Ahh Benny, on reading this post my heart burst open with joy.
Story here is that a shift has occurred.
Something has shifted. The will to apply energy into stories has severely diminished. What is there to hold on to? It's all BS anyway. The will to 'be' someone seems to be falling away too. Stories have been seen as cyclical and ultimately frustrating, and even if there is some holding on, it can only continue to be seen as such, and therefore continue to fall away.
Is there anger now ?
Is there despair now ?
Is there resistance now ?
Is there suffering now ?
Not really no. A bit of anger arises, and stories of 'others' expecting 'me' to be a certain way. I can't think of a better way to explain, but there is a strong feeling of 'f*** it all'.
I'm sure resistance still rears it's head, and will continue to cause suffering, but then there isn't much resistance to the resistance, more of a letting go.
The thoughts that encourage one to act, to change things, they only cause problems.
Is this process SEEn ? (before, during, or after it happens ?)
It varies, but mostly it is seen straight away. Event happens, feelings/thoughts may arise, but there is a stillness, no will to act on them, more of a letting life be the way it is. Why resist anything? It's all going to be the way it's going to be. Why exert energy into control?
Without resistance there is only expression, and benevolence to the unfolding now.
[/quote]Is this your experiencing ? (this is what prompted the story that released heart feeling here)
There is still a looking at suffering. Pain cannot be avoided and still arises, and perhaps it causes resistance, frustration. Mainly there is just acceptance. Resistant won't change anything, other than making it less tolerable.
Yesterday, I was massaging my hands. As I was massaging my hands, I seemed to be focusing on my right hand more. I noticed a little thought that said, 'the right hand is getting more attention than the left hand, the left hand will feel left out', the left hand will feel as if it is giving more than it is receiving'. And then it dawned on me how ridiculous this was, and I laughed. This is what thoughts do, they create division, and find problems. If both hands had seperate thoughts, this is what would happen. Yet, it is the same body that is receiving a healing massage, perhaps the right hand just needed it more. And whilst the left hand is massaging, it too is benefiting, it is opening, healing, stretching. It is the same pleasure in the hands, giving is the same as receiving - it is one. It's not like one would get upset, feeling left out. It is the same body! In this way, the two hands are one. So what about other bodies? The division between self and other, slowly it seems, is dissolving.
And then there is a thought that comes in, as I speak into a dictaphone, that says, 'I should put these recordings in some sort of order'. Of course it is the mind that wants order, it creates division, just so it can apply order. The heart just wants to express what it wants to express, but the mind says, 'no don't express that, it doesn't tie in with my ideal', express it all in the right order. The mind always finds fault. And the mind pulls one away from the path, the heart's journey. It's some cliche to follow the heart, but the mind will always want some kind of order, some kind of reason, some kind of meaning. Heart only wishes to express without reward. The mind is always looking for a reward, like a dog who gets its treat when it performs the 'correct' trick. It gets it's momentary lift. Until the dog gets hungry again, and goes searching for another treat, and another, and another, and it gets angry when it doesn't get its treat, in fact, he rages and may be overcome with primal desire. The mind is the wild hound, desperate for sustenance, desperate for fulfillment. But that fulfillment when found is only temporary, and the hunger will soon return. Yet, with enough love, all wild animals can be tamed.
The mind is the devil on your left shoulder. It whispers in your ear, 'follow me, I will show the path, the way to happiness'. It performs all kinds of tricks and illusions, it is the great illusionist, and one may be taken in. It is a trick, the path only leads to degredation, resistance, suffering.
Then there is the heart, like God on your right hand shoulder. It cries out to you, 'follow me, I will show you freedom'. you just have to give it all up and follow me right NOW, I want nothing in return, no certificates'. The heart yearns to guide, in fact it doesn't guide, it's just expressing. Of course the shift just has to happen, by itself, when the mind is FULLY seen to be guiding in the direction of suffering every time.
Benny
