Okay, good morning, again. Switching back to my native English.
What you are dealing with is called being "language bound." There is some fiction out there and urban legends about native people or aliens who could not see something for which they had no name, such as cars or a spacecraft. It just didn't exist to them. (Those stories are not true, but you get the analogy.) That is what is happening with you. You are almost completely attached to words, not seeing that things have an existence before they are labelled. In fact, to sum up the Sensations you listed in your first response to this idea, it sounds like fear, and maybe anger. That is understandable.
Here is some scholarly information (words) on the topic:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/a ... 9501500111
Publisher Summary
This chapter presents an overview of the verbal fluency and the language bound effect on the people. Various investigators have argued that fluent individuals are more intelligent or creative than others. However, verbal fluency could reflect, in part, the extent to which a person usually relies on linguistic representations of objects and events rather than other forms of representation. Recent work suggests that individuals may indeed differ in the extent to which they rely on linguistic structures.
Some appear to be language-bound (LB), that is, they perceive and remember events in language terms even when this approach leads them into misperceptions and distorted memories. Others appear to be language-optional (LO), that is, they can use language structures or set them aside, depending on task demands. The classification of individuals as LB or LO is based on a temporal order judgment task involving fusible dichotic items.
So, let's relate your experience to something you are familiar with, A Course in Miracles. The following are a part of why I said that it loosened me up to see what is offered here at LU. Remember these? From the very first lesson, ACIM is teaching you that what you see means nothing. That it is made up. That you do not understand it. And that it upsets you because you see something that is not there, and so on.
We're not going to practice ACIM here, but you can refer to your Workbook there, at times, if it helps.
Lessons: Part I
1. Nothing I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] means anything.
2. I have given everything I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] all the meaning that it has for me.
3. I do not understand anything I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place].
4. These thoughts do not mean anything. They are like the things I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place].
5. I am never upset for the reason I think.
6. I am upset because I see something that is not there.
7. I see only the past.
8. My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.
9. I see nothing as it is now.
10. My thoughts do not mean anything.
11. My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.
12. I am upset because I see a meaningless world.
13. A meaningless world engenders fear.
14. God did not create a meaningless world.
15. My thoughts are images that I have made.
16. I have no neutral thoughts.
17. I see no neutral things.
18. I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my seeing.
19. I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts.
20. I am determined to see.
21. I am determined to see things differently.
22. What I see is a form of vengeance.
23. I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts.
24. I do not perceive my own best interests.
25. I do not know what anything is for.
26. My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.
27. Above all else I want to see.
28. Above all else I want to see things differently.
29. God is in everything I see.
30. God is in everything I see because God is in my mind.
31. I am not the victim of the world I see.
32. I have invented the world I see.
33. There is another way of looking at the world.
34. I could see peace instead of this.
The suggestion for daily practice is this:
Look at what is in front of you. Try to see it *without* the names, labels and stories you have imagined for it. Go blank verbally and let the thing be itself with no words. Just sink into meditating on whatever is before you as perceived by your 5 senses. If you are able, you may include "self," in this experiment. LOOK without words and what you were taught, is there any such thing as "table?" "Lamp?" Etc.
Notice that Thoughts Arise, but do not latch onto them. Let them pass. Question them if they are persistent. Such as, "This is a table. Is that true? How do I know this is a table? Who told me that? Does it exist whether I call it a "table" or not?"
This may be disturbing - as it was a couple of days ago. ACIM mentions this, as well. You might recall Lesson 153, "In my defenselessness, my safety lies."
https://acim.org/acim/lesson-153/in-my ... /en/s/559
Check in every day. I'll be here (barring unforeseen circumstances). I can tell you that you will not die from this. Well, you will, in a sense, but you're not going to evaporate into nothing. There already is no self. You will only be noticing that for the first time in Age minus 1 or 2 years.
You may notice, as well, that nothing is static. It is all arising and passing away, even us. Ilona and others call it "Life life-ing." Let that flow take you. Relax into it. LOOK
Watch these 2 videos, also:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyNwhK2Ur1c&t=35s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB6oPN3Bz_Y
"A comfortable sense of leisure is essential." ACIM
Loving,
