The Gate

Hi Stacy,

What is found?

What is found when I survey daily life in this view is a huge web of lies in which everyone is deluded in thinking they are being true. What is ordinarily felt by me in daily life is resistance and discomfort and I think it is the reaction to the dissonance.

Individually, when I think of a conscious lie I told, it was a battle in my thoughts for days and I felt tense and contracted from the chest,heart and solar plexus down to my stomach. I had to consciously relax it and try to even rehearse the lie in order to avoid to talk around it. And it wasn't even anything bad or which would have affected anyone adversely. It was just me booking myself an appointment to go to see something that I felt would not be understood by those closest. It felt like pushing magnet ends together - viscerally unpleasant and unnatural.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Yes, words are one dimensional.

This is a key driver of why I'm seeking - seeking a way to know authenticity after a life where suddenly I realised a year ago that I had no idea what was authentic or how to find it.

Best, Em.

Hi Em,

Authentic is Seeing, Hearing, Feeling, Tasting, Smelling & the fact that thoughts arise. That's it.

You're still thinking.

LOOK. Just LOOK.

Try this:

This is the only pointer Ilona gave me when I was guided here. i practiced this for about 3 months. I call it:

ButtChair

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?


It is simple direct & nonverbal. Just LOOK.

Then write what is true. Direct Experience only.

Loving,

Hi Stacy,

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

In direct experience I really cannot determine where the beginning/end is and the more I try, the less of a division I feel. I can't feel a division, only a sensation of pressure.

Only when looking with eyes does the brain really take over and I can see it is the brain telling me what I am seeing. The more I look the more I distinguish the thought interpretation from what is actually felt.


Best, Em.

Yes, that is it exactly.

As I may have mentioned, we aren't looking for right answers. We are looking for a shift in your felt experience. Practice until this shift in how you see things happens.

How does it FEEL to see there is no separate "self" there?

Loving,

Stacy,

How does it FEEL to see there is no separate "self" there?

Just sat and felt into it and got back to that place where thoughts went quiet and vision was like HD. Pressure on the left of brain and a deep buzz in the left ear.

I'll keep doing that later tonight and in the morning.

It 'feels' calm, freeing and 'peaceful'. Serene.

Best, Em.

Great.

Can you say 100% there's no separate "self? "

Loving,

Stacy,

Can you say 100% there's no separate "self? "

In direct looking from the heart area I cannot find a self anywhere. It's a blank space. It feels like having a foot on either side. Something about the writing process makes me feel a self is 'thinking about what to write' this is grabbed and felt like a doer is doing that. But just sitting and then writing in practice does not feel like a doer is doing. Perhaps because I work at a desk this habit of thinking is so entrenched. There is a lot of 'I' thinking narration, the 'I' feels more empty but not totally. I'm looking hard and frequently.

Interestingly I'll just put this here that I woke at 2.30am and in the 'hypnopompic' state it felt that something in the subconscious was trying to help me through the gate - was throwing me pointers like the Irish name 'Roisin' pronounced in reality 'Ro-sheen' - Like 'note the difference' and also threw me a 'feeling' - which was like looking in a mirror and then realising that what was the reflection is the reality and everything turning around. How lovely it was!

Yesterday, I realised that a lot of resistance had fallen and that it was pulling rather than me pushing.

Thanks so much for your guidance - it is working so well!

Best, Em.

Okay. that still sounds like thinking, not seeing.

Have you read Gateless Gatecrashers? That might help. Your experience will shift. There will be no doubt.
Also, watch these, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4


Loving

Thank you Stacy,

Been reading gatecrashers today and watched the videos. There's been a shift for sure, but after a few hours I was getting snagged back into the narration of thoughts and into the head. I'll continue following the advice and see if this will fall away a bit.

Best, Em.

Great. When you're ready, we have some "final" questions for you. Those will be shared with other guides who may have questions.

Loving,

Hi Stacy,

Yes, please send the questions.

Em.

Here you go:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Loving,

Hi Stacy,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is no separate self, what was assumed to be there before cannot be found now, just a gap. It never was there. The story that was all around now feels like a distant bit of history.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now

The illusion is a story started at birth and fed daily to a child and is compounded with every single interaction ever had, education, society and culture. Beliefs lay down in layers, habits, situations, responses get ingrained. Depending on life experience it can eventually create a psychological strait jacket in a humans life and huge misery. It is responsible for the feeling of separation from all other living things. It runs like software in the brain. The software keeps running even after it has been identified and can still be believed at times though to lesser extent.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

When I started the dialogue, I had seen a glimpse of the truth - I found no self mentally but it wasn't yet felt knowledge. The questions helped to get it to felt knowing. It feels great to see the truth. It's really hard to write or speak in a way that mirrors this because language isn't equipped for it and using 'I' hasn't totally become empty for me yet so it can be a bit confusing feeling like it is still there because of the language. But the past few days small things are consolidating bit by bit and realisations that things are just done but without a separate self owning it is so simple there's nothing else to work out. Feeling centred in the heart physically most of the time. Calmer, grounded and non- reactive to previous things that would have sparked emotions, I can laugh at small things that I may have been a bit hurt or annoyed by before. The back story has straightaway become far away. I'm present but without agenda and ego self-referencing.

The Liberation Unleashed book and Awakening Now podcasts of Ilona's - certain advice and questions were valuable to identify and integrate bits of myself that were rejected before and this has been a marvellous thing too, recognising additional 'precious beliefs' was also key to helping the process.

Thank you for asking just the right questions Stacy x

Em.

Whoops, missed a couple-

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Not sure. It was Thursday evening into Friday morning. I think it was the cumulative effect of the exercises and then my subconscious gave me a push in a dream at 2.30am. That was bizarre but I have a history of meaningful dreams so not that surprised.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Even without a separate self, humans are sophisticated creatures. We do things and do not need a separate manager for this. Nothing is different really, instinct, experience, opinion, conditioning and learning still informs decisions but they are not made by a self. The self makes us think we control of things outside of us, which we don't. The self obsesses about past and future.

Only thing to add is that I was glad to find LU and can see a clear path that led me here. Excited for this to develop and deepen.

Thanks, Em.

Great work, Em. Your answers will be shared with other guides, who may have questions.

Watch this space.

You're welcome!

Loving