Seeing through the illusion of self

[gmalen]

Thumbs up,
G

[CosmicJoke]

Sorry for the delay and thank you for your feedback!

But it doesn’t help with the issue of death. Even if the body isn’t real and it’s just a bunch of sensations. When these sensations stop there is no me anymore.

Look in experience now, are 'you' the sensations? What are 'you' made of? If 'you' died, what would no longer exist in direct experience?

I tried to write some explanation as to why I wouldn’t want to die but I can see that all of this comes from the belief that I am a separate entity stuck in a human body. If this belief was gone the whole question would lose its meaning I guess, which sounds paradoxical to the me, since it’s all about meaning and sense.
It shows that the belief is still here. The belief that the I in thought somehow has a reality beyond the mere experience of thinking, or rather that thoughts are actual reality. That I AM the thoughts.

Trying to answer your questions as clearly as possible form direct experience:
I am not the sensations but it feels like I am the one who the sensations are happening too. But on the other hand it also feels like I am the sensations as they appear to be happening inseparable from me. But trying to find this me is quite confusing as all attempts to find it are just more reference to thought. Thoughts trying to find something real and tangible inside other thoughts. As if a physical entity could pop out of them. There is a belief that there must be something to find there. Something or an answer to the question.

The 'you' that you are referring to when asking what it is made of is a thought. Not sure how to understand the question "If 'you' died, what would no longer exist in direct experience?". That would assume that a thought could die. A thought dying is just another thought. Not sure if I understand correctly what you mean though.

Do you see that? What do you find?

I find it really difficult to do this exercise. I find it hard to recreate a situation on the spot in which to trigger emotions. Feels more like this tightness in the gut and chest is always present when looking for it. Like a constant anxiety. I’m not good at accessing my emotions as I easily go into my head it seems. Same as with the fear of death that I seem to be suppressing. I don’t know really if that interpretation is correct though.

[gmalen]

Michael,

I find it really difficult to do this exercise. I find it hard to recreate a situation on the spot in which to trigger emotions. Feels more like this tightness in the gut and chest is always present when looking for it. Like a constant anxiety. I’m not good at accessing my emotions as I easily go into my head it seems. Same as with the fear of death that I seem to be suppressing. I don’t know really if that interpretation is correct though.

I see, thanks for trying. The point of the exercise is to see that lies often touch into / activate that contraction. In contrast, the truth feels expansive, simple, open in the body and heart. Let this bodily 'yes' and bodily 'no' continue to be a guide for you as you open to what is.

In regards to some of your uncertainties, wonderful! keep diving into the mystery. Keep looking at what's really there behind the 'I'.

Let curiosity enjoy the unknowing, the mystery, the unfathomable - which is not some esoteric place or state - it's literally just this experience right now as it is before a thought tries to solidify it or 'you' into something. Even when there are confused thoughts, see them as just another thought.

There is no way to solve confusion by more thinking. The only way is to dis-solve confusion via returning to what is, the freshness of this moment in the senses, seeing thoughts as just thoughts, seeing what the 'i' in thought is really pointing to..

--------

Speaking of thought, please explore with me:

For the next exercise I want you to sit somewhere quiet and observe thoughts.

Wait for the next thought to appear - who or what recognizes the thought or is being aware of it?
Can you see anything that is separate from the thought? Anything that does the thinking?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?

Where do thoughts appear from? Where are they coming from and going to? Do they appear randomly or in a structured way? Watch closely.

Write down the next 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.

Now, what are you when you don't think about what you are?


-------

Gunnar

[CosmicJoke]

Wait for the next thought to appear - who or what recognizes the thought or is being aware of it?

The thought seems to recognize itself by coming into being.

Can you see anything that is separate from the thought? Anything that does the thinking?

Thoughts come up imagining different vantage points from which the thoughts get experienced from. Mostly it’s an abstract image of the thought floating somewhere in front of my face or inside my head or some verbal answer like “me”.
But trying to look directly, the thought can’t be separated from the awareness of it. A separate thinker can’t be found in or around the thought. The thinker can’t be experienced, only the thought gets experienced.
What feels like the thinker is also a thought or rather an afterthought following immediately, but it’s difficult to discern clearly. It feels like something is constantly trying to keep distance from the thought but when looking for that it can’t be found.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Thoughts just appear. No possibility to intervene in what’s coming up next. The process feels like a thought pops up, which in the first split second is seen to be coming from no one. Feels like this split second is the time the brain needs to process and frame the content. As soon as that happens attention gets pulled to the content and away from the sensation.

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Definitely not.

Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?

Definitely not.

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

No that would mean I get to pick from a different pool of thoughts that are presented simultaneously in front of me somehow. But it’s always just one thought after the next one.
That’s fascinating in itself, that one can’t experience two thoughts at the same time. This seems to be another misunderstanding of me. I think of thoughts as objects appearing in awareness (another idea). But when looking at it it’s just some sort of experience happening right now. Right now can’t have multiples of something in it. It can’t have anything in it really it seems.
So even saying one thought appears after the next one is already an abstraction of what’s going on. Pretty deep rabbit hole of abstractions it seems :)

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?

Again no. The flow is controlled by no one. Flow is a good expression as there’s also no one here to stop it.

Where do thoughts appear from? Where are they coming from and going to? Do they appear randomly or in a structured way? Watch closely.

Write down the next 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?

No it’s totally random garbage coming up in the moment. No planning ahead of what the next thought will be is possible. The thought stream is completely chaotic.

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.

Yeah that’s also impossible.

Now, what are you when you don't think about what you are?

That’s where the mind goes blank. It’s like it’s holding its breath. Then thoughts come in suggesting all kinds of things.
My best answer to that question is, I don’t know.

[gmalen]

Michael,

Enjoying all your reflections. Appreciate your writing freely and exploring things the way it naturally presents itself.

Now, what are you when you don't think about what you are?

That’s where the mind goes blank. It’s like it’s holding its breath. Then thoughts come in suggesting all kinds of things.
My best answer to that question is, I don’t know.

So in actuality, you don't know. Or in other words, when you look for 'you', you find nothing real, so to speak. Thoughts try and label / describe / make sense of, but in direct experience, you find nothing tangible. There was never anything to find because there's no such thing. Just thoughts playing a game of charades.

There is no 'you' or 'I'. There are just thoughts, sensations, sounds, sights, smells, and tastes. No taster, no smeller, no hearer, no feeler, no thinker. How does it feel to see this?

Is there a problem with thoughts coming in and suggesting different things? Do these thoughts affect reality in any way?

----

Here's your next exercise:

There is often a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’. But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are inherent characteristics of ‘things’. But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN' , what is the actual experience?

Is the color red ‘experienced’, or is the color green ‘experienced’ as the label suggests?

Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?

Is 'GREEN' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

Let me know what is SEEN.


Blessings,
Gunnar

[CosmicJoke]

There is no 'you' or 'I'. There are just thoughts, sensations, sounds, sights, smells, and tastes. No taster, no smeller, no hearer, no feeler, no thinker. How does it feel to see this?

I was going to write that there is something here that’s still not seeing it. But in the end, it always boils down to identification with a thought. So that something that is not seeing it would be a thought saying that. As if the thought could see anything.
Maybe what could be said is that the identification with thoughts is still here. The mechanism of grabbing a thought and running with it is still intact.

Is there a problem with thoughts coming in and suggesting different things? Do these thoughts affect reality in any way?

The thoughts don’t change reality at all. But they are definitely shaping the felt experience. They are distorting the experience heavily when believed in or when running with what they are saying is happening.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN' , what is the actual experience?

A thought says “green” but the color is seen as red.

Is the color red ‘experienced’, or is the color green ‘experienced’ as the label suggests?

Just red is experienced.

Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?

The label suggests the color green but only the color red is here. So there is no correspondence with reality. Even if it said red there would be no correspondence to reality.

Is 'GREEN' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?

Just a label overlaying the experience. Suggesting something else, pulling attention into the thoughts somehow.

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

The labels could be anything, they wouldn’t change the experience of red (another label). They have no meaning in reality. They have only meaning in relation to each other. And that meaning itself isn’t real, just an abstract concept that only makes sense inside the sphere of language and relations created within.
I was going to write “Some things seem to have definitely more meaning than others” but it’s an absurd statement on different levels considering my first paragraph.
It’s the same as with finding the “me”. In the end there is nothing that can be said about anything that would be real in any way. Then the next thought is some sort of thought about silence (another concept). All effort to find it is just a waste of time. But how to give up effort? Even that question is loaded with so many concepts and it feels like it can easily lead to a nihilistic worldview where “me” is giving up.

Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

No effect on what’s experienced at all.

[gmalen]

Michael,

I was going to write that there is something here that’s still not seeing it. But in the end, it always boils down to identification with a thought. So that something that is not seeing it would be a thought saying that. As if the thought could see anything.
Maybe what could be said is that the identification with thoughts is still here. The mechanism of grabbing a thought and running with it is still intact.

The moments of awareness and 'seeing' can be welcomed just as much as moments of identification and resistance. Only the thought world wants to distinguish the two and label one good and one bad. It's a smooth, effortless dance of expansion and contraction, ebb and flow. It's all perfectly what it is. No one to control it, change it, or manage it. Notice the 'manager' thoughts that try to.

Can you look in your direct experience if there is an expectation that seeing that there is no inherent autonomous self should be 24/7?

If yes - that is not realistic. Even when you wake up to the fact that there is no 'you', there still are thoughts, feelings, habits, reactivity, resistance, all of the things of which you took to be 'you' before. This deeper unraveling in real time recognition takes time and continued seeing. The work we are doing here together is simply seeing through the illusion of 'me' so that work can truly begin!

It’s the same as with finding the “me”. In the end there is nothing that can be said about anything that would be real in any way. Then the next thought is some sort of thought about silence (another concept). All effort to find it is just a waste of time.

Yes, you're catching on nicely. Still, it can be nice to look deeper into sticky areas. So what is this 'silence' you speak of in direct experience? What do you find when you sit still and look for it?

All effort to find it is just a waste of time. But how to give up effort? Even that question is loaded with so many concepts and it feels like it can easily lead to a nihilistic worldview where “me” is giving up.

Yes, a loaded question! Lol, it's such a paradox, 'giving up effort'. Who is efforting in the first place, and is this person/entity different than the one trying to give it up? Why doesn't the efforter simply stop efforting? Does the efforter exist? Does the giver upper exist? Look.

Yes, bouts of nihilism are common on this path, but in due time they're recognized to be just more thoughts and concepts such as 'nothing matters' or 'there is no me so why do anything'. But look behind this and you find life moving in its own flow, doing its thing. The birds chirping, the trees changing with the seasons, the phases of the moon and tides of the ocean. Same with humans when we connect to what's real beyond thought - everything carries on just fine based on the same intuitions, evolutionary drives, cultural standards, etc. that have always been driving these bodies. just might take some time to adjust.

Blessings,
Gunnar

[CosmicJoke]

The moments of awareness and 'seeing' can be welcomed just as much as moments of identification and resistance. Only the thought world wants to distinguish the two and label one good and one bad. It's a smooth, effortless dance of expansion and contraction, ebb and flow. It's all perfectly what it is. No one to control it, change it, or manage it. Notice the 'manager' thoughts that try to.

Can you look in your direct experience if there is an expectation that seeing that there is no inherent autonomous self should be 24/7?

Yes totally. There’s always the thought of trying to catch the thinker or seeing clearly. But that all just makes attention go into the mind even more. There’s also the expectation that I should feel better. That finally when I see “it” a huge burden will be lifted off of me. Because right now things feel still very heavy and me centered. Just realizing that it’s all thoughts doesn’t make the feelings any better. So it seems like nothing is really changing. I’m desperately hoping and waiting for an aha moment.

Yes, you're catching on nicely. Still, it can be nice to look deeper into sticky areas. So what is this 'silence' you speak of in direct experience? What do you find when you sit still and look for it?

I would stay that this silence would be being itself. That thing that makes experience possible. The feeling of what labels “me”. The fact that something can be experienced in the first place. That which is seeing before mind immediately jumps in and says “I am seeing”.
This thing itself can’t be found because it’s always just looking but mind still tries to find it very actively.

Yes, a loaded question! Lol, it's such a paradox, 'giving up effort'. Who is efforting in the first place, and is this person/entity different than the one trying to give it up? Why doesn't the efforter simply stop efforting? Does the efforter exist? Does the giver upper exist? Look.

This efforter and the one that is trying to give up efforting (basically the same thing) is exactly what feels like me. All the effort is what keeps “me” going. “Me” can’t accept that this is how life currently is with all it’s good and bad sides. But in the end it’s just more thoughts together with feelings that thoughts are interpreting in all kinds of different ways.

Yes, bouts of nihilism are common on this path, but in due time they're recognized to be just more thoughts and concepts such as 'nothing matters' or 'there is no me so why do anything'. But look behind this and you find life moving in its own flow, doing its thing. The birds chirping, the trees changing with the seasons, the phases of the moon and tides of the ocean. Same with humans when we connect to what's real beyond thought - everything carries on just fine based on the same intuitions, evolutionary drives, cultural standards, etc. that have always been driving these bodies. just might take some time to adjust.

I’m struggling with this a lot right now. The feeling that nothing will ever satisfy or make “me” happy. The alternative seems like just giving up on life. But that also doesn’t feel satisfying to “me”. Me is always looking for something better or is saying that this is not good enough. That “I” should be happier or “just being” is not good enough. That there must be something to recognize.
Sometimes when watching the body do it’s thing during simple activities, I can see that it is acting by itself without a doer. And the mind is commenting on everything creating some sense of control over what’s happening. I wonder if trying to let go into this non-control is helpful or if that would just lead to depersonalization symptoms. I mean it already does feel like that sometimes.

Thanks for sticking with this even though it must feel like you're constantly going in circles with me :)

[gmalen]

Michael,

Yes totally. There’s always the thought of trying to catch the thinker or seeing clearly. But that all just makes attention go into the mind even more. There’s also the expectation that I should feel better. That finally when I see “it” a huge burden will be lifted off of me. Because right now things feel still very heavy and me centered. Just realizing that it’s all thoughts doesn’t make the feelings any better. So it seems like nothing is really changing. I’m desperately hoping and waiting for an aha moment.

If awakening were to happen, it would be just this. It's simply seeing there has never been or will be a self. The whole play continues on along just fine, because truly, nothing changes. There was never a 'you' in the first place. See for yourself:

Mind Labeling Experience

Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen and paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. **For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?**

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry.

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”, 'me', or 'my'. Describe the experience as it is happening using verbs only.

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
typing,
breathing,
blinking,
hearing the clock.

(**Again, watch what is happening in the body.)**

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

2. What is here without labels?

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

4. **Did you notice any differences in the body?**

------------

I’m struggling with this a lot right now. The feeling that nothing will ever satisfy or make “me” happy. The alternative seems like just giving up on life. But that also doesn’t feel satisfying to “me”.

Mmm yes!! The 'me' will truly never be satisfied. No matter how rich, loved, even awake(!) you become, the 'me' will always place a carrot out in front of itself on a stick and hopelessly search.

That “I” should be happier or “just being” is not good enough.

Is this true? Give me three possible reasons for why both of these statements are invalid.

I wonder if trying to let go into this non-control is helpful or if that would just lead to depersonalization symptoms. I mean it already does feel like that sometimes.

Trust the intuitions and curiosity of the looking. Are 'you' controlling these inclinations such as to 'let go into this noncontrol'? When you look for the spiritual seeker, inquirer, what do you find?

Thanks for sticking with this even though it must feel like you're constantly going in circles with me :)

No, this is exactly how it goes. You're doing great.

Blessings,
Gunnar

[CosmicJoke]

Here's my list:

I am looking at the keyboard
I am looking at my hands
I am feeling pressure in my head
I hear cars
I hear the fridge
I feel my glasses
I feel my breath
I feel my neck
I look at the wall
I’m looking at the glass
I’m sitting on the chair
I’m looking around the room
I adjust my glasses
I feel my feet on the floor
I’m feeling tired
I’m looking out the window
I hear a siren
I’m drinking coke
I’m laughing
I feel my face
I look at my body
I taste the coke in my mouth
I’m exhaling audibly
I’m seeing a message pop up
I’m swallowing
I hear the AC
I’m thinking about how to format this
I’m scratching my neck
I’m looking at the wall
I’m stretching my neck
I’m thinking about if I’m doing this right
I’m scratching the neck
I’m looking at my hands
I’m burping
I’m rubbing my hands
I feel the arms on the table
I feel the pressure in my eyes

And here's the other list:
Adjusting glasses
Breathing in
Typing
Looking at keyboard
Hearing the traffic
Feeling the face
Feeling the neck
Looking at the wall
Feeling the arms on the table
Tasting the coke
Coughing
Swallowing
Drinking coke
Adjusting glasses
Moving mouse
Looking at clock
Coughing
Looking out the window
Looking at the table
Feeling the feet on the floor
Feeling the body on the chair
Feeling the neck
Stretching the neck
Feeling the breath
Feeling the head
Hearing a motorcycle
Scratching nose
Drinking coke
Looking at the mug
Feeling arms on table
Feeling cold air from ac
Looking at wall
Adjusting glasses
Feeling hands on keyboard
Feeling neck
Exhaling loudly
Hearing honking
Hearing the ac
Wiggling toes
Seeing the screen
Reading text
Swallowing
Looking out the window
Feeling face
Thinking about yesterday
Feeling sleepy
Scratching the head
Moving in the chair
Grabbing mouse
Adjusting pants
Touching hair
Exhaling loudly
Stopping timer

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

The second one feels closer to what’s happening. The actions seem uncaused by anyone when comparing. The I that’s assumed in the first part doesn’t make a difference for what’s happening. The moment after an action happens one could argue that someone caused them but that’s only in hindsight. The moment they happen it’s completely unvoluntary and unforeseen. It’s especially clear when just sitting and trying to do doing nothing. Actions still happen constantly and only after they happened, they are known or conceptualized.

2. What is here without labels?

Just raw sensations. Hearing, feeling, seeing, thinking, tasting, smelling. And even those are labels.

Movement feels like it’s kind of a sensation. But intellectually I can see that it’s just seeing and feeling. The mind is just capable to quickly convert these two separate sensations into what seems like movement. It’s crazy how it’s able to that that instantly. Keeping all the information somehow available in the background and creating movement and a feeling of time. When I move my hand it’s like the memory of the old position is overlayed onto the new position. And it happens so quickly and seamlessly that it feels like the hand is an object that moved through time.

Trying to isolate just the seeing it’s basically like a movie. Changes in color on the screen seem to be real moving objects. But we know that it’s just changing colors. Looking at just one pixel changing its color we wouldn’t say it’s moving but get enough pixels together and suddenly a whole world appears :). Exact same thing seems to happen here just way more convincing because of the additional senses and deep habit.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

Experience happens with or without labels. Labels just describe it.
Labels seem to constrict experience though by moving attention to the mind. The moment one labels or knows the experience there’s no more attention on it because the mind seems to already know everything it needs to know about it and moves on to the next thing. I can see that process happening constantly with myself. The feeling of living inside the head.

4. **Did you notice any differences in the body?**

It’s hard to tell but I would say it felt more relaxed and natural. The body would just do its thing more freely.

That “I” should be happier or “just being” is not good enough.

Is this true? Give me three possible reasons for why both of these statements are invalid.

That’s a good question. I would say three reasons are:

- Things can never be different then what they are. So saying something should or could be other than it is would assume that there is another option which there isn’t.
- It’s just an interpretation. Someone else might see the situation completely different. So neither can be actually true.
- The thoughts aren’t mine but are just a result of external conditions. So saying I should be happier is basically just believing what I’ve been told by others.

Would be interesting to read what your reasons would be.

I wonder if trying to let go into this non-control is helpful or if that would just lead to depersonalization symptoms. I mean it already does feel like that sometimes.

Trust the intuitions and curiosity of the looking. Are 'you' controlling these inclinations such as to 'let go into this noncontrol'? When you look for the spiritual seeker, inquirer, what do you find?

It’s all just more thoughts centered around “me”.

Yesterday it hit me that whenever words would come out of my mouth, there is this crazy assumption that these words are somehow uttered by the collective memories of my life and by uttering these words they somehow become attached to this collective memory or in short “me” which is talking. It felt really absurd to think that the memories would be able to move the muscles in the mouth, or control the vocal cords etc. I always just strangely assumed that it was these collected memories that would do the talking. But it was just the body that was saying words. Really what else could talk besides the body?

[gmalen]

Michael,

I'm appreciating your engagement with the exercise and enjoying reading what you find.

Yesterday it hit me that whenever words would come out of my mouth, there is this crazy assumption that these words are somehow uttered by the collective memories of my life and by uttering these words they somehow become attached to this collective memory or in short “me” which is talking. It felt really absurd to think that the memories would be able to move the muscles in the mouth, or control the vocal cords etc. I always just strangely assumed that it was these collected memories that would do the talking. But it was just the body that was saying words. Really what else could talk besides the body?

love it!

That “I” should be happier or “just being” is not good enough.
Is this true? Give me three possible reasons for why both of these statements are invalid.
That’s a good question. I would say three reasons are:

- Things can never be different then what they are. So saying something should or could be other than it is would assume that there is another option which there isn’t.
- It’s just an interpretation. Someone else might see the situation completely different. So neither can be actually true.
- The thoughts aren’t mine but are just a result of external conditions. So saying I should be happier is basically just believing what I’ve been told by others.

Would be interesting to read what your reasons would be.

Nice, I like your reasons. Mine... Hmm... 1. I can't find a real barometer of how happy a human or I should be, so how do I know what to compare to? 2. What if I were happier than 99.99% of the world and I didn't know it! 3. What if I only felt unhappy because I was telling myself the story that I should be happier?

Those may not have been 'reasons' necessarily, just what arose naturally.

Now, Give me three reasons why you should be less happy than you are ;) Really though.

Blessings,
Gunnar

[gmalen]

Michael,

And here is a deeper exploration of the body. I think it ties in nicely with your recent explorations of movement and how sight and sensation work together.

Please follow each step, don't leave out any. Take your time. Don't move to the next step until the previous one is clearly seen.

Repeat the exercise several times.

Stand in front of a bigger mirror.

(1) First, close the eyes and feel the sensations labelled ‘body’.

(2) Then open the eyes and look into the mirror while still paying attention to the sensations. Is there any connection between the felt sensations and the image in the mirror? Or just thoughts (and/or mental images) suggest that there is?

(3) While still paying attention to the sensations move one hand and observe the movement from the mirror. Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labelled ‘hand’) and image of movement in the mirror?

(4) Now do the same movement with the hand, but this time look at the hand directly, not from the mirror. Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labelled ‘hand’) and the image ‘of movement’? Or only thoughts suggest it?

(5) Now, pay attention only to the image in the mirror. Does the image by itself suggest in any way that is ‘you’ or ‘your body’? Does the image itself suggest in any way that it is a ‘body’ at all? Or are there only colors and shapes?

(6) Where the mirror ends, some parts of the body (probably legs) cannot be seen. Just by the image in the mirror, is there any ‘knowledge’ that there must be legs, or only thoughts and mental images suggest so?

(7) Now turn away from the mirror and look forward (don’t look directly to any body parts).

Is there a ‘body’ anywhere when all thoughts and images are ignored, or are there only sensations?

(8) Start to walk slowly.

Is there a ‘body walking’, or are there only sensations?
Is there actual experience of ‘walking’ at all?

Or just THOUGHTS ABOUT ‘walking’?

Can such a thing as ‘body’ be found OR just THOUGHTS ABOUT a ‘body’?

Can such a thing as ‘walking’ be found?

(9) Are the sensations localized in space, like ‘going through the room’; OR is there only an image that is labelled ‘room’ and appearing sensations without any location?

[CosmicJoke]

Now, Give me three reasons why you should be less happy than you are ;) Really though.

1. I don’t deserve to be happy
2. Being less happy is my natural state and being happy takes effort
3. The world is not a happy place all the time so I shouldn’t be as happy
Sounds pretty fucked up and is quite some unreasonable nonsense when looking at it but that was what came up.

And here is a deeper exploration of the body. I think it ties in nicely with your recent explorations of movement and how sight and sensation work together.

Please follow each step, don't leave out any. Take your time. Don't move to the next step until the previous one is clearly seen.

Repeat the exercise several times.

Stand in front of a bigger mirror.

I was already exploring this somewhat every now an then. Let me focus on it for 1-2 more days. Will report back.

[gmalen]

Michael,

1. I don’t deserve to be happy
2. Being less happy is my natural state and being happy takes effort
3. The world is not a happy place all the time so I shouldn’t be as happy
Sounds pretty fucked up and is quite some unreasonable nonsense when looking at it but that was what came up.

Nice, now sit quietly with each statement for 2 minutes and ask yourself - can I really know if this is true? (And) Is the opposite potentially more true? I know conceptually you know this is 'unreasonable nonsense'. Still, let the energy of this inquiry explore and be open, feel into it with your whole body.

Now, let's say CNN news bursts into your room, "Michael!! Through extensive research, we have discovered that you are the happiest person in the world.. the world!!! How is it so, how do you do it??????!"

Now let's say this were true, that you indeed were. What 3 reasons would you tell them, if you had to guess, why you are the happiest person in the world?

----

I was already exploring this somewhat every now an then. Let me focus on it for 1-2 more days. Will report back.

Wonderful. Peace.

Gunnn

[gmalen]

Michael,

Hey, it's been a minute. How are you? Still interested in this dialogue?

Gunnar