Thanks Magdalena.
It took me some time, because I've tried to reply as precisely and clearly as possible.
Doing that I've surely lost track of length and conciseness! :)
I'm sorry for that.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there isn't, in any way, shape or form, and it never was.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is the illusion that there is a separate entity from which a human being acts, thinks and lives their life. A separate entity that makes choices, decisions, that suffers, that desires, that feels feelings, and that ultimately dies. (For some people that entity can also survive death, becoming a ghost or something else who somehow continues after the death of the human body)
The illusion grows ans "solidify" through the illusion of "experiences", "positive" and "negative", and through the accumulation of these ones in memories, accumulation of "knowledge", information, again all lived and "accumulated" through the same self illusion. These memories are physical and emotional. It grows through pain, physical and emotional, and the reaction to that pain, the fears that develop from all that, and so on...
When it starts? That's a more slippery question :)
I don't have a precise answer to this question.
It might start as a very light almost invisible illusion, in the belly of a mother, when the fetus body receive its very first feelings, noises, sensations from the mother and from the environment outside the mother's body. It might get slightly more "solid" when the first physical pain is felt, the first very painful breath of a new-born. Then when to the new-born is given a name, when a precise word is attached to its gender, and so on.
The built of the illusion of the separate self continues and accelerates in the continuous affirmation and repetition of its existence, made by the world around us, the culture, the people, the family etc, reaffirming the presence of a "person" a subject, me, you, him her etc, different and separated by everything and everyone else.
Reaffirming also the need of prove "oneself" to the world. To be in a certain way, and to not be in another.
it might start in a different form consistence and shade even before a human body is born, if reincarnation is something actual. I don't know if it is actual or not, I cannot know one way or the other.
I personally don't think it's important to know exactly when the illusion starts and how it starts, there are many possible theories about it. What is important is to see and understand how it works, how it develops, grow and put roots, to see it and recognize it in is illusory development. And of course what is most important is to realize that it doesn't exist.
In my own experience, in the life of this body and awareness to which was given the name Cristiano :), the illusion doesn't work or operate anymore. There is always some sort of weak attempt from thoughts and feeling to recreate the illusion, but there is absolutely no consistence or strength in it, so it disappear almost as fast as the attempt arise.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels like an absolute, perpetual incredibly deep and at the same time incredibly light feeling of freedom, including freedom from the limited word "freedom".
The word liberation is a very accurate in this, because that it's what it feels like, an absolute and total liberation from any constriction, resistance, preconceptions, etc. Every perception becomes direct, with no filter of any sort. Everything becomes suddenly incredibly clear in its simplicity, complexity and colorful infinite richness.
There isn't any difference in my awareness of the non-existence of a self from before I started this dialogue and now.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
The very last bit it happened way before I started this dialogue.
I had this sudden insight: behind my eyes there was absolutely no one, no entity , no witness, or really anything watching through them. There was absolutely no one witnessing what my eyes were registering, sending that information of light, shapes and colors to my brain. There was just the reality interacting with the body, with eyes and brain, exactly like the lens of a camera, "built" with the ability to register light color and shape.
That insight ignited a series of insights, one rapidly arising after the other. What my hands were feeling when touching or when touched by something, wasn't felt by no one, there was no one feeling that feeling of touch. Exactly like for the eyes, there were just the reality interacting with the body, and the body built to resister touch, temperature, pressure, through the skin, muscles etc, and through nerves reaching the brain translate that touch in to a sensation and so on...
There was absolutely no one witnessing all that, or memorizing all that, it was just happening and registering in the way the body was "built" to do.
And somehow, there was "a space" on and in which that reality was happening, that space is the awareness of it. But that awareness wasn't inside or outside the brain or the body, it was without an identity or a location, and without any separation from what was happening. The awareness too was just part of the whole happening.
That chain of insights lasted days, and just burned the last straws of already very weak and already intermittent illusion of a self.
5) Describe
- decision,
- intention,
- free will,
- choice and control.
These words describe actions that stem from a supposedly precise will, a precise point, so another name for the illusion of the self.
None of those words mean anything, they describe non existent "actions" stemming from the illusion of a separate self.
Of them all, the one that maybe shows more clearly its illusory nature is the idea of a free will.
The illusion of a free will is just the illusion a self trying to declare his existence :)
A "free" will, to be "free", it means that is of course SEPARATE from everything else.
And its a will, so it stems from a precise point, A PRECISE ENTITY. If we put these assessments together, the idea of
the existence of a free-will, is another name for the existence a separate-self.
It's supposed existence it's just one of the elaborate construction, manipulation, of a desperate illusory self.
That series of words, are the names of a series of illusions of an illusory self that needs to reinforce the illusion of its own existence. So it needs to say, I make decisions, I have intention, there is a free will, my free-will, my choices, I can have or I have control on something, and so on.
To do so , the illusory self picks just a moment in a chain of events already interconnected one to the other, without the will of no one controlling them, and call that moment "its own" this is MINE! I MADE THIS, LOL, my decision, my choice, my free-will and so one.
In truth, that "decision", that "choice" are just events already embedded in the infinite, non separate series of events, sensation, needs, that create the never-stopping flow of life.
So there is no decision, no choice, when the illusion of the self operates.
When that illusion vanishes, then of course still there is no decision, choices etc.
What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.
I think I've already answered this question in my previous answer. All happens as a consequence of a chain of events
strictly interconnected one to the other.
Sometimes this endless ever existing interconnection is very clear, very apparent and obvious:
The revelation I had in my twenties in Indonesia (description in a previous post) it happened absolutely on its own.
That totally spontaneous event - not even related to an inquire by me (at least surely not a conscious one, maybe not even a sub-conscious one, who knows! :) ) - and the consequences of that event, deeply and profoundly shaped all my spiritual path, and so my whole life, and of course also this dialogue I'm having with you :)
Sometimes that chain of interconnection is a little bit more hidden.
Like when we "make a decision" to drink or not a glass of water.
The dryness of the body asks for water, the conscious mind just follows and the body acts and drinks...( at that point the sub-conscious probably already took that "decision")
The body asks for water, but I don't drink. The reasons can be numerous: Habit of not drinking enough, incapability of recognizing the signals the body sends, this last one related to an illness or to just a lack of sensitivity produced by blockages and so on.
The body is perfectly hydrated, but one still drinks. again so numerous reasons of why it happens, etc.
In both my examples, Indonesia and drinking water, I think its obvious that there is no free-will to be found, no isolated "decision".
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
I imagine that with "responsibility" is meant the emotional or factual baring of consequences of one's actions.
Responsibility is just a by-product of the sense of guilt, of the fear of a superior judgement, and the sense of "duty" that derives from it, again all generated by the illusion of a self.
Catholicism has surely something to do with all this ! :)
It's interesting how human society, for thousands of years made and organized by many illusory selfs, has been always terrified by the absolute freedom of their fellow humans.
The idea of the non-existence of a self, immediately rises the possibility of evil unleashed
A human acting free, without the chain of "responsibility! DANGER !! LOL :)
Because the idea on non-existence of the self is judged by another illusory self,
terrified by everything that can threaten it :)... the more someone is free, the more is threatening !
So, if there is no self, and there is no free-will, and there is no responsibility...how human beings can be controlled then??
How can they be blocked in their obvious, natural tendency of destroying, killing, and just constantly wreaking havoc!!?? LOL
What is not understood in society at large, is that when finally the illusion of a self is seen, when his non-existence is realized, when the illusion finally completely disappear, what lies "behind" is oneness, is love, real love, universal love.
And love, real love, can produce only love.
So when there is just LOVE, what is the place of responsibility?? Where is even the need of responsibility?
it becomes just a bad joke, coming from very dark times.
Responsibility is just another chain, to keep the "evil side" of the free man in control.
The idea of responsibility is simply ridiculous and burn in one instant, under the sun of love.
When the self is no more, as it never was. What is left is only Love, in all possible directions, ever present and all compassing, originating from no place, no space, no time. Eternal and infinite. So infinitely abundant at any given time and everywhere that it is beyond the idea of quantity. Love doesn't chose, in any way, it doesn't judge in any way.
It doesn't make rankings, in any way. Love embrace and welcome everything, everyone and every living or even not living thing :) in every moment.
Love was always here, it never started and it will never end, and of course it’s absolutely free and always completely accessible and available. To everyone, from the economically poorest to the richest humans, from the most humble and hidden human, living the most simple and repetitive life, to the most ignorant of humans, to the awakened ones, to
the one so lost that exploit or harm or kill many people, to the one who never stops helping his fellows humans asking absolutely nothing in return.
6) Anything to add?
I would like to thank you Magdalena for the time you dedicated to this conversation and to me.
All your questions during these days, with also these "final" questions, made me realize the serious beautiful dedication,
and passion that animate LU. With you I would like to thank all the people at LU, for having created this so incredibly precious movement. Really free, accessible and available to absolutely everyone, even the ones who cannot afford a paying help, and this is probably one of the highest act of Love.
Thank you.