Ready to see

[Magdalena]

Hey Derrick,


You say "awareness can be directed"—but by what? Look right now—is there an actual "director," or is that just another story appearing, claiming control?


And this "awareness believed"—by whom? Where is this believer? Or is that just another thought pattern acting like it owns what’s happening?


Sit with this. Right now—is there anything separate from raw life unfolding? Or just thoughts layering a story on top of it?

[derjohns]

Hi Magdalena.

You say "awareness can be directed"—but by what? Look right now—is there an actual "director," or is that just another story appearing, claiming control?

When I look again for the director, I find only the jumble of stories again...no director, just a story of a director. Just thoughts! Fooled again!

And this "awareness believed"—by whom? Where is this believer? Or is that just another thought pattern acting like it owns what’s happening?

I see. Not a believer but thoughts and feelings supporting other thoughts - A statement thought and then an associated thought and feeling "This is true" - and a thought about one having these thoughts, a believer.

Sit with this. Right now—is there anything separate from raw life unfolding? Or just thoughts layering a story on top of it?

No, life is just unfolding...AND...there are a lot of thoughts and stories about it. Thoughts about "me", "I", "mine", "my life", "problems", "desires", "a past", "a future", "things or people or a self that need to be fixed or made better." Lots of thoughts about this character and other characters and what they are doing and should be doing etc. And all of these thoughts are also a part of life unfolding... and unfolding perfectly, it seems...since it has all brought "me" here...to this place where "I" can be assisted in seeing that "I" don't really exist! Very interesting.

Grateful for your assistance.
Derrick

[Magdalena]

Hey Derrick,

Just thoughts! Fooled again!

LOL yes - how funny is that? LOL

it has all brought "me" here

— but what exactly has brought "you" here?
Is there some force guiding things, or is that just another thought tying everything into a neat little story?


Look right now — is there any actual path that’s been traveled, or has life always just been unfolding, without a destination, without a journey, without a “you” moving through it?


And be really precise here — right now, is there any actual character called Derrick, or just thoughts about one?

Grateful for your assistance.

LOL
Do you seriously believe there is anyone here assisting anyone? LOL

[derjohns]

Hi Magdalena,

— but what exactly has brought "you" here?

Life.

Is there some force guiding things, or is that just another thought tying everything into a neat little story?

No force guiding things, but the unfolding of life appears to have a direction to it and/or an intelligence. It does not appear to be random. Life appears to be unfolding in a way that supports even the imaginary mental-program characters in moving toward greater Truth.

Look right now — is there any actual path that’s been traveled, or has life always just been unfolding, without a destination, without a journey, without a “you” moving through it?

No actual path, just life unfolding, without an actual "me".

And be really precise here — right now, is there any actual character called Derrick, or just thoughts about one?

No actual character called Derrick, just thoughts about one, a story-program of Derrick.

Do you seriously believe there is anyone here assisting anyone?

Maybe Life is gently waking up a part of itself from a dream that it's the character Derrick.

Warmly,
Derrick

[Magdalena]

OMG Derrick,


You'd make a perfect non-dual poet, you know that?


You say

Life is gently waking up a part of itself.

Look closely — is this what is actually happening, or is that just another beautiful-sounding thought which adds meaning where there is none?


Does life need a direction?

Does it need intelligence?

Or is that just the last attempt of the mind to stitch together a purpose where there isn’t one?


LOOK:

Right now — is anything truly waking up?

Or is that just another story appearing in the same empty space which "Derrick" used to inhabit?

[derjohns]

Hi Magdalena.

You'd make a perfect non-dual poet, you know that?

lol Why, thank you!

Look closely — is this what is actually happening, or is that just another beautiful-sounding thought which adds meaning where there is none? No, this continuous unfolding feels like it has always been this way, not anything waking up.

Yes, it is a beautiful thought that adds meaning where none is needed.

Does life need a direction?

Life doesn't need anything.

Does it need intelligence?

No, it doesn't need it. It shows up, how it shows up. It unfolds how it unfolds. And Life doesn't need the mind's labels about it.

LOOK:
Right now — is anything truly waking up?

No.

Or is that just another story appearing in the same empty space which "Derrick" used to inhabit?

It's another story. And the empty space feels good.

Thank you.

[Magdalena]

Derrick,


You say

Life doesn’t need intelligence

and

it unfolds how it unfolds.

Sounds neat. Sounds clean. Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out.


But is that actually what’s happening right now, or are you just narrating another polished non-dual answer?


Right now — not what you think, not what you’ve concluded — what is actually happening? What does it feel like to have no ground left to stand on?


Don’t give me another tidy response. Look. And report — raw, unfiltered.

[derjohns]

Hi Magdalena.

Sounds neat. Sounds clean. Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out.

Lol

But is that actually what’s happening right now, or are you just narrating another polished non-dual answer?

a lot is happening..an unending streams of things that grab attention - humming sounds from IT equipment nearby, the feeling of cool air as it flows into the nostrils, the chest rising and falling, pressure where the soles of the feet tough the floor, an itchy feeling on the back of the head and a hand coming up to scratch it, the colors of the leaves of a plant and a loose and expansive feeling in the center of the chest, a confused feeling and thinking to resolve it and an awareness of it and a release and a noticing of coolness around the ears, appreciation and joy at noticing how easily the fingers know how to open nuts and dispose of the shells, a buttery taste and an explosion of taste/sensation in the mouth from the spices on the nuts, a feeling of ease and wonder and delight

Right now — not what you think, not what you’ve concluded — what is actually happening?

Awareness of the fingers lightly resting on the keyboard, a curiosity about what will happen next, a mild burning sensation on the upper lip, vibrations from the heart beating in the chest, a warm building sensation in the right nose and an awareness that a tissue will be needed soon

What does it feel like to have no ground left to stand on?

confusion and thinking about the meaning of this question, and an awareness of background calmness even with all of the sensory and mental activity, and an awareness of nervousness and slight fear and a thought "I hope I'm not doing this wrong."

Derrick

[Magdalena]

Hey Derrick,


Nice list. Very detailed. But who the hell is doing all this noticing?

You’re mapping sensations, cataloging every little shift — but who is the one keeping track? Is there actually a noticer, or just more labeling happening on autopilot?


And that last bit:

I hope I’m not doing this wrong.

Who is worried about doing it right? Is there actually a "you" here that could get this - or anything - wrong?
Or is that just one last bit of the story, hanging on for dear life?


Drop the checklist. Drop the mental inventory. What’s here when you stop monitoring everything?

[derjohns]

Hi Madgalena,

Okay, so there some things going on:

1.) Experiencing is happening with on real identifiable self - just emptiness/spaciousness experiencing or awareness of various things and no labeling/no words, just experiencing, mostly quiet experiencing.

2.) The mental labeling of the "I" identity program also arises in the spaciousness, but it can be seen without identifying with it or without the thought that it is true.

3.) There is a habitual way of communicating that uses "I" in sentences, so there is some challenge to communicate at times.

Nice list. Very detailed. But who the hell is doing all this noticing?

Nobody, emptiness, awareness/consciousness

You’re mapping sensations, cataloging every little shift — but who is the one keeping track? Is there actually a noticer, or just more labeling happening on autopilot?

In yesterday's response, labeling was happening but not on autopilot (although at other times on autopilot). Experiencing was happening without labels, but labeling was activated and used in order to communicate about the experiencing.

Who is worried about doing it right? Is there actually a "you" here that could get this - or anything - wrong?
Or is that just one last bit of the story, hanging on for dear life?

No one, it's mental identity programming that brought up that "I" story along with feelings of nervousness and slight fear/anxiety to keep revive the illusion of a self.

Drop the checklist. Drop the mental inventory. What’s here when you stop monitoring everything?

experiencing or experiencing within a field of spaciousness

Warmly,
Derrick

[Magdalena]

Hey Derrick,


I am not at all worried by your conventional use of "I" - as long as it is clear that there is no fixed entity that it refers to, OK?


But the thing is, all that you're saying is simply more stories.


You say

experiencing within a field of spaciousness.

But look: is there actually a field, or is that just another subtle way to hold onto a "something" instead of letting everything collapse?

If you were to rely only on your direct experience (what is received through the five senses), would you really find any of what you're saying?

If not, it means these are all concepts - imagined things - thought stuff.

Even when you list the items you're seeing or sounds you're hearing, the words with which the sensory experience is labelled are concepts. In fact, what is seen is simply colours; what is heard is simply sound; what is smelled is simply smell; etc.

Can you see this? Take your time to experiment and find out.


Drop “awareness”, “field”, “spaciousness”, and all the rest.
These are all concepts. They are as empty as "I", "the keyboard" or "my upper lip".

What happens when you drop all that?

What is left?
LOOK.

[derjohns]

Hi Magdalena,

Thank you for your explanation again.
Today was a bit busy.
Please let me experiment with this and respond tomorrow.

Thank you,
Derrick

[Magdalena]

Absolutely - take all the time you need.
Looking forward to hearing from you.

[derjohns]

Hi Magdalena,

You say
experiencing within a field of spaciousness.
But look: is there actually a field, or is that just another subtle way to hold onto a "something" instead of letting everything collapse?

I am not sure. When I look inside for an experiencer of the direct experience, there is emptiness or spaciousness.

If you were to rely only on your direct experience (what is received through the five senses), would you really find any of what you're saying?

No, the labels do not equal the experienced reality.

If not, it means these are all concepts - imagined things - thought stuff.
Can you see this? Take your time to experiment ad find out.

Okay, I see this now. The mind had labelled what was directly experienced. And without the mental interpretation and more detailed labels, what is experienced is simply colors, sounds, smells, feelings, etc.

Drop “awareness”, “field”, “spaciousness”, and all the rest.
These are all concepts. They are as empty as "I", "the keyboard" or "my upper lip".
What happens when you drop all that?

What is left?
LOOK.

Seeing, feeling, touching, hearing, tasting, smelling.

Warmly,
Derrick

[Magdalena]

OK, Derrick,


You see there’s no experiencer.

You see that any label put on the experience itself is just thought stuff.

So tell me: what’s actually changed?


Not in theory, not as another neat answer — in your direct, lived experience.


Do you still feel like a person moving through life?

Do you still feel like you’re on a path?

Or has something actually collapsed?



Don’t give me the answers you think are “correct”.

Be brutally honest.

What is different?

Take your time to observe this closely.