‘No doer of the deed is found...’

[Seamist]

Hi Sara,
Good, let's continue...
There may still be the feeling of identification of being the ‘doer’. That it still ‘feels’ like there is a self that is the ‘chooser’. So let’s have a look at this as it has to do with the sense of seeing.
Take a few relaxed breaths to let the dust settle for a while, and then:
Look on your right.
Then look on your left.
Finally, bring your head back to centre, close your eyes and look in front.
Okay, so when you look on the right, the view on the right is seen (whatever that is).
When you look on the left, the view on the left is seen (whatever that is).
And then, when you look in front of you with eyes closed, the view in front is seen (ie ‘black space’).
So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ not to see? I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘black space’ if you close your eyes. The question is; can you turn seeing off? Can you NOT see what is seen?
Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?
Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?
Can you turn off seeing?
What did the 'chooser' choose? Did a 'self' choose something?
If you are unable to choose what you're aware of, then what else is there to choose?
 
xx

[River1]

I can't choose what to see/not see. I can't shut off thoughts or feelings or sensations or attention. I can't control awareness, or any other aspect of experience.

In the moment where this is known there is a real softening in my body, as if the effort of maintaining the view is bound up in tension in my body.

[River1]

And just to let you know that I am going away tomorrow for a week. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get access to Internet but I'm not sure, so it might be that my correspondence is a bit patchy.

[Seamist]

I can't choose what to see/not see. I can't shut off thoughts or feelings or sensations or attention. I can't control awareness, or any other aspect of experience.

great

In the moment where this is known there is a real softening in my body, as if the effort of maintaining the view is bound up in tension in my body

lovely! and well-noticed, Sara

And just to let you know that I am going away tomorrow for a week. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get access to Internet but I'm not sure, so it might be that my correspondence is a bit patchy.

ok, thanks for letting me know that. Shall I continue posting and you just respond as you can?

Let’s examine the solidity of the head.
Press a finger down onto the top of the ‘head’.
Notice what is actually present.
Is it a head, or is it just a sensation labelled ‘pressure’ and a story ABOUT a head?
Do the same with a finger on each side of the head.
Is a head actually found, or are there just sensations again?
And is there anything between the pressure points, or is it just a thought that says there must be something between them?
[/b
xx]

[River1]

What is actually present when I press down on the head, or in either side, is intensified sensations at the point of contact, and thoughts about 'head' - a strong visual image most notably. The sensations, images, ideas about space, and other thoughts are made into a story about 'head', that there is some 'thing', solid and definable.

[Seamist]

Morning Sara,

What is actually present when I press down on the head, or in either side, is intensified sensations at the point of contact, and thoughts about 'head' - a strong visual image most notably. The sensations, images, ideas about space, and other thoughts are made into a story about 'head', that there is some 'thing', solid and definable.

How was it for you to notice that?

[River1]

These moments of noticing how much my experience is based on an idea, and then coming more fully into contact with actual experience, feel very rich and enjoyable, a sense of being able to just relax into a closer experience of life. Sometimes there also comes a bit of sadness in its wake, or I find myself shaking my head in a sort of expression of 'that's mad!' in the realisation of how much time is spent relating to an idea rather than actual experience.

[Seamist]

That's wonderful, Sara!

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?
Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

xx

[Seamist]

How are you doing, Sara?xx

[Seamist]

Just remembered that you're away! No problem xx

[River1]

I can't maintain awareness of sensation everywhere at once - more aware of one area, then another, so I can't hold a sense of weight or height or shape.
The direct experience of breathing doesn't involve inside and outside, just sensations, movement, temperature.
When I was walking I said the sentence 'I am walking on the road' and then I felt into the actual experience of what those words, that idea, refers to, and it is so different! That there is a body, moving along a thing called road, through space is a idea. The actual experience of body is a changing flow of sensations.
No inside and outside as I stand with my hands in the water washing the dishes - just sensations. Similarly, when I brought this to mind while lying in a bath, the experience was of warmth. No defined body with a known height or weight or shape.
When I open my eyes this all seems much more difficult, as what I can see so much influences how I relate to experience - sense of a body, size and shape, inside and outside.

[Seamist]

Hi Sara,

The direct experience of breathing doesn't involve inside and outside, just sensations, movement, temperature

lovely

When I was walking I said the sentence 'I am walking on the road' and then I felt into the actual experience of what those words, that idea, refers to, and it is so different! That there is a body, moving along a thing called road, through space is a idea. The actual experience of body is a changing flow of sensations.

great. I remember a similar experience myself - amazing, isn't it?!

No inside and outside as I stand with my hands in the water washing the dishes - just sensations. Similarly, when I brought this to mind while lying in a bath, the experience was of warmth. No defined body with a known height or weight or shape.

also lovely! great examples, too

When I open my eyes this all seems much more difficult

yes, it does, doesn't it? the visual sense is so primary...

This next one is similar...
Please find a quiet place and a quiet time.
Sit or lay down and relax. Close your eyes and relax.
Can you attend to sensation exclusively?
Not minding thought babbling about this and that?
Not minding thought labelling sensation for a bit?
Thought may tell: "I am lying here" or "My body is lying here" or "A body is lying here".
But could this be known from pure sensation?
Thought might suggest: "There is a soft pressure against the back".
But could you know about "pressure" or "back" from pure sensation?
Once arrived there, while ONLY attending to sensation, please have a look at the following questions:
Can be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a specific size, shape or weight?
How many toes are there?

xx

[River1]

In the experience of tending to pure sensation, I don't know the height, size, shape, weight of body, or how many toes there are. There is tingling, subtle sparks, soft buzzing, a sort of static that can feel more prominent/condensed in some places (as I feel into toes for example), however the sensations themselves are not defined, do not 'map' my body.

[Seamist]

the sensations themselves are not defined, do not 'map' my body.

yes, well done

Here is an even deeper investigation of the body. Please follow each step, don't leave out any. Take your time. Don't move to the next step until the previous one is clearly seen. Repeat the exercise several times.
Stand in front of a bigger mirror.
(1) First, close the eyes and feel the sensations labelled ‘body’.
(2) Then open the eyes and look into the mirror while still paying attention to the sensations.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations and the image in the mirror?
Or just thoughts (and/or mental images) suggest that there is?
(3) While still paying attention to the sensations move one hand and observe the movement from the mirror.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labelled ‘hand’) and image of movement in the mirror?
(4) Now do the same movement with the hand, but this time look at the hand directly, not from the mirror.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labelled ‘hand’) and the image ‘of movement’? Or only thoughts suggest it?
(5) Now, pay attention only to the image in the mirror.
Does the image by itself suggest in any way that is ‘you’ or ‘your body’?
Does the image itself suggest in any way that it is a ‘body’ at all?
Or are there only colours and shapes?
(6) Where the mirror ends, some parts of the body (probably legs) cannot be seen.
Just by the image in the mirror, is there any ‘knowledge’ that there must be legs, or only thoughts and mental images suggest so?
(7) Now turn away from the mirror and look forward (don’t look directly to any body parts).
Is there a ‘body’ anywhere when all thoughts and images are ignored, or are there only sensations?
(8) Start to walk slowly.
Is there a ‘body walking’, or are there only sensations?
Is there actual experience of ‘walking’ at all?
Or just THOUGHTS ABOUT ‘walking’?
Can such a thing as ‘body’ be found OR just THOUGHTS ABOUT a ‘body’?
Can such a thing as ‘walking’ be found?

(9) Are the sensations localized in space, like ‘going through the room’; OR is there only an image that is labelled ‘room’ and appearing sensations without any location?

xx

[River1]

The sensations and the reflection or the sight of 'hand' do not directly correspond. They are connected by thought.
The image in the mirror does not suggest me, or 'body' - it is colours and shapes that I map onto sensations using thought, creating a story that the reflected image is 'my body'.
Turning away from the mirror, no body can be found, only sensations and thoughts (mostly images). As I walk, there are only sensations and an idea about movement through space - no such thing as 'walking' can be found. I am myself 'where is walking?' and I can't find it. It is an idea about body and space.
The sensations don't have a 'position' in space. The idea of walking through the room is just sensations and an idea of the space that they are occurring within. I am myself 'how do I know I am moving through space?'. All I know is sensation and an image of the room. Just as with the image of body, the image of space is part of the story of 'my body, walking through the room'.