The Gate

Hello!
Thank you.
I might take a break, yes... I've been in situations like this before, I know I will rebound.

Which questions or areas bring up the strongest resistance?

General overwhelm from your pushing vs my inability to sustain looking or to activate looking, to answer many of your questions properly, and doubt, causing despair. Some of your question are too broad and less direct, leaving me with more room for exploration rather than checking something as true or not.
Perhaps I got overexcited, and excitement leads to more thoughts, which is suffocating.
The more specific areas are
- considering how to integrate new insights on awareness not being a thing. It's not new, actually, but also - very new, and also useful. I have suspicion that awareness is just a way to guide someone into This. So I am playing with different perspectives. No need to villify awareness either, right?) Honestly, I might not be ready for the radical stage of non duality.
- lack of direction. There are too many practices and insights. I grab one for a minute and then lose and then forget about it, then grab another one (when time and circumstances allow), and so on. This causes frustration. Almost everything splits into a multitude of options, forecasts, search, all these thoughts... I am not stupid, you know? Which is a problem. It's like my brain is on a research mode with this shit. And I know, I know... all these possible solutions one might give me. So what? They hardly ever matter. Hell, I still firmly believe that there is something to find, someone to move somewhere. I still operate from that base error. I know about it. So what? Yuck.
- I am just lazy


It is also sometimes hard to tell where chatgpt ends and you start.

I sound like I am complaining, but I don't. Maybe a bit, but it's not personal. Just rattled and tired. Life situation plays a role too.
I appreciate your effort a lot, it's a treasure trove.

I mean, I literally have to overcome my desire to play a video game/whatever to spend some time looking and answering, because it's another work to do.
And knowing that I have this wonderfull guiding for free makes me feel like an ass.

Stan —
Everything you wrote is great. No need to push.
If laziness is a problem we can work with one question at a time. I assumed determination ;). So pick question – the one that speaks to you the most and we’ll take it from there :)

It is also sometimes hard to tell where chatgpt ends and you start.

Good. It’s hard to tell where anything starts and ends, isn’t it? Just commentary arising.
Labels over empty arisings. Not mine. Not yours. Not chatgpt’s. No authorship here or anywhere.
Language is basically the relationship between concepts – how they are organised. That carries meaning on top of the meaning of the actual concepts. That is why different concepts mean different things with different conditioning and in different situations. One very good example of how meaning is formed, is actually AI. GPT (Generative pre-trained transformers) are language models that are based on the semantic relationships between words in sentences (natural language processing). GPT models are trained on a large amount of text. The training consists in predicting the next token (a token being usually a word, sub-word, or punctuation). Throughout this training, GPT models accumulate knowledge about the world, and can then generate “human-like” text by repeatedly predicting the next token. Pretty much the same as with humans, right? So does AI have any direct experience of what it’s talking about? Can a model have experiences? Is there an experiencer/author/interpreter of "human" thought? OR thought just IS (happening)? Where is the difference?
You keep saying:

I’m not stupid.

I know that you’re not. But this has nothing to do with intelligence. You can’t think your way out of the thinker. This isn’t about solving. It’s about seeing there’s nothing to solve — and no solver. All thought is empty. So every solution is empty - it is just more story layered on top of an indescribable this
Also... You’re not the one thinking these smart thoughts. They just appear with no author and no owner. So whether the thoughts are brilliant or confused, it doesn't really matter. None of them are yours.
There’s no self to be smart — or stupid. So let the mind spin its theories. But don’t take its failure personally.

Whenever you're ready, I’m here.
Love
Rali

Hey Stan

Any change of heart/mind? How is life?

Love
Rali

Oh, hi, Ra

li!
Funny thing... there was no notification at all in my mail. I've checked. Weird, huh?
I came here to start slowly looking through your questions. I guess I have rested, to a degree.
Things are alright. I have re-watched Angelo's videos, and some others'. What used to be meant for deeper realization and unintelligible, now makes sense. This makes me happy, but practical confusions linger.
While I appreciate your suggestion for me to ditch awareness, I would like to... i can't properly formulate right now. It looks like there is just one question - what are you? But there seems to be two answers. "I am this/consiousness/awareness" and ... man, this is hard. Sorry for the jumble.
What is the headless way pointing to? What is looking, hearing? What is the source of the line of attention?
Let it be an illusion, I don't care at this point too much, if it's an illusion that is so much more free than the human contracted part. Although I don't care about those benefits. I am just curios as to what is being pointed out. It's an itch.

I have started a new somatic modality - fascial maneuvres. Seems to do some good unwinding.

I assumed determination ;)

Hey, that hurts! >:(
I do wonder, however, if I can wake up.

I will send this for now...
I'll come back eventually, don't worry

Meanwhile, I would appreciate you giving me a "practice" to do for, say, 5 minutes a day. Smething Rali-approved, and with which I will resonate.
Right now, my mind is in a choice paralysis. There are so, so many inquiries and pointers. Most of them seem to resonate, but the resonance comes and goes. I sure could use a bit of structure to rest the mind.

If laziness is a problem we can work with one question at a time

Sure, thank you, let's try that.

Hey Stan

Welcome back!

Funny thing... there was no notification at all in my mail. I've checked. Weird, huh?

Yeah, that happens unfortunately! The safest is to check on the forum

While I appreciate your suggestion for me to ditch awareness, I would like to... i can't properly formulate right now. It looks like there is just one question - what are you? But there seems to be two answers. "I am this/consiousness/awareness" and ... man, this is hard. Sorry for the jumble.

You’re right — that’s the root question:
What are you?
And yes, two answers usually show up:
1.“I am this / awareness / consciousness/ God / Brahman/ the Universe ” — clean, peaceful… but still a position.
2. …and something else, harder to name. Maybe just: “I don’t know.”
Give the second one a chance. Just sit inside the not-knowing, without defaulting to the spiritual answer. That’s where the illusion unravels. If you are quick to provide a familiar answer, you don’t allow enough space for this unravelling to happen on its own

Meanwhile, I would appreciate you giving me a "practice" to do for, say, 5 minutes a day. Smething Rali-approved, and with which I will resonate.

Here’s your 5-minute, "Rali-approved" daily practice:
Practice: Where is the line of attention coming from?
Set a timer, sit, and relax. Let anything appear — sound, sensation, thought, colour, smell, taste. Then inquire about attention:
Where does attention come from, before it moves?
Does it come from you? Or does it just shift… by itself?
What is attention?

Do this once a day. Just look freshly. You don’t have to find answers and you don’t need structure. What you need is stillness long enough to see that you don’t need any of this.
We'll work from here.
Love
Rali

Rali, hello
Sorry for not writing. I am in an uncomfortable spot. I have many questions, things I want to share, discoveries. I inquire into things daily, looking for that which will click. I feel like I am pretty close, but that might me an illusion.
Most frustratingly, things work sometimes. I get "that" feeling, clarity comes. But I don't follow through, and the next day the same inquiry is useless.
I hesistate writing here because you seem to be quite "radical" in your approach (going for the 8th fetter, right?), and LU is, generally speaking, not for chatting. I keep returning to the systems and teachings I am familiar with. but they all talk about shifting identity, one way or another.

Angelo said somewhere that it is too hard to stay in sense gates non-dually without the initial shift in identity in place. Self-refferential thoughts get in the way. Pull the blanket.
I have to agree with him.
While I now understand non-duality experientially and can get glimpses, I don't see how to jump in there. Perhaps I don't get something.
So I default to the search of the initial shift.
What do you think?

Do you know John Wheeler?

Where does attention come from, before it moves?
Does it come from you? Or does it just shift… by itself?
What is attention?

I really liked this at first. But the practice quickly stopped making sense. It's hard to focus on attention, probably because it's not a thing. It's a word, a concept, and I don't really understand. Kinda feels like things appear along with "attention", as if manifesting. Or maybe a process of "focusing" which makes textures of experience to pop up, while the others "go into the background". So I don't what to do, how to inquire into something that's not really a thing.
If anyone moves attention, then I can't find this agent. Attention moves first, no understanding as to how this movement works, just theories. It just moves wherever it wants.
Can't find the source of attention neither. Things get blurry and non-dual a bit.
But I don't think all this makes a dent in the default mechanism, default belief-state.


My latest invention is
"look for the barrier. Where there is barrier, there are sides, which means Me. Study the barrier and study when there is not barrier, like with sounds. There is more of a barrier with thoughts and body sensations, right?
what's on this side of the barrier? how does that barrier work?"

I really have no idea what I need to do, and what is this all about. I thought this is about seeing through the false self, but I've lost the way, so to say, looking for the true self.

Hi Stan
That was beautiful. Let’s go straight to the core.

I inquire into things daily, looking for that which will click. I feel like I am pretty close, but that might me an illusion

Yes. The feeling of being close is the illusion. That’s what keeps the hamster wheel turning. It’s not distance, but that sense of almost.
What if you’re not far? What if there’s just nothing to shift into?

I get "that" feeling, clarity comes. But I don't follow through, and the next day the same inquiry is useless… So I default to the search of the initial shift.

There are a lot of expectations here. Expectations are the biggest obstacle to seeing reality as it is. You think the shift will lock in, that it will stick, that something will happen. But what if… those “glimpses” are it. The clarity is already here. The only thing that comes back is the story that says it wasn’t enough. There is no “initial shift” waiting for you - only the belief that this can’t be it.

I really liked this at first. But the practice quickly stopped making sense. It's hard to focus on attention, probably because it's not a thing. It's a word, a concept, and I don't really understand…
If anyone moves attention, then I can't find this agent.

Exactly. There’s no thing called attention. What we call “attention” is just thought naming things into existence – labelling, highlighting, isolating from the whole, providing meaning, announcing “now this matters.”
But the experience appears before the label and it’s just thought slicing up seamless experience.
A sound appears, colour, but those are already labels, already interpreted. Even the so-called “DE” — sound, colour, sensation, …, the “sense gates” - isn’t separate from the thought that says “this is direct.”

It's like looking at a lava lamp. The wax (this) may seem to change shape, and the shapes it seems to take may seem to be present one moment, and absent the next. But all that is known is the wax. Nothing actually changed and nothing was ever born or lost, although it may have seemed to. All that is known is this - nothing can be added to it, nor taken away. It’s one movement - no “attention,” no “experience,” no “you.” There is just this, before it splits.
Look for yourself...
What separates things? What makes up the borders? Can we pluck a thing out of the scenery in front of us? If not, is it truly separate or is it thought about variation in observed qualities which makes it so?

The next time you are watching television, look at the screen and see whether you can pluck an object from the scene. Are there objects existing inside the screen or is the image a seamless whole? What is it that makes it seem as though there are separate objects in the picture? Are they truly separated?

Let the naming just be there, unnoticed. And just have a fresh look…
What’s left, without slicing it into parts?

Also notice…“You” can’t control “attention” because you are not the thinker of thoughts (or are you??), you are not the labeller – it’s all self-organised, happening on its own. And if there is no attention but just this and the conditioned descriptions of the "shapes" that it's taking, then what else could possibly be there? Everything else is redundant.

"look for the barrier. Where there is barrier, there are sides, which means Me. Study the barrier and study when there is not barrier, like with sounds. There is more of a barrier with thoughts and body sensations, right?
what's on this side of the barrier? how does that barrier work?"

That’s a good pointer, Stan. When there’s no barrier, there’s just… this.
But where there is division/barrier — subject/object, thought/feeler, seer/seen — there’s still identity hanging on. This is not a problem, just a place to look.

Try for example with seeing. If an image is seen inside or outside, where exactly is the border where
the image crosses over from being outside to being inside of you? What does the border consist of? Be specific – sensation, colour, sound, taste, smell? Is there a see-er and the seen, or simply seeing or the seen? We go deeper with this if it's needed...

I really have no idea what I need to do, and what is this all about. I thought this is about seeing through the false self, but I've lost the way, so to say, looking for the true self.

Yes. That’s the trap. Looking for the real self is still the self playing hide and seek. You never had one. There’s nothing to replace. No new “you” will be found on the other side of this.
There is ONLY this: sensation, colour, sound, taste, smell, thought. And nothing else… no seems like or feels like So... What do you see, smell, taste, hear, feel that is also there? Whatever can't be smelled, tasted, seen, heard, felt, is an assumption, an empty thought.

I hesistate writing here because you seem to be quite "radical" in your approach (going for the 8th fetter, right?), and LU is, generally speaking, not for chatting. I keep returning to the systems and teachings I am familiar with. but they all talk about shifting identity, one way or another.

There is nothing radical about LU - it’s a simple looking what is here and what is not. There are no steps (fetters) – whatever presents right now you look at it. If it’s “awareness” – you have a fresh look. If it’s a “barrier” – you have a fresh look. It’s really that simple. That’s why we ask people in the beginning to leave ALL teachings and learned stuff at the door. That lead you nowhere otherwise you wouldn’t be here, still looking. The only thing that helps is to look for yourself, not somebody else’s story, which creates unrealistic expectations that prevent you to see reality as it is – simple.
You don’t need a breakthrough. You need to stop waiting for one.
Here’s your only question for now — sit with it freshly:
What is missing, right now, that would make this complete?
Don’t just answer from teachings and expectations. Look!

Love
Rali

Rali, hello
I have just thought that, perhaps, the actual barrier could be... fear? Excitement? Pulling back? Shock? Flinching! Or maybe a recoil.
I kinda know where to go. But it's one heck of a leap. Nothing compares. To go into THIS??? To abandon self?
And yes, I know - there is no self in the first place. Fear is for the separate self. It's all just a mistake. But still - the reaction is here... I guess there is confusion about this.
When I had a massive non-dual acid trip this summer (meager 80ug), I did realise something about the fear at the start, and that's probably what allowed the trip to be so wonderful.
Perhaps something can be done with this. But maybe not. Just wanted to let you know.

Ha, we have posted at basically the same time...
Just letting you know I have now seen your post. I will react to it. Thanks

Forgot to mention.
This seems to be about making a decision to take the leap.
I am bad with decisions. I don't get them. I don't get decision-making process.
I really don't feel great about that. It's like I malfunction in this regard.

Hey Stan

Thanks for your extra messages! I got it - we have to explore fear (emotions) and decision making. We'll do that but answer first these

Love
Rali

Hello!
Sorry, I am dreading answering that pile of questions, since I am pretty sure it will be a miserable failure
So I am putting it off.
I mean, I know all the answers. Blah-blah, there are no borders, there is only this.
Digging in hard, again? There will be only dissatisfaction

Hey Stan

Sorry, I am dreading answering that pile of questions, since I am pretty sure it will be a miserable failure

There’s no pile. No test. No one grading you. The questions are for you to sit and look – not just answer from already acquired knowledge. You might think you know the answers but only the actual looking changes perspective, not the commentary. You might have known something for quite some time, and then you have a fresh look and all of a sudden it all makes sense – not just as a logical conclusion but as a visceral feel

That dread, that you are reporting, is the final way of the seeker trying to survive. It knows the game’s almost up, it also "knows" the supposedly correct answers (all these videos and teachings), so it tells you: “You’ll fail. You already know the answers — but they’re not enough. Why bother?”
But look! You’re already seeing it:

Blah-blah, there are no borders, there is only this.

Yes. Exactly. And it’s boring as hell… to the seeker, because it can’t do anything with that. There’s no gain.
So here’s your only task for today… find what wants something more. Look at that dissatisfaction.
Where does it live?
What’s its shape, its taste, its proof?
Can you find the one who’s unsatisfied?
What are the actual raw sensations there? Does the sensation say that is something called dissatisfaction, or that is a conditioned label? Where is this dissatisfaction in DE (not the story)?
And while you are there exploring all this, check: what is the threat of dissatisfaction trying to protect?
You might notice that once the story is dis-attached there is nothing wrong with any of this (excuse the pun!)
Don’t answer immediately — just look.
You’re not going backwards. It's just the wheel of storytelling try to spin again.
And this time… just don’t believe it.
Love
Rali