out that he was in his seventies, way too old in my mind which clinched it for me. Last night I came across yet another thread about Jeds’ identity and following some links came across an article about Peder Sweeney. I’d heard the name before but wasn’t convinced, however this article gave a brief biography on his life and the parallels with Jed were unmistakable, including samples of his early writings, then I read his date of birth…… One year younger than me, whilst not conclusive, I believe it’s pretty convincing, at least in my mind.

These above ‘coincidences’ I find amusing and yet slightly disturbing, an example of ‘me’ being led down the garden path, despite my belief in being able to ‘choose’ my destination, plus the above all occurred after sitting here and writing to you, like a chain of inevitable consequences.

Paul.

[IngoldUK]

Vince,

Knock, knock?

Paul.

[vinceschubert]

Hi Paul, i'm back. (on LU) with a more direct form of pointing..

After writing the above 2 posts, I ‘chose’ to pick up my Kindle which I hadn’t touched in a week or more, and whilst browsing through my books ‘chose’ The Fauns Apprentice; for some strange reason I then ‘chose’ to look it up on Amazon, and then ‘chose’ to read the reviews. Whilst there are only 12 reviews of this book several written by different people have similar wording, friends/collaborators/sycophants? However scrolling further down under the “Top Reviews From Other Countries” I was surprised to see a review from a guy in Australia in 2016, surprised I never noticed it before….?

Another coincidence last night whilst browsing the web: The identity of Jed is the subject of much debate, which I have taken little interest in, however having read all his writings I did come to the conclusion based on various little clues, which may be red herrings, that he was/is around my age or probably a little younger, other than that I’ve not pursued my curiosity any further. There was a Canadian guy, fugitive/conman, called Ken McCordie living in Vietnam, who came out and claimed to be at least partially responsible for Jeds’ writings, he even set up his own forum The Invisible Guru, claiming to be Jed and offering advice; I was never convinced though a lot of people were, then when he died from Covid a few years ago it came out that he was in his seventies, way too old in my mind which clinched it for me. Last night I came across yet another thread about Jeds’ identity and following some links came across an article about Peder Sweeney. I’d heard the name before but wasn’t convinced, however this article gave a brief biography on his life and the parallels with Jed were unmistakable, including samples of his early writings, then I read his date of birth…… One year younger than me, whilst not conclusive, I believe it’s pretty convincing, at least in my mind.

These above ‘coincidences’ I find amusing and yet slightly disturbing, an example of ‘me’ being led down the garden path, despite my belief in being able to ‘choose’ my destination, plus the above all occurred after sitting here and writing to you, like a chain of inevitable consequences.

The sense of being "led down the garden path" despite believing in choice—doesn't that itself reveal something about the nature of choice? Was there ever truly a "you" making decisions, or was there just a sequence of unfolding events, a stream appearing to carry a "chooser" along with it?

Look at the sequence: the Kindle, the book, the Amazon search, the reviews, the discovery of something unnoticed before. Did "you" construct these steps, or did they simply happen, each event conditioning the next?

And now, the unraveling of Jed’s identity—another thread pulling itself together without any real "you" deciding to follow it. Can you see how the mind tries to weave a narrative of agency even after the fact, claiming ownership over a process that was always just happening on its own?

Right now, even in reading this, is there an "I" choosing to process these words? Or are the words simply appearing, being understood, with a sense of "I" taking credit after the fact?

Forget belief for a second—what do you actually experience in this very moment?

vince

[IngoldUK]

Vince!
great to hear from you, I was actually contemplating resuming this thread as my appearance on Zoom recently was a one off due to fortuitous circumstances.

The sense of being "led down the garden path" despite believing in choice—doesn't that itself reveal something about the nature of choice? Was there ever truly a "you" making decisions, or was there just a sequence of unfolding events, a stream appearing to carry a "chooser" along with it?

With me it's believing in a believer, that there is a 'me' making a choice, having said that there are several notable occasions recently whereby I've deliberately 'chosen' not to take a certain path, but then events have taken me down the very route I chose to ignore, very confusing, yet it often (not always) feels to be the right path so sometimes it's a blessing! Jed said something like "is the universe aligning itself to me, or am I aligning myself to it?"

Look at the sequence: the Kindle, the book, the Amazon search, the reviews, the discovery of something unnoticed before. Did "you" construct these steps, or did they simply happen, each event conditioning the next?

I see these events as 'fortuitous', almost like breadcrumbs, some'thing' leaving clues for me follow, if I notice them, though I'm certain there are far more that I fail to see. There is a resistance to this idea though as it doesn't sound rational or logical, like some new age spirituality nonsense.
And now, the unraveling of Jed’s identity—another thread pulling itself together without any real "you" deciding to follow it.

Can you see how the mind tries to weave a narrative of agency even after the fact, claiming ownership over a process that was always just happening on its own?

Yes, it's my rational, logical mind trying to deny the evidence as it doesn't fit the societal norms.
And now, the unraveling of Jed’s identity—another thread pulling itself together without any real "you" deciding to follow it.

Can you see how the mind tries to weave a narrative of agency even after the fact, claiming ownership over a process that was always just happening on its own?

The mind, or my mind, is always looking for cause and effect, to understand and better control what's going on.

Forget belief for a second—what do you actually experience in this very moment?

Partly hope, you being here, partly fear that I will never fully 'see' this process; the brief glimpses I have had were revealing, but Paul is a forceful character who quickly overrides these events and dominates 'seeing' through his distorted & biased view of "how things work in reality"

Cheers,
Paul.

[IngoldUK]

Ignore these 2 lines in my post above, don't know how they got in there, should have proof read more carefully.
"And now, the unraveling of Jed’s identity—another thread pulling itself together without any real "you" deciding to follow it."

[vinceschubert]

With me it's believing in a believer, that there is a 'me' making a choice, having said that there are several notable occasions recently whereby I've deliberately 'chosen' not to take a certain path, but then events have taken me down the very route I chose to ignore, very confusing, yet it often (not always) feels to be the right path so sometimes it's a blessing! Jed said something like "is the universe aligning itself to me, or am I aligning myself to it?"

Yes—believing in a believer. The core of it. The assumption that there is a "you" at the center of all this, orchestrating, deciding, navigating. But when you look closely, when you really try to pin down the mechanism of choice, what do you find?

You say you've "chosen" to ignore certain paths, yet they unfold anyway. Was there ever a real "chooser" in the first place? Or was the "choice" just another thought appearing, another movement within the stream?

Notice the mind’s game—when things go "right," it feels like a blessing. When things go "wrong," it feels like fate messing with you. But what if both perspectives are just narratives added after the fact?

So, is the universe aligning itself to you, or are you aligning yourself to it? Or—is there no separation at all, just the movement of life happening, with the idea of "you" being an afterthought, a story tacked on to a process that never needed a storyteller?

Right now—before thought claims ownership—what is actually happening?

I see these events as 'fortuitous', almost like breadcrumbs, some'thing' leaving clues for me follow, if I notice them, though I'm certain there are far more that I fail to see. There is a resistance to this idea though as it doesn't sound rational or logical, like some new age spirituality nonsense.
And now, the unraveling of Jed’s identity—another thread pulling itself together without any real "you" deciding to follow it.

Yes—fortuitous, breadcrumbs, clues. But left by what? And for whom?

There’s an assumption baked into this: that "something" is guiding, and that "you" are the one being guided. But is that what is actually happening, or is it just the mind imposing a pattern, a story, on what is simply unfolding?

You sense the resistance. Good. That’s the tension between direct experience and the need to make it "make sense." The mind demands logic, coherence, a framework that can be grasped. But life isn’t bound by those rules. Life simply is.

Look at the unraveling of Jed’s identity—did "you" really choose to follow that thread, or did curiosity simply happen? Was there a moment where you stopped and said, "I will now embark on this investigation," or did one link lead to another, thought triggering thought, the process unfolding on its own?

Right now—can you actually find the one who is "following the breadcrumbs"? Or is there just the experience of noticing, of moving, of thought arising, all by itself?

Yes, it's my rational, logical mind trying to deny the evidence as it doesn't fit the societal norms.

Exactly. The mind wants it to fit within a tidy, logical framework. It needs to own the experience, explain it, control it. But life isn’t asking for permission. It’s just happening.

What if you stopped trying to force it into a rational box? What if you let go of the need for it to "make sense" and just let it be?

Forget the societal norms for a moment—right now, in your immediate experience, is there actually a problem? Or is it just the mind resisting the simplicity of what is?

Notice that resistance. Feel it. Is it yours? Or is it just another movement happening all on its own?

The mind, or my mind, is always looking for cause and effect, to understand and better control what's going on.

Yes. The mind is obsessed with cause and effect because it believes understanding equals control. But has it ever actually controlled anything? Or has it just taken credit for what was already happening?

Right now, can you find the one who is controlling? Or is there just the experience of thoughts appearing, explanations forming, without anyone behind them?

What happens when you stop trying to control and just watch?

Not analyze, not interpret—just see what’s unfolding.

Partly hope, you being here, partly fear that I will never fully 'see' this process; the brief glimpses I have had were revealing, but Paul is a forceful character who quickly overrides these events and dominates 'seeing' through his distorted & biased view of "how things work in reality"

Hope and fear—two sides of the same coin, both resting on the belief that there is a "you" who will either succeed or fail at this. But is there?

Those brief glimpses—what was absent in them? Wasn’t it Paul? Wasn’t it the constant interpreting, controlling, narrating? For a moment, wasn’t there just seeing—without anyone seeing?

Paul, the mind’s forceful storyteller, rushes in to claim ownership. "This is how things work!" he insists, loud, insistent, authoritative. But who is he convincing? And more importantly—who is listening?

When Paul speaks, notice: is there an actual entity listening, or just the thought of a listener? Right now, as you read this, who is hearing these words? Before Paul jumps in with an answer—look.
How do you look?
Right now—before doing anything—notice this moment. There is already awareness, already seeing, already experiencing. You don’t need to do anything for it to be here.

Now, let’s test it:

Pause.
No need to silence thought or force anything. Just stop engaging.
Look at what is happening.
Thought comes in—Paul’s voice, analyzing, explaining.
But is that you? Or is it just another event, like a sound arising in the distance?
Shift focus.
Instead of following the thoughts, ask: Who is seeing them?
Not with more thought—just look.
Catch the gap.
Before an answer appears, there’s a space. A moment where nothing needs to be figured out.
Stay there.
What do you find? Who is looking?

vince

[IngoldUK]

Hi Vince,

But when you look closely, when you really try to pin down the mechanism of choice, what do you find?

Thoughts appear that I take ownership of, they're in 'my' head so I must have created them.

Was there ever a real "chooser" in the first place? Or was the "choice" just another thought appearing, another movement within the stream?

The sense is that I weigh up the options and 'choose' to take, or try to avoid taking a certain path. Sometimes my choices come to fruition so I take credit for that, if they don't I blame circumstances outside of my control.

Notice the mind’s game—when things go "right," it feels like a blessing. When things go "wrong," it feels like fate messing with you.

Lol, exactly what I said above!

But what if both perspectives are just narratives added after the fact?

I sense that they are narratives, from whence they came I would like to assume responsibility, unless things turn out wrong for me.

So, is the universe aligning itself to you, or are you aligning yourself to it? Or—is there no separation at all, just the movement of life happening, with the idea of "you" being an afterthought, a story tacked on to a process that never needed a storyteller?

Although I know in my heart that I am a part of the universe, there is that sense of separation, there's a 'me' experiencing 'the universe' out there.

Right now—before thought claims ownership—what is actually happening?

Thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts, constant overwhelming stream of words, ideas, concepts; trying to explain, understand the world around me.

Yes—fortuitous, breadcrumbs, clues. But left by what? And for whom?

This is the conundrum that I can't see through, clues left by the universe/truth/reality for a seperate 'me'.

There’s an assumption baked into this: that "something" is guiding, and that "you" are the one being guided. But is that what is actually happening, or is it just the mind imposing a pattern, a story, on what is simply unfolding?

If it is mind imposing a pattern then it's my mind doing it, separation again.

But life isn’t bound by those rules. Life simply is.

The mind rarely accepts life as it is, instead it has numerous opinions as to what life should/could be like if only....... This refusal to accept what is, and belief in options, is what creates enormous anxiety & fear.

Look at the unraveling of Jed’s identity—did "you" really choose to follow that thread, or did curiosity simply happen? Was there a moment where you stopped and said, "I will now embark on this investigation," or did one link lead to another, thought triggering thought, the process unfolding on its own?

For me the trigger was my first reading of Damndest, it flipped a switch, blew a fuse or whatever in my mind, I certainly didn't choose this path, I actually threw the book away and tried to forget, but to no avail.

Forget the societal norms for a moment—right now, in your immediate experience, is there actually a problem? Or is it just the mind resisting the simplicity of what is?

Life is one long series of problems that require constant thought and analysis to solve, or maybe it's because mind sees what is as a problem because what is doesn't conform to it's expectations?

What happens when you stop trying to control and just watch?

Just watching creates a sense of boredom or lack of, the mind sees constant ways to improve what is and create things they way they should be.

Those brief glimpses—what was absent in them? Wasn’t it Paul? Wasn’t it the constant interpreting, controlling, narrating? For a moment, wasn’t there just seeing—without anyone seeing?

Undoubtedly it was the absence of Paul, maybe a sense of paul was there, but Paul soon comes riding over the horizon to take charge of everything......

Pause.
No need to silence thought or force anything. Just stop engaging.
Look at what is happening.
Thought comes in—Paul’s voice, analyzing, explaining.
But is that you? Or is it just another event, like a sound arising in the distance?
Shift focus.
Instead of following the thoughts, ask: Who is seeing them?
Not with more thought—just look.
Catch the gap.
Before an answer appears, there’s a space. A moment where nothing needs to be figured out.
Stay there.
What do you find? Who is looking?

Whilst trying to do this there is this constant narrative, thought stream; trying to focus on the words with one part of mind, whilst the other part of mind is producing a constant running commentary (who says men can't multi task!).

Paul.

[vinceschubert]

Hi Paul,

Although I know in my heart that I am a part of the universe, there is that sense of separation, there's a 'me' experiencing 'the universe' out there

Yes—there’s still the sense of me in here and the universe out there. A subtle but persistent division. But is it actually there—or is it just a feeling, a habitual way of perceiving?

Let’s check:

Right now, look at something in front of you. A hand, a cup, anything. There’s seeing happening. But is there a gap, a real dividing line, between the "seer" and the "seen"? Or is there just seeing?

Now close your eyes. The world "out there" disappears. But you are still here, right?

So where was "out there" in the first place? Was it ever truly separate, or was it always just an appearance within this one seamless happening?

Right now, don’t go to thoughts—just feel into this. Is there actually a "you" looking at the universe? Or is there just this—with no center, no boundary, no separation at all?

This is the conundrum that I can't see through, clues left by the universe/truth/reality for a seperate 'me'.

Yes—there’s still the sense of a "me" looking at something. But is that sense actually true, or just an old habit playing itself out?

Right now, as seeing happens, can you actually find a separate seer? Or is there just the seen?

Look again—was there ever an actual border between "inside" and "outside," or was it always just an assumption?

If the world disappears when the eyes close, and yet you remain… where exactly is this "out there"? Was it ever separate from the experience itself?

Drop thought for a moment. Not as an effort—just let it settle. What remains?

Is there actually a "you" here doing the looking, or is there just this?

If it is mind imposing a pattern then it's my mind doing it, separation again.

Yes, exactly! The mind steps in and says, "I am the one imposing the pattern." But pause—who is this "I" that is doing it? Can you find it? Or is there just the thought about an "I" doing something?

The pattern isn’t the problem—it’s the belief that "I" am the one creating it. That keeps separation alive. But if you really look, does this "I" exist as anything other than a thought?

Right now, without referring to thought, where is this "you" that is imposing patterns? Can it actually be found, or is there just the movement of thoughts, feelings, and perceptions happening on their own?

The mind rarely accepts life as it is, instead it has numerous opinions as to what life should/could be like if only....... This refusal to accept what is, and belief in options, is what creates enormous anxiety & fear.

Yes! The mind is constantly in resistance—spinning stories of "if only..." and "what should be..."—never satisfied with what is. And yet, have those stories ever truly changed reality? Or do they just create suffering?

Right now, pause and look—without the story, without the mental commentary, what is lacking right here, right now?

That tension, that anxiety—where does it come from? Isn’t it just the friction between reality and the mind’s refusal to accept it?

What happens if, just for a moment, you stop resisting? Stop arguing with what already is?

Right now—what if there are no options, no control, nothing to fix? Just this. What remains?

Life is one long series of problems that require constant thought and analysis to solve, or maybe it's because mind sees what is as a problem because what is doesn't conform to it's expectations?

Yes—does life actually contain problems, or does the mind label them as problems because they don’t match its expectations?

Right now, look at anything you think of as a "problem." Before thought rushes in—what actually is it? Is it a problem, or is it just life happening?

If you don’t call it a problem, does it feel like one? Or is it just an unfolding event, only becoming a struggle when the mind resists it?

What would life be without the constant commentary—without the belief that it should be different? Wouldn’t it just be life, moving, shifting, without needing to be "solved"?

And if that’s true… who, exactly, is the one with all these problems? Can you find them? Or is there just thought claiming ownership after the fact?

Just watching creates a sense of boredom or lack of, the mind sees constant ways to improve what is and create things they way they should be.

Yes, the mind hates "just watching." It craves movement, improvement, doing. It tells a story: "This is boring. This is lacking. Something better should be happening." But who says so?

Look closer—what is boredom, really? Isn’t it just the mind’s discomfort with what is? A kind of restless rejection, a hunger for distraction?

Right now, instead of running from it, stay with that feeling of lack. Feel the raw sensation of it, without labeling it as "boredom" or "something missing." What is it, really?

And if you don’t touch the thought "something should be different", is anything actually wrong? Or is it just this—simple, still, enough?

but Paul soon comes riding over the horizon to take charge of everything......

Paul, the mind’s commander, the fixer, the one who knows how things should be. He charges in, barking orders, restless, unsatisfied. But… who put him in charge?

Right now—before Paul takes over—what is actually missing? If no thought about “should” appears, is there any lack?

And Paul—can you actually find him? Or is he just a voice, a habit, a reflex?

Let him rant. Let him try to control. But instead of obeying, just watch him. Without resistance, without believing his urgency.

If you don’t fight Paul, if you don’t follow him, what happens? Does he have any real power? Or does he only exist when you take him seriously?

Before an answer appears, there’s a space. A moment where nothing needs to be figured out.
Stay there.
What do you find? Who is looking?
Whilst trying to do this there is this constant narrative, thought stream; trying to focus on the words with one part of mind, whilst the other part of mind is producing a constant running commentary

Yes—there’s the attempt to focus, and then there’s the constant commentary. But who is managing all of this? Is there actually a "you" juggling both, or is it all just happening?

Look again:

The thoughts are appearing.
The commentary is running.
The effort to focus is arising.

But who is doing it? Can you find the thinker? Or is there just thinking happening, with no one behind it?

And that space before the answer—before Paul rushes in—can you sense it? Even if thought chatter is present, is there still a silent, empty background where it all arises?

What happens if, just for a moment, you stop trying to control thought and just let it be? No effort, no resistance—just watching.

Isn’t it all just unfolding on its own?

vince