The Gate

It feels like i could have done better but chose to please myself instead, i could have been more patient, understanding or less hard to please or hard to talk to, less judgemental or not led by desires and it feels very real like i coukd have been another way if i had stopped being so selfish focusing on my wants. Its like a big sadness inside the belly and chest that feels hopeless too because it still happens. Yeah if it still happens and id rather it didnt..that feels like it doesnt stop happening because i am still that way and wishing i could be more loving then it would change but theres not enough love in me to be loving enough, and im always doubting whatever i do, it feels like i choose to focus attention on things and can take or leave things, choose to do better

There was some fear coming up earlier about dying in an agonizing way, different scenarios and in them its like im there trapped as the person still unable to see that home is never lost or something like that.
And it feels like i should have looked by now amd ive not looked enough and thats down to me not looking right so far

Consider this-
What happened happened in the only way possible. There are no mistakes. There is no past. There is here now and thoughts ABOUT THE PAST. what is happening now is the only thing that can be happening. How to know?- it IS HAPPENING.
Watch this video http://youtu.be/G4j6cUwCRmI

Tell me, does the past drive what is happening? Is it possible to change he past? Can past be fixed? Does it exist other than a story in a head? Does story about bad person helps you in the now? Do you still need to cling to the past? If not, are you ready to release the past and stop feeling sorry for what happened?

Spend some time with these questions and write what comes up.

Sending love.

Consider this-
What happened happened in the only way possible. There are no mistakes. There is no past. There is here now and thoughts ABOUT THE PAST. what is happening now is the only thing that can be happening. How to know?- it IS HAPPENING.

Yes.

Tell me, does the past drive what is happening? Is it possible to change he past? Can past be fixed? Does it exist other than a story in a head? Does story about bad person helps you in the now? Do you still need to cling to the past? If not, are you ready to release the past and stop feeling sorry for what happened?

Spend some time with these questions and write what comes up.

The past is only a story so it can not drive what is happening. The past does not exist, it is just a story and a very limited story at that. It can't be fixed or changed because it cant be found to be real. A story about the past cant touch what is actually here. A story about a bad person doesn't make an actual bad person exist. Its only a story,based on false presumptions!

I am ready! X LOL! Hehe big smiles!

Hey, big smiles here too? How has it been? What was happening since we last talked? Where are you now?

Sending love

Hey Ilona. its been a wild ride! When we last spoke there was shocks investigating and contracting like worse than ever into stories..doubt..denial all playin out over and over, and a great dissapointment that it wasnt gonna change the story or the emotions or wipe away the sense of I..and an expectation that going through the gate couldnt have already happened because theres was still a sense of I and all that frustration..cos it was a big expectation that would go along with negativity and thered be bliss all the time and it couldnt be taken in that that I sense is just a function of experiencing not personal and seeing that it is just a sense that is with the experiencing not from a personal identity. and all the expecting..an event or to be special in some way like a super awesome being that was love itself so wouldnt ever shout or make any blunders ever again or need to deal with anything normal ever again! :-D! X

Now the story doesnt feel so solid or so often or so long lasting, though with some things feels like that sure but its been a long habit! and it seems that every time it appears to get worse it also clearer! more here with whats here than a very narrow focus/perspective of a personal self. Thanks for replying after so long! it feels good to b in touch X

Dear Jesaebel,

Thank you for sharing. Yes, it's a huge expectation that crossing this gateless gate is arrival to happy ever after. It's just an expectation. It's good to hear that it now has been dropped. There is no super awesome being, but rather simply being (verb) and feeling all, including super awesomeness and deep negative emotions.

Great, that you notice, that story is not solid. It's a matter of focus shift from the stuff that goes in the head, to the stuff that goes in the body, in feeling..

How do you see this no self thingy now? Are you the doer, chooser, manager of life or life simply happens?
Can you talk about free will, choice and responsibility? What feels true to you?

Sending love.

Thank you for sharing. Yes, it's a huge expectation that crossing this gateless gate is arrival to happy ever after. It's just an expectation. It's good to hear that it now has been dropped. There is no super awesome being, but rather simply being (verb) and feeling all, including super awesomeness and deep negative emotions.

Simple!

How do you see this no self thingy now? Are you the doer, chooser, manager of life or life simply happens?
Can you talk about free will, choice and responsibility? What feels true to you?

What feels true to me,Its like more and more just what wants to happen is whats happening, less attention on thought/judgement/blame, about what is happening, like its "loose", like its there but its not solid, as in, blah blah birds singing, wind blowing, blah blah silence and increasing relaxation, and a magical feeling that was there as a child, and the funny thing is, when this sense of I was labelled as personal there was so much hatred and stress and worry about who that I was or should become and much neglect of life and just trying to escape/numb half of it all the time. Now that focus shifts from staying with thoughts without effort, not a person trying to do shifting of attention, its just the unwinding of that focus undoing itself.

Like Attention to what's here from a daydream, like all this is here and its so abundant and fresh and spontaneous and no story can ever match whats here and what's here is alive not a story!. And mad that narrow focus when whats here is so full and a thought seems such a small part of whats happening.. and all that spiritual/religious/philosophical and even nondual speak/drama/inflation/effort/resistance/fear and focus on thought, when the sense of I/thought is natural part of life functioning, simple.
Not an ego or an entity of any kind, opposite/ backwards to all that. Life as it is, all that struggle is taken care of, unnecessary, and the aspects of life that seemed riddled with stories of hatred and unworthiness start to shine because there's nothing holding it back, paradoxically more "intimate" and lighter and free without a person than with the idea of one. Mad that, amazing. Backwards again! Shocking and great and stupid and funny and crazy and relieving! Again and again and again and No separate soul, no ego to live on, no victim! Sure a sense of all these for life but there a massive difference between a sense of something and an actual thing that can be found to exist! A thought/feeling/mental image/label doesn't tally up to an actual separate me and no matter how much it seems like it does, it cant! There's feelings and sensations and thoughts and typing but there is no actual fixed identity that owns this stuff and needs to manage it so one day things will be just right. That's the only hell aint it. Its been good to see this all out on paper so to speak, yes its amazing, and that just brings it back to what's here, and what is here is way more alive/free/magical/mysterious and trippier than any story! X x :) x X

Ah, beautiful, thank you for sharing what you feel. It is amazing and backwards, haha, yes, I can see that you see, that you found the place underneath thinking.. Lovely.

So tell me, can you say big fat YES, it's clear, that I, the separate self, aka person is fiction?
Is there any doubt about that?

Sending a hug and a big smile.

Big smiles and big hugs back and a big fat YES!
That I is nothing but fiction. Any thought, including doubt is the fiction at play. Life's just happening and in that happening there's a sense of I that appears as part of the flow. Its not a problem because the sense of I, or doer ship doesn't point to an actual I/doer, its only a story. This is really kind because all that stuff thought to be your own doing turns out to be just life happening, the weight of it all starts to fall away and a natural shift from stories to life happens by itself. The I that seemed to need to do stuff to control life was never there. Woweeeee! Going to make a snowman now. haha X x awesome :) Loads a love and thanks Xx

Oh, that was good to read! I'm delighted for you. !!!!

We ask some final questions at the end, just to check if there are any sticky points or some more looking is needed, before we invite you to join Unleashed groups.

Please answer in full, when ready.



1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Please answer in full, when ready.

Much love.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?



No. There is no physical independent entity that is an actual object or living creature behind that sense of I. There is nothing behind the sense of I.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.



All life forms are condiotioned by the environment in which they grow and develop. In human society/culture, what is reflected, copied and mirrored back is the notion that humans are some how separate and stand alone, independent of the rest of life. This notion gains momentum as the infant grows into adulthood and repeated again to the next generation.


3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.


It feels like a big relief thats never ending! There's no difference in thoughts, feelings, or that sense of I, the notion still comes just like before, it just doesnt stick around as long, that glue of belief that seemed to hold the attention there doesnt seem to stick as much, more spacious,loose, and the thought dissapears faster as a byproduct of that, or the lack of that. The other difference, which to me is most significant, is that before, everything that happened was limited to that notion of there being an actual self here, and everything that happened was happening to and for that self, and some of the stuff was good for it, and some bad, and there was a lot of worrying about what would happen next or a lot of guilt and blame about what had already happened. Theres a lot of relaxation around all that.



4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?


The uncompromising messages from you and other people that have spoken about this and always point back to direct experience, back to simplicity of what is happening, rather than whats imagined to be happening. The squeeze of it, identification, all of it and also, no idea, thats all ideas too, whats going on, no idea. birds singing, colours. A story comes up about it, there it goes.


5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Life is one movement, one flow of experience, there are no parts that are separate from the flow of life that could be independent of life. Choice and decision are the flow, there is no entity that's choosing apart from the flow. What happens is the flow flowing like that, if it changes and goes another way, that's the flow flowing like that! This post is replied to, there is a movement of energy, a pausing of fingers, all unfolding spontaneously, breathing, correcting spelling errors, all just naturally occurring, like a natural formation in nature, it includes thoughts, it includes sensations and feelings and all the sense including that sense of I am writing. The energy builds and then lots of typing happens all on its own.

6) Anything to add?

Before, it was as if life was already over, like it was already finished. It was just the reiteration of the same thing going around and around and around. Now life feels like its just the beginning. Not a new life or a life any different from before, this life and this life was always already like this, this same life that when viewed through that dark window, is already over. A good metaphor to explain is like lying in a coffin waiting to be dead!. Loads of love and thanks Xx I'm away for a week from this evening but will be back next Thursday! :-) Xx

Thank you very much for answers! Sounds very clear. I'm very happy for you!
I'll ask if any other guides have got questions for you and let you know.

Much love!

Hi again.
No one had any further questions. I have sent you a private message with instructions how to join the groups. Hope to see you on Facebook!

Welcome home.
Much love