What Self?

[Bluejay]

I feel as though the illusion has been seen and there is the mind grasping to understand, to figure out how it could be so simple. Thoughts do arise such as "but I was promised bliss!" or "Where is the 'everyone is oneness' bullshit?! There must be more!" but they are also seen as thought.

Yes, this is common. There's so much information out there now. It's impossible to say who has had a genuine awakening and who is simply saying what people want to hear.

There may be bliss and oneness, but it's far from guaranteed. For me it was simply "Oh, there's just this." Nothing special.

What can also happen is that since there is an expectation to feel better, then there's the belief that if I just work harder at removing more beliefs, then I'll get there.

So experientially there was still a bubbling up of anger but it was given the space to be and allowed to move on. There was no attachment to it by means of a story.

Okay. From this example it seems like the self illusion has been seen through, but you are now coming up against reactivity, which is often what comes after. There are resources I can recommend on this after we are done here.

Another example was coming home there was a hell of a lot of traffic. Much more than usual and it was at a standstill. Given that I was tired from work and happened to have a headache there was some anger and frustration. These were noted and thoughts did come up "why did this happen? All I wanted was to go home and relax" but they were seen and not identified with.

Same here. Reactivity. Reactivity is the assumption that when we feel a certain way, then a reaction comes from that. It's a different inquiry.

What matters with the self is seeing that there's no one controlling life, thoughts, reactions, and all the rest. That's it. No promises of bliss, oneness, thoughtlessness, or levitation (although you seem to have mastered this one on your own).

Cast your judgement, oh wise one, and let us once and for all proclaim awakening! (Sorry for the jokes but the obvious nature of it is quite funny to me, that it wasn't noticed before.)

There's also a certain lightness that comes from seeing that there's no inherent self :)

You may find the below two videos interesting when it comes to what happens after:

1. https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

2. https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

And when it comes to doubt, it's helpful to look at what sensations are there before doubt. Usually there are unpleasant sensations that you want to avoid, which is where doubt comes in. Doubt provides the distraction.

Instead of going to doubt, can you sit with the sensations that come before doubt?

[universalone]

Instead of going to doubt, can you sit with the sensations that come before doubt?

I will definitely start doing this more often. Currently doubt is noticed as sensations and thoughts and allowed to be. Eventually it goes away as easily as it arrived. It seems much harder for it to stick.

Thank you for sharing those two videos. They were helpful. I'll watch some more of them. The second lady was especially saucy in her attitude, quite funny :)!

So, Henri, what more is there to say except a great big thanks!

[Bluejay]

So, Henri, what more is there to say except a great big thanks!

Here at LU we like to do a set of final questions. If you want, you can answer those, and then you will be invited to the FB group and other resources. Are you interested? :)

[universalone]

Yes please. Especially if I get the blue nametag so I show people how awake I have become!

[Bluejay]

Yes please. Especially if I get the blue nametag so I show people how awake I have become!

Yes. You have the right mindset. That is the only reason to do it! :-)

Questions coming in next post...

[Bluejay]

Here you go.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days. (You came in seeing so answer in whatever way you want).

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[universalone]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, never, in any way, shape nor form. There is only the experience of life unfolding. Thoughts love to make up stories and plots (good thing for that or we might not have Star Wars!) but the thoughts can also be destructive if taken too seriously.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

As a baby we are born and we look out at the world with fresh eyes. There is knowing, what we eventually learn to call "I am" but as a baby it was just experienced. We saw colours, heard sounds, felt sensations. Eventually we started to learn concepts "mum" & "dad". Separation is born! "Mom" is not "Dad". Eventually we learned the big beautiful "ME". "Mum", "Dad" and "Me". "Me" is most important because that is what I am. The Me! Then we start to associate objects with "Me". "My" toy, so if somebody takes it then I feel like I lost a part of "me" which makes "me" cry!

Before this was understood intellectually but never really experienced. Now it is clear in day to day there was never an "I". It was all thought referring to other thoughts, spinning up a web of stories which caused a lot of unnecessary suffering.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days. (You came in seeing so answer in whatever way you want).

There is a lightness in experience. Reality is pretty much the same but there is less stickiness to the story. If somebody does something which may be rude, anger still arises but it is seen as just sensation and it's actually begun to be intriguing to see how the body starts to tense up. Watching this resistance - this clutching - as though something is about to happen and realising there is no harm in and can be released is very cool! Before the seeing there would have been a lot of resistance and thoughts "I should be much less reactive now since I meditate and I'm very mindful and I've been a seeker for over 10 years! It's not fair, I'm doing something wrong, There is something wrong with me yip yip yip"

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Ilona has a video series with Jim and Sarah and watching those and allowing myself to sink into the questions and really investigate seemed to release something. At one point Ilona says something about how feelings are pointing to something and that led me to stop resisting emotions and welcome them which seemed to unravel the illusion.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

They are all concepts in thought. In direct experience there is only that - experience. Right now there is seeing and sensations as the fingers type on the keyboard. Thoughts arise naturally and claim "I am typing" but there is just typing. Similarly in conversations the words just show up and are spoken, there is pause and eventually more words come up. It is cause and effect. If something is thrown at me, I would duck because otherwise I would hurt. There isn't a thought or an intention "HEY DUCK!", rather after the fact "It's a good thing I ducked!". On a similar note there are thoughts "I am now awakened, there is no me, I knew it all along. It's good that a stuck to this path. This is so cool I can now brag to others!" and meanwhile there is the knowing laughing at how silly thoughts can become! (Although as I've mentioned to Henri I did manage to levitate a bit earlier so I may be a bit more enlightened than most)

6) Anything to add?

I look forward to what is to come and I am intrigued by how it appears to be flowering and unfolding naturally. No doer, there is no need. Life is full, thought simply has a tendency to complicate matters unnecessarily. A wonderful tool but a poor master.

Thanks again, Henri. I owe.. oh wait.. "This" owes you a lot! :)

[Bluejay]

Thanks for the answers!

I'll now share these with other guides to see if they have any questions or feedback.

I'll be back tomorrow :)

[Bluejay]

There were no questions. The Council has deemed you worthy of the color blue.

The admin will contact you with goodies and the color blue soon.

The resources I mentioned earlier:

Excellent website: https://www.simplytheseen.com/start-here.html (Reactivity is Fetters 4 and 5)
Interview on fetters 4 and 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eye33kD4uSI

And if you want to, you can always email/PM me through the forum here if something comes up in the future.

[universalone]

Thank you kindly. I will go through the resources as I think they will be of great use!

There were no questions. The Council has deemed you worthy of the color blue.

This explains the euphoria that was felt, it must have been because I was chosen by the Council. I will now save a lot of money on airfare since I can simply levitate to my desired locations.

Thanks very much once again, Henri. I appreciate the patience you showed me while I looked :)!

[Bluejay]

This explains the euphoria that was felt, it must have been because I was chosen by the Council. I will now save a lot of money on airfare since I can simply levitate to my desired locations.

This sounds great!

It was fun talking to you :)

[universalone]

Ditto :)!