It is still me

[Gas75]

Dear J.P,

I appreciate what you are doing and I’m grateful for your time and effort.

I have tried your “exercise”

I did what you have advised literally. I just labeled everything as (smell, taste, sensation, sound, thought). It is such a powerful exercise.

I have noticed since I started doing this exercise, that every experience I have has a story around it, and once I do the exercise, the story dissolves and what remains is peace. How come a simple exercise has that power, and how come no one had told me about it, even I thought I know everything in this path.

You know, you have said to me “ you are confusing the direct experience with thought”. It really hit me when I’ve read it for the first time, and I just realized how right you are after I did this exercise.

I misunderstood direct experience, I used to do it with such an effort, this exercise did the trick. Label it and notice it.
Thank you so much for this gem

Love & gratitude
Sal

[indranet]

Sal,

have noticed since I started doing this exercise, that every experience I have has a story around it, and once I do the exercise, the story dissolves and what remains is peace. How come a simple exercise has that power, and how come no one had told me about it, even I thought I know everything in this path.

This sounds really good. Please try my original question again.

From your own direct experience, please describe for me how you know you are a separate, independent "I" called Sal.

[Gas75]

Hi J.P,

From your own direct experience, please describe for me how you know you are a separate, independent "I" called Sal.

Now I know how to connect to direct experience, using that “exercise” as a reference and a tool.

Somehow this question is not the same question you asked me before, even you have used the exact words. That’s funny!

Just give me till tomorrow to contemplate this question and I will report to you my findings.

I’m excited to answer this question.

Sincerely,
Sal

[Gas75]

Hi J.P,

From your own direct experience, please describe for me how you know you are a separate, independent "I" called Sal.

Accessing direct experience using the “exercise” as a tool, I think I’m ready to answer this question.

I looked down to see what I discern as “my body” but it’s just image and colors, nothing in images/ shape/ color indicate it’s me. There is this thought “that’s me, my body”.

I was talking to someone, I noticed “my voice”. But “my voice” is just a sound. Nothing in that indicate it’s mine or it is me. There is a thought “It’s my voice, I am talking”.

I sat to have my breakfast. Sensations of my lower body on the chair, Images and colors. Movements, sensation and sound of chewing, tasting and smelling. But they are just sensations, images/ colors, tastes and smells. I’m not there in each one of them. But there is a thought “I’m sitting and eating my breakfast and I should finish quickly to prepare for work and I’m anxious about my day”.

I watched the thoughts. Coming and going. Not easy to catch one in realtime. They are mainly images or imaginations and they have no substance.

From direct experience I exist in no sensation / no smell / no taste / no sound / no image, but inside the content of thought.
I’m not even a thought, but as a content of some thoughts.

• How I know I’m a separate, independent “I” called “Sal”?

The contents of some thoughts are telling me so.

Sincerely,
Sal

[indranet]

The contents of some thoughts are telling me so.

Does Sal exist?

[Gas75]

Hi J.P,

Does Sal exist?

That’s the question I’m trying to figure out.
Where do Sal exist? And as what? Is it possible that he doesn’t exist at all? There is a tinge of dreadfulness when I consider my non existence.
What proof do I have to support my existence or non existence?

Every time I look at the direct experience, there is no trace of identity, but when I look at my thoughts, yes I do exist.

To answer your question :

Yes. Sal exists in thoughts.
I can’t say he doesn’t exist, because that’s not my experience.

PS: you are right, there is no sensation inside my head, there is no sense of me. I’m imagining that. They are all thoughts

Sincerely,
Sal

[indranet]

sal,

There is a tinge of dreadfulness when I consider my non existence.

look more into the dreadfulness.

[Gas75]

Hi J.P,

look more into the dreadfulness.

I will do that and report to you tomorrow

Sincerely,
Sal

[Gas75]

Hi J.P,

I looked at what I would call “fear of non existence”,
and It wasn’t like a terror. More like anxious feeling. Just a feeling that comes and goes very briefly, and I’m just allowing it without resistance.

I’m still using the “exercise” to compare direct experience with the contents of my thoughts. I’m trying to see the difference between direct experience and labels/thoughts. I’m enjoying the “exercise”, but not using it all the time. I think it’s impossible to use it all the time, because thoughts won’t allow it.

Most of the time I’m immersed in thoughts without me knowing it. And every time I use the “exercise”, I feel I’m getting outside my thoughts and the question about identity, whether it’s there or not, is irrelevant.

I know by now, that I only exist in thoughts. It became clearer after I chatted with you. Before that, I thought there is a sense (sensation) inside my head and that’s me, but it isn’t. It is just an imagination/thought.

Sincerely,
Sal

[indranet]

Sal,

Just a feeling that comes and goes very briefly, and I’m just allowing it without resistance.

This is good.

I’m enjoying the “exercise”, but not using it all the time. I think it’s impossible to use it all the time, because thoughts won’t allow it.

You don't need to use it once you have seen how it works.

let's look at something else. Action and Attention

As you are going through your day, look to see if there is a "doer" . Are you eating or is eating just happening?

Are you walking or is walking just happening? Look carefully to see if you can find a doer.

Do the same with Attention. Do you control where your attention goes?

[Gas75]

Hi J.P,

let's look at something else. Action and Attention

As you are going through your day, look to see if there is a "doer" . Are you eating or is eating just happening?

Are you walking or is walking just happening? Look carefully to see if you can find a doer.

Do the same with Attention. Do you control where your attention goes?

I was observing my daily activities and I have noticed the following:

You are right! Movements happen. No one is making them.

I was washing some cloths and I have noticed my hands are moving without a command. One moment both hands were still and the next, they are suddenly moving by themselves. The thought comes after the fact, indicating that “I’m washing cloths”.

I was lying down on the sofa.
The breathing happens by itself. No one doing it.
My legs move from time to time. It went like this : no movement -> then suddenly movement. Nothing mediates the movement. It just happens out of blue.

Following the attention was new to me, so I took time to notice its movement. I’m not sure if it happens by itself, there is this subtle sense that I’m controlling where my attention goes. I think I need more time to notice it.

But the action was clear, so clear. No one and nothing comes before the movement. Movement happens by itself. No movement -> Movement.

I felt relaxed for a little when I was watching my body moving but no one is moving it. It was weird.

Why do I still believe that I’m a person running my life and in control, when the evidence shows the opposite?

Sincerely,
Sal

[indranet]

Sal,

there is this subtle sense that I’m controlling where my attention goes. I think I need more time to notice it.

Keep going with this.

Why do I still believe that I’m a person running my life and in control, when the evidence shows the opposite?

That's a good question to answer for yourself.

[Gas75]

Hi J.P,

Keep going with this.

Yes sir. I’m doing this.

Sincerely,
Sal