who knows?

[Alless]

Thank you Annette ! 😊

[Annette33]

What does this resistance feel like?

the resistance is tight and frowning and closed in. so i must be thinking about it! Still searching and hanging on to the idea of a me. can i DE a me? i can DE the sense input feeling, thought, sight etc...the idea of me is rather nebulous, shifty-eyed! like a working hypothesis. when i pause in this train of thought, there is the alive sensing world and inner silence, there's a something rather than nothing experiencing, then a bit of upset again (no big deal) a sort of like something will be killed off by going with truly seeing/sensing/knowing there is no fixed i. a sort of mild panic about what that might mean. tight again.

Then back to open exploration with a smile - where is this me? it's a conglomeration of so much, that i take in and remember and sort of adapt into a sense of 'i'. like an amazing computer, comes the thought. processing and adapting. constantly forming a new me. Aha so there's no fixed me (obviously - just look at a picture of me when young) AND the brain + senses + memory + habitual wiring is continually creating a sense of a me. which is handy from the perspective of being aware this is the case and a handicap when lost in it and not remembering its a moveable conglomeration. Hmmmm this is good.

a recognition is arising like a new bud of the felt difference between the mind perspective of coming from a me (usual and sort of dirge like/dull, closed in); and when I'm coming from awareness of that me-ing as a habit (lighter, more open, wondering, more sensory awareness involved)

I want to play with this, in and out of the perspective if i can.

Does that make sense Alan?

[Alless]

Yes it does make perfect sense Annette.

I want to play with this,

Beautiful !!


A couple of things ..........

This exploration is about BOTH
seeing what we truly are, and
seeing what we are not. (This is what LU is here is help with - seeing we are not the imagined "I" we have been conditioned to think we are)

As what we are not is SEEN THROUGH, then inevitably what we are is naturally revealed more and more.

And is saying "I am awareness" even saying far too much? Is that a way thought can actually eclipse the truth of who we are?

Watch how quickly thought hijacks your attention. You have reported seeing this already. Keep up this LOOKING :)-

And keep playing Annette.

[Annette33]

Greetings Alan

On labels….
I’m seated in front of a yellow rose. The word yellow cannot ever describe the full and alive experience of this yellow. It can only point towards that experience and is especially useful in verbal /written communication.

In the same way, the label me cannot ever describe the full alive experience of being, it can only point towards it. And that pointing towards is constantly mistaken for the real thing. The idea of me is a pale reflection of the true experience.

The yellow is so amazing.

Wishing you mellow yellow
Annette

[Annette33]

Ah I see some posts of mine are missing from the last two days. I didn’t have them saved elsewhere. Ach well. I’ll look back through your questions and see what strikes me this time.

Annette

[Annette33]

And is saying "I am awareness" even saying far too much? Is that a way thought can actually eclipse the truth of who we are?

Yes thats not true. Thought does hijack/eclipse the aliveness; takes a detour from reality.
No one owns awareness. It’s impersonal in a sense. Though experienced individually. Awareness is a constant. Experience through the senses are a flow. Right now awareness is experiencing now. Hard to put into words the quality or feel of this. Clear, penetrating, unwavering, engaged energy. The thought forms: What if that’s ‘me’ rather than the familiar dulled trapped idea of ‘me’?

[Alless]

The yellow is so amazing.

Wishing you mellow yellow

So good. I feel the aliveness in what you say.

The idea of me is a pale reflection of the true experience.

Tell me more about this me that is a pale reflection of an idea.
How does this idea of me make itself obvious in experience?

Hard to put into words the quality or feel of this.

Definitely !! I get you. It's actually impossible to put into words!! However we need words to communicate the impossible as best we can


Feel into the following two statements

1. Right now awareness is experiencing

OR

2. Right now there is just experiencing.

From your direct experience which of the above 2 statements is truer for you?




In this context of experiencing have you done the Label-Reality Correlation exercise yet (sent on Wednesday)?

Here it is again.

Labeling is one overlay that is happening so instantaneously that it happens for most people automatically without them realizing it. Labeling pervades the thinking mind. The aim is not to rid ourselves of labels (we have to use them to communicate in conventional daily living) but to see them for what they are. Labeling is sometimes described as at least one step removed from reality.

Here is an exercise to help see how labeling can cloud AE. (I’ll use AE as short for Actual Experience)

Label-Reality Correlation

There is a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’. But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are inherent characteristics of ‘things’. But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN', what is the actual experience?



You are seeing green, right? Or as you look at the word green are you actually seeing red but believing the minds interpretation of the word green?



Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?



Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?



If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?



Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?



Let me know what is SEEN.

[Annette33]

Hello Alan

Feel into the following two statements

1. Right now awareness is experiencing
OR
2. Right now there is just experiencing.
From your direct experience which of the above 2 statements is truer for you?

There's a sense of experiencing the now by 'awareness'. (still dualistic). Something is experiencing all this. always experiencing all this. always present. so i guess statement 1 resonates. (though i suspect statement 2 is truer).
Awareness is the background to all experience and in the foreground the chatter and sense of separation.

The idea of me is a pale reflection of the true experience.
Tell me more about this me that is a pale reflection of an idea.
How does this idea of me make itself obvious in experience?

the idea of me makes itself obvious from repetitive thinking and is like a mirror image - not the actual live experience, i suppose you cant have a pale reflection of an idea though!

Label-Reality Correlation
There is a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’. But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are inherent characteristics of ‘things’. But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN', what is the actual experience?

You are seeing green, right? Or as you look at the word green are you actually seeing red but believing the minds interpretation of the word green?

Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?

Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

Let me know what is SEEN.

I'm perplexed by this exercise - the closest i could get was the yellow rose post.

when i look at the word GREEN i am seeing angular shapes first of all and then imagining the colour green not red. but also notice it's in red font and this brings some confusion.

i can see if something is labelled good or bad it's a thought judgement and not reality. Labels dont trouble reality .
Feel like i missing the point of this exercise.

And is saying "I am awareness" even saying far too much? Is that a way thought can actually eclipse the truth of who we are?

Watch how quickly thought hijacks your attention. You have reported seeing this already. Keep up this LOOKING :)

yes 'i am awareness' does not ring true - thought does hijack/eclipse the truth, constantly. Awareness is real, 'i' am not! the statement 'I am awareness' is making me smile - it's laughable. 'i thoughts arise in awareness just like the rest of experience.

Warm wishes, Annette

[Annette33]

PS
Something else occurs to me.
Thought content cannot think.
i thoughts arise as thought content.
Therefore i cannot exist in reality

Annette

[Alless]

Something else occurs to me.
Thought content cannot think.
i thoughts arise as thought content.
Therefore i cannot exist in reality

Ah ! How does it feel if I say to you "You might just be onto something here !"? I wonder does that ring true? To find out if this is in fact rue for you let's take this just a little bit deeper / further and explore what you describe here - as if you are putting what you are actually experiencing under a powerful "microscope."

Do your best to slow this whole experience down and as best you can (forget any inclination to try and get this right or perfect !!) tell me, step by step what is being experienced as the "I" thought arises.



Can you find anyTHING that you can point SPECIFICALLY to that can be labeled the experiencer?



For the rest of this response to your post I am going to attend to the Label-Reality Correlation exercise. We can come back to the rest of your post after we attend to your response to this exercise because this exercise holds telling insights to the creation of illusion.

I'm perplexed by this exercise

You are not alone in this response !! That is often the case. And be assured this is not a trick question but is intended to clearly demonstrate how thoughts can permeate and can modulate experiencing.

So let's take this very slowly.

Take a few moments and just let yourself BE as you let go the tension in your body and the thoughts in your mind.

Then open your eyes and look at the next sentence.



When you look at the word ‘GREEN', what is the actual experience?



So simply let your eyes land on the word ‘GREEN', and describe in the most basic / primal terms what you are SEEING.


Hint: If you held up a white piece of paper in front of a week old baby with the word ‘GREEN', on it, what would the baby be SEEING?

[Annette33]

Hi Alan
Thank you for your response.
Been packing for holiday from 4am tomorrow for 8 days. I’ll have my phone but there’s no signal in the village. Will aim to post a couple of times when I’m in the city though.
I’m still mulling over what I wrote last time. Does seem like I’m onto something.

If you post any further questions or exercises I will see them until gmt noon tomorrow when we reach the forest destination.

Good wishes
Annette

[Alless]

Hello Annette,

Time gets away !! You did mention at the start that you would be away this week and here it is the 17th already and we did "talk" about setting some exercises that might help.

In the context of how far we have gotten I sense the most practical approach may be to give yourself time to attend actual experience in the moment.

Whenever you can, let the moment reveal itself by giving yourself to what is being seen, heard, felt, tasted and smelt in the moment. And gently watch how thoughts are taken and interpret what is actually being experienced. I sense also that you already are giving yourself to this when you can , as with the yellow rose. So just let it deepen.

As I recall you said that you might be near a forest. As you know all too well, nature is a great place to really let AE make itself known. So thoroughly enjoy.

Please don't feel any pressure to post while you are away. Let me know when you are back and we'll take it from there.

May you have a joyous and wonder filled break.


Alan

[Annette33]

Hi Alan
I hope you are well.

The break wasn’t so helpful for this process. The only glimpse was on my return on Tuesday when there was an intuitive word free flash knowing around the story of me. That ‘I didn’t write that journal last week’, no one did. And since then more times of awareness of the i content as a catch up mechanism.
The direct looking tends to last a couple of seconds before thought content comes in to appropriate it. Hmmmmm.

I’m going on a silent retreat on Tuesday for ten days; good conditions and also I’ll be out of contact again. After that I’ll be around though.
Good wishes
Annette

[Alless]

Lovely to hear from you Annette.

I’m going on a silent retreat on Tuesday for ten days; good conditions and also I’ll be out of contact again. After that I’ll be around though.

What say we leave the restart until after your silent retreat rather than getting into start stop mode?

If there is anything in particular you would like to look at before you go, we can certainly look at it.

Let me know what you feel.

Alan

[Annette33]

Dear Alan

I will get back in touch when the retreat ends.

Let me know what you feel.

Things are shifting: less wanting to control outcomes at work from fear of getting it wrong, main relationship apparently unravelling, multiple joint inflammation…

I’ll focus on direct looking the next ten days unless you have other suggestions.

Thank you, Alan
Annette