Seeing through the illusion

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,
I hear you! I am with you!
I feel you.
Mind is fighting for the body,
just look where in the body "is me" and then notice that this place and the body is not "a me"
and you will expand,
you will see what really is going on here.

And Yes, sure. Take your time.

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Since I last wrote to you asking for a little break a lot has happened. I lost my cat suddenly and unexpectedly on christmas day. I was plunged into an overwhelming grief. I was deeply in love with that little being. I made a choice right then to allow the sadness to move freely and to not move off of it. To feel it completely. To not get lost in stories but stay with the pure heart grief. It began to feel as though I was grieving everything and everyone I had ever lost in my life. Some deep terrors of life arose and were seen for the first time. Beliefs that must have formed when I was a child. It was a very intense time. I feel shaken up and freer, quieter and more open.

I have a silent online retreat coming up on Jan 15. It will run for 5 days. I am looking forward to it even more now that this trauma and opening has occurred. I wonder if you wouldn’t mind waiting a bit longer to continue our conversations? It feels a bit choppy to dive back in for a week and then take another break. It feels like things are bubbling up. There’s a sense that I should trust whatever is occurring. There is a quiet intention here with no direction. The grief stripped away everything inauthentic and extraneous. It has also been an opportunity to look into a deep well that was hidden from me.

I hope your holidays were filled with love and laughter. Wishing you and Luchana many blessings in the new year.

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,
So nice to read from you back ♥

Some deep terrors of life arose and were seen for the first time. Beliefs that must have formed when I was a child. It was a very intense time. I feel shaken up and freer, quieter and more open.

Wow, beautiful.
Yes old ideas "why we are not free/what we are/should be ..." - when we see them the healing/the untying is happening by itself!
Exactly as the belief in Santa.
Notice the Freedom behind " I should be some kind of persona / I should be the body/ I should be some form/ I should worry / I am something that needs to be fixed...

There’s a sense that I should trust whatever is occurring

whatever is occurring is only what is occurring, notice that anything here is The Subject?
but YES, I trust the filed fully!

here is a quiet intention here with no direction.

Yee, and everything is held and is here effortlessly

I wonder if you wouldn’t mind waiting a bit longer to continue our conversations?

Yes, Simone. Take your time!

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Thank you Lubo ♥
I deeply appreciate all the time you take and the love you give so freely.
This whole process with you has been very clarifying.
I will be back soon.

with much love
Simone

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

I have been wanting to write to you. Since the death of my cat and the silent retreat there have been insights and softening. I came out of the retreat with a heavy feeling, an unhappiness. Some days later I saw that I had been carrying this big weight around called “I want to awaken”. So much was in service to that. Awakening had become a destination, a goal in the future. And with that came inevitable disappointment and frustration.

I have a pretty good handle on everything conceptually. Not surprisingly I felt like I was looping around and ending up in the same place over and over. I am quite lucky in that I have a very sweet life here. I thought this is crazy, I have this beautiful life and I am making myself miserable. This destination I had created in the future was preventing me from having any shift in the now. Preventing me from often being present to everything here. I saw that I needed to shift focus and let go of the idea of awakening. To enjoy the moments of my life. To be okay with not awakening in this lifetime if that was how it went. I wasn’t even sure I would want to continue ‘working’ on this and that was okay too. This felt like a big thing to let drop away. I really cherished this idea but could see it was only causing harm.

I have been waiting and watching how this is settling with me. I continue to feel relaxed and lighter. The work continues. I am becoming more curious about this mind and these thoughts. Inquiry is becoming more of a felt experience. Things are letting go and there is movement, little insights. The idea of awakening seems to have been dropped but exploration has not.

I also have the feeling to pause our working together. Somehow the daily writings seem to be too much right now. Too regimented. There is more wanting to play and explore and to stay right here. A feeling that I need to journey alone for a stretch. Is this just avoiding the work? It doesn’t feel like it but I would welcome your feelings about this. I would also hope that we can leave the door open to picking up again in the future. I have traveled a good long way under your guidance and you have been a wonderful companion. The journey is always a surprise.

I am very grateful to you Lubo. Thank you.

with love

Simone

[Lubo]

Hi dear Simone,

I saw that I needed to shift focus and let go of the idea of awakening. To enjoy the moments of my life. To be okay with not awakening in this lifetime if that was how it went. I wasn’t even sure I would want to continue ‘working’ on this and that was okay too. This felt like a big thing to let drop away. I really cherished this idea but could see it was only causing harm.

Auuu, I feel the sadness, shame and disappointment of "not awakening."
It’s so hard for us not to believe the idea that we are the body, the "I" thoughts, or this human form.

But I see now—the pain comes from "not getting it"—and that’s nonsense. Your entire glory and freedom are right here, right now.

It’s just hard for us to see that this mental seeking has nothing to do with the joy we already are.

I continue to feel relaxed and lighter.

Yes, that's it - feel your divine heart!And laughter in it. Live there :)

I also have the feeling to pause our working together.

Mmm, I feel sweet sadness, but yes, I understand—you have the right to take care of yourself.

Ok. Let’s keep our conversation open.

So much love to you!
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

Thank you for understanding. I knew that you would ♥

Auuu, I feel the sadness, shame and disappointment of "not awakening."
It’s so hard for us not to believe the idea that we are the body, the "I" thoughts, or this human form.

I feel much lighter now that this burden has been set down. And yet 'I' didn't set it down, something let go. Ironically now I know there is room to awaken if that is what happens. And it's perfectly fine if it doesn't! There is definitely more space for laughter and joy. Everything is right here, no need to travel :) And everything is moving.

Thank you again Lubo. I so appreciate your keeping our conversation open.

with love
Simone

[Lubo]

Hi Simone,
yes, everything is here, no need to travel :) I like that!

I want to share what helped me move through the illusion of non-freedom.

The first was something very simple: **"Is it me, or is it God?"** And when I looked through the understanding that **God IS,** the shift in perception of this very moment became so obvious, and the light is so strong...

The second important realization for me was **authority.** I connected with a part of me, hidden in the shadows, struggling and afraid to be free. I asked it: **"What is keeping you bound? What is stopping you from expressing yourself, from being truly you?"** The answer came: **"The authority of the father."**

I said, **"Okay, he is not your authority. How do you feel now?"** And from that part came a sensation of pleasure—almost as if from revenge—**"You are not my authority."**

And then, gradually, this small, constrained part of me started expanding, growing boundless, merging with the ocean of bliss—with God.

There are no two.

So much love to you,
Lubo

[poeticspace]

Hello Lubo ♥

The second important realization for me was **authority.** I connected with a part of me, hidden in the shadows, struggling and afraid to be free. I asked it: **"What is keeping you bound? What is stopping you from expressing yourself, from being truly you?"** The answer came: **"The authority of the father."**

I said, **"Okay, he is not your authority. How do you feel now?"** And from that part came a sensation of pleasure—almost as if from revenge—**"You are not my authority."**

And then, gradually, this small, constrained part of me started expanding, growing boundless, merging with the ocean of bliss—with God.

There are no two.

Thank you for sharing this Lubo. It really touched my heart. In my grieving I have seen some of my own beliefs and fears brought out of the shadows. Beliefs and fears that probably began when I was still a child. They were heavy and hidden and have been carried with so much innocence all this time. And just seeing them allows for the letting go.

The first was something very simple: **"Is it me, or is it God?"** And when I looked through the understanding that **God IS,** the shift in perception of this very moment became so obvious, and the light is so strong...

I have been contemplating this alive presence that I am, that is always here. So close it’s not even noticed. Effortless. With death it is so obvious that we are not the body. There is an animating force, that alive presence, God. What is writing this? What is reading? What is always here? I am enjoying letting these questions sink down. There is space for them now.

thank you Lubo

from my heart to yours ♥

[Lubo]

Hi Simone,

What is writing this? What is reading? What is always here? I am enjoying letting these questions sink down. There is space for them now.

We are searching for the doer, yet we only find a manifestation.
How does this feel to you?

Notice the **effortlessness** of it all?

Love,
Lubo