Hey Nic! The final questions/answers are here:
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Only a label arising. There is no "entity" at all.
In actual reality there is no such thing as self me or I. In any way shape or form.
I can only speak from DE and there is no "ever" either, since time is also a label arising that has a value of ZERO, as not-existing-in-actual-reality. It cannot be found in DE – neither "was" nor "there" nor "ever".
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
TL;DR: It doesn't exist. There is no illusion of a separate self in reality. It's a story.
It's a thought arising plus a feeling of perspective behind the "eyes", or "heart area", or some other area that has a feeling arising with some quality that seems "selfing" in the moment.
It's labeled "I" or "me", but it's just a label that points to nothing at all. It's just an assumption that doesn't withstand looking.
There is no actual or direct experience of that -> There is a feeling. The thought arises. But that's it.
Sense of center, or a central axis around which experience is happening, but the core is empty of meaning or value, or real
representation. It's a construct. It's imaginary.
It works as a habit that is formed at some point through some causal ways, that are beyond comprehension.
No idea how, why or when.
It's as relevant as any other thought and it is less real than an image of a speck of dust in the room.
Fueled by many different layers of "illusion" like "emotions", "own thoughts" or "own body". They seem to congregate around this special idea of "I", but when looked for the separate self doesn't appear.
It seemed to start in the "past" or "childhood" but it may have also been even before birth, or before the birth of the universe (all concepts that have zero value in DE).
There is a thought that it is autonomous, or outside of creation, or causing things to happen, or witnessing, or awareing etc, which is preposterous – since it just arises and vanishes in a given moment.
It layers over the DE with a filter that is made out of thought. It distorts perception as
cloud distorts the sky, yet it isn't actually here/there and the
sky of direct raw full-on experience is.
It's also the main narrator and storyteller. It gives descriptions, value statements, regurgitates facts, regurgitates beliefs, has inspirations, motivations, or whatever else arises and claims it's its own creation. It's like a false-god of sorts, that tries to imitate by mental fabrications what is happening.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
TL;DR: It feels complete, yet unfolding. Before, the seeker was on a spiritual quest, and after seeker was seen as a fabrication. Then, after seeker, every concept proved to be fiction/fabrication. Including all the labels, senses, and
reality itself. There is just this.
It feels like an answer to a non-existing question. There is nothing but DE and it's evident without the clinging to the idea of existence of the separate self, or any self at all. The perception is gone, time space, world, universe, mankind, ideology, religion. Every-thing is gone and the pure unfiltered raw experience of sensations. (that are of themselves empty of anything).
Before the dialogue, there was an evident feeling of "ripeness" or "tiredness" with all the spiritual stuff.
There was a mild headache of unresolved business or stuff.
It is no longer so.
Thank you. Since I started 5 days ago, it has been one big blob of amazing pointings and dialogues that skillfully helped to peel away the layers of illusion. A few stories that were still playing apparently in the "background" but they were seen through and let go of.
There is an ability to clearly see, unobstructed by the content of experience.
It feels like there is nothing to be done anymore in this regard.
No more spiritual quest.
No more questions apart from arising from nowhere and vanishing into nowhere.
Just as a part of unfolding and function, but nothing to cling to or focus on.
Unfolding still happens and there is no telling if this will persist but seeing has happened, the veil has been seen through.
There was no big bang, as the expectation stated, it was extremely subtle and sneaky sort of.
The echo chamber of the mind just collapsed while writing the answers to the questions regarding pointings. It was labeled as a thought in "retrospect" sort of. A lag was evident.
For example: There was a thought – Oh, so the universe is also an imaginary construct. Seeing dissolved the universe. The idea of universe or God, or anything is just nonsensical, while before it was all ONE Godhead/Awareness. It just doesn't exist at all. It would imply two things, and reality obviously not-things, it is not-two. Just as an example. More examples like seeing that others don't exist (it's also somethign that was understood intellectualy before but now it's experiential).
There is nobody here! No me, no other, no you. Only sensations arising and passing away in their mysterious origins, and there is no detective to dig anymore. There is no need to dig, all is available here and now.
The flickering sensations remain, yet what flickers and what is this "something" I have no idea.
When the flickering of sensations is closely investigated it vanishes as a concept and only THIS remains.
And there is no need or want to know. There is nobody to need or know anymore.
There never was. What a strange journey it has been. There is a hint of "nostalgia" or a reminiscence akin to coming home from some crazy trip. There is work that has been done and it gradually shows more and more energy that was freed by this. But there is also DE which is way better than any conceptual trip could've given.
Everything is empty of meaning. Every sensation is already free. DE as the pointer is useful but even that is dropped and not even seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling or thoughts arise as concepts. They can be used with no problem – but they just seem unnecessary and not a default anymore.
Backstory arises – maybe it will be a pointer to somebody, maybe not. I've been on this "path" for 8 years as far as I remember. It all started with the idea of meditation, which took me to Tolle's Power of Now and then Jed McKenna (yeah, the jump was kind of drastic). This somehow led to Gateless Gatecrashers (mind you it was 8 years ago) and there was no feeling of need or rather a crazy insistence to do everything by "myself" (lol) and "no need for help".
Going through countless books, countless videos, countless practices, countless methods, countless "LAWS", countless hours of meditation, and countless ideas that were seemingly the answer. Some really obscure shit, channelings, esoteric psychology, Gurdjieff, conspiracy theories, magic.
The worldview was changing at each step and more and more was becoming available. But it still happened to the person somehow. It was still the empowerment of the person, which in the end was actually the deconditioning and de-constructing of the person through seemingly empowering techniques. What a paradox.
I don't know if that was needed. The journey had to happen after the first seeing, more exploration had to be done, I guess. The "finish" is very simple. It's simplicity itself. Bare sensations in six sense doors.
They are useful as pointers but they are not real. Only sensations are real. And that is the closest to reality there can be.
These ideas were known intellectually but realizing them is something entirely different. And so simple! So simple. Reading these kinds of insights was so frustrating before. HOW CAN IT BE THIS SIMPLE arised where the question and questioner itself were the complexity that was not needed whatsoever.
After letting go of most of the beliefs the seeker becomes apparent. The restlessness, the constant chasing, the mild headache. It's all symptoms of still clinging to the speck of an old reflex. A habit no longer needed.
And it's just a story now anyway. Like a strange dream. But the dream, dreamer, and dreaming is gone.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
The entire dialogue was the push I hoped for – it's even in the title of this thread haha!
But the most useful insight that was finally realized is emotions are just labels (not intellectually - I knew that before, but now realized experientially) – this freed a lot of energy in an instant to cut through every single piece of sensation that came later on and gradually shifted the perspective. But then again – I cannot tell what EXACT moment that was with this shift.
The first shift 8 years ago was very clear one – like coming out of the matrix – and it was after reading Gateless Gatecrashers with a tandem of Jed McKenna. "My mind" broke for the first time then after stating "I don't exist" a few times. There was a heart-pounding to an enormous degree and a feeling of "dying". But that was before.
This shift... was more subtle and complete.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
A decision is a thought that arises to label some action that happens on its own.
"I" sticks to the "decision" and makes it its own.
Can't describe it in DE. It doesn't exist. Sensation appears and it's labeled as "decision" or "I made a decision" and then it's put as an overlay on the meaning-less sensation.
"I am writing this" is a thought that describes the tapping on the keyboard, implying a decision has been made to write something. Implying that there is some degree of decision-making. All fabricated. Fictional.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intention is a thought that arises to label, nobody intending to do anything.
"I will write this answer" is a thought that describes the tapping on the keyboard, implying the intention to write something on the keyboard. It implies that it knows there is something to be written. It implies knowledge. It implies ownership. Intention arises on its own and fades away.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Free will is a concept that states there is freedom in choosing. But there is no such thing as free will or non-free will. All simply arises and vanishes without a notion of "free will" or "non-free will" attached to them. They are meaningless without the subject. They just don't appear – all notions of free will and non-free will seem nonsensical in DE.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Choice is a thought. Chooser is a thought. There is no way to choose anything. Impulse arises, and is labeled "chosing" "I chose this" or "I have a choice". But it's just a story that is just fictional.
Preferences are but they arise and vanish on their own and nobody chooses them.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
Control is a concept and arises as a mechanism to help "I" ground itself in reality somehow.
It's not actual control, but the illusion overlaying various sensations that arise by themselves without a doer or decider.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
There is Direct Experience of seeing, hearing, tasting, feeling, smelling, and thoughts arising. They are only labels for direct experience for there is no inherent difference in them. They arise and vanish. There is nothing that last. Nothing has a meaning attached to it. Things don't happen at all after clear Looking.
No idea how it works. It just is. Effortless arising and passing with no one doing anything.
There is no creator or maker.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Responsibility is a concept and the value of the concept is zero. There is nothing that shows responsibility in DE.
A sense of responsibility may arise, as a feeling somewhere in a
heart or
brain area, it's labeled responsibility. There may be an apparent responsibility to attend to "I" or "others", but it's just a fabrication and a figure of speech.
6) Anything to add?
Yes. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, brain, or universe, or whatever. Your help was invaluable in this investigation. The simplicity of direct pointing and the nuclear power it provides is astonishing.
Also – you and other guides – feel free to find chinks in these descriptions and destroy the crap if you feel it still ingers. Maybe you'll find something that still needs seeing, maybe not. Thank you for your service and for Liberation Unleashed.
"Beautiful, you know the answers to all your questions it seems :) "
And they don't belong to anybody hahaha. What an irony. Thank you for your patience. And your pointing. You were the final catalyst. :)
