The Gate

Had very vivid dreams tonight where me and my sister went back to our childhood and looked at how it was back then. She shared stuff I didn’t remember and perspectives I had never seen.

Then I sort of carried out practice while sleeping, recognizing thought patterns as only thoughts - and I could instantly drop them.

Then I started identifying all objects as objects and could clearly see the only thing that wasn’t an object - a clear space of awareness where objects appeared and disappeared.

I have had the same experience in deep meditation before, but this was more clear. There was still a ”me” present that this experience happened to though. But I can definitely sense that things are starting to open up.

I had a funny experience after a very long and intense meditation practice a few days ago where I experienced a dropping away of ”self/ego” in only the right side of the body. Very strange. I took a walk in the forest and felt that the right side was completely empty, just space. But the left side of my body still had the ”person” inhabiting it.


During this meditation I sensed an emotional blockage in the right side, very dense and heavy. So I allowed myself to just drop it and place it outside of the body. After that I felt much lighter for a couple of days like this blockage had truly been removed.

Don’t know why I’m reporting this but I just felt like writing it out. Today is my daughters birthday party so I won’t unfortunately have time for practice. Maybe in the evening. I’ll report back if that happens!

Sounds pretty good.

There was still a ”me” present

Impossible. There was a thought story and you believed it, even though it is a lie.

Loving

Last night I was trying to get a clear view of the ”me” by itself, without anything else attached to it and noticed that the ”me-thought” doesn’t seem to be able to exist alone. As a stand-alone thought. It’s pointing at another object like another thought, a emotion, memory, sensation etc.

It is like a nebula or a far away galaxy that seem to be a solid thing when observed from a distance but looking closely, it is apparently a mix of many different objects that is held together by a belief that they are the same thing or bound together.

I am reading Loving what is and will soon be able to do the exercises and the ones you have mentioned

Okay. Sounds good.

Much love,

I’m feeling kind of stressed out because it feels like things finally started happening once we started talking and now it feels like I can’t do this without you so I need to hurry up and get this done before you disappear

Also, interact with other people has become increasingly wierd. They go “I this, I that” and all I can think is no, you have a feeling that says this or a thought that says that. Not saying I’m doing that as well but you know… feeling sort of strange to witness things like that from the sidelines.
2 bday parties finally out of the way now! Tomorrow is practice day. You’ve read 2 chapters of Loving what is and I’m really resonating with both the content and the writing style

I”’ve read…” autocorrect loves me (:

Okay...

I'm unlikely to disappear. And there *are* other guides.

Yes. Interacting with others can feel strange.

Looking forward to how tomorrow's practice goes.

Loving

Session 1:
I am hearing birds outside
I am seeing trees slightly moving in the wind
I have a thought saying I should get up and make coffee
I see a fly
i hear the refrigerator humming
I feel that my eyes feel tired
I feel the table under my elbow
I feel my heart beating
I think about how quiet it is
I feel a little anxiety
I see my neighbours roof
I see it starts to rain
I feel my feet on the floor
I see the clock
I have a thought saying my handwriting has really deteriorated
I feel calm

Session 2:
Seeing window
hearing car
sensing pen in hand
feeling arms on table
thought saying less thoughts now and harder to find things to label
eyes relaxing a bit
breath happening
hearing fly
seeing furniture
seeing trees moving in the wind
seeing experience happen altogether (no labels)
looking at clock
zipping coffee
unintelligible thoughts movning
noticing anxiety is gone
car passing
sensing pen in hand
sensing eyes closing
hearing refrigerator humming
sensing room temp
sensing heart beating


Session 1:
I am hearing birds outside
I am seeing trees slightly moving in the wind
I have a thought saying I should get up and make coffee
I see a fly
i hear the refrigerator humming
I feel that my eyes feel tired
I feel the table under my elbow
I feel my heart beating
I think about how quiet it is
I feel a little anxiety
I see my neighbours roof
I see it starts to rain
I feel my feet on the floor
I see the clock
I have a thought saying my handwriting has really deteriorated
I feel calm

Session 2:
Seeing window
hearing car
sensing pen in hand
feeling arms on table
thought saying less thoughts now and harder to find things to label
eyes relaxing a bit
breath happening
hearing fly
seeing furniture
seeing trees moving in the wind
seeing experience happen altogether (no labels)
looking at clock
zipping coffee
unintelligible thoughts movning
noticing anxiety is gone
car passing
sensing pen in hand
sensing eyes closing
hearing refrigerator humming
sensing room temp
sensing heart beating


1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?
Im not sure. I guess in some sense session 2 were more true because session 1 contained more thoughts, more relationship with each label and more "overhead" as each observation had more of a judging feeling to them if you understand what I mean. Extra content created by the mind was more present.

2. What is here without labels?
Just one experience

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?
They only describe it, but the perception of experience is affected because they narrow it down and packages pieces of experience into smaller objects. Labels splits experience up into objects

4. Did you notice any differences in the body?
My anxiety dissapeared and I felt more empty in session 2. In session 1 there was a sense of chasing the next thing to write about, trying to make things happen, trying to influense how the session should progress and what to write about. Alot was going on in session 1.

In session 2 things slowed down alot and I felt more content, experience unfolded naturally. Thoughts seemed to stop and when they showed up they were quite distant, like a radio in the backround from another room. It was almost like I didnt have to choose when and what to write about because that too became a part of experience.

Sorry, I double posted the lists. Ignore the two extra ones, I didnt do the exercise twice with the exact same results ;)

1. With "I" is a lie, so without is more true. There is a pointer for truth/lie.

2. Yes. Just Direct Experience

3. Yes, no effects. They only describe it. There is a pointer for this, too.

4. Yes! Excellent observations.

Here is the next pointer relevant to #1 above.

Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving,

I need more clarification around the truth/lie concept before proceeding. When I say “I see trees moving in the wind” you say that is a lie and “seeing trees move in the wind” is truth, or at least more true.

But to me “I see this and that” is not a lie because it is how I currently perceive reality. It may very well be a misperception, misunderstanding, a mistake, an illusion- but a lie?

To me a lie is to deliberately deviate from telling the truth.
For example ”I wear pants”, you say is a lie. But ”wear pants” is also a lie because pants is a concept, it’s just thread and fabric put together in a design we agree upon to call pants. And the fabric upon closer investigation is just molecules, atoms . Pants is ultimately a lie too.

Is a lie from now on anything that is not actually the truth, consciously or unconsciously? And how far do we stretch this because everything in the lists above could be considered false depending on how closely we examine the statements

1. Lies don't have to be deliberate. I use "lie" because it is more impactful than just "mistake." And a bit truer.

2. All words, labels and thought content is untrue, therefore, a "lie."

3. "Truth" is only the thing perceived, and really, not even that.

Don't get stuck on this. Try to accept these definitions and move on.

Did you ever see "The Matrix?"

https://youtu.be/Ph02o6K2aoo?si=lxnYT75l_20Ymsdr

Do you see how it works?

There are a couple of videos from Pernille Damore. She calls it "Body Yes" and "Body No."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6RnrkOD7NY&t=103s

Watch these and then re-read the pointer I sent, please.

Thank you,

Did you ever see "The Matrix?"

Did I ever see The Matrix? Lets just say I’ve lost jobs, relationships and hours upon hours of analyzing and interpreting all 4 of the movies, along with the animated mini serie prequels called The Animatrix (strong recommendation!).

It’s funny though that the Wachowskis deny that it has anything to do with awakening at all, in the way that we are talking about it here.

It’s also heavily inspired by Ghost in the shell , a Japanese cyberpunk franchise from 1995.

Do you see how it works?

If this is referring to ”there is no spoon” then yes.
Because Neo is in the matrix, the spoon is not real so bending it is possible because it’s is ”a lie” therefore, not real. Therefore, not limited by the laws of reality

Lets just say I’ve lost jobs, relationships and hours upon hours of analyzing and interpreting all 4 of the movies, along with the animated mini serie prequels called The Animatrix (strong recommendation!).

Oh my.

And yes, I'm familiar with "Ghost in the Shell." Probably saw it, but I don't recall.

Because Neo is in the matrix, the spoon is not real so bending it is possible because it’s is ”a lie” therefore, not real. Therefore, not limited by the laws of reality

I would maintain that the Matrix is real and what you are calling "reality" is a complete illusion.

Labels are not the things they refer to. They are merely the content of thought that we made up.

Label-Reality Correlation

There is a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with something called "reality." But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like "good" and "bad" are inherent characteristics of "things." But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN’, what is the actual experience?

Is the red color "experienced" or is color green "experienced" as the label suggests?

Do the labels have a one-to-one correspondence with "reality?"

Or do the labels suggest something else other than what is here now (red color)?

Is green-ness an inherent attribute of the "experience" of the red color; or is green just a word label on the experience of the red color?

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Does redness become "good" or "bad," or do the labels have no effect whatsoever on ‘reality’?


Loving,