The Gate

There is no one to be absorbed and the sense of "me" is like fog. Or it's like a mirror and the reality is reflected in it. I think you mentioned both fog and mirror earlier, I understand it more now. I also see "me" as endless space. It's a bit scary to see it. Am I on the right track?

Absolutely on track, we fear the unknown until we accept it, unfamiliar because we have been placing everything in thought and this is much more foundational or rooted then thought could ever be, still silence listening without a center, even though there never was one to begin with. fear is normal also everything should be felt and this can take courage but that comes with facing with what we have been hiding from ourselves and been too clouded to even feel in the first place. but the goal is to not end thoughts but to embrace them through the truth of ourselves. so are you separate from life?

"I" am separate from life in the same way as ripples on the water are separate from the water. They are water. There is no "I", just life.

what's there then?

who controls?

what's there then?

awareness of mental, emotional, body sensations and perceptions

who controls?

I can see that no one controls but still feel tension around it because it's not absolutely clear to me. The mind that has its decision making and problem solving functions seems to play some role in controlling things. It is probably an illusion but a very strong one.

who makes thoughts happen?

No one makes thoughts happen, they come and go.

Nobody there then no control, thoughts are kinda like breathing and beating your heart they just kinda happen. A story may come up about decisions you should take and you take them accordingly but no you, not in a conceptualized way anyways. you're still here just not in the way you thought or think just like the world that you are inherently part of because there's nothing to separate you unless you think of something that does, In which case its just simply not true if there seems to be a divide. are illusions some people would call it about ourselves and the world.

What you are saying is that I am an inherent part of the world and the only thing that separates me from it is my thinking patterns. They create an illusion of separation.

My thinking patterns seem to be strong and they constantly create an illusion of separation. I feel oneness more when I quiet my thoughts and in a meditative state, but not in my regular life. It supports your point that thinking creates an idea/ illusion of separation.

Same happens to control. I have a vision of thoughts just following each other with no control but I am used to feel myself having control and free will, it's a strong thought pattern or belief. If I compare thoughts to a river flowing, control is my ability to slow down the river or change its course. I feel there is a centre in me that does that. I call it will.

Ok so there is the sensation of you doing stuff in this life you call yours correct?
When you sit in silence ask yourself who is listening in on any sensation that may come but remember to wait for the answer from reality in the same way you would look for something in a place to see if it is there or not, and see if this center is there even when thoughts about it are happening. If it is how are you aware of it when thinking is running the show? what is a thought anyways?

Trying finding silence wherever you go this is of great help.

A thought is a mental sensation as you said before. I can't find a better definition. Listening happens without a listener, there is no center even if thinking about a center is present. I tried to choose between two objects and look for a center. I found that there is no center and a choice naturally happens when there is more positive mental sensations related to one object vs another object. Sensations can be mental, emotional or physical.

thats great now whos the water in this then?

Your question isn't clear