At the front door, waiting for you

[1llusion]

Todays report: It seems that the identification with thought becomes less and less; thoughts seem to be more distant (or maybe "quieter") and the thought-story is less coherent. I suppose it is a good sign.

Hope you are well.

[kenbok]

Hi B, sorry for gap - was at a healing ceremony. (which went well :)) I'm also in the midst of a move at the moment. Very busy time for me.

If you'd like another guide please let me know. I'm happy to carry on but will be less able to respond as much.

----

Its still clear that I should continue looking

You should continue looking if you are not fully exhausted yet - so keep going! ;)

[1llusion]

I don't feel like there is anything more to be done other than continuing what is happening already. In this sense, I would like you to continue..

Ah well, the thought-story is oscillating between "this is all pointless" and "if its like that, that is OK" and "OMG, this thinking is really annoying". But yes, I suppose it will continue until something breaks..

[kenbok]

Go through the exercises again. Tell me if anything is different.

[1llusion]

Which excersises in particular?

[kenbok]

Hm. Scrap that.

What are your expectations from this process?

[1llusion]

That's not entirely clear.

The belief is that "you" should acknowledge "my" liberation, as "I" don't trust "myself" in this regard (thought doesn't trust thought due to more thought).

Then again, it seems all pretty pointless anyways.

[kenbok]

Excellent.

For one, I *do* acknowledge your liberation. :) Like I have said before, as far as I can tell, you have seen no-self, but seem to be struggling with acceptance.

Then again, it seems all pretty pointless anyways.

What is 'it'? This process? Life?

Again, this process is not really about trust (but of course that factors in somehow). It's just about checking. The trust comes in experiencing whatever is without filters.

[1llusion]

For one, I *do* acknowledge your liberation.

To put it in your words: Excellent! Now what? :D

What is 'it'? This process? Life?

It's best explained with regard to this process: Either realization or trust or whatever comes, or it doesn't. Either "you" help "me", or you don't; or maybe better, "I" see, or "I" don't. If it comes, good, if it doesn't, struggle with realization will continue I suppose. It just seems to be no difference between anything, things run their course in any case. Extending this to "global scale", I'd say that everything is quite pointless.

In terms of current experience: I do experience a phase of extreme indifference towards what is experienced and there is a strong desire to be alone in nature. Is that common?

[1llusion]

Still around..

[kenbok]

'now what' : accept it for yourself!

[kenbok]

and stop saying the pointless thing - its another set of thinking smoke and mirrors.

[1llusion]

and stop saying the pointless thing - its another set of thinking smoke and mirrors.

Care to clarify why is "the pointless thing" another set of smoke and mirrors? Is there any point inherent to anything in experience? I don't think so. Is this a trick?

'now what' : accept it for yourself!

In fact, I am accepting everything, or, to put it better: There is a great acceptance to whatever thoughts come and go, regardless of wether they were once labeled bad or good. Sometimes labeling keeps continueing, but that is accepted, too.

So here it goes: What was once percieved as "I" does not exist, did never exist and will never exist. There is just a set of learned responses playing out due to experienced stimuli.

[kenbok]

good. meaning making is a mental activity..

[kenbok]

but that is only relevant in the sense that i feel this pointlessness is distracting you from abiding in no self