Now Until Now

[Nate55]

HI May, sitting for a few hours with this…
[/quote]Without going into thought, without reaching into past or future: What’s here?
Feel the body. Notice sounds. Breath. Pressure. Tingling. Warmth. Whatever is present, let it be exactly as it is.

Yes all that, pressure, breathing/not breathing…

You say, “I see,” “I feel,” “I experience”… but who exactly is seeing? Who is feeling?
Look carefully, not with your mind, but with your attention.

Staring out… I don’t know…A running movie of ‘me’…

[Nate55]

try again:
HI May, sitting for a few hours with this…

Without going into thought, without reaching into past or future: What’s here?
Feel the body. Notice sounds. Breath. Pressure. Tingling. Warmth. Whatever is present, let it be exactly as it is.

Yes all that, pressure, breathing/not breathing…

You say, “I see,” “I feel,” “I experience”… but who exactly is seeing? Who is feeling?
Look carefully, not with your mind, but with your attention.

Stairing out… I don’t know…A running movie of ‘me’…

Is there a center? A location? A someone? A “you” in here anywhere? Or is it just seeing happening, hearing happening, sensations appearing all on their own?

It’s all appearing, out of ‘my’ control, yet there’s something…

Is there really a “Mark” experiencing this? Or is that just a thought, a mental label, floating like all the others?

When I relax the tension, for a moment there’s nothing, no one…

Notice what happens when you don’t follow any thought, when you don’t believe any story for a moment. What’s left? Stillness? Aliveness? Just this moment, free of ownership?

Yes, a filter still pervades of sorrow pain shame fear anger…still a story of Where’s the joy?

Now, with total honesty and zero pressure: Is there a separate self anywhere in this moment? A controller? A doer? Or just life unfolding effortlessly, silently, without a center?

Don’t know how to answer…seems like a source somewhere…so much pain…

[Maylson]

Hey Mark, this is such an important moment. Thank you for staying with it.

You say:

“When I relax the tension, for a moment there’s nothing, no one.”

That’s it. That’s the glimpse. That’s the seeing.

And then pain comes, and with it, the mind tries to rebuild a center.
It says: “Yes, but there’s sorrow, shame, fear… where’s the joy?”

Let’s slow that down.

Those emotions, sorrow, shame, fear... do they prove the existence of a ‘SELF’?
Or are they just more appearances, like thoughts, like breath, like sound?

Look closely again: Is pain itself personal? Or is it just pain happening, moving, shifting like weather?

When you say

“seems like a source somewhere…

that’s another thought, isn’t it? A sense. A pull. Not a fact.

Does this “source” have shape, form, weight? Can it be located?
Or is it just a vague tension, another appearance, without a name?

Don’t try to answer from the mind.

Just drop into what’s actually here, below all the labels.

You’re not trying to escape the pain. You’re seeing whether it belongs to anyone.

So try this:

Can sorrow exist… without a ‘sorrow-er’?
Can pain appear… without a ‘you’ inside it?

Let that question hang.

Don’t think. Just look.

What’s here now before the next thought?

[Nate55]

Hi May, Checking in…Spending much time w/ the inquiries..... like guardrails they help w/ focus…thoughts, sensations, seeing hearing…. Falling asleep…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

[Maylson]

Hi Mark, I’ve just now had a chance to read your message, apologies for the delay in replying. I’ve been away, but I’m here with you now.

I can see how deeply you’ve been staying with these inquiries. You said they’re like guardrails, helping you focus… and then, at some point, you just fall asleep.

This is perfect. Truly.

Sleep coming in is not a sign of missing the mark, it’s actually a natural pause. The mind relaxes, the effort of looking dissolves, and the body says “rest.”

No need to resist that. No need to analyze it.

When sleep comes, let it come. When you wake up, see if there’s a “someone” who woke up, or just wakefulness, happening by itself.

The key here is simple:
Thoughts arise.
Sensations arise.
Sounds arise.
All on their own.
No doer, no thinker, no controller. Just life flowing, effortlessly.

That’s the freedom that doesn’t belong to anyone.

So don’t worry about the gap. Don’t feel like you need to catch up or do something extra now. Just notice what’s here, gently and honestly.

I’m here again, fully with you. Let me know what you see, or if there’s anything else showing up.