In time and out of it.

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Alan!

By dropping the “I” and “mine” labels is anything REAL actually being ignored?

That is THE question! For some time, I’ve been searching for this “I,” in meditation, and sometimes, randomly. Alas, “I” am not to be found without the help of a thought, a label, a memory, an attachment. Sometimes, when listening to the fountain in the other room, I inquire, “Where do I end and the sound begin, or where do ‘they’ meet?” I find no boundary… just a sort of field. Ane yet, “I’m” still here! What does that even mean?! I feel a slight sense of desperate seeking for escape, but that “dog chasing its tail” or “being locked in a body” seems a little apart from something else.
“I” is not real in the sense that I can see it or hear it, touch it, find it. Interesting.


What is actually being "dropped" when you do not use the words “I” and “mine”?
The conceptual answer is identification with thought.

I understand this assumption. Entertaining a fear ( even somewhat muted) of the fear is extra baggage.

Many of the paths I've engaged to awaken warn about a "fear barrier." It seems reasonable that the false self would inspire a fight to the death. Presently, in clear mind and open heart, I'm ready! But I also detect a "Buddha smile."

Thanks very much for the link with Adyashanti! Since the sesshin I attended last April, when the Zen teacher suggested that I might sit Little Janine on my lap during meditation (in response to arising emotions and images), I’ve been in the habit of “welcoming” dark moods instead of resisting them… as if the mood was a child in need of attention. Last week, in the midst of such depression and physical pain, my feeble attempts to welcome were really blatant attempts to make the sensations go away! I love what Adyashanti said about “precision” and “act of love.” Presently, I feel wholeheartedly on board with this intention, but I’m aware of the fear of practice under extreme conditions… when sensations stomp over my intentions.
Interesting… the intention for later this morning is to take a cold tip in a nearby pond (akin to an ice bath). My mate and I are practicing Tantra, and this is the next activity on the course. The idea is to use breath to override panic. We’ll see what happens!


When we actually prove or actually come to see or know that something is not true, how can that be honestly be labelled "failure"?

I love that you married “failure” with “essential companion!” What a game changer!


Isn't that in itself a discovery?
Yes!

Aah. Interesting ! Can you actually find the entity that is disappointed in herself?
Of course not! Not without thought! Who is smiling right now?!


What would you say they are seeing? Do they have any labels in their mind?
No labels. What could they be seeing? Mind is going back to reference something from Developmental Psychology. I set that aside. A seamless collage of shape, color, texture, light, and motion (there, of course, would be no such words for any of this).

If you asked a five year old what they are seeing, would what they describe be any different to what a baby actually is seeing?
Yes! A five-year-old might proudly label everything he/she could in sight. The programming has begun! However, small children have the artistic ability to pair unlikely labels. My brother once said to my mom when he was quite young, “My heart laughs because I’m going to be good!”

Thanks for a lovely investigation!

Love,
Janine

[Alless]

Hi Janine,

Alas, “I” am not to be found without the help of a thought, a label, a memory, an attachment.

Do I hear you say in this that you need thoughts, labels, memories, attachments to help you find the "I" it OR does this "I" that we believe exists actually appear as a thought or label or memory or attachment?

my feeble attempts to welcome were really blatant attempts to make the sensations go away!

So important to notice this ! Catching deception in the act without being caught by it !

The idea is to use breath to override panic. We’ll see what happens!

And do your best to LOOK directly in the experiencing. I'll be very interested.

A seamless collage of shape, color, texture, light, and motion (there, of course, would be no such words for any of this).

And I realize I am talking with an artist here !
To describe it in the most minimal label way could we not simply say "color"?

The programming has begun!

Yes! The conditioning. Belief after belief that is imposed upon us - including the beliefs about who we actually are.



Labeling is one "overlay" of reality that is happening so instantaneously that it happens for most people automatically without them realizing it. Labeling pervades thinking. The aim is not to rid ourselves of labels (we have to use them to communicate in conventional daily living) but to see them for what they are. Labeling is sometimes described as at least one step removed from reality.

Here is an exercise to help see how labeling can cloud AE. (I’ll use AE as short for Actual Experience)

Label-Reality Correlation

There is a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’. But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are inherent characteristics of ‘things’. But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN', what is your actual experience?



You are seeing green, right? Or as you look at the word green are you actually seeing red but believing the minds interpretation of the word green?



Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?



Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?



If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?



Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?



Let me know what is SEEN.




Next time you go for a walk practice looking without labeling.

I’d love to hear. What happened?



With love


Alan 

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Alan!

Do I hear you say in this that you need thoughts, labels, memories, attachments to help you find the "I" it OR does this "I" that we believe exists actually appear as a thought or label or memory or attachment?

No, the thought stream can’t help here at all. Descartes, “I think, therefore I am,” is the beginning of the distortion, the deceit. The “I” that I take myself to be is a thought. I cannot locate this character without thought.

And do your best to LOOK directly in the experiencing. I'll be very interested.
Despite fear of what would come, the delight in noticing two coins submerged upon a rock in the water (I’m fond of finding coins!) complimented the intention to meet life inside Miller’s Pond. As soon as my mate was ready with the timer, I began sweeping rapid in-breath and out-breath, quickly shed my coat, and walked carefully in, up to my shoulders. I rode the panic (well, I’m not sure it was even panic, more an intelligible cacophony of thought) for some time, maybe a minute… and then calm… a strange calm… beautiful even… I didn’t feel the cold (43 degrees F). I felt alive and very, very grateful.

To describe it in the most minimal label way could we not simply say "color"?
Hmmm… most minimal… the mind is thinking, “What if color blind? What would be seen?” Gradations?

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN', what is your actual experience?
Funny, the mind is playing with the appearance of red color on the label green, distracting… (I’m typing in a doc apart from your post, so I had to go back to see if the color discrepancy was an effect of shifting into the Word program!) Ok, the actual experience is an energetic movement, noted as a “disturbance in the field.”


You are seeing green, right? Or as you look at the word green are you actually seeing red but believing the minds interpretation of the word green?
No, I’m seeing red color misrepresenting the label! And the more I look at the word, green, the more peculiar it seems!



Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?
The mind is being very insistent here. “I’m not distracted by font color! I know what the label, green, means!” And yet, “green” is not so accurate or direct. If a friend said, “I painted my house green,” that would provide minimal information about the shade. Mint? Hunter? Kelly?



Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?
Oh, what if the font color is more important than the word? The dissonance is quite distracting. If I force mind to forget about the word, I sense that I would have a different feeling in viewing the color red, versus the color green, regardless of the print.


If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?
Red is red, no matter the label!


Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?
Reminds me of Shakespeare, “Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Judgement makes reality twice removed from actuality.


Let me know what is SEEN.
Mind is trying very hard to make sense of all this… the implications… Exhausting. So, I take a deep breath, and rest.

Next time you go for a walk practice looking without labeling.
I’m afraid that I will be overrun with them!! I’ll give it a go today.

Thank you!!
Love,
Janine

[Alless]

Hello Janine

The “I” that I take myself to be is a thought.

And it's this thought believed that causes so much suffering !

I rode the panic

What did the riding?

(well, I’m not sure it was even panic, more an intelligible cacophony of thought)

Could this phrase - a "cacophony of thought" - in fact be a definition of panic?



In some situations the avalanche of thought and emotion happens so quick that they are even UNintelligible at times

Funny, the mind is playing with the appearance of red color on the label green, distracting…

This is a great example of how interpretation of what is SEEN can lead to disharmony with what is SEEN

No, I’m seeing red color misrepresenting the label!

Or is the label misrepresenting the color?



Remember we are looking at the minds capacity to override DIRECT EXPERIENCE. Look at the question again....."Or as you look at the word green are you actually seeing red but believing the minds interpretation of the word green?"
Can you see how the mind just takes over?

The mind is being very insistent here. “I’m not distracted by font color! I know what the label, green, means!” And yet, “green” is not so accurate or direct. If a friend said, “I painted my house green,” that would provide minimal information about the shade. Mint? Hunter? Kelly?

Can you see here how the mind runs roughshod straight over direct experience again? And before we know it story has taken over?

Oh, what if the font color is more important than the word? The dissonance is quite distracting.

Dissonance. That's a really good word here. As conditioning happens dissonance upon dissonance is experienced. But this can be turned into real advantage when we recognize dissonance can be a wonderful pointer that something is calling to be reconciled with what is true in the moment.
Do you see what I'm pointing at? How "failure" can be transformed into a stepping stone?



How might you yourself use dissonance?

If I force mind to forget about the word, I sense that I would have a different feeling in viewing the color red, versus the color green, regardless of the print.

This is such a typical reaction we have - belief that we have to FORCE the mind.
What if we simply SEE thoughts for what they are - simply imagined abstractions of what is real? How does that feel?

Red is red, no matter the label!

Now that's direct SEEING !

Judgement makes reality twice removed from actuality.

So true. Now take a LOOK at the thoughts running through RIGHT NOW.
What are some of the thoughts running through your mind right now?



What are you telling yourself about yourself or about me? (You're not allowed to dress these up at all !! Remember uncrafted (raw !) is best 😊 )



Is there judgement happening at all?




Just simply LOOK at them. LOOK at the thoughts about thoughts.
What happens as you simply LOOK?




What emotions are being felt right now?


Now we are going to take DIRECT SEEING a step further.


In the light of what has now been seen......... here is a sentence from the Label-Reality Correlation exercise again

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If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggest?

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As you LOOK at the sentence above and without any reference to thought, what is actually SEEN? What is your Actual Experience here?




Just this simple exercise for today.


With love


Alan

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Alan!

What did the riding?
The same thing that is the essence of the surrounding woods, water, and sky. Funny, an image of long ago at this very location… young Janine had been dumped by her boyfriend, and in frantic desperation she had driven her car like a maniac to Miller’s Pond and dashed into the familiar waters. In the middle, she began to spin and twirl, the center of a rapidly revolving world… and she came to peace.

Could this phrase - a "cacophony of thought" - in fact be a definition of panic?
Indeed. I typically associate panic with a reflection in the body… fight or flight. In this instance, the intention directed the body in a more organized fashion!

Or is the label misrepresenting the color?
Wow, how deceived am I by this mind that knows!! I didn’t realize that I was interpreting! …as if the “green” label has some direct and absolute value, despite the obvious appearance!

Can you see how the mind just takes over?
Yes, it’s frighteningly quick and efficient!

Can you see here how the mind runs roughshod straight over direct experience again? And before we know it story has taken over?
Oh dear, I might say that it is embarrassing, but that would be mind again. Seems to be its own self-enclosed entertainment system!

As conditioning happens dissonance upon dissonance is experienced. But this can be turned into real advantage when we recognize dissonance can be a wonderful pointer that something is calling to be reconciled with what is true in the moment.

Yes!!

Do you see what I'm pointing at? How "failure" can be transformed into a stepping stone?
Amazing! With “failure” paired with “essential companion” in mind the other day, I remembered a bit of prose my Dad once wrote, called “Stepping Stones.” Although he demanded perfection and obedience from his children (and himself), as he looked back upon life, probably my age at the time, he saw that what he had deemed to be “failures” were actually stepping stones to the next opportunity. I read this at perhaps age eleven and recognized the verity, but the programming of perfection superseded.

How might you yourself use dissonance?
I might use dissonance as an opportunity to stop, be still, and “listen” directly. Yesterday afternoon, after work, I wanted to rest before a lunch with friends, but a minor headache sent me grabbing a pill before I lay down. Eyes closed, I tried to welcome the unwanted sensation, and realized that my habitual tendency to flee from pain had already been engaged. Nonetheless, I continued, thinking that “I’ll watch the sensation until the pain reliever takes effect. The pain intensified, perhaps to a level 3 of 10. Then the digestive system seemed a bit upset as well. After half an hour of “trying not to resist” I got up, took another pill, and prepared coffee. The digestive system did not like the coffee. Anxiety abruptly entered the scene, as mind spewed all sorts of stories about vomiting and missing lunch. I stopped, sat down, and just sat, without agenda for a time… sensing some space between rapid-fire thought and sensation. “I” relatively calmly watched.
The dissonance here I see is the belief that “I must now welcome all uncomfortable sensations with precision as an act of love!” versus my perceived inability to do so. Something in me watches all of this commotion quite dispassionately.

What if we simply SEE thoughts for what they are - simply imagined abstractions of what is real? How does that feel?
Indeed. I feel so incompetent (“like a child” is the phrase that came to mind, but that would be in accurate, since the child has far less conditioning!). All thoughts! Without thought, the charge and the seriousness recede. It feels delightful!

What are some of the thoughts running through your mind right now?
…judgement, reality twice removed. I feel sad. Thoughts: “This is unjust! We’ve been hijacked! How did this happen? What can be done?...

What are you telling yourself about yourself or about me? (You're not allowed to dress these up at all !! Remember uncrafted (raw !) is best 😊 )
It seemed to be less “personal” and more about the sad state of affairs of the world, run by mind and time and fear. The rabbit hole.

Is there judgement happening at all?
Hell yes!! Something in me is screaming what I’ve felt as long as I can remember – “This is not the way it’s supposed to be!!!! We are supposed to love one another and the environment!!! WTF?!!”

What happens as you simply LOOK?
It’s a little like a movie, but, strangely, I’m not attached to the content. It’s like being a scientist, perhaps, curious…


What emotions are being felt right now?
Presently I feel alert. I find no emotion, neutral, perhaps? (Whereas, when I first answered the question, I was becoming riled!)

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggest?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As you LOOK at the sentence above and without any reference to thought, what is actually SEEN? What is your Actual Experience here?
Oops, I began to respond to the statement before reading the entire question (mind is very enthusiastic!).
My initial response, referencing thought was sobbing (“We make a mockery of direct experience with what we add!”). Then I stopped paying attention to thought. Without thought, the feeling is neutral. I see red and I see black.


Regarding the suggestion to go for a walk without labeling:
A walk was not part of the unfolding day, so I attempted to drive without labels. The visual field is quite tricky; I feel overrun by labels! I noticed a fire truck and figures standing outside. The mind reduced it to “activity” – a label!

Later in the bath, I closed my eyes, relaxed and widened focus, including all sound (like the water fountain) and sensations (from resting legs to arms playing with the water) in one “floating field.” Easier with other sense gates.

I had a peculiar experience last night. I felt that much of the time I was in a “half-sleep,” with an onslaught of loud and unwanted thoughts… I recall trying to detach and “hanging on dearly” during the ride…

Thanks Alan!
Love,
Janine

[Alless]

Hi Janine,

Wow, how deceived am I by this mind that knows!! I didn’t realize that I was interpreting!

To see this is an immeasurable gift. This is how the illusion takes hold. When we see how we each innocently fool ourselves so unwittingly it can give rise to great compassion. I find myself in absolute wonder that the infinity which we truly are can actually create the experience of such finite-ness and seeming limitation. Now that's just incredible

Seems to be its own self-enclosed entertainment system!

What a great description of the illusion !

Something in me watches all of this commotion quite dispassionately.

Yes ! When we see everything we think we are for what it actually is, it simply falls away.

I might use dissonance as an opportunity to stop, be still, and “listen” directly.

Drop "I might" from the sentence and there is the "antidote" to suffering.

I feel so incompetent (“like a child” is the phrase that came to mind, but that would be in accurate, since the child has far less conditioning!)

Yes. And isn't incompetence just a thought that we believe?

All thoughts! Without thought, the charge and the seriousness recede. It feels delightful!

Beautiful ! Direct experience of no thought. Giving them substantiality gives them the charge.

Hell yes!! Something in me is screaming what I’ve felt as long as I can remember – “This is not the way it’s supposed to be!!!! We are supposed to love one another and the environment!!! WTF?!!”

Indeed !! What weight we carry with the "supposed to's" and the "shoulds"! Just becomes impossible to bear for some. And the key to this unburdening is seeing within ourselves how this imprisonment occurs. It occurs by simply believing thought. And then to experience the truth that all that is required is JUST SEEING IT HAPPENING and the SEEING ITSELF does the unbinding. What a "miracle"!!

It’s a little like a movie, but, strangely, I’m not attached to the content. It’s like being a scientist, perhaps, curious…

Curiosity is vital.
Can you feel the difference between seeking and curiosity?

I attempted to drive without labels. The visual field is quite tricky; I feel overrun by labels!

I can relate totally. The beauty is the more we see how labels impose - just noticing them for what they are - brings a change in their power to impose.

Then I stopped paying attention to thought. Without thought, the feeling is neutral. I see red and I see black.

Beautiful !! PURE SEEING. And there's more !!

For ease of reference here is the sentence again


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If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggest?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, looking at the sentence again what do you actually SEE?

What is directly seen here is red, black and white is it not? It can actually feel like a trick question because while it's such a simple exercise, it can powerfully demonstrate how quickly thoughts can sabotage and hypnotize

As a side note (and you may have experienced this already) if you show someone the page of any book and ask them what they see, invariably they will say something like words or letters. Rarely does anyone say "I see the white of the page." And yet the white is what takes up most of the page and we could not read the words without it!

And I'll ask you to look again because in fact what we really notice when we are looking at the sentence in this exercise, we also see green (lines delineating the sentence) and also blue (the color of the text in the question) even though we are not focusing on it per say, it is still SEEN.

Now hold your gaze on the sentence again and without moving your eyes or your head.
Are you not also aware of the oranges, greys, blacks of the LU website background behind the white text panel?



Now again without moving your eyes or head let your gaze soften even more and notice your peripheral vision.
Can you see more colors which are part of your computer screen and out into the room where you are?



Take a couple of minutes with a soft gaze to simply notice all that is seen in this moment.
How would you describe what you are experiencing? As you let your gaze soften and your eyes de-focus even slightly, what happens to thoughts?



Now let’s remind ourselves what this exploration is all about. It's to look for the “me.”
So right now can any specific thing that we could label the “me” be found?



Now, turn your attention to the SEEING itself as you LOOK.
Can you find a specific place from which SEEING arises?


As you continue to look can you find a “me” that is in control of the SEEING?



Can you choose to stop SEEING?



While what we are LOOKING AT is continually changing does the SEEING ITSELF change in any way?




So explore the SEEING that is happening with these questions in mind and tell me anything else about your DIRECT EXPERIENCE that you are noticing



No need to rush. If you feel you need an extra day please just let me know.

And have some fun with all this !!


With love


Alan

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Alan!

To see this is an immeasurable gift. This is how the illusion takes hold. When we see how we each innocently fool ourselves so unwittingly it can give rise to great compassion.

Alan, when you spoke about compassion, I immediately saw something. In meditation this morning, I was aware of thoughts about judging my sister for her passive-aggressive tendency to remain in the “speed lane,” forcing others who wanted to go faster to go around her. I thought that “I” was right and she was certainly “wrong,” “unkind.” When I got to your word, compassion, immediately I saw that I thought that “I” was “right,” and accusing my sister of the very thing that I was doing!
The dissonance I felt, which I had assumed stemmed from my sister’s unreasonable driving behavior, was really a clue to my own identification with a personal paradigm. The end of suffering is not in manipulating the environment (getting away from my sister!), but in seeing what is truly occurring, mind plastering “should” all over the place!

Yes. And isn't incompetence just a thought that we believe?
Yes, judgement.

Can you feel the difference between seeking and curiosity?
Yes!! Seeking has the elements of dissatisfaction and expectation, and the imposition of time. Curiosity is innocent, and present!

What is directly seen here is red, black and white is it not?

The mind is piping up! – “I thought of that yesterday, including white!!! (Look at me!!).” And now it wants to explain to you that, “as an artist, of course…” I’ll let that go!

Are you not also aware of the oranges, greys, blacks of the LU website background behind the white text panel?
Holy cow!! I was so focused on the sentence, on “getting it right” (whatever that is) that I was totally unaware of anything else! Not the sides of the page, nor the sounds in this room!!

Can you see more colors which are part of your computer screen and out into the room where you are?
Yes!! I was aware of the text, which softened at one point into indecipherable bits, and the periphery of the room, and the sounds of the birds and flowing fountain!

How would you describe what you are experiencing? As you let your gaze soften and your eyes de-focus even slightly, what happens to thoughts?
I became curious over the couple minutes. What might appear next? I noticed a tendency to label, then softened more. Movement beyond the window. Mind labeled, “A bird!” After a minute, I noticed the frame of the eyeglasses… and still arms beside the computer. Thoughts still.

So right now can any specific thing that we could label the “me” be found?
Interesting. I see that I’m not using possessive pronouns to describe eyeglasses and arms. In that moment, they don’t feel like “mine.” As I look again, they still don’t feel like “mine.” Strange. Familiar, but not mine. So, who or what is doing this exercise, thinking, aware of thinking, typing, aware of typing, hearing, aware of hearing? Are there still two? Subject/object? I must admit that I cannot see a subject… Mind is uncomfortable, reasoning: “You (Alan) seem to be “out there” somewhere, on the other end of this exchange, when you wrote it and now…” This is all thought! “But… but… but!!” Very uncomfortable.

Can you find a specific place from which SEEING arises?
When looking at SEEING, calm arises. I find no specific place. Mind interjects, “Well, the eyes..” Thoughts and labels.

As you continue to look can you find a “me” that is in control of the SEEING?
Feeling slightly uncomfortable. I don’t find a controller of seeing. Seeing occurs.

Can you choose to stop SEEING?
“I could shut my eyes.” Seeing still occurs behind closed lids. Hard to describe what is seen, color and such. But it is not black and there are no thought images.

While what we are LOOKING AT is continually changing does the SEEING ITSELF change in any way?
Seeing is steady.

So explore the SEEING that is happening with these questions in mind and tell me anything else about your DIRECT EXPERIENCE that you are noticing.
Focus alters when movement is registered. Motion attracts attention. Mind is crying for attention… pulled toward something more interesting… “Ok, let’s get on with it, the day…” Fascinated by fluctuating shadow. Mind lures with “Wonder what…” I set thought aside. With soft vision, the world seems less three-dimensional. There is calm, and then mind remembers its search for the self that doesn’t exist but feels like it does! Dissonance. Aware of other sensations while seeing with soft focus. Calm.

I’ll continue while the day moves.

Love!
Janine

[Alless]

Hello Janine,

When I got to your word, compassion, immediately I saw that I thought that “I” was “right,” and accusing my sister of the very thing that I was doing!

It is intriguing to realize that when we are triggered by something someone else does, its is time to look inside ourselves to find that same tendency. It is a way life tells us that there is an aspect of "me" that feels it is being attacked.

The end of suffering is not in manipulating the environment (getting away from my sister!), but in seeing what is truly occurring, mind plastering “should” all over the place!

Yes!

Yes!! Seeking has the elements of dissatisfaction and expectation, and the imposition of time. Curiosity is innocent, and present!

Beautiful !

I became curious over the couple minutes.

Great.

This is all thought! “But… but… but!!” Very uncomfortable.

And don't be surprised or disappointed if the thoughts seem to amp up. When we becomes so much more aware or sensitive to something that is what typically happens - we notice it so much more. So too with thoughts as they now traverse the landscape of our minds. Especially if we resist them !

When looking at SEEING, calm arises. I find no specific place.

This is the truth.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable. I don’t find a controller of seeing. Seeing occurs.

The lifetime assumption is being challenged. Yes, seeing just is.

Focus alters when movement is registered. Motion attracts attention. Mind is crying for attention… pulled toward something more interesting… “Ok, let’s get on with it, the day…” Fascinated by fluctuating shadow. Mind lures with “Wonder what…” I set thought aside. With soft vision, the world seems less three-dimensional. There is calm, and then mind remembers its search for the self that doesn’t exist but feels like it does! Dissonance. Aware of other sensations while seeing with soft focus. Calm.

Just keep playing with it all !



Before we turn to exploring thought do you have any questions about SEEING?




Now we're going to switch to focus on the phenomena of thought.

This is a very important exercise. We can actually experience what seems like a SLOWING of the thought stream so I will ask you to spend more time with it.

Here is a step-by-step description of how to look at thoughts:

(1) Notice the current thought that is present. Like when you sit observing the body, a thought might arise “this is my feet” or “here is a pain” or “my breathing is too quick” or “I am bored with this exercise” or “I have better things to do” or “this is dumb” - any sort of thoughts.

(2) This thought will pass and another thought will come. So just observe this thought passing.

(3) Then wait for the next thought to come.

(4) When the next thought is present, just notice it, and see how it passes.

(5) Then wait for the next thought to come.

(6) Repeat #4 and #5 many-many times.

Between the 2 thoughts there is a gap. It can be very short or subtle, just a second or a few seconds before the next thought comes in.

This is how to look at thoughts.
Looking how they come and go.
And observing the short (or long) gap between them.
Noticing how the current thought is passing.
And waiting for the next thought to come.

Please do the following exercise:

Throughout your entire waking day and until you go to bed at night, try to observe the gap between thoughts as often as possible. It can be done by noticing that ‘thinking’ is happening right now, then stop and just simply wait for the next thought to come. In the ‘waiting’ there is a gap between two thoughts.

Using some specific examples from your experience let me know how you go.



Also are you experiencing any reaction to observing thoughts in this way? Any resistance? Any hesitation? Any undue procrastination? Let me know about your reactions to doing this as that might also give us some important clues.



Tell me about your experience in the gap. Is there anything in particular that you notice when in the gap?



With love


Alan

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Alan!

Before we turn to exploring thought do you have any questions about SEEING?
I feel troubled that despite my failed attempts to locate the controller, I’m still duped by a sense of identity as a person. Throughout the day yesterday, I looked at SEEING. I noticed that the eyes moved seemingly of their own accord. Sometimes, mind attached a thought to an object of vision. Sometimes not. While listening to music upon the exercise bike, the eyes moved about without anyone directing them.
Extending SEEING to an experience of getting out of the bathtub (AWARENESS), aware of the delightful warmth and the state of relaxation, I watched thoughts debate about remaining or moving on, and wondered “What will actually make this body get out of the tub?” The thoughts went back and forth, and at some point the body got up, not in response to thought… ?

Using some specific examples from your experience let me know how you go.
“A disaster.” Thought. After reading your post, including the assignment, a sense of exhaustion sent me back to bed. While I couldn’t sleep, I attempted to watch for the gap and wait for the next thought. “No match for the avalanche of thoughts.” Thought. Later, after not sleeping, I sat with a coffee and watched. “Frustrating… seemingly layers and layers without a break.” Thought. Then on an extended walk this afternoon, determined to find the gap and wait for the next thought, “I was assaulted by a diatribe of upset regarding an earlier exchange with my sister.” Thought. I found myself muttering aloud often. “God.” “Christ.” “Seriously?! Will you let me be?!!!!” Only when I “fell into the sky” at the base of a hill did I get a bit of rest. Mind still as the expanse of blue. Breath quickening, uphill, the exercise was actually possible. I continued for a little while. At some point, I forgot about the exercise… then remembered… and much more chatter – “I can’t do this! I’m no match!” Lyrics and the tune to the song we wrote about “the game of life” blotted out the static. I said out loud to the Universe. “I don’t want to play this game anymore!! Please, help!!”


Also are you experiencing any reaction to observing thoughts in this way? Any resistance? Any hesitation? Any undue procrastination? Let me know about your reactions to doing this as that might also give us some important clues.
Yes!! Resistance! Thinking, “My God, they happen so fast! How the hell am I going to do this? I’m ready for a nap already… and what about in conversation? There’s so little space and time (for this)!!”


Tell me about your experience in the gap. Is there anything in particular that you notice when in the gap?
I did not get much clock time in the gap, but the gap is timeless and refreshing, a welcome respite. I’ve had many walks in the past with ample clock time in the gap, but that is not my experience presently.

Peace.
Janine

[Alless]

Hi Janine,

I feel troubled that despite my failed attempts to locate the controller, I’m still duped by a sense of identity as a person.

This feeling of being "duped" is so common. Following the thoughts that arise is such a default spontaneous reaction of the mind and it happens so fast

One thing I would like to say about this exploration is this. And it really is a paradox. It is highly unlikely that you will see the truth of no self whilst doing these exercises. You may. But most likely not. If you were to go through the threads in LU you would likely find that "it" happened for people very slowly over time or "it" happened while they were doing something very mundane and not particularly focused on all this.

Why is that? Well it would seem to be because while we are doing the exercises directly, the defenses tend to be up, there is typically expectation that something might just happen, the mind is is engaged and often whirring and we are not usually relaxed and absolutely open to seeing everything as it is.

Doing the exercises shows us what is actually the truth and creates cracks in the beliefs that have built up over our lifetime. And then often when we least expect it - we see.

It can be a little like focusing a camera. Things might seem absolutely unattainable and seem impossible and frustration comes (where is this that I am trying to find through the "viewfinder" ?!?!) or things may seem to be in the zone but still "fuzzy" so to speak. And then when a moment arrives that everything is so clear we find ourselves saying something like "Oh. Of course. How could I have missed it !!!) The exercises can be like that viewfinder however we cannot actually do the adjusting to find the moment of clarity. It just happens as we are totally open to finding the truth.

And that doesn't mean clarity is guaranteed to stay crystal clear for evermore. For some clarity may remain totally unclouded. But often clouds can come rolling in again there is a "settling in" as the mind continues to unbind.

Whilst the exercises here at LU don't do it directly per say from my experience they are very potent in creating the conditions for abiding seeing to occur.



So back to your post

Yes!! Resistance! Thinking, “My God, they happen so fast! How the hell am I going to do this? I’m ready for a nap already… and what about in conversation? There’s so little space and time (for this)!!”

Ha ..... resistance ! Pronounced or more often than not subtle " I don't want / like this !!!" When that energy is felt just be with that. The "I don't want this" feeling is like the "glue" that holds the thoughts in place. Simply LOOKING at and FEELING that "I don't want this" feeling can change things quite remarkably actually
Is there still this "I don't want this" feeling to be found?




If there is, what happens as you simply LOOK and sit with it?

the gap is timeless and refreshing, a welcome respite.

So true. And as we commit to being in the gap change happens. Remember the whiteness of the printed page that we didn't realize we were seeing until it was pointed out? It is a helpful pointer to consider awareness like the whiteness of the page. In the relative world we do not even notice it however it is the substance in which thoughts arise and it is this that they are contained and what the gap is. So taking a step backwards, so to speak, and noticing that which "contains the thoughts is another way of coming at this.

Here is another portal to observing thought.

Using sensation to slow down thoughts and find the gap

It was suggested in the previous exercise that you sit observing the body. Let’s take this a little deeper by attending to specific sensations in the body.

So sit or lie down
Do you notice any sensations in the body? And it may be pleasant or unpleasant.

If not gently scan the body for any tension or sensations. Any in your feet?
What about your calf muscles?
Your thigh muscles?
Your torso – stomach, chest?
Check your hands, arms and shoulders
And then your face and head.

When you find a sensation really feel into it. After feeling into the sensation for a few moments notice what happens to thoughts as you gently put your attention on the feeling or sensation and really feel into it.
What sensations did you notice in particular?



Is there a change in tempo of thought as your attention moves to the sensation?




Do you notice a gap as you are attending to the sensation?




And then another thought will likely arise.

What is your experience with thought as you drop into the body?




With love


Alan

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Alan.

Is there still this "I don't want this" feeling to be found?
Yes. Different context, same feeling. There seems to be a wide selection of thoughts on which to land! The game is, pick your grievance!

If there is, what happens as you simply LOOK and sit with it?
I’m thinking about a specific context… feeling sensation gather in the face and front body. Funny, for this exercise, I have to go back to the grievance to fuel the emotion/sensation. Normally this occurs without my intention, quite efficiently and relentlessly on its own. Without the thoughts screaming, sensation is mild…

And then, another altercation with my sister. The mind goes from mild to insane in a flash and gone is the intention to “sit with resistance.” In the middle of the fight, though, there was a rather long silent pause, with our two sets of eyes locked. Silence. Stillness. I wasn’t really reading anything on her face, and I was amazed by the calm and the quieting of breath. Then before I knew it, the fight was back in action.

What sensations did you notice in particular?
Tension in the jaw was the most prominent sensation, so I landed there for a time. With awareness, the “tension” was noticed to be more of an “activity,” a cloud of effervescing energy.

Is there a change in tempo of thought as your attention moves to the sensation?
Thought stilled.

Do you notice a gap as you are attending to the sensation?
The movement of energy about the jaw is occurring in the gap.

What is your experience with thought as you drop into the body?
Stillness. Grateful rest.


Thank you.
Love,
Janine

[Alless]

Jello Janine,

Funny, for this exercise, I have to go back to the grievance to fuel the emotion/sensation. Normally this occurs without my intention, quite efficiently and relentlessly on its own. Without the thoughts screaming, sensation is mild…

What you have described here is, in essence, a critical part of creating the conditions for clarity to reveal itself.

It is this. Through experience we find that there are two main aspects to emotions. Sensations and stories. The sensation we feel is the present moment feeling (sensation) of a past event (story) Being able to discern between the two is a key to dissolving the emotion. It is a de-coupling, an unbinding. When we can leave the story and place compassionate attention on the sensation, change will occur. Not necessarily in the way we expect or want but it will start to morph and change and dissolve. As long as the story remains bound up in the emotion it is so difficult to effect any meaningful change.

You experienced this when you say...

I have to go back to the grievance to fuel the emotion/sensation.

The grievance is the story.

Normally this occurs without my intention, quite efficiently and relentlessly on its own.

This is the default we experience as humans and what keeps suffering locked in.

Without the thoughts screaming, sensation is mild…

Here you reinforce this again.

Remember the Adya clip on Transmuting Emotion? This is another step in that "process"

Stillness. I wasn’t really reading anything on her face, and I was amazed by the calm and the quieting of breath. Then before I knew it, the fight was back in action.

What contrast !
What was it in you that got caught up in the fight again?




What in you was being defended?

What is your experience with thought as you drop into the body?

Stillness. Grateful rest.

Take this with you. When we find we've been hijacked by thought being truly willing to drop into the body is a wonderful way of settling thought and anxiety.

Here is something to feel into about thought and story.

Radio Commentator Scenario

Imagine listening to a radio channel about an event. Let’s use a sports event where the team you have supported for as long as you can remember is playing. There’s only one channel that you can get commentary on. It has come down to the last 3 minutes of the game and your team has its nose in front. You are on the edge of your seat. Even though you are not there, your reactions are still happening as though you were right in the stands. The commentator is giving a blow by blow description of the drama. All that’s really happening is the commentator is simply VERBALIZING THEIR THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING MADE UP OF THEIR PERCEPTION, THEIR INTERPRETATION, THEIR VIEWPOINT AFTER IT HAS ALL HAPPENED.

And in truth that is ONLY THE COMMENTATORS STORY. A mere fragment of the truth of all that is really happening.

Yet your pulse rate rises, the emotion is building. It seems as though you are right there. But all this is a REACTION to what you are interpreting from what you hear and it's only happening in your imagination. Yet what you experience feels as though you are there even though you are not. You’re hoping against hope that the commentator will give you the story that you want to hear but the truth is the commentator has NO AFFECT ON THE GAME WHATSOEVER.

Is not this what the voice in the head does all day long?

The illusory “me” is the narrative that continually comments on what is happening “on the field of life” with its opinions, judgements, preferences etc etc. It feels so real. It feels so immediate. But the truth is that it has ABSOLUTELY NO AFFECT ON REALITY and how life unfolds. Yet It gives us a sense that someTHING substantial must be behind this.

What is this voice in the head? Is it YOU?




Is it a specific entity that is speaking?




Who or what is listening ?




What is it that responds to what is being “said”?




If you were able to find an off switch for this voice would life stop or simply go on?




Just for fun, or for curiosity’s sake, ask that voice what it is and see what it says. LOOK for the commentator, and wait for the comments.

If the voice suddenly shuts up, notice the silence.

This silence is not the absence of an answer. Its message is simple: THERE IS NO ONE HERE. There is nothing fixed or solid here. Thoughts arise and pass away and happen to no one. Only when they are believed do they seem to have an affect. Be very careful that as you wait in the silence another story does not start up and catch you up unawares. Could be a story about the silence even !

Try This for Yourself. From time to time take a few moments throughout the day, sit quietly and ask that voice what it is and who it’s talking to. See what it says Tell me what happens?


With love


Alan

[Alless]

OOps. I see I've invented a new greeting Janine !!

Jello. Perhaps we can create a new meaning for that. !!

Let me try again.


Hello Janine,

[JanineJanaki]

Jello Alan!

What was it in you that got caught up in the fight again?
I don’t remember. I remember thinking how odd was the silence and stillness, abruptly interrupting all hell breaking loose. I don’t remember what got it started again.


What in you was being defended?
The fight was about boundaries and lack of respect/empathy on the part of my sister. The story is that having been sexually abused by our father, she became stripped of the natural tendency to feel and extend love. Sensitive to her coolness, with apparent past trauma coming up in me, “I” feel ill-equipped to maneuver. My mate loves me no matter what shows up. My sister expects “political correctness,” which I cannot do when anger is becoming me.
The story is being defended.

What is this voice in the head? Is it YOU? Is it a specific entity that is speaking?
There seem to be many voices, with different preferences and agendas. Some are friendly. Some hostile. Some I like. Some I do not. I ask, “Where is the real Janine?” She is not to be found. Only in stories.


Who or what is listening ?
Good question. “I” rarely seem to be listening. “I” become the voices… but sometimes, I’m aware of a familiar story rolling off my tongue, as if by wrote… automatic pilot. And it feels pretty trite and dull. Sometimes I hardly have the heart to go on, but if there’s an audience, it might seem odd to stop in mid-stream!

What is it that responds to what is being “said”?
These days, I am not responding. “I” am believing the stories, and then reacting to their unquestioned verity. I have set aside all other teachings, dark shadows from the past are creating quite a stir, and I’m doing my best to hang on. Presently, there is clarity and gratitude that rides upon trust in The Way.

If you were able to find an off switch for this voice would life stop or simply go on?
Life would go on and Stillness would reign.

Try This for Yourself. From time to time take a few moments throughout the day, sit quietly and ask that voice what it is and who it’s talking to. See what it says Tell me what happens?
“Who are you?” I ask.
Silence.
“What do you want?”
Silence.
“Is there anybody really there?”
Image of Little Janine.
“What do you want from me?”
Silence.
“Are you ever going to leave me alone?”
Silence.

May peace reign.
Love,
Janine

[Alless]

Hello Janine

I remember thinking how odd was the silence and stillness, abruptly interrupting all hell breaking loose.

Please LOOK carefully at this.
Was it the silence abruptly interrupting all hell breaking loose or was it really all hell breaking loose abruptly interrupting the silence?

The story is that having been sexually abused by our father,

This is a story that obviously runs so deep and permeates experience so extensively.
Please let me know if this exploration is triggering things in this regard as this all calls for deep compassion

There seem to be many voices, with different preferences and agendas. Some are friendly. Some hostile. Some I like. Some I do not. I ask, “Where is the real Janine?” She is not to be found. Only in stories.

Yes there can be many voices. And the amazing thing about this is that we create all these dialogues and "conversations" in thought - in our heads. This is the crux of the illusion.
Is there any truth in these stories at all?

The Way.

Tell me what The Way means to you Janine

“Who are you?” I ask.
Silence.
“What do you want?”
Silence.
“Is there anybody really there?”
Image of Little Janine.
“What do you want from me?”
Silence.
“Are you ever going to leave me alone?”
Silence.

So there is simply silence when you don't go to thought. And in one instance there was the image of Little Janine. A thought.

This is another way to quieten the voices. Ask them specific questions and simply wait for an answer. Ask them to only tell you the truth
Try this from time to time throughout the day an let me know what happens




"I" Labeling Experience

Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience and how the "I" label takes default pre-emmince in creating story - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry.

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs.

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
typing,
breathing,
blinking,
hearing the clock.

(Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?



2. What is here without labels?



3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?



4. Did you notice any differences in the body?



5. Is there any discernible affect in experience when the label "I" is added?



Go to Direct Experience for the answers. not to thinking



With love


Alan