Struggling to see

[Stan]

Rali, hello!
Thank you.
It is mostly the same.
I have had some intense period of insight work after reading some very direct books - abridged ATR guide, Awakening to the Dream by Leo Hartong and Clarity by Nathan Gill.

Soon, suddenly, I have lost interest in non-dual teaching per se, and picked up Mind Illuminated, and decided that sustained practice was the missing link. I am currently establishing my practice.
Currently, non-dual teaching have almost zero traction. I understand that nothing is required, and meditation is a trap of sorts, but I want to see this out. At the very least, I am interested in showing my potentially ADHD brain some new pathways. An idea of pouring one's mind fully into one thing sounds incredibly novel

I respect this book for the respect it shows me. Sloppy wording and lack of instructions has always been my issue with awakening teachings. This book puts things into very welcome perspectives, and requires practice, which is, of course, useful.
I always shunned meditation, so it is very interesting that suddenly I am quite adamant about it. I have been recommended to meditate by my teacher, but was never explained well enough - why? Now I am starting to understand the why. Insights I have gained along the way are definitely helpful.
It was a relief to read that DE is actually mind-made. This book does not pull it's punches.
This effort of mine will probably take a while, so consider closing this thread...

[poppyseed]

Hi Stan
It’s nice to hear from you!
I can’t close the thread – even the threads that have completed the inquiry can be accessed at any point because the inquiry is not something that ever ends – it’s a constant unravelling – and we are here to help at any point with that.
I’m not trying to initiate guidance, I was just checking on you. I do this with all people that I have guided and it’s not planned (like anything) – it just pops out sporadically.
What you wrote sounds right. Your disillusionment with non-dual teachings is understandable. At some point, endlessly consuming pointers becomes another form of seeking. If attention naturally moves toward practice, let it. Or maybe you'll discover that sustained practice doesn't produce awakening either. It does quiet the mind though. Either way, that's a discovery worth making first-hand rather than adopting someone else's conclusion.
The way you talk about this seems full with curiosity instead of desperation, which is awesome. There's less "How do I get there?" and more "Let's see what happens." That's a healthier place to investigate from. Just try not to turn meditation into a project. You don't actually know where this goes. You only know that today there was sitting. Tomorrow there may be sitting. That's enough.
If I can give you one pointer, it would be - while meditating, don't look for concentration, or for progress, or awakening for that matter. Occasionally ask: What is dissatisfied with this moment exactly as it is?
And just to notice what appears. That’s all :)
Enjoy the exploration, Stan.
The thread can rest for a while if you want. I'll be here if the itch returns.
Love
Rali