The Gate

Your process has been quick! You'll need absorption time now.

What happens now is that I ask my mentor if he has any questions for you. Then the admin team.
Xx

Hi Sioned,
Well, of course, I’ve still got the sense of being at the Gate waiting but also realising there’s no gate, a bit of a pregnant pause. Have you any feedback or is that a pointless question? You said a few days ago this is just the start. What does that mean? Feels strange that the mental scaffolding is falling but feelings, sensations and thoughts are swirling around rather like today’s wild, windy and wet weather doing it’s thing.
The mind says ‘what now?’ But just that, a thought. Expectations.....all hocus pocus!
Thanks tons Xx

There is more exploring you can do, if your choose to, but NOT YET.

Ok, I’ll just be in the pregnant pause.xx

Hi again,

Ok, I’ll just be in the pregnant pause.

That's exactly what is required at this point.
My mentor has a comment. Where you say:

"The illusion is clearly not seen in the separate ‘jigsaw bits ‘brought upon by language and labelling. The illusion would be destroyed by seeing the completed jigsaw as one whole, beautiful picture. Each labelled ‘part ‘ in life would then be seen only as apparent and not true and only a kind of mirage.An illusion."

He says :
The way this is written it doesn't sound like this is something you see. Can you clarify what you're describing here?
xx

Yes, he’s right, I thought that when writing it that it was getting a bit clumsy, heady. I realise thqere’s no need for me to try and explain; It’s like there’s being the awareness and by starting to explain I go into clever head talk - not clever! I suppose when I identify myself with Deborah, body, mind character it’s impossible to see the illusion as I’m fully in it as identified. But when there’s just awareness ‘I’ disappear and what is seen and felt is just this. It feels very early days and I suppose ‘I’ have a tendency to slip in and out which doesn’t really make sense... Doubting is arising... xx

We do need to still use pronouns to communicate!
How about you reword your answer to that question? xx

I’m finding this hard....I suppose as awareness everything is just happening, I see, hear, experience all seamlessly as just one happening, including me as it too. There are no ‘jigsaw’ bits but when I identify myself as something separate I can’t see myself as ‘nothing but awareness’ as I need to BE awareness to see that way. If I identify as a piece of the jigsaw it’s impossible to see the completeness of the whole picture. Beginning to wish I hadn’t use that metaphor! Sorry I can’t seem to do any better than this. X

Ok xx

I've now sent our thread to the admin team for a response. They may ask some further questions for clarification, or there may be a "no further questions".
Watch this space!
x

Eeeek! Hope I can carry on working with you! Been getting so much from it and having to do it daily requires me to focus in quite a way I didn’t before. Like waiting for exam results. X

Good morning,
One of the guides wants me to investigate whether you are identifying with "awareness".
And asks:
"What is being aware? Is there anything being aware? Is there anything doing the being aware?"
Xxx

Morning Sioned
Am I identifying with awareness? Mmmm tricky. I don’t know. I can understand why that may be asked as it’s where a residual bit of I could hide. I don’t think so and really awareness just is and when I look there’s no I so how would identifying be possible.
Being aware is just happening. It is seeing, hearing, feeling, sensing, thinking, experiencing, perceiving smelling, touching...There may be a sense that there’s something being aware but when properly looked for there can’t be and there’s no room for anything other than awareness. Witnessing happens but there’s no witnesser and witnessing is not separate from awareness. There’s nothing or no one being aware except as a thought but a thought isn’t ‘owned’ by anyone and is not true.
I’ve been exploring, just to be the devil’s advocate, by saying I am awareness and seeing how that sits and it sounds nonsense. Being awareness is all there is and there’s no one being it. Nor is there something doing awareness.

Again a morning work out! Hope everything is answered.xx

I like your answer! Xx

Oh good, really weird feelings arising, spacey sensations and jerking! Xx 😂