Please answer the following questions with some detail please, and answer what's true for you rather than any sort of 'ideal' answer. Also please provide examples where asked.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, there is not a separate entity ‘self,’me’ or ‘I’ anywhere in any shape or form and there never was.
2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?
The illusion of separate self is a pattern of thoughts/beliefs mistaken to be a separate someone deciding,choosing,controlling,doing,thinking and feeling. It shows up in experience as the idea of feeling separate from experience and the idea that life is managed by this idea. There may also ideas and feelings of inadequacy and needing to improve the ‘self image’.
It also shows up as ‘I’m seeing’,’I’m hearing’,’I’m tasting’, ‘I’m touching feeling’ or ‘I’m thinking’.
What is different now is sensations/feelings come up and not claimed as ‘my feelings’. There is no feeler - there is just sensations. And there is just curiosity about them mostly :). Thoughts also are seen differently. There is many thoughts appearing but are seen as just thoughts - not evidence of a ‘me’. Which is something that seemed to veil the experiential recognition of no separate self. There is amazement that life is just flowing - just happening all by itself. And that feeling/idea of inadequacy is gone. The personality is still very much the same but things that used to be found annoying have very much lost their sting.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels quite ordinary but amazing at the same time. Ordinary because it’s ‘always’ been the case and amazing that life flows as it does spontaneously...words are inadequate really. There is a travelling lighter felt. There is peace,love,stillness and clarity noticed.
The difference from before this dialogue was started is it is seen that life/this is just happening. Food gets prepared, daughter is looked after,exercising all just happening - no one doing or deciding any of that. It all just flows. The major difference is seeing that there is no feeler of feelings. Simply sensations arising and they appear and disappear all by themselves and nothing bad happens :) And as mentioned above don’t mean there is a separate self or that there is separation. Seeing that there was just a story that was mistaken for a separate self is the next most noticeable difference.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
The questions: ‘What is it that shouldn’t take thoughts to be me?’ and ‘What is it that is taking thoughts to be a me?’
Those questions were so sharp a pointer to experientially recognising no separate self. I looked at these questions and just couldn’t find anything taking thoughts to be me - it was very clear upon looking at these questions that there is no separate me here at all.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
In the morning before breakfast there is a thought ‘should I have toast or oats for breakfast today?’ then another thought about why each option is good and then the thought ‘I’ll have oats today’. All of these thoughts just arose spontaneously - no one deciding what to have for breakfast,no thinker of thoughts and no chooser.
Intention is just thoughts spontaneously appearing about planning what workout to ‘do’ or about what to ‘do’ in the weekend. Recently there was the thoughts about buying a workout program online or get a personal trainer to write up a program. There was thoughts for and against both options,which would be best etc. And then there was typing a text message to my personal trainer asking for a new programme. No intention it just happened.
Went for a walk this morning and noticed thought said to go one direction and the body went in a different direction.
I bought some chocolate and thought spontaneously said ‘I will only have a little bit’ but ½ the block of chocolate was eaten.This was a great example of their being no decision,free will, choice or control :)
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
It seems like there is responsibility for my 8 year old daughter - to make sure she is fed,clean and gets to school on time etc. But in reality how much she eats, bathing and getting to school on time just happens. Actions to make sure these things happen just happen and the outcome either happens or not. There may be thoughts about making sure these things happen and that there is responsibility but I would say these are just thoughts.
It seems like I am responsible for doing the housework/cleaning. But that all gets done or not.
Sorry, no more examples are arising. Feel free to come at this question from a different angle
I would like to express deep appreciation and gratitude to you Vivien :) I know this is not the end point and would like to undertake some further investigation. Investigation has become somewhat of a habit now that is actually rather enjoyable.6) Anything to add?
Very much open to any questions if it seems that no separate self has not been experientially seen :)
Love,
Tanya
