I’ve had a first awakening. Where do I go from here?

[warissem]

Hi Abigail

These are my comments about investigating the body :

Is this the right way to look? Is that the inquiry that I should do?

I invite you to take your time to do the investigation, insights may happen during the exercise.
You close your eyes during the exercise : you can keep in mind one question at a time then look at what is said. During the looking, leave aside all thoughts, memories, images about what is called "a body". The answer is given through direct experience : seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching or sensations.

Then use the quote function to each question and give a separate answer to it.

Best for you

[Abigail75]

Hi Warissem,

Sorry for taking so long to reply, but I had a busy weekend with my family.

I took the time to do a proper investigation about the body. These are my thoughts:

Can it be known how tall the body is?

No. With eyes closed is not really possible. However, it’s really difficult not to refer to memory.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
No, no defined volume, shape or form can be noticed in the actual experience. Again, it takes a little time to focus only on the actual experience, and not to take reference from the mind.


I

s there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

There are sensations in the body where it touches the clothes, the chair or the floor. I can see that it’s the mind that gives the answer that it is the division between the body and the mind. If I refer only to the immediate experience, I just feel a sensation, not very defined, quite blurred.

Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

That’s the most interesting question: I don’t really see an inside or outside of the body, it’s hard to explain.
Actually, when I think about my head, it’s more noticeable that the sensations are “inside” it, as in inside the skull. More than the rest of the body.

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

I’m having a hard time answering these questions. All answers seem to be conceptual. Actually, it’s a group of sensations that are permanently felt.
I’m sorry, but I can’t elaborate better these answers.

Thank you.

[warissem]

Hi Abigail

You have done good observations. You said :

Actually, when I think about my head, it’s more noticeable that the sensations are “inside” it, as in inside the skull. More than the rest of the body.

Looking at direct experience means excluding the thoughts. Here there was thinking about a head. Can you come back to the investigation and focus on what is called a head. Look without going to thoughts and see if a "head" has a form ? Eyes closed, is there a frontier between outside and inside ?

Nothing touch your head with your hand then answer this question : is there solidity there outside of thoughts ?
Is there a you knowing all these sensations ?

I repeat that direct experience is : seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching or sensations.

Best for you

Warissem

[Abigail75]

Hi Warissem

Yes, I guess I wasn’t doing an investigation using only direct experience about the head.
I did as you suggested, and these are my observations:

. Look without going to thoughts and see if a "head" has a form ? Eyes closed, is there a frontier between outside and inside ?

No, in direct experience I don’t feel the frontier between outside an inside. It’s like with the rest of the body.

is there solidity there outside of thoughts ?

No.

Is there a you knowing all these sensations ?

I would be lying if I said that I don’t feel a me knowing all these sensations.
There’s no solidity in the sensations, but I still feel that there is a me. I can’t locate it, but I can’t say that there is no me.

Thank you.

[warissem]

Hi Abigail

OK, good. Now, about the "me" that is knowing the sensations :

Look at this me and see what it is :

a sensation ?
a color, a shape, a form ?
a sound ?
a smell or a taste ?
an image, a thought ?

Be 100 % certain about the answer.

Best for you

Warissem

[Abigail75]

Hi Warissem,

This “me” is not a specific sense, related to seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling or even sensations.
It’s more an idea, a thought.
The “me” is an idea, a thought that seems to control and observe the thoughts, and behaviors…
Even when I was investigating the sensations body, I could ask “who is sensing this?”, and I don’t feel that the senses are sensing themselves, I feel that there is a point of converging of all senses, and that is “me”
Maybe I think that “I” am responsible for organizing all thoughts and sensations, and I have no idea how it would work without an I controlling and deciding things.
I’m not sure if I am making sense, but I’m being totally honest.

[warissem]

Hi Abigail

I read your post and I noticed that you are not familiar with Looking at direct experience. Here is an exercise for you.

Close your eyes and Imagine a fruit (a water melon, an apple, ...). Image its shape, its color then imagine to take it in your hand, it has a weight, sense the textures then imagining eating the fruit, imagine the perfume, the taste. Right here open your eyes then answer to these questions :

Does the fruit disappear ?
Is it here from the beginning ?

Warissem

[Abigail75]

Hi Warissem

Does the fruit disappear ?
Is it here from the beginning ?

The fruit doesn’t disappear because it was not here from the beginning. There never was a fruit, only my thoughts about its characteristics.

[warissem]

Good evening

There is another practice of direct experience.

There is a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’. But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are inherent characteristics of ‘things’. But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN’, what is the actual experience?

Is the colour red ‘experienced’, or is the colour green ‘experienced’ as the label suggests?

Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?

Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

Play with this.

Warissem

[Abigail75]

Good evening Warissem,

It’s very interesting to notice how the labels and the experience they suggest are so charged with the conditioning of the mind.

The word “green” , written like this, makes one think twice and have two different experiences, one of the label “green”, and other of the color red.

The same goes with labels “good”, “bad”, and everything in the world, actually.

Everything we experience is loaded with these meanings that are in our minds.

I understand that direct experience is looking at the objects directly, without all the meanings that are in our mind conditioning.

English is not my first language (obviously), and perhaps I am not able to communicate exactly what I mean (I am sorry about that).

And perhaps I’m not being able to apply the concept in all areas, especially when doing the inquiry and trying to find the “me” , but I comprehend the concept of direct experience.

Thank you.

[warissem]

Good morning

Glad to know that you are clear about direct experience.

From here, you always look at direct experience (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching or sensations) before giving answers to my questions. The answers must be SEEN as you see the color of the sky.

Sit comfortably. Eyes closed, look at "yourself" (what is felt as yourself). Without going to thoughts, what is yourself ?
Where it begins, where it ends ?
Go deeply in the feelings and report what you find.

Take your time, do this exercise whenever you can during the day and the night.

Best for you

Warissem

[Abigail75]

Hi Warissem

I did the investigation as you suggested, using only direct experience.

Without going to thoughts, what is yourself ?
Where it begins, where it ends ?

Closing my eyes, and focusing on the senses, I could hear all the sounds around me, there was a visual perception (of light, through the eyelids), the sensations of the body, and so on, but none of those things are me.

The “me” sense only appear when I use the thoughts to put all the sensations together.

Without going to thoughts, the whole of myself is just the awareness of hearing, seeing, etc., in the present moment, with no stories attached.

It’s actually a pleasant experience, but it doesn’t last long. The thoughts are quick to intervene.

I don’t know if I’m doing it right. The direct experience is so simple that the mind seems to wants to complicate it. :)

Thank you.

[warissem]

Hi Abigail

Closing my eyes, and focusing on the senses, I could hear all the sounds around me, there was a visual perception (of light, through the eyelids), the sensations of the body, and so on, but none of those things are me.

You have done good observations. You said " ... all the sounds around me" : what is this me ? It is tricky, isn't it ?

The “me” sense only appear when I use the thoughts to put all the sensations together.

Yes.

Without going to thoughts, the whole of myself is just the awareness of hearing, seeing, etc., in the present moment, with no stories attached.

Yes, great.

It’s actually a pleasant experience, but it doesn’t last long. The thoughts are quick to intervene.

Thoughts too are part of experience. Do you see that ?

I don’t know if I’m doing it right. The direct experience is so simple that the mind seems to wants to complicate it. :)

Good observations. Yes there is only direct experience which is not separated from the knowing of it : are you clear about this ?

Now, what is arising when you read this :
There is no you, no separate self in any shape or form, it never was, it will never be.

Best for you

Warissem

[Abigail75]

Hi Warissem

I was planning to reply yesterday, but I had a case of “mind attack” that lasted the whole day. I hadn’t had a mind attack in many days. I mean I had a fixed idea that would not leave my mind, over and over, and it made me feel bad, with a contraction in my body. I knew that the reason my mind was giving me for the attack couldn’t justify the feelings that were coming.
I know better than to fight the thoughts (I tried once and it was terrible), so I just thought “let it be”, and tried to come to the awareness state (some call the “I am” sense, the “presence”). Then, at night, it finally subsided.
I think that’s because of all the investigation on the “me”, on the ego. But I don’t know for sure. It just went away just like it began.
Anyway, you probably have seen other people having similar situations.
Later today, or tomorrow, I will think about the questions in your last post and get back to you.

Thank you.

[warissem]

Hi Abigail

Thoughts are arising, don't give them credit but let them come and go like clouds. You will see that there are not Your thoughts. Be patient and look at the questions, give the answers with 100 % honesty.

Best for you

Warissem