Ready.....

[Lerae]

I hit a wall: some resistance and I need some guidance on how to work through it. I was reading an entry for Rowland in LIBERATION unleashed and it really resonated with me. Then something came up that has really created a resistance . It was about memories and it said something about nothing ever happening....and nothing to be guilty or angry about. While I see that all there is...is awareness...it is also hard to deny things have taken place within the illusion that have affected ones experiences. How do you tell someone one who has suffered for years from childhood abuse...that it never happened. I can see not identifying with it or being unattached but.....I’m struggling with denying anything ever happened? Suggestions?

[Matthew]

Yeah, all ugly stuff is about to come up.
It has to be seen through, overcome, transcended.

Think of a movie that you like. Think of a specific scene in the movie.
Let it play in thought for some moments.

Then

Think of something that has happened to you yesterday.
Let it play in thought for some moments.


Compare the two memories side by side.
What is the difference?

[Lerae]

The difference is that I personalize what takes place in my experience and attach myself to it.

I cannot seem to let go and say that the abuse was just something that happened in awareness, like the wind blowing and there is no victim and no one to blame. I know this can be applied to many life scenarios. It just happens?

[Matthew]

what takes place in my experience and attach myself to it.

Errr... Wait a second.
What exactly do you attach to it?

[Lerae]

I don’t know...it feels like emotions are attached to what happens in my story much more so than what happens in a movie and they are harder to let go of than just getting to the end of the story and walking out of the theatre.......Which will compare to the death of this body...none of it will matter at that time.

[Matthew]

Going through the Gateless Gate and death are similar.
Of course, nothing truly dies. What doesn't exist, cannot die.
But still! It feels a lot like it.
The death of the ego, so to speak.
After which you walk out of the big theatre.
Do you feel ready for this?

it feels like emotions are attached to what happens in my story

What are emotions?
How do you experience an emotion?

[Lerae]

Hello Matthew,

Wow! At first glance, that seems like a very loaded question as emotions have been very powerful in this experience of Life. Yes...I am ready....I have been ready....just need guidance in releasing conditioning and resistance.

Looking deeper, emotions are experienced as sensations in the body that come and go like thoughts do. They often come with thoughts, however they seem to linger much longer. We put labels to them and experience them in different ways.....as different sensations in the body. We also have varied responses to them as we allow them to affect our experiences. Going deeper and looking behind the emotion, there is only stillness, unaffected by any of it. How do I stay there?

[Matthew]

You don't have to stay anywhere.
IT -clarity- will stay once this is perfectly clear.

Sometimes, even when this is over, we might have to look again.
Always go back to the start. Always.
No levels of depth, no steps. Right back to the start.
Again and again, whatever the content might be, always only look at that assumed subject in the mix.
And see what you can find.

It really DOES work that way!

Example:

guidance in releasing conditioning

What exactly is conditioned?
Right now in this very moment and right here in this very place?

emotions are experienced as sensations

We will be over that in no time ;-)

But first:

Can you imagine a life without emotion?
Do you want to live a life without this mundane human quality?
Does resistance come up when imagining that?

[Lerae]

Oh my goodness!!! I’m at work now so I will have to sit with this and get back later. However....I had to reach out and say....just the question “can you imagine a life without emotion?” Was so liberating!! It brought tears and joy! (Lol...lots of emotion). But honestly, it is such a burden and heaviness as I have always carried, not only “ my” emotion but everyone else’s too! I will really sit with you response when I can, but thank you!! And just your encouragement...” we will be there in no time” brought joy as well! Have a wonderful evening!

[Matthew]

Lol...lots of emotion

That's alright :D


That is so good to hear!
You are definitely ripe.
Overripe.


Think I can tell you that much:

Divine clarity is better and greater than any human emotion ever could be.
Worth striving for more than anything. Nothing to be afraid of.

[Lerae]

What is exactly is conditioned?

This is what came to me all at once as things slowed down: It is so much easier to say what is NOT conditioned :)


The illusionary ego is "conditioned". It was created when the body/mind/human was developed enough to understand "not love". Up until then, it only knew love. Now in the imaginary world of opposites, it was exposed in one way or another, to something completely different than what it was familiar with and it did not know how to respond, so it began analyzing it and building defenses for it (thoughts and emotions were born) and it became obsessed with the story, lost in it. Always looking for "not love" so it could protect itself from it--hypervigilance. It responded with "not love" in return many times and built many fences. Until, it got tired and sensed that there was something more...that it did not belong here at all. It began looking for peace, for something or somewhere that was "home". For, ego and "not love" cannot be escaped as long as they are believed in, and repeated exposure makes them very convincing. Remembering being nothing but Love is Home. The only way to get there is back to the beginning.....back to newborn.....back to Adam and Eve before the "bite"......back to Buddha before he witnessed suffering. Then the conditioning is no longer needed and all there is....is LOVE!

Love

[Matthew]

back to Adam and Eve before the "bite"

I imagine that would be boring after a short while.

back to Buddha before he witnessed suffering

It seems you have learned an inaccurate version of this story.

Anyway!
What you have written down is a nice little story. Nothing more. None of which is true.
For it to be true, there would need to be a subject that travels through time and experiences change.
There isn't.
You will see for yourself.
For it to be true, there would need to be such a thing as time and past to begin with.
There isn't.
You can see for yourself after this investigation.

The illusionary ego is "conditioned"

Have a look around. Look at the entire spectrum of experience.
Can the entirety of experience be described with the terms
the Seen
the Heard
the Sensed
the Smelled
the Tasted and
the Cognised (thought)?

Do you experience anything beyond or besides those terms?
If so, please describe what it is and how exactly it is experienced.
Be alert!
What seems to be beyond or besides those terms could also be thought about such a thing, right?

[Lerae]

Good Morning Matthew,

I was telling a story about how stories begin and that to get beyond them, you need to go back to the source. I guess I am still struggling with "nothing happening" as it seems that everything is all happening within awareness and as awareness rather than nothing happening at all. So we shall carry on...….

Have a look around. Look at the entire spectrum of experience.
Can the entirety of experience be described with the terms
the Seen
the Heard
the Sensed
the Smelled
the Tasted and
the Cognised (thought)?

Do you experience anything beyond or besides those terms?
If so, please describe what it is and how exactly it is experienced.
Be alert!
What seems to be beyond or besides those terms could also be thought about such a thing, right?

There is an aware stillness behind the experiences of sight, sound, felt, smelled, thought, however it is not separate from these things as we typically perceive it to be....it permeates all things. All things arise within it.

[Matthew]

Yes good!
As you have seen already, awareness is not separate from experience.
Awareness and experience are the same.

Experience/Experienced = Awareness = Knowing/Known.
Just pick the terms that feel best to you in any case.

I was telling a story about how stories begin and that to get beyond them, you need to go back to the source...

Thanks for sparing that one, haha.

I am still struggling with "nothing happening"

We can look at this aspect later on.
It's not that important right now.

The illusionary ego is "conditioned"

What is the actual experience of "illusionary ego"?

[Lerae]

“What is the actual experience of the illusionary ego”

It seems to be experienced as the disruption of peace...the thoughts and emotions that come in. It seems almost necessary to get through the day....like at some point I need to leave my peaceful state and do something! So it seems separate in a way I guess even though I know it’s not....it’s more of a change in focus. It’s like I have to move my focus from ego to awareness to ego again. When I am sitting in awareness, it is not seen or felt...and thought moves into the background or disappears altogether. It has no power at that moment. I can do things that do not require much thought and stay in that state of awareness...but when I have to be really engaged in something or with others...the focus shifts and ego slowly moves back in. Lately it seems less powerful though. Slap me if you must!