Why does the self feel so real?

[Ilona]

Dear Taskat. How is it going? Is this new perspective staying around?
What are you noticing in your experience that is different?
Is it clear that a separate self is a myth?
Or is there any doubt?

How do you see “me” now?

Love.

[Taskat]

Dear Ilona,
so back at work for the first week.
It has been interesting and quite liberating to just be able to wander around talking to people without getting hooked into the drama or feeling like I have to fix anything for them.

Is this new perspective staying around?

The perspective is sticking ‘sort of’ and To be really truthful the answer is both ‘yes’ and ‘no’
The job is really busy with hours of pressing demands and tasks that seem to crowd in and distract from any sense of peace and yet... things are going smoothly, stuff is getting done, task lists are being completed, ’important’ things happen. (like really sensitive conversations with suffering people..) are happening and ’I’ appear to be involved in ensuring the priorities and lists of things get done.

What are you noticing in your experience that is different?

Just not as preoccupied with all the pressure and demands for What appear to be 2 reasons,
1) there is no me
2 there is nothing to do as it appears to be happening anyway.

Is it clear that a separate self is a myth?
Or is there any doubt?

I have to be honest that the separate self is still sneaking in a lot, especially when writing quick emails or organising stuff.
It is like I can drop it when there is some space, but the default mode of reaction is just to power on.
The habits of many working years of being efficient seem to be lingering.

How do you see “me” now?

I have taken to repeating to myself that I do not exist.
(Mostly in quiet places where others cannot hear :) )
Am still wondering if this new perspective is ’really’ real or am just kidding myself because it is so enticing just to let everything go.
lots of love
Taskat

[Ilona]

Thank you for reply. I see where you are at.

Just not as preoccupied with all the pressure and demands for What appear to be 2 reasons,
1) there is no me
2 there is nothing to do as it appears to be happening anyway.

When you say “there is no me” or “I don’t exist” it is a claim of non existing. But you are here. You are undeniably here, reading words, understanding and aware of yourself and environment.

When you say “the i does not exists as it was thought to exist” “I am not the image, that’s more like it.

Seeing this is available at any time, in here and now. If you find that you have to remind yourself that “I don’t exist”, that sounds like taking on a new belief. Drop that.

You are here, but not as an image, thought, sensation, idea, concept, etc.
So what is going on?

How do you see, what are you, do you need to be anything or anyone in order to be?

Love

[Taskat]

Dear Ilona, well it didnt take very long to return to the pre holiday craziness at work.
14hr days again, crisis and stressors and surrounded by distressed and highly anxious people.
Maybe i was just kidding myself.
Did i really see the 'no boundary unity'?
I hang on to these precious memories of stillness and know it is available at any time.
Remember all is now. Seeing it as 'reality'
The dawn is breaking as i write.
Pink orange glow on horizon over treeline, mist in valley, dewdrops on fence wire, sound of birds, parrots, blackbirds, traffic in background.
Thanks for pulling me out of rabbit hole of replacing old belief with new one.

Seeing this is available at any time, in here and now. If you find that you have to remind yourself that “I don’t exist”, that sounds like taking on a new belief. Drop that.

So tired of going in circles.
Stopping all this now and looking (as instructed).
Love

[Ilona]

Thank You for replying. Life continues. All is as it always was. Seeing unity does not change what is happening in a way that mind thinks it would. The flow of happenings is free to show up in all different forms and being tired, annoyed or stressed is also part of it. We have different kinds of weather, so is with moods and life events.

Moments of peace come too and can be enjoyed.

So life brings situations up where you can see again and again, from all different angles, that it is all happening without doers. Is this ok? Or is there an idea that all should go smooth and rosy?

Is there anything that is not allowed?
Can you allow all to be as it is?

Love.

[Taskat]

Dearest Ilona,

So life brings situations up where you can see again and again, from all different angles, that it is all happening without doers. Is this ok?

Yes, it is all OK- the good, the not so good, the terrifying and the ugly. These are just labels.
Life is just life.

Or is there an idea that all should go smooth and rosy?

No, that is a fantasy for children (and some of the people i have to manage who think i am there to fix all their problems!)
Am OK with this now

Is there anything that is not allowed?

All is allowed

Can you allow all to be as it is?

All is as it is. Peace is here and now.

Thank you so much for your patience.
This journey is very special and I honour the work you are doing.

Taskat

[Ilona]

Thank you so much.
Sweet.
So is it clear, that the show is going on by itself?
Would you say you are ready for the final questions?
If not, what else can we look at?

Love

[Taskat]

Dear Ilona,

So is it clear, that the show is going on by itself?

yes the show is going by itself but I still feel responsible for things much of the time.

Doesn't seem to matter that this is now an illogical statement.
Spent 6 hours yesterday writing a document that noone wants to read because it points to an inconvenient truth and will require some systems to change and some people to see sense.
Feels a bit like our work here. This is all so obvious but even today i got tied up in pettiness and distracted away from the simple truth of it all being ok, in every moment, moment by moment.

It is hard to let go of lifetime habits even when they no longer serve or make sense.
i thank you for your wise pointing to the knowledge that all is flowing without my input or control.
It has made me much more courageous and prepared to stand in what is right, right now.
So
It is lovely that we are approaching the final questions but am reluctant to end this dialogue. I will miss the conversation.(again an illogical statement but heartfelt!)
Take care, always
Taskat

[Ilona]

Dear taskat
We don’t have to end this conversation. It can continue. This seeing is a begining of an exploration and there is so much more to be revealed, many more insights into how things show up and how they are.
The objective of this conversation is to guide you to looking at your own experience and finding that inner knowing of what you are and what you are not and knowing the difference. We can continue this conversation and see what else is arising that wants to be seen :)

What comes up?

Love.

Love.

[Taskat]

Hi Ilona, mad week.
So pleased this conversation is not over.

The objective of this conversation is to guide you to looking at your own experience and finding that inner knowing of what you are and what you are not and knowing the difference

It feels like home.
'Feeling' is just a thought.
Spent some time this week with a young person who has experienced personal tragedy. It was both sad and wonderful.
Very hard to even describe in words.
I'could 'be' there. Intensely. It is a privilege to be able to 'be' in this way. Even if it is just life unfolding!
(Are we allowed to have a preference for 'intense and amazing' over 'mundane and boring'!?)
A young colleague gave me a gift and thanked me for what I do. Didnt need this but it was lovely and special

It is interesting when one approaches life with no fear, how easy the next steps become!
Love love
Taskat

[Ilona]

Dear taskat,
Thank you for sharing. Yes, it’s wonderful to be present and it’s indescribable. So happy to hear you see this.
As for preferences, sure, there are preferences and choices. When not taken too seriously everything is fine, just flows.

Your sentence that it’s just life unfolding made me smile. Isn’t this life such a immense mystery? :)

What else are you noticing? What is the biggest most noticeable difference since we started this cinversation?

Love.

[Taskat]

Hi Ilona,

What else are you noticing? What is the biggest most noticeable difference since we started this conversation

Looking back it is hard to pinpoint when things started to change.
It seems to have been coming for a while, even before liberation unleashed 'appeared' in my awareness.

Things just dont seem to be so stressful anymore, esp at work.
Just catch myself observing, thinking I used to be genuinely upset and fearful of things going wrong and it being 'my fault' or my responsibility to fix.
Not only do i no longer worry about it, I realise it is just what is, life happening.
Gives a sense of lightness, being at ease.
Open for fun, not attached to the drama of ' a me' that can be hurt, damaged, excluded.
It is creating some challenges for my assistant, though- she is quite protective and wonders why i dont seem to take some of the recent problems so seriously!
Sometime when it is right, i will share this with others.
They will either see it, or not. Either way is fine.
Love
Taskat

[Ilona]

Lovely to read you. Your words have a sense of lightness and freshness. It’s great to be more relaxed at work, from my experience, it’s so much easier to function efficiently :) I can sympathise with your colleague, she does not understand, how is this ok not to worry.

Is there anything else that you would like to explore, is there a question that is still bugging you?
Is seeking energy still here?

Love.

[Taskat]

Hi Ilona,

Is seeking energy still here?

You know, i think it really is settling.
The stressing and striving are easing off each day.
I enjoy walking to work.
There is a pair of nesting hooded plovers who make a big noise when we walk out the front door.
They are defending their babies. Its ok. I tell them i am no threat to their nest.
(They ignore my reassurance which is a bunch of meaningless words to them and continue to fly around noisily 😄)

Life is life expressed in all its forms.
Seamlessly.
Love
Taskat

[Taskat]

Hi Ilona,

Is seeking energy still here?

You know, i think it really is settling.
The stressing and striving are easing off each day.
I enjoy walking to work.
There is a pair of nesting hooded plovers who make a big noise when we walk out the front door.
They are defending their babies. Its ok. I tell them i am no threat to their nest.
(They ignore my reassurance which is a bunch of meaningless words to them and continue to fly around noisily 😄)

Life is life expressed in all its forms.
Seamlessly.
Love
Taskat