The Gate

Stacy,

I believe you're pointing to something very helpful and important. However, right this second I'm struggling to feel these subtle sensations, and I think it's due to some tension I'm holding from an argument with my wife this morning. I will do the exercise (if I can think of a lie, which I guess it's a good thing I'm having a hard time) but right now I feel tight regardless of whether I'm lying to myself or not.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not a name for the Sensation itself, for example. Do you see that?

I do. I chuckled because it's immediately obvious that distinction, but I wouldn't have had it not been pointed out. I'm not used to reducing the interpretations to the raw sensations, but I'm going to work on identifying when I do that and taking it a layer deeper.

Thank you,

Ryan

Sounds good.

Please Quote, then answer every question in blue.

Much love,

Stacy

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Not "loved" really, but I realized I've been telling half-truths with regards to work. I've been working from home as of late, but I haven't been fully utilizing my time purely for work. That non-truth, or exclusion of truth, when I think of it, feels like a lie.

What is found?

A tightness under my ribcage, like a little plate of tension/hardness under my sternum. It's subtle, but noticeable.

breathing - what Direct Experience is actually Seen, Heard, Felt, Smelled, Tasted or does Thought Arise?

hearing air moving, feeling chest and stomach filling

resting - what Direct Experience is actually Seen, Heard, Felt, Smelled, Tasted or does Thought Arise?

feeling head and face tingling, feel pressure on seat and back, feeling feet touching ground

What is sensed when you read the first list with the lie of "I"?

that same chest tension, albiet subtler than with the work lie

What is sensed when you read the second list without the lie of "I" the non-existent "self?"

nothing really, relaxation

Thank you, and sorry for the delay.

Ryan

I don't mean to jump ahead at all, but yesterday afternoon was a bit strange related to this exploration.

I found myself settling back into my senses (especially the vision field), seeking the no-self, or rather a self I suppose, and became very tense, with sensations akin to anxiety and nervous energy. I became acutely aware of the difference between my memories, artifacts scattered around me, my thoughts about the future or somewhere else, and my immediate experience of sight, sound, and sensation. It was fairly intense and lasted well over an hour. I felt I was on the verge of realizing no self, but being in my home and surrounded by familiar things, I was constantly reminded of the my self/history. I felt as though, if I were somewhere unfamiliar the experience would be different, but because of my environment I couldn't quite get past whatever I was sensing into.

Again, not to run before walking, but I thought it was relevant and worth sharing. If I should keep these to myself in the future, that's fine just let me know. I appreciate everything you're doing.

Ryan

That's fine Ryan. Certainly tell me when you feel a shift.

So 1st there is no such thing as "the no self." That's an oxymoron.

2nd, it doesn't matter where you are at all. It doesn't matter what stories are being reminded or anything like that. You will see through all of it.

So you know what it feels like when you lie. Pay attention. Anytime you name or label or describe or assume that there is a self you are lying.

here's a pointer to look at "control. "

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Loving,

~ Stacy

How is the movement controlled?

it feels like it's in my arm, like the motion starts there

Does a thought control it?

no

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

no

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

it just sort of happens

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

my arm, i didn't make a decision

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

no. it feels like i decide to, but i can't see a thought telling my arm to do anything. it just sort of happens once the decision is made (or seems to be)

Hi,

Right. We have NO IDEA how it happens in Direct Experience. It just does. It's a Mystery.

Mind tells stories about it, but we can't prove them.

Here's another one to try:

Drink Exercise

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

Loving

~ Stacy

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

i didn't choose them as much as they just appeared in my consciousness. same with preference.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

no

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

i experienced thoughts back and forth, but ultimately no

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

I was preferring A but right before I moved the decision to grab B came out of nowhere. it was a little surprising. but it happened quickly.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

no, a feeling just is

Hi Ryan,

Good work.

I was reviewing your thread & let's come back to this:

One barrier I've come up against over and over again is I arrive at a place that feels largely devoid of what I would call "gross thought" -- meaning I don't have a story going nor visceral images or memories or thoughts of future -- but then there's a voice saying "yea, here we are, this is it? what if you're doing it wrong?..." and so on, pretty insistently. Whenever I try to ignore that voice, the voice narrates my attempts to ignore it. When I try to stop the voice, it will temporarily silence and then I feel a sort of discomfort that ultimately starts the voice up again describing the discomfort to/for me.

Sounds like you have made many attempts to avoid or ignore the voice. Have you tried embracing it? Welcoming it? Asking what it wants?
That's pretty much made up, of course, but it can work.

And then this:

However, right this second I'm struggling to feel these subtle sensations, and I think it's due to some tension I'm holding from an argument with my wife this morning. I will do the exercise (if I can think of a lie, which I guess it's a good thing I'm having a hard time) but right now I feel tight regardless of whether I'm lying to myself or not.

Probably some lie about the situation with your wife. Can you find it? Maybe something she should or shouldn't do?

Loving,

Stacy

Sounds like you have made many attempts to avoid or ignore the voice. Have you tried embracing it? Welcoming it? Asking what it wants?

No, I guess not. I've not given it a platform really. I'll have to try that.

Probably some lie about the situation with your wife. Can you find it? Maybe something she should or shouldn't do?

If you mean not being 100% truthful, then yes, probably, but I'd put that in the realm of decency rather than dishonesty. Though I suppose it is, even if well-intended.

Hi Stacy,

I was wondering if I'd hear back from you. I know one of your rules was about posting every day, sorry I missed yesterday but I thought the ball was in your court. No worries in any case, I am just asking because I want to do this work whenever and wherever it takes me.

Thanks,

Ryan

Okay, so the "rule" is to help *you* to keep up momentum & not slip back into believing the stories thoughts tell.

Can you find any separate "self" anywhere?

Is there still anything to seek?

Loving
Stacy

Can you find any separate "self" anywhere?

no. i "know" this, but it's not readily apparent. there is an uncertainty, a lack of intuition, or even just a tendency to overlook this fact in my day to day.

Is there still anything to seek?

i feel like i know the answer is "no" but truthfully i don't know.

Please stop answering in blue.
It is unnecessary work for you. Blue is only for questions.