I don't quite understand what to write here :)

[Gitte]

Hello Vince,

Would something have had to be different for a different choice to have been made?

Absolutely not.....when I sit on my sofa. Then I forget and get entangled in drama when I am tired or in the presence of people in situations I do not like.

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Hi Gitte,

Would something have had to be different for a different choice to have been made?

Absolutely not.....when I sit on my sofa.

Although I 'hear the tone', I don't understand what you mean. Can you expend on it.

Then I forget and get entangled in drama when I am tired or in the presence of people in situations I do not like.

I don't see how this fits with the question or answer, although I do 'get' what you say.
Getting entangled is not the issue. It happens and so it IS. How you respond when you realize that it happened is where the fulcrum for change is. This is when you laugh and begin strengthening the new pathways in the brain.

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Dear Vince

I don't understand what you mean.

When I am at peace dissolving myself I so align with it all. Usually, this happens sitting on my sofa.

How you respond when you realize that it

If it is a situation I do not like, I tend to make up a story of what will happen. Making up a future.
If a person is involved I get so angry and usually, I do not even figure out the reflecting image the the person is showing me.

Have a nice day

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

When I am at peace dissolving myself I so align with it all. Usually, this happens sitting on my sofa.

This sounds like a kind of informal meditation. When you say "dissolving yourself" does that experience omit any reference to Gitte (or her self)? Is it self-less?

I tend to make up a story of what will happen. Making up a future.

At this 'stage' that is fine. The really important point is when you realize that it is happening. Do you laugh or grin or smile inwardly when you recognize that it is happening? This is a new habit we need to establish.

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince,

does that experience omit any reference to Gitte (or her self)?

I would say selfless

The really important point is when you realize that it is happening.

I have been observing myself the last few days and

In one situation I got caught up in a discussion that did not have any point. I was judging them for being stubborn and knew they were a mirror of me. I knew that this one person in particular really pisses me off because she is so rigid ...which means I am ridged. I felt ashamed because I was proving my point on something important and they just would not think like me. I was ashamed because of my decision and because I raced my voice and ashamed because I did not have a valid explanation. I felt like a child in the situation. I was able to observe a lot of thoughts I have about myself. The ones I do not want. I was angry and raised my voice, behaving uncontrolled. I did not find it amusing.

My solution is to avoid this person but then I will never get to embrace these parts of myself.

In the other situation, I got caught up in thoughts where I felt my husband should help me find a job. When I go to that place I am ready to leave him and return to my original country. I feel SO a victim of the situation.

My solution is to avoid making up this story but then again I will not be able to embrace the part of me that feels like a victim.

All the best

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Goof evening Gitte,

I was able to observe a lot of thoughts I have about myself. The ones I do not want. I was angry and raised my voice, behaving uncontrolled. I did not find it amusing.

You had the thoughts. You were aware of their content. You were able to associate their content with some history. You took ownership of them. You moralised about them. You responded to the morals story. You felt shitty.
...but you were not aware that you were aware of what was going on.
None of this is wrong. It is not bad. It just is.
..but these words might just help you see it from a better distance. From a distance where the perspective is forgiving.
Of course, it wasn't amusing, but the laughter that I strongly suggest that happens at the recognition that you were lost in emotion (the response to the content of those thoughts).
It has nothing to do with amusement. There is humor in this, but I don't expect that you can see it yet.

My solution is to avoid this person but then I will never get to embrace these parts of myself.

You are absolutely correct. That doesn't mean that you need to seek them out to DO anything. allow life to organize it.

I got caught up in thoughts

Your insight is good. Do you only see it when you write about it, of do you see it sooner?

I will not be able to embrace the part of me that feels like a victim.

I hope that you mean that. Once loved unconditionally, that can change. Absolute acceptance first.

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Dear Vince

From a distance where the perspective is forgiving.

It is easy to forgive the others. I don't think I have forgiven myself at any time.

That doesn't mean that you need to seek them out

Been there, because I thought it helped me release old stuff, but then I realised it only made things repeat themselves :) and blocked the dynamic of life itself. Really odd.

Do you only see it when you write about it, of do you see it sooner?

It depends on the circumstances. Usually, it is easy at home.

I hope that you mean that.

I do because some beliefs I have dissolved, but others appear and these are much harder to accept. Like being a victim or just being me.

All the best

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

I don't think I have forgiven myself

The whole concept of forgiveness rests on the idea that things could have been different. Not only that, but that the person to be forgiven willfully chose that which needs forgiving.
What circumstance would have had to be different for it to have turned out differently.
Do you have control over what you do?
If the idea arises that you will behave differently, does it happen?

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince

The whole concept of forgiveness rests on the idea that things could have been different.

Do you not mean that "things could NOT have been any different?

Not only that, but that the person to be forgiven willfully chose that which needs forgiving.

I don't understand this

Do you have control over what you do?

I know I do not have any control, it just hasn't completely assimilated into my system :)

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good morning Gitte,

The whole concept of forgiveness rests on the idea that things could have been different.

Do you not mean that "things could NOT have been any different?

Ha, yes. What you say is true. That things had to be the way they were. This means that the whole idea of forgiveness is actually conceptual rubbish. If we (or they) had no control over what happened, then what is to forgive?

but that the person to be forgiven willfully chose that which needs forgiving.

I don't understand this

Forgiveness is a story about letting go of blame. If a person didn't choose the thing we blame them for...

I know I do not have any control, it just hasn't completely assimilated into my system :)

How will you know that it has assimilated?

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince,

This means that the whole idea of forgiveness is actually conceptual rubbish

I can relate to this. I'm thinking I need to meditate on this, so it will gro, because often old things come to my mind and with this me blaming my self for doing what I did at that time. It is as if I have a small seed which needs to gro a bit

How will you know that it has assimilated?

I think I have the idea that when I am just observing is when this is assimilated....then again I know it isn't true, I am just not comfortable within my bodily feelings :)

All the best

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Hey Gitte,

often old things come to my mind and with this me blaming my self for doing what I did at that time.

This is a critical point(er). There's nothing wrong with whatever comes up.
Although in the background is an idea that we are better off without this happening. Leave it in the background. If it comes to the foreground, then that is ok too. Just remind yourself that it's not the issue.
What is (the issue) is how you respond to it.
What you respond to it with, is not the issue. It's your attitude towards the response that is.
The most adaptive attitude is one of curiosity.
Being in discovery mode.
Wondering what might reveal itself...

You might need to read this post a couple of times to grok it.

much love

vince

[Gitte]

Dear Vince

I have been wandering why my constipating respond to old memories wouldn't change. Now that we have been around forgiveness/nothing to forgive, then the whole lot has changed. Now there is room for curiosity for what is.

All the best

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

the whole lot has changed. Now there is room for curiosity for what is

Excellent. It sounds like a shift has occurred.
let's keep the momentum up. What provokes investigation now?

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince;

What provokes investigation now?

Nothing really. I can just put curiosity into my formula and everything dissolves itself, but I think my ego would love this gaslighting of myself.

One thing that comes to my mind is the sadness that follows with this calmness. I believe I have always and foremost been and am a seeker.

My ego is not ok with the fact that I settle with the job I have right now.
My job situation is like the manifestation of my mind in this moment, settling with the curiosity of life.

So maybe this sadness.

All the best, Vince


Gitte