The truth doesn't need my belief to exist

[Sidstrate]

Observe breathing? Is an action needed for breathing? Or does it just happen? Allow all thoughts which appear around the breathing. Check each thoughts content, does it point to something in DE or to another thought?
Again share what you find.

No action is required for breath. I can clearly see this
I’m going to stay with this - looking at the breath with DE. I’ve looked at it a few times this morning and then again tonight, but I don't think I’m looking with DE.

I'll report tomorrow,
Much love

[Jadzia]

DE is often misunderstood. It is so simple that it can happen quickly.

You either experience something by the senses or it is a thought.

So if you look at breathing what do you find?
A breather, a someone who breathes?
If not what does it tell you?

You can do this for a day again and again with all kind of actions. Can an instigator of the action be found in DE?
A someone who types, or a someone or somewhat cooking or or or....

No action is required for breath. I can clearly see this

It is automatic, yes, simply happening.
Here it is quite easy to see.
Check everything else which is done. Action, deciding, choosing, looking..... and so on. Play around and enjoy it.

Love
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

DE is often misunderstood. It is so simple that it can happen quickly. You either experience something by the senses or it is a thought.
So if you look at breathing what do you find?
A breather, a someone who breathes? If not what does it tell you?

A thought, all this is a thought. Even the label that it’s someone breathing is a thought.

So I investigate further...
After (Or before) thought - What am I left with?
Movement, a journey. I know these are concepts but I am just trying to describe the sometimes impossible to describe. But it’s motion.
Fluctuating sensations, Energetic pulses & vibrations. Rising and falling.
Some sensations like a dense thud - like where my bum touches the seat.
Everything happening at once. Constant movement.

You can do this for a day again and again with all kind of actions. Can an instigator of the action be found in DE?
A someone who types, or a someone or somewhat cooking or or or....

An instigator appears in retrospect.
Quick flash decisions on whether something is favourable or not - After the event
Deciding in commentary whether this is Good or Bad.

If I’m determined to do more exercise or motivated to follow the instructions with LU, where does this motivation come from? I cannot find the source. It just seems to appear, then disappear. Other thoughts come in to either support, comfort, sabotage or castigate.

Can it be possible that all direction in my life is from randomly appearing thoughts?
Nobody is typing this, or cooking dinner. It just is.
Strange...

[Jadzia]

A thought, all this is a thought. Even the label that it’s someone breathing is a thought.

Yes.

Fluctuating sensations, Energetic pulses & vibrations.

Is there a difference between sensations, energetic pulses and vibrations?

Deciding in commentary whether this is Good or Bad.

Is it a deciding or a habitual response?

Can it be possible that all direction in my life is from randomly appearing thoughts?

This gives thoughts quite some power? Or?
Are thoughts needed for direction? Or is direction just happening?

You are on a good path - go on like this. :-)

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

Is there a difference between sensations, energetic pulses and vibrations?

There is a difference because it’s always moving, always morphing, always vibrating. These are just labels of course.
A whole collection of ever changing different sensations pinging & bouncing around
But if I remove the labels, they are just sensations.

Deciding in commentary whether this is Good or Bad.
Is it a deciding or a habitual response?

This is tricky for me to get my head round. If I experience discomfort or pain. My instincts want to pull me away & this is of course supported with the label of bad - undesirable. But if my instincts pull away they are defining with action that this is undesirable.

Can it be possible that all direction in my life is from randomly appearing thoughts?
This gives thoughts quite some power? Or?
Are thoughts needed for direction? Or is direction just happening?

Some action takes place without thought. For example scratching an itch. Jumping out of the way of something.

Other actions have a thought to go with it. (That sometimes appear to go before it) I will now sit at the computer & respond to an email. But I can see that the mind here is on catch up.

Other thoughts seem to be the start or creator.
Like an idea, an invention, a new song or poem or a vision of how you want to decorate a room. In these cases the thoughts seem to come first & dictate the action. It seems to me that without these kind of thoughts (Creative), the action couldn’t take place.

Life just happens. Direction is just happening.
My thoughts support, disapprove & comment in retrospect.

My investigation becomes more challenging, it's difficult to see when my thoughts come up with an idea TO DO something.
I think I’ll clean up my life.
I think I’ll buy a present for my daughter
It’s time to buy a house.
I still cannot see these thoughts in retrospect.
It’s also confusing when I change my mind.

For example, I walk to the other side of the room to sit down, but on the way I decide that I will be better off standing. So I stand instead. What is happening here I wonder? It appears that the thought changed my action.
But on closer inspection. Maybe the thought, only thought it knew (But didn't know) what was going to happen. It predicted me sitting down & presented this as a thought suggesting I should sit down.

Life just happens - I was never going to sit down, I am going to change my location in this room but MIND didn't know.

MIND - There is movement coming, you should go & sit down over there

Life just happens - Stand here

MIND - On second thoughts, it’s probably good for your back if you stand instead of sitting. MIND on catch up.

[Jadzia]

But if I remove the labels, they are just sensations.

Yes, in the end there is just something called sensation, and it is there and gone.
Thought seems to pin point it to a spot, but does this work?

This is tricky for me to get my head round. If I experience discomfort or pain. My instincts want to pull me away & this is of course supported with the label of bad - undesirable. But if my instincts pull away they are defining with action that this is undesirable.

This is interesting, let's see, if there wouldn't be any label, would there be good or bad? Desirable and undesirable? What would be there?

Life just happens. Direction is just happening.
My thoughts support, disapprove & comment in retrospect.

This is it!
Though, yes, sometimes it is not easy to spot. There is this strong belief that a voice in our head tells us what to do. Just a belief, one which is difficult to break.

What if the story runs without a voice? If it would be just developing without cause or sense or anything else? Life just life-ing?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

But if I remove the labels, they are just sensations.
Yes, in the end there is just something called sensation, and it is there and gone.
Thought seems to pin point it to a spot, but does this work?

I have a slight burning sensation inside my stomach
I watch
Then I pick up sensations in my head
I shiver
My thoughts are distracting
Back to my stomach, the sensation is still there, in that area. Then I become aware of many sensations, all around,
I am surrounded by sensations & sound.
Then the feeling in my stomach pulls me back to focus in this area.
I notice my breath
Then all sensations seem to be concentrated inside my head
I return to the breath
then the stomach
Lots of sensations all happening at once.

This is tricky for me to get my head round. If I experience discomfort or pain. My instincts want to pull me away & this is of course supported with the label of bad - undesirable. But if my instincts pull away they are defining with action that this is undesirable.
This is interesting, let's see, if there wouldn't be any label, would there be good or bad? Desirable and undesirable? What would be there?

I move without thought
No good or bad, just pulled towards & repelled like a magnet
Pulled towards water when thirsty
Repelled from the cold wind in winter
Pulled towards standing when sitting
Repelled from people in conflict with me

Life just happens. Direction is just happening.
My thoughts support, disapprove & comment in retrospect.
This is it!
Though, yes, sometimes it is not easy to spot. There is this strong belief that a voice in our head tells us what to do. Just a belief, one which is difficult to break.
What if the story runs without a voice? If it would be just developing without cause or sense or anything else? Life just life-ing?

I was thinking this morning how thoughts & sense of self build barriers to reality. I realise that I am always going to do, what I’m going to do, life just happens. But the difference is in the layers of story. Life is just happening while I am lost in layers of my story. This complicates the flow. Like a feedback loop of energetic disturbance, the stories send me in opposite directions. Give me resistance.

[Jadzia]

Lots of sensations all happening at once.

yes.
Again, it is good to check now and then if a sensation knows of the space it is supposed to be, if it knows how it is called and finally does a label create reality? Experience?

I move without thought
No good or bad, just pulled towards & repelled like a magnet
Pulled towards water when thirsty
Repelled from the cold wind in winter
Pulled towards standing when sitting
Repelled from people in conflict with me

This is called desire and ill will. One day you might like to explore if it really exists, apart from that what happens for survival.

I was thinking this morning how thoughts & sense of self build barriers to reality. I realise that I am always going to do, what I’m going to do, life just happens. But the difference is in the layers of story. Life is just happening while I am lost in layers of my story. This complicates the flow. Like a feedback loop of energetic disturbance, the stories send me in opposite directions. Give me resistance.

Yes, good realization.
Thoughts create a barrier or one could call it layer over experience, over that what is really there in the very moment.
The sense of self is something ok to have: Nice to turn for a friend if he calls your name. And it will be one of the last things to disappear. So for now, let it be, it can't really get in the way.

Life happens if you are lost in the story or not, all is well, the story is part of what is, nothing to fight. :-)

How does all this feel right now? How is lifes' flow?
Is there something you think you miss, something which is bewildering or doesn't feel right yet?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

Lots of sensations all happening at once.
yes.
Again, it is good to check now and then if a sensation knows of the space it is supposed to be, if it knows how it is called and finally does a label create reality? Experience?

This is a new perspective. I will keep with this for another day.

This is called desire and ill will. One day you might like to explore if it really exists, apart from that what happens for survival.

I don't really understand this.

How does all this feel right now? How is lifes' flow?
Is there something you think you miss, something which is bewildering or doesn't feel right yet?

I still habour thoughts about an ‘Enlightenment’. A crash bang moment of discovery & insight. This expectation is possibly holding me back.
I have had two dreams over the last couple of nights when I experienced the moment of insight & realisation. Both times, I woke in the morning with no memory of what the insight or realization was! I just rememebered the feeling of satisfaction that I had broken through.

I catch my expectations & try to see them for what they are. It’s quite often confusing because when i drop my expectations, I then don’t know what to think & I’m left feeling without direction.

The last 3 or 4 days I have felt like significant progress is being made, a feeling of changing perception although it’s difficult to put my finger on what it is.
I have experienced on two occasions in the last 4 days, a great feeling of wellbeing & peace for no apparent reason.
I sink into life’s flow, then catch myself agitating for change & perceived improvements. It’s so difficult to let go. A life of constantly battling to keep my head above water, to make progress, to sell, to persuade, to convince, to show off. If I let go, who will be at the controls??!!!!
There is a fear that if I let go, I will return to bad habits.

[Sidstrate]

Just to add to the last point.
There is fear that I will return to bad habits. But also, a fear that I will make bad decisions, not take advantage of opportunities, etc.

[Jadzia]

I still habour thoughts about an ‘Enlightenment’. A crash bang moment of discovery & insight. This expectation is possibly holding me back.

Looking through the self is not enlightenment, it is a step towards whatever enlightenment is.

A crash bang moment of discovery & insight.

More often than not it is not like a bang but an easing into a new oversight.

It’s quite often confusing because when i drop my expectations, I then don’t know what to think & I’m left feeling without direction.

This is about not knowing. Self not being decider, controler ect and thoughts just being comments - there is no knowing. No knowing why anyone does anything or why anything happens.
Feel into this for a moment and see what happens. Share what you find.

a great feeling of wellbeing & peace for no apparent reason.

I sometimes call this Being in Love with What IS.

If I let go, who will be at the controls??!!!!

And the answer to this is what?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

More often than not it is not like a bang but an easing into a new oversight.
It feels like I am easing.

I seem to make ‘progress’ when i find a balance between concentration & letting go

This is about not knowing. Self not being decider, controler ect and thoughts just being comments - there is no knowing. No knowing why anyone does anything or why anything happens.
Feel into this for a moment and see what happens. Share what you find.

This is good, thank you!
Why do I assume that I should know everything!!!
This primate culture, this primate condition of trying to be better than the next one, stepping on the heads of others as we scramble up the mountain. Trying to have one up on the competition. I must know the answers!!!

This all feels like it free things up a bit.

If I let go, who will be at the controls??!!!!
And the answer to this is what?

I have no idea!!!
It all just comes from thin air. Life just happens
A moth chasing the flame, a fish biting onto a fisherman’s hook, a regrettable remark, a foolish mistake, a good decision, a turn of a corner, a miraculous escape, a chance encounter…

[Jadzia]

I seem to make ‘progress’ when i find a balance between concentration & letting go

Even with having always been known, but been stashed away, it is new.
It takes some time and balance is a myth too... lol, what is and will be is yo yo-ing for quite a while.

Why do I assume that I should know everything!!!

Right, it is training, we learn to be know alls.
And life is on one level about security, staying alive. Being a know all gives a feeling of security, safety, gives us the idea that we know how to keep us safe. It doesn't work like that but it is a belief we all learn.
Dropping the belief is actually freeing, right?

It all just comes from thin air. Life just happens
A moth chasing the flame, a fish biting onto a fisherman’s hook, a regrettable remark, a foolish mistake, a good decision, a turn of a corner, a miraculous escape, a chance encounter…

Yess.
What about responsibility?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

What about responsibility?

Logically there is no responsibility
A mass murderer is doomed from the start I guess.
I really don't know about this. Tough question. How can we not be responsible?

I'm struggling a bit with this one

[Jadzia]

This one gets most folks to struggle.

Now revisit what you learned so far. Nothing found that is the doer, controler, breather, thinker and so on. Life is happening. Simply happening.
Now think of who is there to be responsible?
This touches very strongly the concept of good and bad, positive and negative, likes and dislikes.

Mull this over again and don't follow the old storybook, just let this simmer inside.
No need to be happy about this or finding the last word on the topic. This can be work in progress.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJPwULN7cYo
There is a better film, once I found it I share it, but this is already nice to look at.

Love,
Jadzia