Fetter and shadow work

[poppyseed]

Hi Jenn

No, it is pure experience. Sitting does quiet the mind however the mind also quiets when I am in direct experience.

Wonderful!

No, the thought and word Apple is just that a thought and assigned label for a round, red, and shiny object. Even that description is just labels. Articulation becomes difficult. I would still recognize the apple without being able to articulate what this is.

Perfect. Now strip it even further.
When you say you'd "still recognize the apple," what is actually happening in direct experience?
Look right now at something nearby—anything. Before you say what it is…
Before you think the word…
What is actually here?
Is it possible to find anything beyond shape, colour, maybe texture (sensation)—plus a thought about what it is?
Can you find the thing itself?
Or only sensation + label?
Stay there. Don’t answer too quickly. Let it burn through.

The same description/label (“apple”) is used for other categories of DE - there are tasting (tastes), seeing (colours/shapes), feeling (sensations when eating and touching), smelling (smells) – no hearing an “apple”. If you notice I used verbs as these are happening in motion, there is a flux not a frozen picture. Then thought appears and describes that you are seeing an “apple”, tasting an “apple” etc. Just because these particular seeing, tasting,… have appeared together in the past they are grouped together as an “apple” experience.
Notice, do seeing, smelling, tasting, and sensing “apple” depend on each other in some way or they just appear simultaneously (sometimes) and independently? What binds experiences and their name together? Can experiences exist without the label?

What makes the “object apple” inherently existing somehow outside of your senses? If it is seen outside, where is the border where the image crosses over from being outside to being inside of you? What does the border consist of?
If it is the right combination of specific senses that makes an object ”apple” exist, does it exist on its own and senses just describe the object, OR it’s the other way around - we have the 5 specific senses and thought groups them and creates an object? Can an "object" then be in general a LABEL for a specific combination of any of the five senses?

Just to ensure that you are crystal clear about DE and labels related to it...here's an exercise that you can try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities, objects and emotions simply as colour/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought as per the apple example.
For example, when having coffee in the morning, become aware of:
Seeing a cup, simply= image/colour (seeing)
Smelling coffee, simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought (thinking)

Break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists EXACTLY like the one above. Please write a few examples from your daily life.

Love
Rali

[Kokorokandy]

When you say you'd "still recognize the apple," what is actually happening in direct experience?

I am taking the experience and assigning it a label based on my belief that it is an Apple. So drawing on thought and background “knowledge”.

Look right now at something nearby—anything. Before you say what it is…
Before you think the word…
What is actually here?
Is it possible to find anything beyond shape, colour, maybe texture (sensation)—plus a thought about what it is?
Can you find the thing itself?
Or only sensation + label?

This took some time to repeat with multiple things. I find it easier to stay with a sensation and not attach a label when I am holding or touching something. While looking at something there is a lot of “round, shiny, reflective, and from there I went back and forth from being in sensation back to label.
Holding something though, I could feel something however I was unable to find it, if that makes any sense.

Notice, do seeing, smelling, tasting, and sensing “apple” depend on each other in some way or they just appear simultaneously (sometimes) and independently? What binds experiences and their name together? Can experiences exist without the label?

The experience just happens they do not need to be identified, it is just what is, I am not sure if an observer is required for the experience or not. I got caught up in that for a minute, something felt different when I started to feel in to that concept. Yes an experience can take place without labels. There have been moments that this has happened. When it has been pure experience, until I look back in retrospect or when I start to worry about wanting pictures, or to affirm the experience with myself or someone else.

What makes the “object apple” inherently existing somehow outside of your senses? If it is seen outside, where is the border where the image crosses over from being outside to being inside of you? What does the border consist of?[/quoted

I am not sure visually I perceive a boarder but I am unsure if that is happening inside or outside of my experience, or is it both and/or neither. When I hold something it is difficult to feel where I end and the thing begins. Like as I type this if I don’t visually see where I perceive the phone begins and ends, I cannot sense the difference between my hand and the phone.
The visual aspect of this set me back. Like “wait, what” something felt sticky, like I assume this but is it true? Is it where I believe something begins and ends in my mind due to light be reflected. Is that the case though? Idk.

If it is the right combination of specific senses that makes an object ”apple” exist, does it exist on its own and senses just describe the object, OR it’s the other way around - we have the 5 specific senses and thought groups them and creates an object? Can an "object" then be in general a LABEL for a specific combination of any of the five senses?

I am not quite sure, this again felt sticky. Does said object exist without observation. No not in direct experience it wouldn’t be there unless it is. I will continue to read and explore this. If I am in direct experience the sensations don’t need a label to sense. They just sense.

I have the experience=labels. I am going to do this on my PC. So it will be continued from this thread.
Thank you.
With love,
Jenn

[poppyseed]

Hi Jenn

This took some time to repeat with multiple things. I find it easier to stay with a sensation and not attach a label when I am holding or touching something. While looking at something there is a lot of “round, shiny, reflective, and from there I went back and forth from being in sensation back to label.
Holding something though, I could feel something however I was unable to find it, if that makes any sense.

What exactly are you “feeling” when you hold something, before the word, the image, the concept kicks in?
Where is the thing—the object—without thought saying it’s there?
What does “something” even mean when you can’t find it?
Before the word “shiny”… what was there?
Can you describe what’s here without using any learned label?
If you can’t find the object…Who or what is holding it?

The experience just happens they do not need to be identified, it is just what is, I am not sure if an observer is required for the experience or not. I got caught up in that for a minute, something felt different when I started to feel in to that concept. Yes an experience can take place without labels. There have been moments that this has happened. When it has been pure experience, until I look back in retrospect or when I start to worry about wanting pictures, or to affirm the experience with myself or someone else.

In those moments of pure experience—when you’re not naming, not affirming—where is the “observer”?
Look freshly, right now: is there anything behind the experience, owning it, watching it, directing it? Or is that just another label added later?

I am not sure visually I perceive a boarder but I am unsure if that is happening inside or outside of my experience, or is it both and/or neither. When I hold something it is difficult to feel where I end and the thing begins. Like as I type this if I don’t visually see where I perceive the phone begins and ends, I cannot sense the difference between my hand and the phone. The visual aspect of this set me back. Like “wait, what” something felt sticky, like I assume this but is it true? Is it where I believe something begins and ends in my mind due to light be reflected. Is that the case though? Idk.

That stickiness you felt—look again.
Is the phone ever found, or just color, shape, and a thought saying “phone”?
When you close your eyes—does the phone disappear? Or just the label and image?
Can you ever find a boundary—an actual line—between "your hand" and "the phone"... without thought saying so?

If all that ever shows up is sensation—pressure, temperature, colour…then where is “the phone”?
Not the word, not the image, not the idea of it.
Did it ever actually exist—or was that always just a thought?
Without the thought “phone,” what’s left?
LOOK! Don’t listen to the story! Concentrate on what is actually here right now. Raw sensation (feeling). Colour (seeing). Thoughts arising (their content is the illusion). Nothing else.

I am not quite sure, this again felt sticky. Does said object exist without observation. No not in direct experience it wouldn’t be there unless it is. I will continue to read and explore this. If I am in direct experience the sensations don’t need a label to sense. They just sense. I have the experience=labels. I am going to do this on my PC. So it will be continued from this thread.

Look now.
There is a sensation (vibration, temperature) and seeing of colour and shape.
Not the thought about it. Not the story.
What exactly is here, before the label “object”?
Before even the word “sensation”—just the rawness?
Is there anything solid?
Anything separate?
Or is “object” only ever a thought that came after?
Can you find where one “thing” ends and another begins—without labelling it?
Where’s the actual line between “apple” and “not apple”?
Between “hand” and “phone”?
Or is that border only made of thought too?

Have a look at this abstract painting:


Seeing (experiencing) can be likened to an abstract painting and if you look at an abstract painting you start to see shapes etc within the painting itself. Those shapes aren’t really there…but they SEEM (appear) to be. So from that perspective...do the shapes really exist? The same is happening with life. It is thought that divides experience into different abstractions and gives them objectivity via labels (colour, sound, thought, smell, taste, sensation), dimensions, meaning and purpose and then further overlays these with stories about them.
When you look at the painting…all there is, is the paint. Can you see this?

Look at the picture. Don’t name anything. No “circle,” no “line,” no “background.” Just look. Let the seeing be raw.
Then ask:
What exactly is seen before thought steps in?
Is there “shape,” or just colour?
Is there “object,” or only seeing—unlabelled?
What separates this from that?
Where’s the boundary, if no label says so?
Or is it just one field, endlessly moving?
Love
Rali

[poppyseed]

Hi Jenn
Are we still doing this?

Love
Rali

[Kokorokandy]

Rali,
First let me apologize, this last week has been a ride. I found myself in overwhelm and detaching to a certain extent. I won’t get into the narratives and stories.

What exactly are you “feeling” when you hold something, before the word, the image, the concept kicks in?
Where is the thing—the object—without thought saying it’s there?
What does “something” even mean when you can’t find it?
Before the word “shiny”… what was there?
Can you describe what’s here without using any learned label?
If you can’t find the object…Who or what is holding it?

I am not sure to be honest.

In those moments of pure experience—when you’re not naming, not affirming—where is the “observer”?
Look freshly, right now: is there anything behind the experience, owning it, watching it, directing it? Or is that just another label added later?

It is just happening without thought or intention. The label happens when thoughts are being held onto and my attention is now in thought.

Is the phone ever found, or just color, shape, and a thought saying “phone”?
When you close your eyes—does the phone disappear? Or just the label and image?
Can you ever find a boundary—an actual line—between "your hand" and "the phone"... without thought saying so?

If all that ever shows up is sensation—pressure, temperature, colour…then where is “the phone”?

In a thought. When I look at this all identification comes with a thought. I don’t know what would be there without the labels. Just what is.

What exactly is here, before the label “object”?
Before even the word “sensation”—just the rawness?
Is there anything solid?
Anything separate?
Or is “object” only ever a thought that came after?
Can you find where one “thing” ends and another begins—without labelling it?
Where’s the actual line between “apple” and “not apple”?
Between “hand” and “phone”?
Or is that border only made of thought too?

The idea of border is a thought. I am not sure things feel solid or appear solid but without touching them that is perceived. When I touch I cannot feel where my body and said object are separate, unless it is visually and then that is because it is coming with a thought.

Seeing (experiencing) can be likened to an abstract painting and if you look at an abstract painting you start to see shapes etc within the painting itself. Those shapes aren’t really there…but they SEEM (appear) to be. So from that perspective...do the shapes really exist? The same is happening with life. It is thought that divides experience into different abstractions and gives them objectivity via labels (colour, sound, thought, smell, taste, sensation), dimensions, meaning and purpose and then further overlays these with stories about them.
When you look at the painting…all there is, is the paint. Can you see this?

The brain attempts to identify and label shapes and colors. Yes I can see all is paint. I can also see how our brains seek and assign labels to perceived patterns, shapes, and colors.

What exactly is seen before thought steps in?
Is there “shape,” or just colour?
Is there “object,” or only seeing—unlabelled?
What separates this from that?
Where’s the boundary, if no label says so?
Or is it just one field, endlessly moving?

It is just what it is, in order to name colors or boundaries I have to go to thought and assign labels.

Driving
Feel- feet to the pedals, hands to the wheel, butt to the seat.
Hear- the hum of the engine
Visual- what ever I am seeing, other cars, trees people, stop sign or lights.
Thoughts- happen to identify that all of these things are happening, where to turn if I am unfamiliar with where I am going.

Taking a bath
Hearing- water filling or water swaying with movement
Feeling- warmth of the water, soap, cloth or hands
Smell- of soap and shampoo even the water has a smell
Visual- steam of water, the tub, my body, soap and shampoo
Thought- I should turn the water off, should I shave, the water feels hot, I like hot baths, this is refreshing. Should I wash my hair.

Eating
Smell- the smell of something unknown
Thought- is that bbq
Thought- I love the smell of spring
Visual-what is brought out
Thought- assigning the labels of what I am seeing ref chili, cheese, beans ect.
Taste- tasting gooey soft and warm
( again back to thought to assign the gooey cheesy warm)

I am starting to see how much is tied to labels and thought identification. I enjoy breaking this down because it has show how much referencing is happening.

Thank you with love
Jenn

[poppyseed]

Hi Jen

First let me apologize, this last week has been a ride. I found myself in overwhelm and detaching to a certain extent. I won’t get into the narratives and stories.

No worries, life happens (not in our control ;)). If you can just let me know that you haven’t given up it would be great :)

When I look at this all identification comes with a thought. I don’t know what would be there without the labels. Just what is.

It is just what it is, in order to name colours or boundaries I have to go to thought and assign labels.

If everything appears as this seamless field—no labels, no borders—then what exactly is it that ever needed to be known?
What is not enough about this, as it is?
What is lacking—right now, before a single thought enters?

Taking a bath
Hearing- water filling or water swaying with movement
Feeling- warmth of the water, soap, cloth or hands
Smell- of soap and shampoo even the water has a smell
Visual- steam of water, the tub, my body, soap and shampoo
Thought- I should turn the water off, should I shave, the water feels hot, I like hot baths, this is refreshing. Should I wash my hair.

Thank you for doing such wonderful looking! :) It is now to incorporate that looking into your everyday….make it a habit.
How does it feel to see what actually is?
You can give me an example with each reply to make sure that looking becomes a habit :)
The first part (before “-“ ) is the DE. The second part (after “-“ ) is the conditioned description (labelling/meaning) thought assigns to DE/just this.

In DE there are only hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, feeling – indescribable but experienceable – like the difference between remembering the taste of chocolate and really tasting the chocolate. The richness of the experience is indescribable (I hope you would agree). Thought comes along and gives conditioned meaning to it all.
Notice…
I would like you to sit quietly and close your eyes and just listen to the sounds for a few minutes that can be heard both inside and outside of the room. Really hear them. Isolate one - make sure it is a sound that you will be able to hear during this exercise).

Okay, great! Now sit quietly again and listen to the sound for a minute of two and as you listen, I would like for you to answer the following questions by looking at what you direct actual experience is and not with an intellectual answer.

Without thought, how is it known that the sound heard is, for example, 'birds chirping'?

Does the sound itself suggest in any way that it is 'birds chirping', or is it thought that suggests it? (answer the questions about the sounds that you are listening).
Without the mental images and labels, do you see any birds in the sound? How do you know that this sound is “birds chirping”? From memory?

Are there only “birds chirping” or are there other sounds as well – like “cars passing”, “people talking”, “humming of the fridge”? So is there a time with no sound at all (absolute silence, not even subtle sounds), or that is theoretical? Furthermore, just because there are peaks and troughs in sound/hearing are there solid/separate “sounds” with borders, without the labels, or sound/hearing morphs form one “shape” into another? Are there many sounds (without the labels and mental images) or just sound/hearing (“taking different values”)?

Also are the hearing AND sound? Are sound and hearing of sound two separate “things” - you are hearing specific sounds and then you don’t hear them, or that happens only in language/description of hearing?
While “you are there” check… Is there an entity that witnesses the appearance and disappearance of sound – like chronologically?
In language we have a subject doing something on an object – “I listen to birds chirping”. Is that what is really happening in DE? Which picture represents best DE when it comes to subject/object/action relationship/interaction

Love
Rali

[Kokorokandy]

Hello Rali,
I have learned that if I start the response and come back it deletes everything. Now that I am back at work, it may come in as bits as I go, if you are ok with that. Last night I responded but had to finish the last inquiry and it deleted it all.

everything appears as this seamless field—no labels, no borders—then what exactly is it that ever needed to be known?
What is not enough about this, as it is?
What is lacking—right now, before a single thought enters?

Nothing, the need for change is mind made. For instance at work something happened,

In the sense field it was,
Visual- lights and reflections
Sounds- someone talking, I know that is a label, it was simply sound.
Sensations in body- sweating, rapid heartbeat, pressure in my chest and throat, heat rising up.

From this thoughts made an entire scenario, attaching labels and a mind made story.

How does it feel to see what actually is?

It is, I can’t find words I guess peaceful. It just is. Felt like a weight was lifted.

Without thought, how is it known that the sound heard is, for example, 'birds chirping'?

It is simply sound.

Does the sound itself suggest in any way that it is 'birds chirping', or is it thought that suggests it? (answer the questions about the sounds that you are listening).
Without the mental images and labels, do you see any birds in the sound? How do you know that this sound is “birds chirping”? From memory?

It is a prediction from memory assigning a label to a sound. No, I don’t see a bird. It happens so fast it has just been assumed through out my life, until now.

Are there only “birds chirping” or are there other sounds as well – like “cars passing”, “people talking”, “humming of the fridge”? So is there a time with no sound at all (absolute silence, not even subtle sounds), or that is theoretical? Furthermore, just because there are peaks and troughs in sound/hearing are there solid/separate “sounds” with borders, without the labels, or sound/hearing morphs form one “shape” into another? Are there many sounds (without the labels and mental images) or just sound/hearing (“taking different values”)?

It is all thought made, silence seems to have a sound or a feel to it.

With love,
Jenn

[poppyseed]

Hi Jenn

I have learned that if I start the response and come back it deletes everything. Now that I am back at work, it may come in as bits as I go, if you are ok with that. Last night I responded but had to finish the last inquiry and it deleted it all.

I’m sorry, but it happens! That is why we suggest that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. It will save you time in the long run, if a glitch in the system wipes out your answer.

Nothing, the need for change is mind made. For instance at work something happened, In the sense field it was, Visual- lights and reflections Sounds- someone talking, I know that is a label, it was simply sound. Sensations in body- sweating, rapid heartbeat, pressure in my chest and throat, heat rising up. From this thoughts made an entire scenario, attaching labels and a mind made story.

This is it. There is “raw data”: colours, sounds, sensation. Then thought leaps in: “This means something”, “This shouldn’t be happening”, “I need to do something.”
And in that moment, the imaginary self is born again - a decision maker, a thinker, a person to whom things are happening.
So now look... Without the thought-story, what exactly was the problem in that situation?
Don’t just answer—look!
Was there anything wrong with “sweating”, with “heat”, with “sound”, before mind jumped in? What are even these without the labels?
Can any of that—colours, tightness, sound—mean anything without a thought telling a story?
You’re not looking for comfort in the midst of it - make it better (for whom?). You’re looking to expose the one who says, “this needs to change.” Is there a thinker/owner of thoughts? What is responsible for the thoughts?
Can you find it?
Or is there just this unfolding?

It is all thought made, silence seems to have a sound or a feel to it.

Exactly.
Even “silence” becomes just another texture of sound—subtle, spacious, yet still sensed. There’s never actually nothing—only the mind’s concept of nothing.
So stay close… Can you find any edge in hearing?
Where “bird” stops and “fridge” begins?
Or is there just hearing/sound, one field, endlessly flowing—with thought chopping it into parts after the fact?
Without labels—“bird,” “car,” “fridge”—what is there actually?
Listen now.
Is there more than just hearing… changing tone, shifting rhythm… no source, no boundary, no owner?
Can you even find a border between hearing and seeing?
Hearing is happening.
Seeing is happening.
But where is the border between them?
Can you find a line where “hearing ends” and “seeing begins”?
Or do they just… appear, side by side, within the same seamless field?
Close your eyes. Hearing continues. Tought says there is "blackness"/no seeing, but in reality there may be a red glow, sparkly bits or cloudy flecks appearing and disappearing.
Open your eyes. Colour "reappears".
But do you switch anything on or off?
Do the senses arise in separate spaces?
Or is there just this—undivided, immediate—with thought slicing it up into “modalities”?
So…
Where does seeing stop and hearing begin—without thought?
Can you draw the line? Or is it all one?
And if there’s no real border…what does that say about the supposed “self” that stands between them, that is in charge of them?

Please try to answer the questions individually (not in bulk). These are all pointers for you to play with from a different angle and report so I can see where there is stiil an illusion at play :). A summary is thought specialty
Love
Rali

[Kokorokandy]

Hello Rali,

Without the thought-story, what exactly was the problem in that situation?

There was no problem, the mind took the sounds and sensations that were happening in that moment and attached a story to what was simply a
Sound and some sensations.

Was there anything wrong with “sweating”, with “heat”, with “sound”, before mind jumped in? What are even these without the labels?

It is what is, energy but that is label. It’s nothing

Can any of that—colours, tightness, sound—mean anything without a thought telling a story?

No

Is there a thinker/owner of thoughts? What is responsible for the thoughts?
Can you find it?
Or is there just this unfolding?

I am not sure, I haven’t found them. There are times when I am in my mind and I think I can somehow control the thoughts or direct them somehow. This has also been proven to not be the case.
Without the belief that I am me, which is thought, I can not find the thinker.

Can you find any edge in hearing?
Where “bird” stops and “fridge” begins?
Or is there just hearing/sound, one field, endlessly flowing—with thought chopping it into parts after the fact?
Without labels—“bird,” “car,” “fridge”—what is there actually?

No, it is sound. There have been times when I am not sure when're the sound is. This happens outside sometimes.

But where is the border between them?
Can you find a line where “hearing ends” and “seeing begins”?
Or do they just… appear, side by side, within the same seamless field?

They happen simultaneously. I cannot stop and start seeing not can I start or stop listening. It is just happening. Not side by side they have the same feel.

But do you switch anything on or off?
Do the senses arise in separate spaces?
Or is there just this—undivided, immediate—with thought slicing it up into “modalities”?

They are not separate thoughts are separating when the identifying starts to happen, but prior to thought it is just senses. Just is.

Where does seeing stop and hearing begin—without thought?
Can you draw the line? Or is it all one?
And if there’s no real border…what does that say about the supposed “self” that stands between them, that is in charge of them?

I can not draw a line because they are all encompassing, I cannot choose to stop hearing, smelling, seeing, or breathing. It all seems to be in the same field. I am not sure what that means for the self that believes I have control. Clearly there is not control happening I cannot stop any of those things I just listed.

Much love
Jenn

[Kokorokandy]

Hello Rali

Is that what is really happening in DE? Which picture represents best DE when it comes to subject/object/action relationship/interaction
Image

It would be the line or even none of the pictures shown.
Thanks
Much love
Jenn

[poppyseed]

Hi Jenn
You are on fire.🔥

I cannot draw a line because they are all encompassing, I cannot choose to stop hearing, smelling, seeing, or breathing. It all seems to be in the same field.

This is it, right here—raw, direct, before story. Not in belief. In lived, unavoidable fact. So:
There’s no separation between “seeing” and “hearing”—no actual line.
Sensations don’t announce “I am in the body”—that’s added.
“Self” doesn’t control thoughts, or even claim them without another thought doing so.
All that ever arises—sound, colour, scent—is just this, undivided.
There’s no middle. No center. No controller. No you to do the stopping, choosing, owning.
You can’t find the “line.” You can’t find the “self.”
You can’t even find the senses—not without thought labelling/slicing what’s seamless.
And still—it all functions. Seeing happens. Sound flows. Life goes on.
So now tell me this, Jenn:
If it’s not being done by a “you”…
What’s left to hold on to?
Let’s look. Right now.
What needs protection?

It is what is, energy but that is label. It’s nothing

Even “nothing" (like "silence") is a label. I like the word “THIS” as it is more like a pointing word – pointing to whatever is directly experienced like an arrow with no extra meaning – rather than labelling the experience. It cuts the story...

There are times when I am in my mind and I think I can somehow control the thoughts or direct them somehow. This has also been proven to not be the case.
Without the belief that I am me, which is thought, I can not find the thinker.

Let’s look into this deeper, so there is no stone left unturned…
A thought appears.
In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it? Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear- for example look in a storage and select a particular thought? Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts, not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts at all (why have these if you can choose)? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.

I am not sure what that means for the self that believes I have control.

We can explore the controller in more detail next…

Love
Rali

[poppyseed]

Hi Jenn
Is everything Ok? Are we still doing this?
Love
Rali

[Kokorokandy]

Rali,
Yes, I am still doing this. Everything is ok, I am struggling to balance work/life balance and the exhaustion that has hit since going back to work. I will get my responses in today.

Love,
Jenn

[Kokorokandy]

What’s left to hold on to?
Let’s look. Right now.
What needs protection?

I am not sure, when I look into this or really sit with it, I begin to lose sense of my arm, my leg, my face. I liken it to a fever dream I have experienced throughout my life. Where I can’t really sense the feeling of me, it feels inflated like I am 10xs my size. When it happens I recognize the “feel” of this but can only articulate it after. This happened at work one day and it was brief and then briefly again while I was sitting with this.
Much love,
Jenn

[poppyseed]

Hi Jenn

Yes, I am still doing this. Everything is ok, I am struggling to balance work/life balance and the exhaustion that has hit since going back to work. I will get my responses in today.

Jenn, beautiful. Exhaustion is a gift here. Let it strip away the effort. Let it empty out every reflex to grasp, fix, balance, manage. No need to do this. Let everything fall. Let inquiry happen like breath—unforced, unowned.

So here’s your only invitation today:
In the midst of exhaustion (the story and the labels), what remains untouched?
Not conceptually. Right now—while the body aches, while the mind fogs—what hasn’t moved?
Don't answer with thought. Let it be seen. Let it show itself.
There is just raw, edgeless, unlabeled this—before anything tries to explain.
Can you stay here, without needing to land anywhere?

I am not sure, when I look into this or really sit with it, I begin to lose sense of my arm, my leg, my face. I liken it to a fever dream I have experienced throughout my life. Where I can’t really sense the feeling of me, it feels inflated like I am 10xs my size. When it happens I recognize the “feel” of this but can only articulate it after. This happened at work one day and it was brief and then briefly again while I was sitting with this.

Good. Yes. Let it happen. Let that unravelling intensify. You're not losing anything. You’re seeing through the illusion of boundaries—those artificial edges that thought insists are “you.”
That swollen, stretched, fever-dream feeling...That’s not dysfunction. That’s disidentification in real time. The system is letting go of the imagined container. There’s no need to cling to “arm,” “leg,” or “face” if none of them ever belonged to someone. No “me” ever owned them. No boundary was ever real. The idea of a center—of a self that’s here, solid, located—is burning out.
So the question now is… What’s afraid?
What resists the unravelling?
Can you find that?
Where is the fear rooted—if even the body is no longer being clung to?
Look. Right now. Don’t explain it. Don’t narrate it. Don’t think.
Is there anything left that can fall apart?
Or is it just a vague sensation—followed by a thought that says “This shouldn’t be happening”?
Can anything be lost, if there’s no one here to lose it?
Stay in that disorientation. Don’t fix it. Let it break.
Love
Rali