Postby foxinthefern » Thu Oct 07, 2021 4:23 am
1. No and no. I could not find a self/me/I in the thoughts, feelings or the body. The thoughts, feelings, and sensations just happen and there is nothing/no one controlling any of it. There couldn’t have ever been any separate entity because there is only direct experience of right now.
2. The illusion of separate self is this amalgamation of thoughts, emotions and attachment to the body that create this very convincing story. It is all these automatic processes that form this character that we mistakenly identify with and believe to be separate and unique. I’m not sure when this starts. I’m not sure if I can even explain in detail how it works, there is no stopping or controlling it. When I look it as if I can see all of these different and random puzzle pieces and then see the thoughts that use those pieces to create a puzzle - aka this character of me.
3. It feels a bit anticlimactic. I was hearing the same concepts prior to this dialogue, but what was different was the use of direct experience to demonstrate the validity of what the concepts were trying to point to. Most of the time everything feels the same, but there are some small changes beginning to happen. One difference over the past few days includes having acceptance of having no control and that everything happens the only way it can. Another difference is there are more frequent moments of recognizing that, for instance, acknowledging anxiety is happening and there is nothing that needs to be done about it. There is less panic about making it stop, because a) it can’t be stopped and b) it doesn’t matter because it isn’t happening to anyone anyway.
4. There isn’t one moment that could be identified as walking through the gateless gate per se. It was more of a series of questions that involved looking and then acknowledging that there didn’t exist any other answers. There is a small, but persistent worry that I didn’t have an “ah ha” moment, and that I need to keep looking to be sure that I have really seen.
5. Decision, intention, free will, choice and control are all part of illusion and the stories that go along with it. They don’t exist. There is only this moment, so how could one have any control over a future that doesn’t exist? Future is a make believe idea. I do not know what makes things happen, life makes things happen! I don’t know how it works, but it does. There is no me to be responsible for anything.
6. There is this nagging feeling that I haven’t actually “seen” yet, but I am working on accepting that as part of the false self illusion. Thank you to my guide and to the entire community, grateful to you all and for the resources that you have made available.