1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
There is no separate “me” entity that has a concrete existence. What does appear, quite often, is an idea, rather like a fictional character, of an “I,” with its own history, etc., but this has no more bearing on reality than the word “mug.” This idea appears within everything, as part of everything. For many years there was a belief that this idea was real, but this was a false belief. There has never existed a separate “me.”
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
There appeared an idea that there was a character called Jeremy, which had its own preferences and history, and existed separately from all other “persons.” This was a fantasy. The idea was very closely attached to this body, and had a strong energetic pull to it. I do not have a memory of this idea forming, and certainly not of life before this idea. But it became so firmly believed in that the world felt like a very dangerous place, that if threatened the “me” may die. Right now this idea is still there, but is no longer believed in and hence has drastically less charge to it, almost none.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels very strange, and I can barely believe I am typing all this. What is shocking is how quiet and ordinary this is. And great shock that in all these years of seeking it was missed. It was simply not what I was expecting. The person that put me onto LU asked me “what are your thoughts?”, and it was as if someone had asked me this for the first time. Engaging in this dialogue really forced me to see the message from “my” standpoint, rather than as a concept. There was an intense seeking energy when I arrived here; I was exhausted from the search. Now there is a slowly-growing, profound peace in the body.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Without a doubt it was the exercise where I had to see things either as part of senses or thought. In all honesty I thought this exercise was too simplistic at first, but it burned through the last of the illusions like a flame-thrower, and continues to do so. Whenever there was doubt/fear/frustration, I simply took it back to “What is this? Seeing? Touching? etc.” and naturally the “me” idea fell firmly into the “thought” category.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision: There is no decision carried out by Jeremy. It simply appears out of nowhere, spontaneously.
Intention: A thought appears that Jeremy would like to eat eggs, for example. But if eating eggs then follows, it is simply life doing egg eating, and that action has had nothing to do with the Jeremy character.
Free will: There is no free will. Life happens spontaneously, freely, as it pleases.
Choice: As with intention, there can be an idea of choosing to eat chocolate, but this is a thought like any other, and if eating chocolate then follows, it has no connection with the “choice” thought.
Control: Jeremy has no control over anything, and never has done. Life happens, and part of that happening is the thought of Jeremy, but “he” is doing none of it.
What makes things happen?: I do not know what makes things happen. All that can be done is to witness happening itself, and even this witnessing is part of the happening. The desire to answer your email, the taking out of the computer and responding to questions just started taking place, out of nowhere.
How does it work?: I have no idea how it works, whatsoever! But it is marvellous and quite a spectacle. Any thoughts about cause & effect, or physics or metaphysics, are precisely that: thoughts, which have no bearing on what is taking place in actuality.
What are you responsible for?: Jeremy is responsible for nothing, because nothing has happened as a result of his intention and action. Life has simply done what it has done.
6) Anything to add?
I am extremely grateful that life brought me to LU, and particularly to the book Gateless Gatecrashers, which stripped away illusions even as I read it. And so so grateful for your time, Stacy, as I think this character really needed that personal attention to push him over the edge!
