"I don't want to be a person anymore"

[Ramgis]

Hey J.P.

Don't know what to write to you right now, but I want to stick to the rule of writing once per day, which I missed yesterday.
Right now there is the notion of wanting to get to the next step but no clear idea where to go from here, there is a bit of a restlessness going on like I gotta do something, something with my life or go somewhere where fear is being triggered or something. It just feels comfortable in my little bubble right now to not do anything but there is some dread towards the future, like Ima get older and pass up on life if I don't get this done. I guess just story of mind happening.
Where or what is the wall that I gotta punch through? Why do I feel so content with just living a boring life sitting on my ass all day long? I don't like this, I feel this is not how life is supposed to be lived.
Yeah just whats going on right now, to give you an update.

Siggi

[indranet]

Siggi,

Is the Siggi that you are so familiar with the real you? All the seeking and dissatisfaction is being driven by that feeling that there must be something else.

I saw the same objects and problems going on but it felt a bit more detached from it all.

What is witnessing the movement of the mind?



J.P

[Ramgis]

J.P.,

Is the Siggi that you are so familiar with the real you?

I don't even know if there is such a thing as a real you. Writing this triggers some resistance in the body.

All the seeking and dissatisfaction is being driven by that feeling that there must be something else.

Or maybe that there is something at all.

What is witnessing the movement of the mind?

Encountering lots of resistance here too. Can't be defined really. Whatever comes before thought. Don't wanna sound smart or just give the "right answers". Been avoiding this "space" for the past few days.

Don't want to explain a story about what "I" experienced recently, don't even want to use the word "I" anymore. It's nauseating to listen to anyone speak from their solidified yet intrinsically fragile "world view". There are so many assumptions and beliefs built into the shit people say, I can't unsee it anymore.

[Ramgis]

J.P.

Just wanted to let you know that I am still on it, I just got really distracted. I'll have to create more space for me to investigate this.

Siggi