Dimos,
What do you mean by 'the body situated where it is usually seen in daily life'? Please speak more to this visual image of 'me' as the body.
When I close my eyes the image of the body that I was seeing before sticks and it's tied to the sense of I. Takes a few seconds everytime to see that it's just an image and then usually the blackness of the closed eyes becomes much more prominent.
Awesome.
As I mentioned before in interactions or walking around the image is sometimes there. It has vaguely the shape of the body but If I compare it to the position and shape of the body in the visual field it's much more abstract and fuzzy. Just an image, but rather persistent one, which bring me to the feeling of trying to push it away, which is much less
Are you saying the feeling of trying to push it away is much less? What is happening here? What is releasing, slowing down, relaxing, being seen?
I doesn't have to be a reason to not awaken because of this image, the resistance to it is another thought and tension in the body.
Ahh, yes. Very good. Then just look to see 'who' is reacting, resisting, fighting experience. It's an apparently endless search to find who's behind all this movement, all this activity. Is there really someone there? Trust this search. All will become clear in time. Relax. Enjoy. 'Dimos' is right where he needs to be.
You can even break them apart and inquire - Is this visual image me? Is this sensation me? It's when they're velcro'd together that the sense of self is really prominent. Pull them apart and look at each individually.
Yes, that's exactly what I have been doing.
Sweet.
Now what is here that is not a thought? Stay there. Welcome thoughts that chime in, and see them as thoughts. They are not a problem, an issue to be solved or quieted. Really. Thoughts are not a problem. At all.
I remember many times hearing this from Angelo too. What happens is I try to apply it with brutal honesty, I see all thoughts resisting, commenting if the practice is done right and go to what is not a thought, sensations, the visual, sound etc back and forth, more and more into the senses, I note the impatience and frustration of doing this for a long time and nothing unfolding, I see that the noting is another thought, I go back to that which is not a thought, again sensations etc. And getting to work with the frustration and see thought and space between thought clearly can be fun and interesting but it's also just a loop not something detrimental to seeing the illusion, that's another thought too but also the consistent result of seriously applying this practice.
Beautiful, this is it. Now trust this. All of it. Even the distrust of it! Trust the clarity, the frustration, the mind wandering, the impatience, the expansiveness, simple sensory phenomena. Let it dance. Trust that each moment is it, it is 'this'. Could it be any other way?
Mentally preparing for work can happen without a self. In fact, it always has and will. Surrendering is not giving up on ambitions, responsibilities, and so forth. It's a radical invitation to the mind: 'What would happen with this life if 'I' 100% took 'my' hands off the wheel, and just saw what happened?" If accepted, it's surprised to see that this is already the case, that all things are already happening on their own, without an agent. This includes selfing thoughts, resistance, suffering, all of it. No control. No free will. There's a will, there's desires, but it's not free, it's not activated by a someone.
I tried to just lay down and completely let go to what happens, occasionally the body wants to move and I let it do so, there is a thought about when i should get up or do this or that, just thoughts, So I really wonder how would any work get done if any will to do anything is just let go , or let be, as thought.
Such a great inquiry, Dimos. Glad you laid down and did this.
First, you write 'occasionally the body wants to move and I let it do so'. Now Dimos, I need you to find me that 'I' that 'let it do so'.
That 'I' that 'let it do so' is just another thought, just another instinct. What felt like 'i let it do so' is just another spontaneous happening, just like the initial thought/urge to move the body in the first place. There could have just as easily been an urge/thought expressed as 'I did not let it do so'. No one is choosing which urge/thought arises.
At the same time the writing now is also kind of automatic.
Kind of?
Writing is happening on automatic, thinking is happening on automatic, reflective thoughts based on earlier thoughts are happening on automatic. The sense of self and doer-ship is happening on automatic. deciding is happening on automatic.
'So I really wonder how would any work get done if any will to do anything is just let go , or let be, as thought.' Is there a fear behind this? That if you really surrender to this, if the story of Dimos really dies, then 'you' will be a washed up, no good for nothing human who doesn't accomplish anything?
Let me try it this way. Dimos is sitting there. He's looking around his living room area and his eyes wander into the kitchen and notices dirty dishes. An urge comes alive in Dimos to do the dishes. Then thoughts follow: 'I want to be a good housemate, it's probably my turn, I like a clean house, etc. etc.' Now, as Dimos was still sitting there or just getting up, those thoughts pointed to nothing real. They simply arose as a magnification of a bodily urge that already occurred and decided that the dishes are to be done. If someone else were in the room with Dimos, they wouldn't know what he was thinking. The thoughts were unnecessary and imaginary. Nothing real happened in those thoughts. The dishses would've gotten done whether those thoughts occurred or not. This is how other animals might operate. Pure bodily instinct, no added thought world. They still find food, procreate, find shelter, manage body temp, etc.
Now.. back to the dishes... that urge could have just as easily been to not do the dishes, and thus thoughts would have followed like 'Ehh, I feel lazy. oh, I did it last time, someone else can do it. etc. etc.'. There is no 'you' controlling what urge arises or what reflective thoughts follow. There's no 'you' controlling whether these thoughts are passively looked over or 'let go of' as just thoughts, or taken seriously and responded to as though they were real.
So 'how would any work get done if any will to do anything is just let go, or let be, as a thought?' It must be seen that thoughts are not the driver of anything. They hold an illusory driver's wheel and pretend like they run the show. What really runs the show? Some call it love, a mysterious force of life, God, spirit, instinct. Or perhaps the least conceptual way of describing it is as just what's happening, what is, this, everything.
Enjoyed free writing here, hope its helpful. Please share how it lands.
Blessings,
Gunnar
