on a non duality video bender

[warissem]

Hi Joan

I look for mind and I cannot locate or find it anywhere. It seems the mind is just a collection of thoughts, which also come and go. I never really looked at this this intensely before.

Yes, the mind is a collection of thoughts. What is seeing this ? Look.

As I sit and look at this question I notice that without thoughts, there isn’t even a possibility of cause and effect, and there is really only what is- sensations and visuals.

Not only visuals, all appearances.

No, I cannot find past and future here.

Yes you are right.

Now it is time to look at what is called "body". Sit down comfortably and close your eyes.

Does a sensation tells you it is leg or an arm or is it just sensation ?
Are the cluster of sensations a body or are they just sensations ?
Can you say, eyes closed, how tall the "body" is ? Is it heavy ?
Is the sensation called "chair" separated from the sensation called "body" ?
Is there a location to the body outside of thought ?

Thank you,

Warissem

[Luckydrops]

Hello Warissem,

Yes, the mind is a collection of thoughts. What is seeing this ? Look.

Something sees, something observes, and feels. I don’t know what it is or what to call it, it’s just there.

Now it is time to look at what is called "body". Sit down comfortably and close your eyes.
Does a sensation tells you it is leg or an arm or is it just sensation ?

No, they are just sensations.

Are the cluster of sensations a body or are they just sensations ?

They are just sensations, theres no indication of a body from this perspective.

Can you say, eyes closed, how tall the "body" is ? Is it heavy ?

I really can’t tell.

Is the sensation called "chair" separated from the sensation called "body” ?

Not really, it can’t tell it apart.

Is there a location to the body outside of thought ?

There’s no feeling of location of a body that I can find.

I'm speechless for now.

Thank you,
Joan

[warissem]

Hi Joan

Something sees, something observes, and feels. I don’t know what it is or what to call it, it’s just there.

It is not "something" as you see, it is not a thing. We are educated to put a subject before a verb. We are conditioned that there is always a doer. Does raining needs a subject, is there a wind blowing or is it only blowing ? Does seeing need a subject ? Does feeling need a subject ? There is no what to it. There is KNOWING or BEING AWARE : a verb without a subject. There is nowhere to find a subject. Do you see this ?

You have made good observations about the body exercise. It is great that you have seen that the body is just a collection of sensations, eyes closed.

I'm speechless for now.

What's going on does not need labels. Labels and words are here for the need of communication. When you are in front of a beautiful painting, or a beautiful landscape, isn' it the same feeling ? Speechless?

Now, what do you feel when you read this :

There is no you, no Joan, it never was, it will never be.


Best wishes

Warissem

[Luckydrops]

Hello Warissem,

Does seeing need a subject ? Does feeling need a subject ? There is no what to it. There is KNOWING or BEING AWARE : a verb without a subject. There is nowhere to find a subject. Do you see this ?

Yes, appearances and sensations are just happening. It’s immediate. When I observe, there's just space and emptiness.

What's going on does not need labels. Labels and words are here for the need of communication. When you are in front of a beautiful painting, or a beautiful landscape, isn' it the same feeling ? Speechless?

Yes, beauty seems impossible to describe, like one cannot describe the feeling a spectacular sunset evokes.

Now, what do you feel when you read this :

There is no you, no Joan, it never was, it will never be.

I feel moved. I feel a softening sensation.

Many many thanks,
Joan

[warissem]

Hi Joan

Yes, you are doing a good job. Continue to look at direct experience during your daily activities and find out if there is an "I", you, a separate self which is hiding somewhere.

There is an exercise for you about choice :

Look on your right.
Then look on your left.
Finally, bring your head back to centre, close your eyes and look in front.

Okay, so when you look on the right, the view on the right is seen (whatever that is).
When you look on the left, the view on the left is seen (whatever that is).
And then, when you look in front of you with eyes closed, the view in front is seen (ie ‘black space’).

So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ not to see? I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘black space’ if you close your eyes. The question is; can you turn seeing off? Can you NOT see what is seen?

Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?
Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?
Can you turn off seeing?

Is there any 'chooser' to choose? Is there Joan which choose something?

Thank you

Warissem

[Luckydrops]

Hello Warissem,

The question is; can you turn seeing off? Can you NOT see what is seen?

There’s no turning off seeing. I cannot not see what is being seen, its automatic.

Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?
Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?
Can you turn off seeing?

There’s no turning it off, it’s always seeing without any effort.

Is there any 'chooser' to choose? Is there Joan which choose something?

I can’t find anyone choosing- sensations, thoughts and appearances just appear. Since I cannot find Joan, Joan must not be choosing at all.

I continually look for "I" throughout the day, I can't find it, but there are still thoughts that are believed and resisted, it does feel like effort, even though I know there's already no "I", does that gradually feel like less and less effort?

Thank you as always,
Joan

[warissem]

Hi Joan

About the exercise : good observations are made.

I continually look for "I" throughout the day, I can't find it, but there are still thoughts that are believed and resisted, it does feel like effort, even though I know there's already no "I", does that gradually feel like less and less effort?

Yes, you cannot find something which does not exist. Thoughts of "I", me, mine continue to arise because there is a habit during long years. Anyway, the word "I" is used to communicate, that's OK. About thoughts, let them come and let them go, don't lean on them. Don't take the train of thoughts, don't enter into the story again, it is a story of a fabricated "I" which exists only as a thought as you have seen it.

This is an exercise for you :

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Thank you

Warissem

[Luckydrops]

Hello Warissem,

Hope you had a good day, wherever you are! Here are my observations-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

The body is just doing the movement.
There is no thought going on, but its still moving.
There is no controller to be found.
I read the instructions, followed it then turned my hand over. I cannot find where that decision was made.
The right hand just reacted because I’m right handed, there was no thinking which hand did the action.
No, I cannot find a separate individual choosing to turn the palms up or down.

Yes, you cannot find something which does not exist. Thoughts of "I", me, mine continue to arise because there is a habit during long years. Anyway, the word "I" is used to communicate, that's OK. About thoughts, let them come and let them go, don't lean on them. Don't take the train of thoughts, don't enter into the story again, it is a story of a fabricated "I" which exists only as a thought as you have seen it.

Throughout this process, I feel like I've been running into a wall. I notice this every time I'm seeking and trying to escape "what is”. At times, there’s a relaxation, but sometimes the feeling of boredom and longing gets intense and obscures what is.

Thanks as always,
Joan

[warissem]

Hi Joan

The body is just doing the movement.
There is no thought going on, but its still moving.
There is no controller to be found.
I read the instructions, followed it then turned my hand over. I cannot find where that decision was made.
The right hand just reacted because I’m right handed, there was no thinking which hand did the action.
No, I cannot find a separate individual choosing to turn the palms up or down.

Good observations : there is no chooser, no controller. It is a functioning, you can observe animals, there is no one controlling their movement.

Throughout this process, I feel like I've been running into a wall. I notice this every time I'm seeking and trying to escape "what is”. At times, there’s a relaxation, but sometimes the feeling of boredom and longing gets intense and obscures what is.

Can you observe this "wall" and describe it, what is it made of ?

What are you expecting to happen ? Or is the wall some kind of blank of no thought state ?

No, you cannot escape "what is", it will pursue you. Even you going into thoughts is what is. The clue to go through the illusion of a separate self, is to look at direct experience all along the day. Don't try hard, let go. When you catch yourself going to stories, come back to direct experience till you are 100% sure that there is no you, no separate self in any shape or form. Yes, that is the way of life, sometimes there is clarity, relaxation, joy, sometimes there is obscurity, boredom or whatever. All these are states, experiences which come and go but the KNOWING, awareness is untouched, unchanging, always clear, it does not follow the states of mind nor the experiences. Do you see that ?

Thanks as always,

You are much welcome

Warissem

[Luckydrops]

Hello Warissem,

Can you observe this "wall" and describe it, what is it made of ?

The “wall” is nothingness, it doesn’t give anything, doesn’t feed anything that “I” think it wants.

What are you expecting to happen? Or is the wall some kind of blank of no thought state ?

I think my expectation is that I feel relieved or feel “better” than what’s being felt. I hadn’t thought of it that way, I just thought, the “wall” was something I avoided, and it was observed that there was nothing to gain there. But there is a relaxation from time to time and there feels like a surrender to the extreme discomfort.

No, you cannot escape "what is", it will pursue you. Even you going into thoughts is what is. The clue to go through the illusion of a separate self, is to look at direct experience all along the day. Don't try hard, let go. When you catch yourself going to stories, come back to direct experience till you are 100% sure that there is no you, no separate self in any shape or form. Yes, that is the way of life, sometimes there is clarity, relaxation, joy, sometimes there is obscurity, boredom or whatever. All these are states, experiences which come and go but the KNOWING, awareness is untouched, unchanging, always clear, it does not follow the states of mind nor the experiences. Do you see that ?

I can see that, it’s always there.

Thank you,
Joan

[warissem]

Hi Joan

The “wall” is nothingness, it doesn’t give anything, doesn’t feed anything that “I” think it wants.

Can you see that all what is said about a wall is a story, an imagination ? Look at what is seeing this ?

I think my expectation is that I feel relieved or feel “better” than what’s being felt. I hadn’t thought of it that way, I just thought, the “wall” was something I avoided, and it was observed that there was nothing to gain there. But there is a relaxation from time to time and there feels like a surrender to the extreme discomfort.

There is no way to change what is happening through thoughts or expectations or dreams. "What is" IS. Now, what is this "I" which wants to feel better? Is there an "I" thinking ? Have you seen that thoughts arise by themselves in a previous exercise?


Best wishes

Warissem

[Luckydrops]

Hello Warissem,

Can you see that all what is said about a wall is a story, an imagination ? Look at what is seeing this ?

Yes, I see this now, but it felt so real at the time, like hopelessness. Whatever feels sensations is also seeing this.

There is no way to change what is happening through thoughts or expectations or dreams. "What is" IS. Now, what is this "I" which wants to feel better? Is there an "I" thinking ? Have you seen that thoughts arise by themselves in a previous exercise?

That “I” that wants to feel better is just a thought that somehow what’s happening is wrong, when it was clearly seen that what happens just happens by itself and there’s no “I" doing it.

Thank you,
Joan

[warissem]

Hi Joan

Can you say that you have seen for sure that there is no you, no separate self ?

Feel free to speak about any doubt about it ?

Best wishes

Warissem

[Luckydrops]

Hi Warissem,

Can you say that you have seen for sure that there is no you, no separate self ?

Feel free to speak about any doubt about it ?

When I answer the questions in our dialogue, I couldn’t find a separate self, I close my eyes and scan and just feel. When I’m working, interacting with people or just doing daily things, it feels very much like I’m a separate self. Every now and then there’s a relaxation, but I find myself making a lot of effort to see that "I" don't exist.

Thank you again,
Joan

[warissem]

Hi Joan

When I answer the questions in our dialogue, I couldn’t find a separate self, I close my eyes and scan and just feel. When I’m working, interacting with people or just doing daily things, it feels very much like I’m a separate self. Every now and then there’s a relaxation, but I find myself making a lot of effort to see that "I" don't exist.

You have seen that there is no separate self but in your daily activities you act as "a separate self" as you said.

First, how does this separate self express itself in daily life ?

Secundo, What is this "I" making effort to see that "I" does not exist ?

Right now, is there a separate self, you, Joan, seeing the screen or is there only SEEING ?

Is seeing separated from what is seen ?

Is seeing separated from knowing (being aware) ?

You can do the same exercise with hearing, smelling, tasting and touching (sensations)

Take your time to it and come back when you have seen for sure, 100 % sure that there is no separate self doing things, no you, no Joan.

Best wishes

Warissem