Hide & Seek...

[Bluejay]

If I look directly and constantly at my thoughts they tend to go quiet or stop. Which makes this kind of ‘looking’ tricky. I need to get the knack of watching without watching!

If the mind goes quiet, you can switch to looking for the self. We will cover how to do that soon!

As for decisions, here are two pointers that may help you investigate:

#1 - Palm

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

- How is the movement controlled?

- Does a thought control it?

- Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

- How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

- Who or what​ ​chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

- Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Enjoy! :)

Oh and if the mind goes quiet, you can use this pointer to explore the decision-maker. You can also walk around and look at if there is someone doing the walking/deciding where to go.

#2 - Drinks

The aim of this pointer is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

Enjoy! :)

[Aldous65]

Hi Henri,

I hope all is well. :)

#1 - Palm

- How is the movement controlled?

It just seems to happen.

- Does a thought control it?

An impulse triggers a thought and then movement follows. But thought isn’t in control.

- Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No.

- How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

An impulse triggers the thought before movement.

- Who or what​ ​chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

I don’t know. It just happened.

- Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No.

#2 - Drinks

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

I seemed to open to them and the qualities appeared. Almost like the drinks told me their qualities.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

No.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

It just seemed like an impulse to follow the instruction and it happened without question.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

There isn’t a chooser, but there seems to be an energy that goes out to meet each drink and feels for an answer. When one eventually feels like the ‘right’ one, an action happens to pick it up.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

No, a feeling can’t choose. It just seems to be part of the process of something happening. But there doesn’t seem to be a 'chooser' as much as ‘choosing’ or ‘happening’.

It’s like a computer programming function. The function is triggered, the prescribed events happen, then the function is complete. Another function then seems to label it as ‘my’ decision/action.


Aldo :)

[Bluejay]

No, a feeling can’t choose. It just seems to be part of the process of something happening. But there doesn’t seem to be a 'chooser' as much as ‘choosing’ or ‘happening’.

It’s like a computer programming function. The function is triggered, the prescribed events happen, then the function is complete. Another function then seems to label it as ‘my’ decision/action.

Now take this into everyday life again, as in the exercise a few posts ago.

Set an alarm to go off every hour or so, and look for a decision-maker or doer. Can you find it?

Pay attention to how decisions happen and if there is any control there.

Is there something that is not happening 'automatically'?

Play around and experiment with this. See what you find :)

[Aldous65]

Hi Henri,

Now take this into everyday life again, as in the exercise a few posts ago.

Look for a decision-maker or doer. Can you find it?

Pay attention to how decisions happen and if there is any control there.

Is there something that is not happening 'automatically'?

It all seems to be done automatically, I can’t find anything that’s being done by ‘somebody’. Everything just seems to happen. Questions, ideas, internal conversations, answers, actions…...just happen by themselves. But if that’s true, then ‘I’ have no say in anything, can’t decide anything, can’t do anything except be aware of what’s happening and watch the show...

I’m trying to get myself to accept or be comfortable with that conclusion – even though I can’t do anything, lol – but it’s a very weird feeling…

Does the feeling of ‘me’ and 'me the doer' ever go away? Or is it a matter of just knowing it’s not real?

Thank you,
Aldo :)

[Bluejay]

It all seems to be done automatically, I can’t find anything that’s being done by ‘somebody’. Everything just seems to happen. Questions, ideas, internal conversations, answers, actions…...just happen by themselves. But if that’s true, then ‘I’ have no say in anything, can’t decide anything, can’t do anything except be aware of what’s happening and watch the show...

There is still a separation here. Can you find the one that can't decide anything?

Who or what is it that is along for the show?

I’m trying to get myself to accept or be comfortable with that conclusion – even though I can’t do anything, lol – but it’s a very weird feeling…

No need to accept this, or even try to be comfortable. This will take care of itself, as it always has, so you can relax :)

Does the feeling of ‘me’ and 'me the doer' ever go away? Or is it a matter of just knowing it’s not real?

Knowing is the first step, but there needs to be an experiential shift, or a-ha moment where this is felt on a bodily level.

This is why you look over and over. When there is even the slightest sense of self, you inquire.

So let's explore that sense of self now.

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there.

You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this sense of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by feeling it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes? (shimmering, tingling, pulsing, etc)

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

[Aldous65]

Hi Henri,

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this sense of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by feeling it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

No.

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

No, it seems to be everywhere. (a bit of a shift happened when I felt ‘I’ was everywhere, shocked me a little…)

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

No, words and thoughts are just assumed to come from it.

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes? (shimmering, tingling, pulsing, etc)

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

The sense of ‘me’ seems to be gone…I can't answer the other questions, there's nothing to compare against!

I just spent the last couple of hours - after really trying to answer these questions as honestly and accurately as possible - experimenting and I can’t feel it anymore. Feeling/seeing that it was everywhere made it disappear.

I was just looking out the window watching the wind blowing leaves around and I honestly didn’t know what was going to happen next. Very strange.

I’ll keep experimenting, because I’m saying “I’m looking out the window." But if I look for that ‘I’ it’s not there, it’s everywhere!

Aldo :)

[Bluejay]

I’ll keep experimenting, because I’m saying “I’m looking out the window." But if I look for that ‘I’ it’s not there, it’s everywhere!

Can you say more about 'it's everywhere'? How do you experience it?

And using the word I in language is not a problem :)

[Aldous65]

Hi Henri,

Can you say more about 'it's everywhere'? How do you experience it?

It’s not everywhere in the sense of looking at a tree and seeing ‘me’. It’s more like ‘me’ disappeared and now there’s emptiness, spacious openness in its place. And if I feel that openness, it’s everywhere. It’s the ground of everything, maybe the substance of everything, or what everything is happening in.(?)

It feels like the basis on which everything rests…..like water to a fish….it’s everywhere. I don’t necessarily consider that to be ‘me’, (although sometimes it feels like it) but it seems to be what’s in place of ‘me’. Or more accurately, it was probably already there it’s just more noticeable now.

Does that make any sense?


Aldo :)

[Bluejay]

And if I feel that openness, it’s everywhere. It’s the ground of everything, maybe the substance of everything, or what everything is happening in.(?)

It feels like the basis on which everything rests…..like water to a fish….it’s everywhere. I don’t necessarily consider that to be ‘me’, (although sometimes it feels like it) but it seems to be what’s in place of ‘me’. Or more accurately, it was probably already there it’s just more noticeable now.

Does that make any sense?

Makes sense. Let's explore! :)

In direct experience, what is the openness?

Openness is a label, right? So what is actually there?

Do you actually feel or see openness? Are 'things' coming out of it?

[Aldous65]

Hi Henri,

In direct experience, what is the openness?
Openness is a label, right? So what is actually there?

Just a feeling or sensation; energy.

Do you actually feel or see openness? Are 'things' coming out of it?

I feel the openness. If the openness is the basis for existence then I could understand saying that everything is coming from it. But in direct experience, it’s just a feeling/sensation/energy. The story line describing what it might be comes later.

Aldo :)

[Bluejay]

I feel the openness. If the openness is the basis for existence then I could understand saying that everything is coming from it. But in direct experience, it’s just a feeling/sensation/energy. The story line describing what it might be comes later.

So, is it at its core a feeling or a sensation or energy?

Is there one of those that makes up the rest, like an element in the periodic table, as it pertains to how we've used these terms during our conversation? :)

[Aldous65]

So, is it at its core a feeling or a sensation or energy?

Is there one of those that makes up the rest, like an element in the periodic table, as it pertains to how we've used these terms during our conversation? :)

I would say energy. Everything is essentially energy in one form or another.

[Bluejay]

I would say energy. Everything is essentially energy in one form or another.

Where is energy in direct experience?

When you look, what do you actually see?

I know in the relative sense science says everything is energy, but that is different from inquiring and looking at what is actually known vs. what is not.

[Aldous65]

Where is energy in direct experience?

It's just an assumption.

When you look, what do you actually see?

What's there, what is. The sensation of colour.

Okay, so if energy is just an assumption then all that's left is sensation. A sensation that then gets interpreted as 'openness'.

[Bluejay]

Okay, so if energy is just an assumption then all that's left is sensation. A sensation that then gets interpreted as 'openness'.

Bingo. 🎯

Do we ever know anything other than direct experience? (sensation, sound, image/thought, etc)

This next pointer might be interesting to explore next:

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes. Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is? Does the body have a weight or volume? In direct experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing? Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ actually refer to? What is the direct experience of the body?

Feel free to take your time :)