All you need is love. Requesting Elad as guide.

[Busahug]

Hi Elad,

What a wonderful metaphor! Something about it opened up another moment of experience for me in practice—where the sense of “I” dissolves into something inseparable, emerging and changing from moment to moment.

The search for an entity or something responsible for choices keeps bringing me back to thoughts about beliefs and the realization that I don’t know whether such an entity exists or not. However, I don’t see or perceive it; at times, only thoughts about its existence arise…

[Elad]

Hi R,

That's perfect. Just let this not finding and not knowing be there and continue to explore *in direct experience* what is being believed to be a self, what is being experienced as if it is a self? What does that consist of?

Look also: What controls whatever is being believed in the moment? Whatever reaction comes in a given moment to these instructions, or to looking for the separate self, what controls that reaction??


Here is another exercise to explore the (non-)existence of a chooser/controller:




Palm Flipping Exercise


1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what​ ​chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

[Busahug]

Hi Elad,

It’s amazing to feel how the practice of observing the action through the questions keeps surprising me. Something continues to evolve through the direct experience of the practice… I’m also noticing how my mind reacts to the gap that forms between perception and direct experience. For example, it tells me that the practice of turning the hand started as a result of the instructions you sent me, so that something or someone initiated the action out of will and choice.

What’s new is the way I’m now also observing the thoughts that arise after the direct experience of the practice. Suddenly, I don’t feel a contradiction between the direct experience and the thoughts that come up—I’m curious about them as well and open to seeing what else will emerge next… ❤️🙏🏻

[Elad]

Beautiful!!! Yes..

What chose the thoughts that come after the practice, where did they come from? Spontaneous or was there a separate self who chose them?

Conventionally we separate between intentional actions (like what we write each other here) and nonintentional movements (heart rate, movement in blood oxygen level, etc). And yet here we look deeper... Even the conventionally intentional actions, like moving the hands or writing and reading this sentence, where/what initiated or controlled them? Even actions that we might call controlling (say stopping a sentence/a sharing because of an expression we see in the face of another), where do they come from? Look at this as you go through the day... Is there a separate self in control or responsible for any of it?

Exercise to explore this further:


1) Write a sequence of numbers for 5 minutes (here is me doing it: 1, 33, 45, 9, 23, 111, 666, 34, 34, 6....). Before during and after the emergence and writing of each new number, observe like a hawk: Where does the number come from? Is there a self that chooses it? Even if the mind sees a sequence/logic, what chose exactly this sequence or logic to emerge now?


2) Sit facing a wall, eyes open and relaxed, body as relaxed and as still as possible, without being rigid/unnatural. 15-30 min (choose a time, set a timer). Keep attention on: what controls or chooses what happens during the sitting. Ie. What controls/chooses changes in thought, movement, states, feelings? Don't analyze it or try to figure it out. Just pay attention to what is seen moment by moment. Write me about what is seen.


This open curiosity you describe is at the heart of this matter 🤍

[Busahug]

Hi Elad,

The number exercise was a strong experience of not knowing what would come up—numbers simply appeared when I allowed myself to just write whatever arose. I noticed thoughts emerging as associations to the numbers after they appeared. At times, it seemed like those thoughts influenced the next numbers that came up… and then suddenly, the sequence would change by itself into new numbers, as if on its own. It was definitely a direct experience of there being no “I” choosing and no knowledge of how things arise—only the ability to see that they do.

In the second exercise, I found it difficult to repeatedly focus on the question. At one point, my thoughts wandered elsewhere, and then, in the moment when awareness of that arose and focus returned, it was a strong experience for me through the question itself. It’s still hard for me to put it into words, but I felt something new, powerful, and surprising in that moment…

[Elad]

Hey R,

This is it. Exactly this.

The numbers—just appearing. Thoughts weaving connections after they’ve already arisen, this also happening by itself unchosen. And then, suddenly, new numbers, a shift, on it's own. You saw it directly: no “I” choosing, no control, just arising.

And the second exercise—the moment awareness returned, something powerful was seen. Yes. That it. The mind might not be able to put it into words, but you don’t need words. You felt it, recognized something surprising, beyond what thought can grasp.

Stay with that. Keep looking, not through effort or analysis, but just by following this intuition, this direct seeing. Let what is already showing itself reveal even more. You’re right there.

Keep looking:

What is actually experiencing, thinking, controlling attention, forming intentions and feelings?

What is being believed to be the self? And what is that in direct experience?

Only direct experience, noticing what is noticed by itself.


With you,

[Busahug]

Hi Elad,

This morning, right after I woke up, there was an interesting practice. A minute after it started, a dream surfaced. I’m used to thinking of it as “remembering a dream,” but this time, I saw how it arose on its own. As I kept observing, I noticed a thought that categorized what came up as a dream. But something in me opened up to the idea that it was simply arising now, and my thoughts were telling me that this is what I had dreamed.

In the direct experience, it has no time—it’s just what is arising now, as it arises now. It’s new and interesting to look at it without the story about what is arising…

[Elad]

Yes! Beautiful. Just continue to be curious about what is actually happening, as opposed to what is happening inside the me-story-thoughts, what is actually happening including the me-story-thoughts, seen as a happening....

Here is another exercise to help see from another "angle" how the illusion of separate self functions:

Hearing Exercise

Find somewhere quiet to sit. Rest for a moment and listen to the sounds in the room where you are, or sounds from outside. Whatever it is, I'll just refer to it as 'what can be heard'.

1) In 'hearing' can anything be found other than 'what can be heard'?
2) Can what is doing the hearing be found? Or is there only 'what can be heard'?
3) Can an INHERENT HEARER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the hearer, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

[Busahug]

Here is the English translation of your text:

"Hey Elad,
I practiced the exercise several times today, and in the first two times, nothing new came up. The third time, I was lying down and trying to rest, and there were irritating noises in the environment that really triggered me. I became curious to practice in their presence, and it was interesting because the intensity of the restlessness I had previously experienced in their presence significantly decreased when I observed them not through ‘I hear noise’ but through ‘Noise is arising.’"

[Elad]

Very good!

So, in the heard is there only the heard or also a hearer?

And look also in the felt. In the felt is there only the felt or also a feeler?


Don't hurry to "know the answer" or to "give the answer", curiosity and investigation is the key!


And, a little like what you said about the curiosity that came up to practice with the noice- what controls when curiosity is there? Is there a chooser who can choose that?


Let me know if you want an exercise more for today, or to stay with these important questions alone.

[Busahug]

Hey Elad,
I’d love to continue with the current practice until Monday.
Thank you so much 🙏🏻❤️

[Busahug]

Hey Elad,

Today, I chose to revisit the first practice you sent me, with the mantra: “There is no separate me, there never was, and never will be.” I did it while traveling through the breathtaking nature of the Alps.

I noticed how, in such situations, thoughts of “them” and “us” and many comparisons tend to arise automatically. This time, when I spontaneously started practicing, I saw that there was no deliberate choice to do this specific practice—it simply came up, and I allowed it to be.

Then, I experienced a powerful sense of connection to everything and everyone around me—and beyond. It felt like being part of something vast, which is a very different experience from the usual sense of “I” as separate in the world.

Wow.

[Elad]

Beautiful! That's it.... Stay curious, stay attentive to what actually is/unfolds and what is it that is imagined to be the sepatate self... And let me know what is seen next.... 🌻

[Busahug]

Hi Elad,

Today I practiced the listening to sounds exercise again.

It was interesting to notice my physical response to certain noises and what they trigger without me having any control over it. I noticed that the thoughts that come after the physical sensations explain the reactions, but in reality, there isn’t something that chooses—it’s just a bodily response that arises.

Alongside that, like last time, when I’m aware of the sounds as sounds that appear, and not caught up in thoughts like “I am hearing,” there’s less reactivity to the sounds… It’s really subtle and elusive. We’ll see what else comes up moving forward.

[Elad]

Beautiful noticing and openness R!

So:

In the heard is there only the heard or also a hearer?

And look also in the felt. In the felt is there only the felt or also a feeler?

And look also in the thought. In the thought there is only thought, or also a thinker?

When you directly ask these questions what is revealed? What comes up?


-----------


Here is a new exercise for you (work with it today or one of the next days, as feels in the flow for you):


Word “I”

Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more,

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?

Speak the word “I” silently; be aware of any sensations or responses to this word. Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU?

Now say the word “I” aloud. Is that sound YOU?

Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”

Is the thought, "I exist" you?

Is the thought "I" you?