who is running the show

[tanyawilliams86]

Hi Alex!

Sorry, i meant to say that the reality is not what it seems. There isn't any meaning or purpose.
It's just an interpretation of the mind, a concept that keeps an individual going. There isn't any meaning in anything.
yes, i'm absolutely fine emotionally and mentally. thanks :)

That’s great to hear :) Just thought I would check before moving on with inquiry.
Yes, reality is not what it seems. Reality is not what thought says it is which is what you’re discovering.

True, i agree with what you're saying.
there isn't any suffering in here.
i'm doing this investigation because i can't stop searching.

Great :) But would it be fair to say you aren’t doing the searching. Searching is just happening?
What could stop the searching?
Have you ever seen a Leunig cartoon of a man watching a sunset on his television while outside the window next to him is the actual sunset? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRkc3sqIhlI
This whole seeing through the illusion a separate self is really simple. You don't have to drop seeking. It falls away as there's neither room nor need for it in current experiencing. Just BEing is complete. Chop wood, carry water.
Beyond the amazement and the mystery of how it happens, there is just THIS. Experiencing.

nobody in control of thinking, the same for choices or impulses - they just happen.
they just come and go.

Some great looking there :) There is no thinker whatsoever. Is this true on the feeling level?

I've done the exercise to look for "the self" again and i couldn't find it. The self like an onion or a cabbage with lots of peels or layers. It seems that "the self" doesn't define who i am but there is no answer to that. i don't know who i am.
"the self" is a story, that made up of thoughts and memories and the body. but i can't find the self in the body. and the thought are not me. why does it feel as if I am the self then?

That's the first time i am talking to someone about it.

Thank you for sharing about that. It’s not something to be talked about usually so I get why you haven’t shared this with anyone else.
I can relate a lot to feeling as I am the self. What I noticed is that a sense or feeling of being a self was being mistaken for an actual self. Is there someone feeling as if I am the self?
Is there a real Alex having this feeling?
Just notice that every time there is a thought of “this is what I am”, or “this is not what I am”, then these thoughts appear on behalf of an I / self. As if a self were making a statement what I am or I am not.

But what if there is no I whatsoever to be anything?

What if there is only amness, beingness, existence, but without anyone making a claim ‘I am’, or ‘I am beingness’ or ‘why do I still feel like a self?’ ?

Just look, existence / experience is. But does experience / existence make any claim about itself?

Can existence/experience talk or make claims?

Or claims and statements just appear AS experience/existence itself?

The question is: is there anything separate from what IS that could claim itself to be what is?

Is there an I am or just am?

so many thanks

You are so very welcome :)

Much love,
Tanya

[765badgeR]

Hi Tanya!

But would it be fair to say you aren’t doing the searching. Searching is just happening?

True, seeking is just happening and frustration with that is just what is also happening.

What could stop the searching?

nothing could stop it, the seeking is just part of the experience here

Have you ever seen a Leunig cartoon of a man watching a sunset on his television while outside the window next to him is the actual sunset? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRkc3sqIhlI

Thanks for sharing that, no i haven't seen it, that's great! :)

This whole seeing through the illusion a separate self is really simple. You don't have to drop seeking. It falls away as there's neither room nor need for it in current experiencing. Just BEing is complete. Chop wood, carry water.
Beyond the amazement and the mystery of how it happens, there is just THIS. Experiencing.

Once i was looking for the self as you'd suggested and it appeared that there was seeing through the illusion. true, it was very simple. there was just this very subtle, hardly noticeable difference and it was very, very simple. yet, it was not possible to describe what it was. it was almost the same as before but yet different in some way. it lasted until the next day and gone. i've been doing the same looking since but don't experience that anymore. uhh! :(

Is this true on the feeling level?

Feelings and emotions are the same as thoughts - they live their own lives, they appear and disappear as they wish. there isn't anyone in control of them.

It’s not something to be talked about usually so I get why you haven’t shared this with anyone else

Hahaha! I've tried to talk to some of my friends about it. they didn't have a clue. some said i sounded like a lunatic. i stopped even mentioning it now.

I can relate a lot to feeling as I am the self. What I noticed is that a sense or feeling of being a self was being mistaken for an actual self. Is there someone feeling as if I am the self?

Yes, that’s true, a feeling is mistaken for an actual self, because there isn’t any self.
It’s as if a new level has just opened.

Is there a real Alex having this feeling?
Just notice that every time there is a thought of “this is what I am”, or “this is not what I am”, then these thoughts appear on behalf of an I / self. As if a self were making a statement what I am or I am not.

There is no alex but the feeling of self. Yes “the I” is the first thought that appears. All others thoughts/feelings relate to that one “very important” “I” thought.

What if there is only amness, beingness, existence, but without anyone making a claim ‘I am’, or ‘I am beingness’ or ‘why do I still feel like a self?’ ?

mmm…So, it’s just a thought then, even though it feels real.

Just look, existence / experience is. But does experience / existence make any claim about itself?

then, ‘why do I still feel like a self?’ – is just existence too and there is nothing wrong with that?!

Can existence/experience talk or make claims?

No, it doesn’t need to

Or claims and statements just appear AS experience/existence itself?

Claims and statements are just like thoughts - appear and disappear, just happen.

The question is: is there anything separate from what IS that could claim itself to be what is?

Is there an I am or just am?

no there is no such thing that makes clams. there is only amness.

so, what are we investigating in here then?! hahaha! :)
there are no more questions to ask anymore.

many thanks, Tanya :)
Alex

[tanyawilliams86]

Hi Alex :)

True, seeking is just happening and frustration with that is just what is also happening.

Is there someone or something really feeling frustration?
A body sensation and thoughts coming up about not liking that body sensation or ‘why can’t this be seen’ (for example) - what makes that you?
What is believing these thoughts?

Once i was looking for the self as you'd suggested and it appeared that there was seeing through the illusion. true, it was very simple. there was just this very subtle, hardly noticeable difference and it was very, very simple. yet, it was not possible to describe what it was. it was almost the same as before but yet different in some way. it lasted until the next day and gone. i've been doing the same looking since but don't experience that anymore. uhh! :(

When there has been an initial recognition and felt-sense of open awareness and impersonal presence, it usually seems that this aware presence comes and goes. It is, after all, obvious that sometimes there is unobstructed clarity and spacious open presence, and then at other times, there is confusion and/or caught-up-ness in thought and the sense of being “me,” a separate self.
The realization happens in direct experience, that’s for sure. But it doesn’t mean that from that on that will be a 24/7 continuous state, at least not at the beginning.

At the beginning, for almost everybody, there is a flip-flopping back and forth between seeing and identifying. Even after the self is seen through. The old conditioning of identifying is still strong, and there is a pull back to identify. So at this stage, which can last some time (and it cannot be known in advance how long it will take, maybe years), looking should go on to help to stabilize this flip-flopping

Hahaha! I've tried to talk to some of my friends about it. they didn't have a clue. some said i sounded like a lunatic. i stopped even mentioning it now.

Yes best not to mention it to those where looking into this is not happening. That’s where nonduality groups on Face Book come in handy.

Yes, that’s true, a feeling is mistaken for an actual self, because there isn’t any self.
It’s as if a new level has just opened.

Awesome, great looking! Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

What if there is only amness, beingness, existence, but without anyone making a claim ‘I am’, or ‘I am beingness’ or ‘why do I still feel like a self?’ ?

mmm…So, it’s just a thought then, even though it feels real.

Yes, it’s just a thought. After all what is the self?
And where do you look to find it?
What is a story made up of?

Just look, existence / experience is. But does experience / existence make any claim about itself?

then, ‘why do I still feel like a self?’ – is just existence too and there is nothing wrong with that?!

No nothing wrong with that. Keep looking. How does the self manifest? In what way do you know there is a feeling of a self?

so, what are we investigating in here then?! hahaha! :)

So, what’s the answer to ‘what are we investigating in here then?!’

Much love,
Tanya

[tanyawilliams86]

Hey Alex,

Something has come up and I am going to take a break from guiding for now. I have another guide that says they will continue on this inquiry with you. You're going really well with this investigation and feel you're close to seeing through the illusion of self or may have already seen and are flip flopping. It's been a pleasure to LOOK with you.

Sorry to not finish this investigation with you,
Much love, Tanya

[StaffordJR]

Hey Alex,

Something has come up and I am going to take a break from guiding for now. I have another guide that says they will continue on this inquiry with you. You're going really well with this investigation and feel you're close to seeing through the illusion of self or may have already seen and are flip flopping. It's been a pleasure to LOOK with you.

Sorry to not finish this investigation with you,
Much love, Tanya

Hi Alex my name is Stafford and it's a Pleasure to meet You & continue this journey with You if That's Ok with You ???
If You're Good Let's go over Your last post

("""""so, what are we investigating in here then?! hahaha! """)

So Love This & Exactly The Point, is There Really Anything We can find in Infinity Even if IT Feel Like a Self...??? if That makes sense too You ?!?
Ok my Friend Stoping Here too See if We're a Go & if I was clear about what was Being Pointed out ???
Sending much Love Stafford

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[765badgeR]

Hi Tanya and Stafford! :)

Hey Alex,

Something has come up and I am going to take a break from guiding for now. I have another guide that says they will continue on this inquiry with you. You're going really well with this investigation and feel you're close to seeing through the illusion of self or may have already seen and are flip flopping. It's been a pleasure to LOOK with you.

Sorry to not finish this investigation with you,
Much love, Tanya

Tanja, sorry, I couldn't reply yesterday.
Sorry to hear that you're unable to carry on.
Thank you very much for helping me to LOOK. The questions were just perfect and i could see through/realise few things which haven't seen before.
All the best! :)

Hi Alex my name is Stafford and it's a Pleasure to meet You & continue this journey with You if That's Ok with You ???
If You're Good Let's go over Your last post

Hi Stafford, nice to meet you too. Looking forward to continue the investigation with you. :)

"""""so, what are we investigating in here then?! hahaha! """)

So Love This & Exactly The Point, is There Really Anything We can find in Infinity Even if IT Feel Like a Self...???

If everything is just isness then there isn't really anything to investigate.
isness investigates itself.
isness is talking to itself.
there isn't anything to know, to ask, to tell, to question. is there?
this is it!
this is really funny - we are looking for something and can't find it, because we are what we're looking for.
it is so simple that it feels impossible that this is it.
true, the feeling of being a self is mistaken for actual self.
that feeling is also isness.
i still see different people/things as separate though, there is no sense of oneness or wholeness or non-separation.

many thanks
Alex

[StaffordJR]

Hi Tanya and Stafford! :)

Hey Alex,

Something has come up and I am going to take a break from guiding for now. I have another guide that says they will continue on this inquiry with you. You're going really well with this investigation and feel you're close to seeing through the illusion of self or may have already seen and are flip flopping. It's been a pleasure to LOOK with you.

Sorry to not finish this investigation with you,
Much love, Tanya

Tanja, sorry, I couldn't reply yesterday.
Sorry to hear that you're unable to carry on.
Thank you very much for helping me to LOOK. The questions were just perfect and i could see through/realise few things which haven't seen before.
All the best! :)

Hi Alex my name is Stafford and it's a Pleasure to meet You & continue this journey with You if That's Ok with You ???
If You're Good Let's go over Your last post

Hi Stafford, nice to meet you too. Looking forward to continue the investigation with you. :)

"""""so, what are we investigating in here then?! hahaha! """)

So Love This & Exactly The Point, is There Really Anything We can find in Infinity Even if IT Feel Like a Self...???

If everything is just isness then there isn't really anything to investigate.
isness investigates itself.
isness is talking to itself.
there isn't anything to know, to ask, to tell, to question. is there?
this is it!
this is really funny - we are looking for something and can't find it, because we are what we're looking for.
it is so simple that it feels impossible that this is it.
true, the feeling of being a self is mistaken for actual self.
that feeling is also isness.
i still see different people/things as separate though, there is no sense of oneness or wholeness or non-separation.

many thanks
Alex

Yes Yes Yes Exactly Alex Great !!!
Now Seeing Different People & Things, When is The Seeing Separate From The People & Things & Wouldn't That Be Isness as well & then one again when & where will it stop and when would it begin & Who could Know ??? And Yes You're Right there is no sense of oneness or wholeness or non-separation it's all concept and nothing in Infinity can fit into a concept...!!! Ok Let See What This brings up talk soon !?! Sending Peace Love Life & Laughter Yours Truly Stafford

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[765badgeR]

Hi Stafford

Now Seeing Different People & Things, When is The Seeing Separate From The People & Things & Wouldn't That Be Isness as well & then one again when & where will it stop and when would it begin & Who could Know ??? And Yes You're Right there is no sense of oneness or wholeness or non-separation it's all concept and nothing in Infinity can fit into a concept...!!!

True, seeing different people and things and seeing separate from them is Isness too. yes, isness is seeing itself.

......then one again when & where will it stop and when would it begin.......

There isn't any beginning or the end, just continuing presence. For no one.


......And Yes You're Right there is no sense of oneness or wholeness or non-separation it's all concept and nothing in Infinity can fit into a concept...!!!

you're saying that but isn't what others say that they feel as if they are one with the infinity/wholeness.
there isn't anything like that in here.
i know it is a concept but we need to use a language to describe indescribable.
it's so confusing, if you know what i mean, i look and see Isness but it doesn't feel as one.

Many thanks :)
Alex

[StaffordJR]

Hi Stafford

Now Seeing Different People & Things, When is The Seeing Separate From The People & Things & Wouldn't That Be Isness as well & then one again when & where will it stop and when would it begin & Who could Know ??? And Yes You're Right there is no sense of oneness or wholeness or non-separation it's all concept and nothing in Infinity can fit into a concept...!!!

True, seeing different people and things and seeing separate from them is Isness too. yes, isness is seeing itself.

......then one again when & where will it stop and when would it begin.......

There isn't any beginning or the end, just continuing presence. For no one.


......And Yes You're Right there is no sense of oneness or wholeness or non-separation it's all concept and nothing in Infinity can fit into a concept...!!!

you're saying that but isn't what others say that they feel as if they are one with the infinity/wholeness.
there isn't anything like that in here.
i know it is a concept but we need to use a language to describe indescribable.
it's so confusing, if you know what i mean, i look and see Isness but it doesn't feel as one.

Many thanks :)
Alex

Hi Alex Apologies been a busy day !!! Ok Yes it's never the way some else say's it is or what We Think or Feel.
It's just Not anyway but Looks like All ways !?! Crazy confusing when it's Conceptualized !?! I
Know There's Absolutely Nothing I can Say that's close to Truth about This...!!! However Seeing Nothing I have too do to Be is Absolutely Clear & Sense Obviously Firing on their own !!!
What can I possibly figure out when The I me myself is Totally Present (Pre Sent ) Created Moment By Moment & Any Explanation Would be a Pre Created Program, Presented as a Me or You kinda like a Hologram !!!
Ok so take a Look without Any Fixed Ideas & are You Doing This or IS IT Actually a Happening without Your Effort !?! Ok let me know what's coming up for You ?!? Sending much Love Stafford

PS I sent an attachment That May Help much Love & Appreciation
//cloud.tapatalk.com/s/60bf1cf1c75 ... nation.pdf

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[765badgeR]

Hi Stafford,

It's just Not anyway but Looks like All ways !?! Crazy confusing when it's Conceptualized !?! I
Know There's Absolutely Nothing I can Say that's close to Truth about This...!!! However Seeing Nothing I have too do to Be is Absolutely Clear & Sense Obviously Firing on their own !!!

So there isn't any WOW moment and there is no way to know what is going on in here?!
yes, senses firing on their own and nothing to be done in order to be.
is it that simple?!

What can I possibly figure out when The I me myself is Totally Present (Pre Sent ) Created Moment By Moment & Any Explanation Would be a Pre Created Program, Presented as a Me or You kinda like a Hologram !!!
Ok so take a Look without Any Fixed Ideas & are You Doing This or IS IT Actually a Happening without Your Effort !?! Ok let me know what's coming up for You

it's just happening, no one is doing anything, there isn't any other experience in her just that.
there are no more questions, there is nothing to ask.
then the mind comes and asks about a WOW moment - it is no possible that it's so simple

//cloud.tapatalk.com/s/60bf1cf1c75 ... nation.pdf

Thanks for sharing that.
How can we talk about this experience at all - If every one is having it’s own?
If it’s beyond any definition and everyone has it's own experience how can we talk about this at all?
How do I know that I’ve reached the distention? and yet there isn't any end to the journey.

If there is no self then there isn’t any liberation, what is this seeking about then?
Feels like that ant on a ball – going around in circles and back to the square one again.

Many thanks :)
Alex

[StaffordJR]

Hi Stafford,

It's just Not anyway but Looks like All ways !?! Crazy confusing when it's Conceptualized !?! I
Know There's Absolutely Nothing I can Say that's close to Truth about This...!!! However Seeing Nothing I have too do to Be is Absolutely Clear & Sense Obviously Firing on their own !!!

So there isn't any WOW moment and there is no way to know what is going on in here?!
yes, senses firing on their own and nothing to be done in order to be.
is it that simple?!

What can I possibly figure out when The I me myself is Totally Present (Pre Sent ) Created Moment By Moment & Any Explanation Would be a Pre Created Program, Presented as a Me or You kinda like a Hologram !!!
Ok so take a Look without Any Fixed Ideas & are You Doing This or IS IT Actually a Happening without Your Effort !?! Ok let me know what's coming up for You

it's just happening, no one is doing anything, there isn't any other experience in her just that.
there are no more questions, there is nothing to ask.
then the mind comes and asks about a WOW moment - it is no possible that it's so simple

//cloud.tapatalk.com/s/60bf1cf1c75 ... nation.pdf

Thanks for sharing that.
How can we talk about this experience at all - If every one is having it’s own?
If it’s beyond any definition and everyone has it's own experience how can we talk about this at all?
How do I know that I’ve reached the distention? and yet there isn't any end to the journey.

If there is no self then there isn’t any liberation, what is this seeking about then?
Feels like that ant on a ball – going around in circles and back to the square one again.

Many thanks :)
Alex

You're so Right Alex & Wow Anything that's said isn't Originally mine & Pure Speculation, What is this seeking about then ?!? Actually There isn't a What Why or Whom just Phenomenal Intelligent Imaging i i Speculatively !!!/???
Ok Alex my Friend Great Work !!?
Now is the One asking What's This Seeking about Reliable can You Trust in it's Thinking & Would You Trust in the answer without another question !!!
Stoping Here too See what this Brings up for You ??? Love Guiding You & Appreciate Being Here with You !!! Talk soon & Sending much Love

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[765badgeR]

Hi Stafford

Now is the One asking What's This Seeking about Reliable can You Trust in it's Thinking & Would You Trust in the answer without another question !!!

The One that is asking is the One that is seeking - the One that wants to end seeking and ironically keeps it going.
The other One just Isness – doesn’t want or need anything.
It’s said that there isn’t Two but One.
How to merge them?

thank you for your guidance. :)
Alex

[StaffordJR]

Hi Stafford

Now is the One asking What's This Seeking about Reliable can You Trust in it's Thinking & Would You Trust in the answer without another question !!!

The One that is asking is the One that is seeking - the One that wants to end seeking and ironically keeps it going.
The other One just Isness – doesn’t want or need anything.
It’s said that there isn’t Two but One.
How to merge them?

thank you for your guidance. :)
Alex

Hi Stafford

Now is the One asking What's This Seeking about Reliable can You Trust in it's Thinking & Would You Trust in the answer without another question !!!

The One that is asking is the One that is seeking - the One that wants to end seeking and ironically keeps it going.
The other One just Isness – doesn’t want or need anything.
It’s said that there isn’t Two but One.
How to merge them?

thank you for your guidance. :)
Alex

Hi Alex Ok Perfect. Now is the One that's keeping things going is That One Reliable can You depend on that to be stable & Clear All the time ?!?
Now in the same place not separate from Anyone ironically keeping things going,
Is Seeing Noticing Awareness Omnipresent's & or Knowing Happening as Well ?!?
IS That One Reliable Dose it Change or Go Away No matter what Happens !?!
IS That One Reliable & Trustworthy
Even if Not Seeing Anything, isn't That still Seeing Nothing !?!
Now take a Look & See is there a Someone in Charge of Anything Outside or Inside of Seeing ?!? Can it be turned around & Seen Itself ...!!! Can Seeing See Itself ?!?
Then The Question You have to ask Yourself if Everything is Inside Seeing Including You & Your Actions, How could there be anything separate including an individual Person Anywhere ???
Ok Alex let me know what comes up with This Sending much Love & Appreciation
Yours Truly Stafford

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[765badgeR]

Hi,
........Now is the One that's keeping things going is That One Reliable can You depend on that to be stable & Clear All the time ?!?

The one that keeps things going is not reliable and dependable. It’s all from the mind.

.......Now in the same place not separate from Anyone ironically keeping things going,
Is Seeing Noticing Awareness Omnipresent's & or Knowing Happening as Well ?!?

Yes awareness or knowing is all-pervading, unfolding moment by moment, never goes away.

.......IS That One Reliable Dose it Change or Go Away No matter what Happens !?!
IS That One Reliable & Trustworthy

I don’t get what you mean?? Which ONE are you talking about?

...........Even if Not Seeing Anything, isn't That still Seeing Nothing !?!

With the eyes closed there is still awareness/knowing of seeing Nothing.

........Now take a Look & See is there a Someone in Charge of Anything Outside or Inside of Seeing ?!?

There isn’t anyone that is in charge of anything inside or outside.

.......Can it be turned around & Seen Itself ...!!! Can Seeing See Itself ?!?
Then The Question You have to ask Yourself if Everything is Inside Seeing Including You & Your Actions,
How could there be anything separate including an individual Person Anywhere ???

Sorry, not getting this either, maybe break it in easier chunks?

Many thanks
Alex

[StaffordJR]

Hi,
........Now is the One that's keeping things going is That One Reliable can You depend on that to be stable & Clear All the time ?!?

The one that keeps things going is not reliable and dependable. It’s all from the mind.

.......Now in the same place not separate from Anyone ironically keeping things going,
Is Seeing Noticing Awareness Omnipresent's & or Knowing Happening as Well ?!?

Yes awareness or knowing is all-pervading, unfolding moment by moment, never goes away.

.......IS That One Reliable Dose it Change or Go Away No matter what Happens !?!
IS That One Reliable & Trustworthy

I don’t get what you mean?? Which ONE are you talking about?

...........Even if Not Seeing Anything, isn't That still Seeing Nothing !?!

With the eyes closed there is still awareness/knowing of seeing Nothing.

........Now take a Look & See is there a Someone in Charge of Anything Outside or Inside of Seeing ?!?

There isn’t anyone that is in charge of anything inside or outside.

.......Can it be turned around & Seen Itself ...!!! Can Seeing See Itself ?!?
Then The Question You have to ask Yourself if Everything is Inside Seeing Including You & Your Actions,
How could there be anything separate including an individual Person Anywhere ???

Sorry, not getting this either, maybe break it in easier chunks?

Many thanks
Alex

Oh Ok Alex my Bad Lol Apologies Apologies I was Tired & Excited This is what Lives me so got a Little carried away

The simplest point I can give at the moment is What Do You need too do Too Be ?!?
Thanks Alex sending much Love


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