The Gate

I see, i guess you didn't understand exactly what i was looking for when i wrote you first.

I am not looking for assurance or opinions. I am also direct and if i have a question will ask it directly. Right now i don't have a particular question.

But i can also see that I was curious to hear about your experience with your search for non duality, awakening, Kensho, Samadhi or what word do you use?

My intention was just to connect and relate my experience to you. I am Latina, from Argentina and have been in San Francisco CA for 30 years.

Aayy sos de Argentina, hablo un poco de espanol. Puedes decir algunas cosas en espanol cuando/si querias

Well initially it seemed that you were looking for relief from suffering? Is that still the case?

But i can also see that I was curious to hear about your experience with your search for non duality, awakening, Kensho, Samadhi or what word do you use?

Using a word to define a thing makes it seem like there really is something called "awakening" that can happen to you, but this isn't the case at all. All that happened was the recognition that all thoughts were arbitrary, just like any sound, sight, sensation, smell, or taste. They appear and disappear randomly without any control or intent. 2 things that were recognised as thoughts were "I" and "others".
Anyway, I won't talk about it anymore, because I'm not really talking about anything, you see? As you read what I wrote about it, you may start to imagine it as a thing that can happen, but my words don't really refer to anything. These words are just words, like the sound of a dog barking. They come from thoughts, which are no different from the sound of construction. None of it means anything, even "meaning" is just a thought. These words are written with no belief in any of them, they're all rubbish, don't give them any thought. They are just randomly generated thoughts about a fictional past which is just another thought.

You will never find anything in thought because all thought can do is refer to other thoughts. It's a closed loop. All there is to do is to look at what's here, now. If thoughts appear about what isn't here now, that's not a problem, just look at the thoughts appearing. Those "thoughts about what isn't here" ARE what is here themselves. I challenge you to find something that isn't already here, now. And if you can't find something like that, then what are you seeking or searching for?