Hello!-JoshO

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad -

First, to repeat what you attempted to communicate to me previously:

“Remember - only answer from within the game. This is not a conversation outside the game for you now.”

OK.

A feeling of dejection is present, experienced as a dull sickly feeling in the abdomen. The feeling is accompanied by a thought: “this is me, feeling dejected.”
Is this feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling. Is the thought that is “attached” to that feeling the self? No, it’s a thought.

Sickly feeling still in the abdomen = feeling = is this feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.
Thought “this is me having a sickly dejected feeling” = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought comes up: “You’re not doing such a hot job at anything right now, are you?” = thought = is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought arises: “You’re grasping for anything, aren’t you?” = thought = is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought “I’m tired, I want to go to bed,” arises = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought arises, “You’re too tired to think clearly.” = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

Thank you again for your attention and guidance, Elad. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Best wishes from
Josh(ua)

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad -

First, to repeat what you attempted to communicate to me previously:

“Remember - only answer from within the game. This is not a conversation outside the game for you now.”

OK.

A feeling of dejection is present, experienced as a dull sickly feeling in the abdomen. The feeling is accompanied by a thought: “this is me, feeling dejected.”
Is this feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling. Is the thought that is “attached” to that feeling the self? No, it’s a thought.

Sickly feeling still in the abdomen = feeling = is this feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.
Thought “this is me having a sickly dejected feeling” = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought comes up: “You’re not doing such a hot job at anything right now, are you?” = thought = is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought arises: “You’re grasping for anything, aren’t you?” = thought = is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought “I’m tired, I want to go to bed,” arises = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought arises, “You’re too tired to think clearly.” = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

Thank you again for your attention and guidance, Elad. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Best wishes from
Josh(ua)

[Elad]

Dear Elad -

First, to repeat what you attempted to communicate to me previously:

“Remember - only answer from within the game. This is not a conversation outside the game for you now.”

OK.

A feeling of dejection is present, experienced as a dull sickly feeling in the abdomen. The feeling is accompanied by a thought: “this is me, feeling dejected.”
Is this feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling. Is the thought that is “attached” to that feeling the self? No, it’s a thought.

Sickly feeling still in the abdomen = feeling = is this feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.
Thought “this is me having a sickly dejected feeling” = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought comes up: “You’re not doing such a hot job at anything right now, are you?” = thought = is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought arises: “You’re grasping for anything, aren’t you?” = thought = is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought “I’m tired, I want to go to bed,” arises = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.
Thought arises, “You’re too tired to think clearly.” = thought = is this thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

Thank you again for your attention and guidance, Elad. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Best wishes from
Josh(ua)

Good work. Continue or as Goenka would say with his bass voice, "Start Again..."

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad -

The day has gotten somewhat away from me today; two still-sick daughters’ ER visit (they’re OK, turns out to be no more serious than the flu) and everything else has crowded out my work here. Please forbear with me again now; I will circle back and, as Mr. Goenka urged, “start again” tomorrow.

[I did do a couple of Goenka-video-led/narrated 10-day silent retreats a very long time ago at a retreat center in Massachusetts… it’s been a long while since I’ve actually heard his voice.

I hope, by the way, to meet you and hear your voice someday, when the time is right for it, as well. I can’t tell you how important it is to me that you have been willing to do this work with me. I look forward to thanking you directly when that becomes possible.

Back to the work/game shortly then!
Best wishes from
Joshua

[Elad]

Hi Josh, all this sounds good, look forward to see you in person sometime too. I wrote this to another client today and thought it might be helpful to you too:

"Okay good. For the purposes of our investigation it will be very helpful if you attend only to direct experience in the here and now, and what you discover is true. Not to "how it often feels". How it often feels are old habits of being lost in thought and they might be slow to change. What we aim for here is that it becomes 100% clear what is true when you look with full attention at what is here/now. Metaphorically speaking it is like if believing in self is being an alcoholic. Our aim here is not to help you remove all craving for alcohol or make sure you will not relapse and drink again. Our aim is more modest: that it becomes clear for you beyond doubt that the separate self/doer/controller is an illusion and always has been, just like an alcoholic who realizes beyond doubt that alcohol is never the true and healthy way for him, that it is always the way to avoid reality instead of love it and be in it. This metaphor is not perfect, but I hope it conveys this important point about our modest and yet highly impactful aim.

Are you willing to let this be what our work is about? I.e. not how it "often feels/seems" but what you see to be true when you pay full attention here/now? And are you willing to accept that this seeing wont necessarily feel special or wonderful, it might feel not so special and disapointing. Are you willing to let this be not about special and not about permanence or even "most of the time", but all about what is actually seen to be absolutely true in direct looking here/now?"

Remember only relate from inside the game. Any reaction you have is evidence to how things emerge by themselves.

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad:

Your first response to me after my last piece of work here was as follows:

“Good work. Continue or as Goenka would say with his bass voice, "Start Again…””

Then, a little bit later, you wrote:

“Hi Josh, all this sounds good, look forward to see you in person sometime too. I wrote this to another client today and thought it might be helpful to you too:

"Okay good. For the purposes of our investigation it will be very helpful if you attend only to direct experience in the here and now, and what you discover is true. Not to "how it often feels". How it often feels are old habits of being lost in thought and they might be slow to change. What we aim for here is that it becomes 100% clear what is true when you look with full attention at what is here/now. Metaphorically speaking it is like if believing in self is being an alcoholic. Our aim here is not to help you remove all craving for alcohol or make sure you will not relapse and drink again. Our aim is more modest: that it becomes clear for you beyond doubt that the separate self/doer/controller is an illusion and always has been, just like an alcoholic who realizes beyond doubt that alcohol is never the true and healthy way for him, that it is always the way to avoid reality instead of love it and be in it. This metaphor is not perfect, but I hope it conveys this important point about our modest and yet highly impactful aim.

Are you willing to let this be what our work is about? I.e. not how it "often feels/seems" but what you see to be true when you pay full attention here/now? And are you willing to accept that this seeing wont necessarily feel special or wonderful, it might feel not so special and disapointing. Are you willing to let this be not about special and not about permanence or even "most of the time", but all about what is actually seen to be absolutely true in direct looking here/now?"

Remember only relate from inside the game. Any reaction you have is evidence to how things emerge by themselves.”

The urge to respond to all of what you said and asked arises here. The urge is a feeling. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The desire to investigate more deeply some of the words you offered arises. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The desire or urge to answer affirmatively your question “are you wllling to let this be what our work is about?” arises strongly. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The thought and the interested urge to investigate some of what you said/asked above, specifically the implications of your choice of words in the phrase “our modest and yet highly impactful aim” arise here. Is that thought or is that urge the self? No, it is a thought and an intense urge.

The desire to look closely at and to understand the “skillful means” or the “technology” that “staying exclusively in the game” embodies, the way that you are recommending, arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it is a desire.

The desire to express skepticism and uncertainty and cluelessness about “how seeing may feel” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

Does a (not so) secret ambition to “figure out” what your guidance “is doing” arise here? Yes, it does. That ambition is an urge and a thought. Is that ambition/thought the self? Not, it’s an ambition/thought.

The desire for this process to unfold according to “my” idea of how it should do so arises. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The desire to “do this right” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The feeling of tiredness comes up here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The thought, “Sure, say yes to Elad, go for it - but you don’t really understand, do you?” arises. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

The urge to bring this to a close for the evening arises. Is that urge the self? No, it’s an urge.

The feeling of “running out of gas” arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.


Good evening, Elad. Thank you again. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes from
Joshua

[Elad]

Dear Elad:

Your first response to me after my last piece of work here was as follows:

“Good work. Continue or as Goenka would say with his bass voice, "Start Again…””

Then, a little bit later, you wrote:

“Hi Josh, all this sounds good, look forward to see you in person sometime too. I wrote this to another client today and thought it might be helpful to you too:

"Okay good. For the purposes of our investigation it will be very helpful if you attend only to direct experience in the here and now, and what you discover is true. Not to "how it often feels". How it often feels are old habits of being lost in thought and they might be slow to change. What we aim for here is that it becomes 100% clear what is true when you look with full attention at what is here/now. Metaphorically speaking it is like if believing in self is being an alcoholic. Our aim here is not to help you remove all craving for alcohol or make sure you will not relapse and drink again. Our aim is more modest: that it becomes clear for you beyond doubt that the separate self/doer/controller is an illusion and always has been, just like an alcoholic who realizes beyond doubt that alcohol is never the true and healthy way for him, that it is always the way to avoid reality instead of love it and be in it. This metaphor is not perfect, but I hope it conveys this important point about our modest and yet highly impactful aim.

Are you willing to let this be what our work is about? I.e. not how it "often feels/seems" but what you see to be true when you pay full attention here/now? And are you willing to accept that this seeing wont necessarily feel special or wonderful, it might feel not so special and disapointing. Are you willing to let this be not about special and not about permanence or even "most of the time", but all about what is actually seen to be absolutely true in direct looking here/now?"

Remember only relate from inside the game. Any reaction you have is evidence to how things emerge by themselves.”

The urge to respond to all of what you said and asked arises here. The urge is a feeling. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The desire to investigate more deeply some of the words you offered arises. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The desire or urge to answer affirmatively your question “are you wllling to let this be what our work is about?” arises strongly. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The thought and the interested urge to investigate some of what you said/asked above, specifically the implications of your choice of words in the phrase “our modest and yet highly impactful aim” arise here. Is that thought or is that urge the self? No, it is a thought and an intense urge.

The desire to look closely at and to understand the “skillful means” or the “technology” that “staying exclusively in the game” embodies, the way that you are recommending, arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it is a desire.

The desire to express skepticism and uncertainty and cluelessness about “how seeing may feel” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

Does a (not so) secret ambition to “figure out” what your guidance “is doing” arise here? Yes, it does. That ambition is an urge and a thought. Is that ambition/thought the self? Not, it’s an ambition/thought.

The desire for this process to unfold according to “my” idea of how it should do so arises. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The desire to “do this right” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The feeling of tiredness comes up here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The thought, “Sure, say yes to Elad, go for it - but you don’t really understand, do you?” arises. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

The urge to bring this to a close for the evening arises. Is that urge the self? No, it’s an urge.

The feeling of “running out of gas” arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.


Good evening, Elad. Thank you again. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes from
Joshua

Good work here. One important clarification:

"The desire to express skepticism and uncertainty and cluelessness about “how seeing may feel” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.".

It's not supposed to feel in any particular way. The way you feel now is it. And the way it changes is it. So here play part two of the game: see and let go of expectations of this to feel different.

And see how your reactions to what is written here, pleasent, unpleasant, neutral, mixture, shifting, arise without chooser/self. First part of the game.

[Elad]

Also, fellow LU guide Vince Schubert holds weekly free zoom meetings. Might be helpful for you. Here is his email if you want to join: vinceschubert@gmail.com

Warmly
Elad

[Elad]

Also, play with asking "what does love want" and feel your heart area and see what happens naturally, reactions, etc. Try it many times.

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad -

Last time, you wrote a number of things, as follows:
—
“Good work here. One important clarification:
“”The desire to express skepticism and uncertainty and cluelessness about “how seeing may feel” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire."

It's not supposed to feel in any particular way. The way you feel now is it. And the way it changes is it. So here play part two of the game: see and let go of expectations of this to feel different.

And see how your reactions to what is written here, pleasent, unpleasant, neutral, mixture, shifting, arise without chooser/self. First part of the game.

Also, fellow LU guide Vince Schubert holds weekly free zoom meetings. Might be helpful for you. Here is his email if you want to join: vinceschubert@gmail.com
Warmly
Elad

Also, play with asking "what does love want" and feel your heart area and see what happens naturally, reactions, etc. Try it many times.”
—

The thought to share with you that I reached out to Vince earlier today, and that he kindly sent me a Zoom invitation to his weekly meetings, arises. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

Feelings of tiredness, and unclarity related to the clarifications you most recently offered, arise here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The desire and the urge to re-read what you sent arises here. Is either that desire or that urge the self? No, it’s a desire and an urge.

What does love want here? A yearning feeling arises. Is that yearning the self? No, it is a feeling.

A questioning feeling or wondering arises here. Is that questioning feeling or wondering the self? No, they are feelings.

The urge to re-re-read, to check back on, what you sent along arises here. Is that urge the self? No, it’s an urge.

Feelings of confusion and sadness arise here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

Feelings of yearning and frustration arise here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The thought, “isn’t there something to get, to understand, here?” arises. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

A feeling of cluelessness arises here, and a fear of somehow “being stupid” also arises here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

A feeling of uncertainty arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

An embarrassed desire to have some kind of control of how this all goes arises here. Is that embarrassed desire the self? No, it’s an embarrassed desire.

The suspicion and the fearful thought that “I don’t get it and I can’t get it” arise here. Is that suspicion and/or is that fearful thought the self? No, they are a suspicion and a fearful thought.

What does love want? The intimation of a desire to break open and to weep is felt here. Is that intimation of a desire the self? No, it’s the intimation of a desire.

Feelings somehow of both mildness and exhaustion arise simultaneously here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The desire to “outsmart this puzzle” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

What does love want? A glimpse of something flashes by, somehow too swiftly to see it or perceive it clearly. Is that unfathomed glimpse the self? The feeling of wanting to say, “Maybe it was!” arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The feeling of tiredness gathers in intensity here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The desire to wrap this up for the evening arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.


Thank you again, Elad. The hope that this work is proceeding as well as possible arises here. Is that hope the self? No, but it is a genuine hope.

Good evening.

Best wishes from
Joshua

[Elad]

Great work here. Continue/Start Again :)

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad -

Last time, you wrote:

“Great work here. Continue/Start Again :)”

A slightly abashed but also pleased feeling arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

Noises are heard above me, as if winds were passing around me in my apartment building. Are such noises the self? Such noises are externally heard noises, and are clearly, obviously not the self.

An achy feeling speaks from my right hip as I sit here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A searching-for-something urge-effort suggests itself here/now. Is that urge-effort the self? No, it’s an urge-effort.

A strange feeling of emptiness steps into awareness here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A desire to find something, something, something arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

A yearning for certainty, or some kind of completion, arises here. Is that yearning the self? No, it’s a yearning.

What does love want? The heart can be felt slightly as it beats in my chest here/now, and a slightly queasy feeling arises. Is that queasy feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A feeling of cluelessness arises here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A feeling of impatience begins to arise here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The thought, “So? So?” arises here/now. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

A feeling of frustration arises here, mixed somehow with a tiny bit of okayness for a brief second. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The desire to “get more than I am getting here” arises here/now. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

A feeling of tiredness, and slightly of hopelessness, arises here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The thought, “this definitely does not feel special” arises here. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

What does love want? The feeling of wanting to “cry it all out” shows up here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A “self-conscious-feeling” thought, “Will this ever change?” arises here. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a self-conscious-feeling thought.

The feelings of first-physical and then-mental tiredness arise here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

What does love want? The urge to close the eyes and breathe deeply arises here. The body complies. Is that urge the self? No, it’s an urge.

The desire to ask you questions about all this arises. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

Feelings of impatience, frustration, almost anger begin to cook up here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The desire to express frustration arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

Feelings of soreness and achiness in the body are noticed here/now. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The familiar old wishes to be special, smart, important, fancy are felt and remembered here/now. Are those wishes the self? No, they are wishes.

A slightly out-of-gas feeling arises here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The wish “to get it even as I suspect it can’t be gotten” arises here. Is that wish the self? No, it’s a wish.

The urge to bring this to a close tonight suggests itself here. Is that urge the self? No, it’s a urge.

The obstinate desire to resist that urge arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The wish to be “given the key to all this” suggests itself here. Is that wish the self? No, it’s a wish.

The thought, “I have no idea how this ever will change” arises here/now. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

The desire to stop “playing the game” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

What does love want? Somehow the words “I’m coming” flash past, inexplicably. Are those suggestive, incomprehensible, maybe-forced word/thoughts the self? No, they are suggestive, incomprehensible, maybe-forced word/thoughts.

The desire to drop this all for now arises here, Elad. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The desire to write: “Looking forward to hearing from you again, Elad” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.


Good evening to you, Elad. Looking forward to hearing from you again.

Best wishes from
Joshua

[Elad]

Dear Elad -

Last time, you wrote:

“Great work here. Continue/Start Again :)”

A slightly abashed but also pleased feeling arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

Noises are heard above me, as if winds were passing around me in my apartment building. Are such noises the self? Such noises are externally heard noises, and are clearly, obviously not the self.

An achy feeling speaks from my right hip as I sit here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A searching-for-something urge-effort suggests itself here/now. Is that urge-effort the self? No, it’s an urge-effort.

A strange feeling of emptiness steps into awareness here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A desire to find something, something, something arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

A yearning for certainty, or some kind of completion, arises here. Is that yearning the self? No, it’s a yearning.

What does love want? The heart can be felt slightly as it beats in my chest here/now, and a slightly queasy feeling arises. Is that queasy feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A feeling of cluelessness arises here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A feeling of impatience begins to arise here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The thought, “So? So?” arises here/now. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

A feeling of frustration arises here, mixed somehow with a tiny bit of okayness for a brief second. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The desire to “get more than I am getting here” arises here/now. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

A feeling of tiredness, and slightly of hopelessness, arises here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The thought, “this definitely does not feel special” arises here. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

What does love want? The feeling of wanting to “cry it all out” shows up here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

A “self-conscious-feeling” thought, “Will this ever change?” arises here. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a self-conscious-feeling thought.

The feelings of first-physical and then-mental tiredness arise here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

What does love want? The urge to close the eyes and breathe deeply arises here. The body complies. Is that urge the self? No, it’s an urge.

The desire to ask you questions about all this arises. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

Feelings of impatience, frustration, almost anger begin to cook up here. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The desire to express frustration arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

Feelings of soreness and achiness in the body are noticed here/now. Are those feelings the self? No, they are feelings.

The familiar old wishes to be special, smart, important, fancy are felt and remembered here/now. Are those wishes the self? No, they are wishes.

A slightly out-of-gas feeling arises here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The wish “to get it even as I suspect it can’t be gotten” arises here. Is that wish the self? No, it’s a wish.

The urge to bring this to a close tonight suggests itself here. Is that urge the self? No, it’s a urge.

The obstinate desire to resist that urge arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The wish to be “given the key to all this” suggests itself here. Is that wish the self? No, it’s a wish.

The thought, “I have no idea how this ever will change” arises here/now. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a thought.

The desire to stop “playing the game” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

What does love want? Somehow the words “I’m coming” flash past, inexplicably. Are those suggestive, incomprehensible, maybe-forced word/thoughts the self? No, they are suggestive, incomprehensible, maybe-forced word/thoughts.

The desire to drop this all for now arises here, Elad. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

The desire to write: “Looking forward to hearing from you again, Elad” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.


Good evening to you, Elad. Looking forward to hearing from you again.

Best wishes from
Joshua

Good. Continue with this, same instructions, the game and the "heart-pointer". You can play with slightly different heart pointers: feel the heart area, ask "what is love now" or "how is this love now" or "what calls for love now", and see what comes up spontaneously by itself. Only answer from within the game.

[JoshuaO]

Dear Elad -

Last time, you wrote:

“Good. Continue with this, same instructions, the game and the "heart-pointer". You can play with slightly different heart pointers: feel the heart area, ask "what is love now" or "how is this love now" or "what calls for love now", and see what comes up spontaneously by itself. Only answer from within the game.”


A tired feeling arises here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The body breathes deeply, sighs, here and now. Is the body the self? No, it’s the body, breathing.

An engine noise from above, coming from probably the roof of the building where the machinery is kept, is perceived here. Is that noise the self? No, it’s an external noise.

A subtle warmth is felt in the hands as they move upon the keyboard here. Is that warmth the self? No, it’s a sensation.

A certain blankness, a looking-for-something experience is happening here. Is that experience the self? No, it’s an experience.

A slight feeling of annoyance or of boredom registers here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

What is love now? The word/thought “nothing” arises from somewhere and is noticed here. Is that word/thought the self? No, it’s a word/thought.

A slightly dejected silence is sat through here. Is that blankness the self? No, it’s a feeling of blankness.

The pulsing of bodily life is felt in the abdomen here/now. Is that pulsing-feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

What calls for love now? The word/thoughts “I do!” suggest themselves. Are those word/thoughts the self? No, they are arising word/thoughts.

A feelnig of tiredness arises here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

Thoughts of old dear friends celebrating Thanksgiving together and separately around the USA arise here. Are those thoughts the self? No, they are thoughts.

The thought/question, “Is this leading anywhere?” ars here. Is that thought/question the self? No, it’s a thought/question.

A dull, impatient feeling arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

More machinery hoises arise somewhere behind me as I sit here in the kitchen/dining area of our apartment. Are those noises the self? Obviously not; they are noises, perceptions, externalities.

A fearful thoughtf that this work is pointless/does nothing/goes nowwhere arises here. Is that thought the self? No, it’s a fearful thought.

How is this love now? The word “lonely” pops into view. Is that word the self? No, it’s a word/thought.

What calls for love now? A lot of different words and thoughts suggest themselves, crowding through awareness, with none sticking around. Are those thoughts the self? No, they are thoughts.

What is love now? The words “nothing is working” arise amid a swirl of other suggestions here/now. Are those words/thoughts the self? No, they are words/thoughts.

Tiredness creeps back in here/now. Is that feeling of tiredness the self? No, it’s a feeling.

The wish to move forward somehow arises here. The thought, “You don’t know what forward is,” arises after that. Is that wish and/or is that thought the self? No, they were/are a wish and a thought.

A variety of voices start to murmur partial ideas, impatience, and edge toward the feeling of being about to level a threat at me here/now. Are those perceptions, sensations and thoughts the self? No, they are perceptions, sensations and thoughts.

The desire to be done with this work for tonight arises here/now. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire. (I was about to say “just a desire.”)

The feeling of heading toward exhaustion suggests itelf here/now. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling.

Thoughts of my mother arise here from my visit to her and my stepfather’s apartment earlier this evening. Are those thoughts and memories the self? No, they are thoughts and memories.


Thank you Elad. I look forward to continuing work with you soon.

Best wishes from
Josh

P.S. The feeling of nodding off from tiredness arises here. Is that feeling the self? No, it’s a feeling. While it is not the self, I will listen to it and do what it just suggested, which is to get ready for bed now.

The desire to “push through to something” arises here. Is that desire the self? No, it’s a desire.

What is love now? The words, “Love is a tired young man” flash through the mind. Are those words the self? No, they are words.

Thank you again and good evening Elad. I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Best wishes from
Joshua

[Elad]

This is ok.

Selfing often takes the worst from all worlds: the insecure poverty mentality attitude form "not-knowing" and the arrogant controlling assuming you in the end know where you or life is at, i.e. "not enough, not there" from "knowing". Instead of the best from both worlds: the humbleness and curiosity from "not-knowing" and the intimate direct felt sense of "this" from "knowing".

Start again.